Summer Jam 16: Taylor Messes Everything Up. LIVE!!

Why did it take us sixteen weeks to finally get to a real competitive pubic pop feud? It's as if Katy Perry and Taylor Swift were biding their time all summer to throw down this week. Well, you know Katy's been trying hard as hell to recreate "California Gurls" as another Summer Jam killer but has totally whiffed. I have a lot to say here:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Look What You Made Me Do" by Taylor Swift

Alright, so this is clearly a dig at Kanye as much as it is at Katy, but also represents an insane new direction in Tay Sway's music. Sonically it's not too terrible, although it's certainly a higher intensity than she usually cranks out. The video is completely schizophrenic, although that's maybe the point? She seems like she's trying to reconcile a few different personas, or at least popular instances of Taylor's history. That's not all that strong, though, and doesn't seem to fit the spiteful theme of the track. It does generally seem to lack the wit of something like "Blank Space" or even the subtlety of "Bad Blood" (yes - calling that subtle compared to this). It ends up coming off as far more petty and blatant than anything she's ever done or even anything her contemporaries have done. So we'll probably go with "this is crap" but it is kind of a sweet jam to rock out to. Generally lame, though. This should have dropped weeks ago - Taylor seems to like dominating fall rather than summer.

On the Other Side: "Swish Swish" by Katy Perry ft. Nicki Minaj

For some reason this just got a video even though the single dropped months ago. Now, amidst the strongest criticism of her new music and persona as appropriating black culture a la Miley Cyrus, this video lands as one of the more tone-def things she could possibly do. I was reading a theory that said "Swish Swish" was an answer to "Bad Blood," which if true is truly pathetic. "Bad Blood" had real celebs like Cindy Crawford and Mariska Hargitay making cameos, a slyly playful atmosphere, and came off as a genuine Summer 2015 hit. On that note - it's a bit late for a response, right? Katy is boasting uhh...the kid from Stranger Things, Jenn Ushkowitz, and Christine Sydelko. You may be thinking to yourself "Who the fuck are they?" and you'd be right. It's pretty 2017, with some obscure Game of Thrones and G.L.O.W. cameos, but all of it feels instantly dated. And sure, she got Terry Crews, but we all know Terry Crews will do anything all the time. It's a generally awkward video to go with who is apparently just a mad awkward person. "Swish Swish" the song is enjoyable enough and has had an okay summer, even if it just feels like Katy suddenly realized it wasn't taking off so put together this last ditch effort to make it relevant. Even Nicki Minaj seems disinterested here. Let's move on.

Every Party in LA: "Attention" by Charlie Puth

I love this late summer Puth / Sheeran dual, and while this wasn't really ubiquitous like it was a few weeks ago, this is still a solid track. It really just needs that baseline to drop, which is the cherriest I've heard in years. The rest of the track is pretty much garbage, although it has a pretty cool build-up. Actually, I'm not sure this even pushes my interest like something like "Same Old Love" by Selena did a few years back. It'll probably end up okay.

Other Other Hand: "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran is a weird looking motherfucker. I totally had to look up the name of this song to remember what it was. It's kind of just something that exists, right? It's been up and down this summer, although Sheeran's fans have been as hardcore as his detractors. Is Sheeran a sex symbol? He looks like a shaved orangutan.

Sittin onda Sofa: "Stay" by Alessia Cara and Zedd

In the pop roulette this week, "Stay" wins, which has definitely built up a solid resume so far this summer, even if it's fallen out of position lately. It does have a pretty nice rhythm, although I'm curious if pop-drop as a genre ends up falling out of favor for songs that have actual choruses rather than just a tune. This tune ain't all that catchy.

Puerto Rico: "Despacito" by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee

I'm going to go ahead and call "Despacito" this summer's winner - a third place finish here is a sincere off week and even if it misses the one September Week of Summer it'll end up just fine. It's got that feeling, right? Like it was everywhere, everyone got into it, everyone acknowledged it. We'll tally of course, but I've got that feeling, which is actually something the last few years have lacked.

Groovy: "Feels" by Calvin Harris ft. Katy, Sean, and Pharrell

So, whatever you may say about Katy's failed summer, "Feels" has actually done better than anything she put out on her own. This new video feels surprisingly off her current brand, as did the first one. I will give it credit for really surprising restraint, though. This isn't flashy, evenly paced, very nice stuff. I do like this jam - it's fresh boppy pop that goes down real smooth. I just don't know what Katy is doing here, frankly, besides being a name big enough to sell some singles.

This is a Metaphor for Handjobs, Right? "Slow Hands" by Niall Horan

Perhaps a bit of a suprise this week, but I just kept hearing a ton of "Slow Hands" this go around. It's been around a bit and this week definitely helps its cause, but this is probably mostly an aberration. It's astounding to me that Niall ended up catching on a bit more than Harry, although I'll default to "Sign of the Times" as the better track for sure.

Next week...

"Body Like a Backroad" barely missed the cut this week. I'm looking at Tay Sway pretty hard, but we've only got one more week of this! We'll go through the final countdown on Labour Day Monday followed by a digestion and regurgitation of the FINAL SUMMER JAM WINNER of 2017. Stay tuned folks - this is what it's all about!

Summer Jam 15: This One's DEFINITELY Live.

Hey - it's still Monday! We're in the antepenultimate week of Summer, and things could not be heating up with hotter heat. There are some challengers this week for sure, but more and more looking like a late upset will seal the deal. Read on to find out!

Hot Jam of the Week: "1-800-273-8255" by Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid

This really a perfect zeitgeist-y mix of artists that also has a fairly powerful message. Cara is having a break-out 2017 and Khalid, while less known, and a much worse singer is also strongly debuting. Logic himself is just coming off a solid Rick and Morty appearance. Anyway, this is a powerful track that anyone can relate to if Matthew Modine walks in on you while cuddling some young hot dude. Don Cheadle is also making his music video appearance rounds this summer. Is Don Cheadle doing okay? But really, the name of this track refers to a National Suicide Hotline, and really has relatable meaning beyond forbidden homosexual love.

Since 1966: "Feel It Still" by Portugal. The Man.

This track has been hanging out all summer but came back a bit this week. It's still a remarkably rad song although it's been overshadowed quite a bit by other brighter stars. Like a moon over the sun. Eh? Eh? Ya'll 'clipsin? There's not really a chance this gets in our final count, but it's still a cool jam.

Whiskey Neat: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

In the EDM pop musical chair this week is "It Ain't Me" back for more. It wasn't quite everywhere this week but popped up enough that it got back on my radar. This is still a really cute track that actually has a solidly bitter break-up message. Drinking is fun, though.

Get Nakey! "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna

This has ended up being a decent summer jam, although also 'clipsed by the rival Spanish-laden track that has done a solid job dominating this season. Rihanna really makes this track her own - I know DJ Khaled shows up and yells, but this doofy credit-sharing really needs to end. Why isn't this just a Rihanna song. I suppose it's to bring in the Khaled and at this point, probably Bieber fans, right? Ugh, whatever. It's still a mellow jam.

Nun Time: "Praying" by Ke$ha

I've been big on "Woman" but "Praying" is definitely a force this summer as well that we ought to throw down. I just love the liveliness of "Woman." Ke$ha is awesome and rocking the hell out of Summer 2017 by just being her and this is another great song championing inclusivity. She was everywhere this week, and again, a bit too late to the party for anything really Jam-worthy, but this is still cool. This is also an actual nice centerpiece for Ke$ha's voice without much auto-tune for once, which is amazing.

Vampire Pharrell: "Feels" by Calvin Harris ft. Katy Perry, Pharrell, Big Sean

I really dig this track, although I was struck this week by how much this feels like a desperately cobbled together Summer Jam, manufactured rather than an organic expression of art. Oh, this is a weekly pop countdown, every single song here was created out of a desire to make profit. But "Feels" was bit this week, including one morning where it blasted me awake on the radio FAR too loudly. I still think that Katy Perry is kind of underused, like they could have gotten any random pop chick to sing the bridge instead of one of the biggest stars on the planet.

Not JT: "Attention" by Charlie Puth

I actually did think this was a new Justin Timberlake song. Sorry, I don't know anything about Puth that's not "See You Again." This actually has a sick rumbly beat and has been hanging around for a while but I just had trouble cluing into it and actually understanding that it was a different track than Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You." Far too late to do anything, but acknowledged here.

Mamacito! "Despacito" by Biebs and the Bros

#1 once again is "Despacito" which is really solidifying its position as a possible Summer 2017 King candidate. It'll come down to these next few weeks and how "Issues" turns out, but it's looking damn good for Bieber right now. The Timing has been really solid for the most Core Summer Weeks and it's gotten to the point where everyone knows it. Hell, the pre-Bieber Luis Fonsi version was already a worldwide hit. This is looking more and more like it's in the bag.

Next week...

Things are really coming together, folks. Bruno Mars dropped a "Versace on the Floor" video this week and I really dig that song although it's not really all that popular. Hell, I almost threw in "That's What I Like" again, but resisted. There's a lot that can happen - tune in next week - same NMW time, same NMW place!

Hitmen, Racetracks, and a Whole Lot of Whitney Houston

Welcome again folks, to what's likely the last installment of this column for a while. Try as I might, it's tough to get excited over late August / September crap. We'll be back for IT (2017), though. It'll be the same exact preview as The Dark Tower (2017). But this is an exciting weekend because two big original films are hitting the theaters and they both look pretty good. We've got Ryan Reynolds vs. Sam Jackson in The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017) and finally, Steve Soderbergh's return to feature filmmaking with Logan Lucky (2017). Let's dive into both in that order.

There's not a ton of cultural context behind The Hitman's Bodyguard that isn't crazily meta. This is basically a distillation of these two giants' popular personas, thrown together to play off each other in what could be a hilarious series of action comedy events or a cliched mess that fails to deliver. Director Patrick Hughes is coming off The Expendables 3 (2014) so uh...probably the latter.

I've had it with these motherfuckin hitmen and their
motherfuckin bodyguards

It's weirdly got a horrible Rotten Tomatoes but a solid IMDB right now, so who knows. I'm always one to judge a film on whether or not it succeeds in what it's trying to do, and so far the consensus seems to be that Jackson and Reynolds have chemistry but the plot is whatever. To me, that sounds exactly what I'd expect from this movie. The entire premise should be a mere excuse to get these two Titans of R-Ratings on screen together to exchange insults and motherfuckers at each other for two hours until the movie just sort of ends. That could be an extremely entertaining flick.

Now, for some reason Ryan Reynolds is still allowed to make movies even though everything he's ever made that isn't Deadpool (2016) and The Proposal (2009) has failed miserably. Sam Jackson is nigh bulletproof, having made enough duds and triumphs over a ridiculous career to be acceptable in just about anything. It's been a while since he really headlined a flick. Maybe you count Hateful Eight (2015), but that was so blatantly about its ensemble (it's in the title), even if Jackson was probably our best protagonist. It's a fun and fresh kind of humour, and even though this script was written and blacklisted back in 2011, totally feels right for a post-Deadpool Ryan Reynolds and an anytime Sam Jackson.

My only real concern is if it feels too forced and exactly that - a Deadpool rip-off with the same actor doing the same kid of jokes in a cheap ploy to ride the success of that other movie. I definitely have that vibe. Late August is pretty awful for any release, but this isn't the kind of monumental blockbuster that's a huge risk, and the core concept of a bodyguard protecting his hitman nemesis is actually new and interesting while also being pretty simple. I think commercial prospects are solid, and like any comedy, especially one in as sparse a year as 2017, if it can win Funniest Movie of the Year, it'll be solid.

"Where've you been?"
"Enjoying death."

Now let's get to Logan Lucky. This isn't about an Irish Wolverine, this is Steven Soderbergh's retirement-ending bonkers North Carolina NASCAR heist film that I'm pretty excited to see. The cast is a dream with his somehow muse Channing Tatum leading the way and Daniel Craig all blonde and super un-Bond-like. Soderbergh is a weird dude whose filmography is insanely prolific. He seems to have no issue cranking out project after project in a wildly diverse array of genres. He's probably best known for his early efforts like Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989), Schizopolis (1996), and the dual one-two of Traffic (2000) and Erin Brockovich (2000), which somehow came out in the same year.

Then he cashed in on the Ocean's 11 movies and developed this remarkably smooth editing style, almost building the entire film by montage that carried into a lot of his early 2010s work. He has his great 90s stuff for sure, but I actually really dig Contagion (2011), Haywire (2012), and Side Effects (2013). Haywire is continuously underrated, by the way, I thought about that the most coming up to Logan Lucky. Of course we've also got our greatest modern male stripper opus, Magic Mike (2012). All in all, Soderbergh films, without being really flashy or audacious, tend to find a niche in the cultural context, even if you don't really think of him as a Coen or Tarantino.

In his faux-retirement he did a lot of work on The Knick and random stuff like editing Magic Mike XXL (2015), but we were all just waiting for him to come back. Logan Lucky DOES look super-Coen Bros-y, and I'm curious to see if he can actually pull off the dumbass heist trope in a convincing and comedic way. There's little doubt that the man can, as he's a filmmaker who has sticked to his principles for nearly thirty years, even while making big celebrity-filled films like Ocean's Thirteen (2007). There's always a wit to his work and hopefully he hasn't lost the touch in the past...four years.

That's another thing - for all the griping about Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) and other miscellania, Summer 2017 has seen some great original films for once. We got Baby Driver (2017), Dunkirk (2017), Girls Trip (2017), Atomic Blonde (2017), and...can you count Wonder Woman (2017)? The obvious trend here is finally giving voices to marginalized people (non-Dunkirk, that is), and look at that - new, interesting stories that do pretty well at the box office! Logan Lucky is a bunch of white dudes, but to be honest, blue collar country folk more often star as backwoods rapists than heroes. I'm excited to see this trend continue.

So, that's it, folks. Summer's over. It's done. It's finished. Well, for the movies at least. We still got a few Summer Jams to crank out. What are you watching?!