NMW's Top Movies of The Two-Thousand Tweens!

It's that time of the decade again. This blog was in its infancy in 2009 when we first wrapped up the 2000s as a decade, and now, in its old decrepit age we take a look back at the years 2010-2019. It has been a very odd decade, mostly terrible, but there were at least ten good movies. Maybe stretching seven or eight, but we'll list ten here for you. We took some time and looked back at every single Top Ten List we had, as well as the Top Ten re-do list we had, and then the Top Ten Movies We've Seen that Didn't Come out in This Year lists. It's a lot. Here's what we got:

The first thing I wanted to do was break this down by year. Just on instinct looking through all the movies I've watched in the past ten years, it looks something like this:

2010:

Black Swan
The Social Network
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Hot Tub Time Machine

2011:

Moneyball
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Take Shelter
Melancholia

2012:

Django Unchained
The Master
The Cabin in the Woods
Lincoln
The Campaign

2013:

The Wolf of Wall Street
Inside Llewyn Davis
Pain & Gain
The World's End
The Lone Ranger
Pacific Rim
Stoker

2014:

What We Do in the Shadows
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night
The Interview
Inherent Vice
Gone Girl

2015:

Bone Tomahawk
The Duke of Burgundy
Mad Max: Fury Road
Under the Skin

2016:

The Witch
American Honey
The Lobster
Silence

2017:

Good Time
mother!
Blade Runner 2049
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 

2018:

The Death of Stalin
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Sorry to Bother You

2019:

Godzilla: King of the Monsters
The Beach Bum
Jojo Rabbit
Uncut Gems
Booksmart
The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
Us

It's actually pretty liberating to not worry about what's Top Ten or Top 11 or whatever. This is the cream of the crop of what I am into. I certainly have a taste. Okay, I'll stop trolling you with that Lone Ranger nod, but I do actually love that movie.

2019 is tricky. I'm not really sure which of these films will resonate down the line, or even next month. It's all a little too recent for my judgment. Is Us better than Black Swan? Standing here right now it certainly feels like it, but who knows. Still, I think we can match these up and probably reevaluate years on down the line. Actually, we should definitely do a 2000-2009 reevaluation. You know we're doing this, now. Yes, I also love Godzilla: King of the Monsters and should probably name that #1 of the deacde.

From here I think we can sift through this mess and form a Decade Top Ten by just going through our no-brainers. Let's list them here and throw in a blurb about why this stuff resonated with me:

#10: American Honey (2016)

Dir: Andrea Arnold

I discovered this from some other "Best of 2016" list and started exploring it based on its premise. It's a mystifying three hours long and somehow holds your attention the entire way, despite being kind of about nothing. It centers on a young mother who runs away from home (abandoning her child on the way) and joining a troupe of young magazine salespeople led by Shia LaBeouf and Riley Keough. It's a raw movie, filmed with mostly real people and only a handful of actors. On a larger scale it's also about the state of youth in America - lost, soulless, aching for connection and chasing dreams fueled by con artists and snake oil. I watched it on Netflix DVD on a weekday morning in December and remember it exactly. It's that kind of movie - it's always stuck with me in part because of how terrifyingly close to reality it could be for me and many people around me.

#09: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Dir: George Miller

This is a movie where ever single element is perfect. Everything works. It was breathtaking to witness. It's as if George Miller looked at every modern action movie and thought, "I can do this better." His resume is as varied as Babe: Pig in the City (1998), Happy Feet (2006), and uh...all three original Mad Max films, but somehow had in him still the perfect action movie. You can break this down endlessly in film class. I actually literally taught a film class in 2017 and whenever I wanted to demonstrate a point I just kept coming back to this movie. The establishment of premise, world-building, irony, every action as a reaction to a previous action, iconic characters, motifs, music, and costuming. All in service of an actually entertaining, memorable, enjoyable film. The casting is perfect. Each extended action scene is gripping in more importantly, in service to a story that could be told completely visually. It's such a simple idea executed to absolute perfection. Every action movie ever needs to strive to be Mad Max: Fury Road. It ends up not even being fair. This movie is the Patriots and George Miller is the Bill Belichick of action movies. I should note here that this movie IS actually just a straight re-make of The Road Warrior (1981). I also remember seeing this - in theaters, with friends and a big crowd, including someone's dad. The best way to watch this film.

#08: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Dir: David Fincher

The story of this movie is long and laboured, from forgotten lost manuscript by deceased author Stieg Larsson to a competent Swedish adaptation (only the first one is good), to this landing and flopping in Fincher's hands. Rooney Mara is fearless here and it's a damn shame she hasn't really had the chance to flex her acting like this again. As with many Fincher movies, the true star is the cinematography, staging, and unflinching treatment of the unsavory context. There are side roads and layers here that build towards the two characters of Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist coming together to solve a long dead cold case. It's not much more than a classic mystery story, but it actually has a memorable payoff, and I'll never listen to Enya the same way again. Supporting cast Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, and Robin Wright are all superstars here. I watched this in theaters, I remember my seat - I was near the aisle. Sometime around Christmas. More than that, though, I remember watching this during a snow day, wrapped in a blanket in my apartment on a stark TV sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. I think my room didn't have heat and I was trying to watch it on a big TV from the living room. More than anything, that's how this movie should be watched.

#07: Melancholia (2011)

Dir. Lars von Trier

This is an extremely long disposition on the nature of depression, and pretty much the best that we're ever going to get. The premise on its face is that an alternate Earth, named Melancholia is headed for us and we're all doomed. The movie doesn't entirely concern itself with this small matter, though, and mostly acts as a means for Kirsten Dunst to prove that she's a legit actress (she does). I watched this years after it came out because it drew a lot of chatter on the Internet and I wanted to up my Lars von Trier knowledge. This is somehow one of his more accessible flicks? It's also totally a movie that's just two movies, the first half being Kirsten Dunst's wedding and the second half being mostly her moping around and unable to get out of the tub. It's got one of the best ending shots ever and is really a landmark bit of filmmaking.

#06: Sorry to Bother You (2018)

Dir: Boots Riley

I saw this in a small arthouse theater in Cleveland and remember sitting there thinking, "How did someone reach into my brain and put a movie exactly made for me on the screen?" This film is incredibly engaging and has layers extremely beyond its premise of "black guy using David Cross' voice to become a good telemarketer." Tessa Thompson, Steven Yeun, Jermaine Fowler, Armie Hammer and of course, LaKeith Stanfield are all at the top of their game. This film has a lot to say about unions, capitalism, modern-day slavery, the extent that people will sell out, the hypocrisy of doing so (and not doing so), and also, magic horses. I simply cannot give away more if you haven't seen it, but you really need to see it. I have never encountered a movie that goes so absurdly off the rails but manages to hold on to itself. I could watch it over and over - it's currently on Hulu, I might just do that.

05: The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Dir: Martin Scorsese

As I was compiling this I found it amazing that Scorsese put out Silence three years after this. Maybe that long meditative thought about faith and Christianity was in response to the sheer depravity of this movie? I watched this on Christmas Day sitting next to my 14-year old cousin. It was awesome. I think those were his first boobs. Every award Leo has gotten after this has been in response to his performance here, which is the most unhinged and ridiculous in movie history. I said it. It may glamorize the stock-trader lifestyle (this is debatable. I'm not sure how many reasonable people are jealous of losing all feeling in their arms and legs, losing their families, and being arrested by the FBI), but it's also a loving tribute to the 90s and the terrible atrocities of greed and hubris. The cast is top notch. This movie gave us Margot Robbie, the beginning of the McConaughissance, Jon Bernthal on the cinematic stage, and serious Jonah Hill. Okay, "serious" should be taken with a grain of salt, but when I think of modern classics, this always comes to mind. Like Fury Road, it's as if an old master saw what all these young kids were doing and vowed he could do it better. I always go back to this movie. It never ages for me.

#04: The Master (2012)

Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

PTA's MASTERpiece, this is his thinly veiled opus to Scientology that's more of a mental duel between two of our greatest actors, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix. I watch this about every two years or so, and it never gets old. There is always some other layer I uncover as I myself meditate on who is the "master" and who is the "student" in the relationship. It's also notable as one of the few movies where the lead character doesn't change at all from start to finish. But it's actually good and that's sort of the point. By this point you can see what tends to attract me most - sleezy con artists masquerading as legitimate sources of hope and salvation. It's a dangerous game, toying with others' feelings, money, and souls. I abhor it. This is all the surface-level stuff in The Master. The core relationship between these two dudes battling for control over their surroundings, each other, and themselves is what makes this film interesting and stays with me. That, and "PIG FUCK!"

#03: A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)

Dir. Ana Lily Amirpour

I watched this I think on DVD, maybe streaming, in my apartment in Fall of 2015. I immediately fell in love with it and eagerly devoured anything else Amirpour could churn out. I think that's largely why I still loved The Bad Batch (2016). This self-described Iranian Vampire Western sucks you in like the vampires it depicts, with equal parts danger and seduction that's befitting its genre, but escapes most imitators. It's fiercely its own genre and emblematic of a voice that is not often heard. My mind wanders to the cinematography, including the car scene which gets me every time. I think this is on Kanopy. It's time for another visit. Every frame a painting holds very true here, where literally very single shot could be printed and put on a wall. Regarding the actual context, the table-turning nature of typical gender roles and how lost our purported protagonist becomes is why this resonates. That's actually similar to another film coming up. I like these films.

#02: Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

Dir: Denis Villeneuve

I also watched this in Cleveland - alone in a major movie theater on a Sunday afternoon in October. I was one of two people in the theater. I instantly came home and wrote 4200 words on it. So, just go read that. This was a huge bomb, but really, what were the thinking? I can't believe this film was allowed to be made. Seriously, why give Villeneuve $185 million to do whatever he wanted? He chose to make a 3-hour meditation on reality, the nature of being human, our right to control our creations, and a 30-year mystery follow-up to a movie notoriously opaque, so much so that Ridley Scott and Harrison Ford don't even agree on what happened. Also, no one outside of cinephiles have seen Blade Runner (1982). Hey - it could still happen! This is the rare 30+ year follow-up sequel that actually advances, even improves on its original. Remember that sweet 80s Vangelis soundtrack? Hans Zimmer is here to make it better! Remember Harrison Ford? Well, he's still here, although he totally should not be, but Ryan Gosling is even better. It's such a good, natural advancement of that world, that acknowledges its predecessor while making its own coherent world-building that STILL resonates with modern life. Ana de Armas, Robin Wright, Dave Bautista and especially Sylvia Hoeks are all fantastic here. Jared Leto sucks, but...does he kind of always suck now? Hey - second Robin Wright appearance on this list!

#01: Under the Skin (2014)

Dir. Jonathan Glazer

As I thought about this list, these three were the first I thought of when putting together an actual legit number of truly great movies. This one of the only movies I've ever seen that completes its story almost in totality through the visual medium it exists in. It's truly brilliant. You're forced to engage and tune in with a high attention to detail to decipher what the hell is going on. In the end we don't really have answers, but maybe understand a little bit more about what it means to be human. In the end, isn't that what we're all looking for? Scarlett Johansson plays a hot alien who eats dudes in a big black empty space, but damn this movie makes literally looking at grass growing contemplative and satisfying. That bus scene was a little long, I will admit. But this movie is endlessly fascinating as it forces you to try to figure out what the hell is going on, then you take a step back and learn to actual absorb all the visual information it's conveying and take it at face value. It's a cycle that works back in on itself and I have never found a movie that is better suited to the constraints and advantages of its medium.

As you may tell, I am really into super-long, contemplative movies that play with gender roles, feature deep soul-crushing cons, and are generally weird as hell. That all tracks. In 2029, if we are still alive and not all replaced by replicants I'll be curious how this list shifts around. I'm especially curious how 2019 fits in. 2010 didn't make it, either. I wonder if I have recency bias as well as just not remembering how good The Social Network was. You know, Hot Tub Time Machine should really be at the top of this list. We will definitely put out a "Best of 2000s" List soon. Stay tuned for more hot action, folks!!

Sharks, Cars, Girls, and Pac as Summer Rounds the Bend

Hello again, folks - a lovely Summer Friday is upon us and we have an absurd amount of films dropping today. Chances are that your best bet is still Wonder Woman (2017), but really there should be something for everyone today. Music fans, comedy fans, animation fans, shark fans - we got all the major genres covered. Let's roll out from least notable to most notable today as we examine cultural, critical, and commercial potentials for everything:

Shipp does look super-like Pac tho

First up is All Eyez on Me (2017), the long-awaited Tupac biopic, which lands with almost no hype at all. It seems bizarre in the wake of Straight Outta Compton (2015), which is definitely the only reason this was made, but for some reason doesn't feel nearly as timely or as investing, despite Tupac Shakur being a decently beloved rapper and another notch in 90s nostalgia for us to feed. This might simply be because it's apparently a total shit film that follows really standard biopic tropes, even if Demetrius Shipp, Jr in the lead role is spectacular.

It makes me recall more the Biggie biopic Notorious (2009), which is so obscure you forgot it existed, much less came out eight years ago. This feels just like something that has been on the periphery for a while without much belief that it was actually getting made. Now I'm struggling with how Straight Outta Compton became such a game changer. Maybe it was the still-pretty-popular Dr. Dre and Ice Cube putting their full weight behind it? Maybe it was the fact that NWA themselves were such innovators in the rap game, or that Straight Outta Compton was the first epic rap group biopic, which was actually legitimately solid. All Eyez on Me feels essentially derivative.

That's a shame because Tupac's dual acting / rapping career (which got started at virtually the same time - in fact, Juice [1992] predates his biggest singles) is endlessly fascinating. He's also hands down one of the greatest rappers who's ever lived. In the end, the cultural effect seems like a drop in the pond, and critically it's getting drubbed. Commercially it might do okay - even Notorious made $20 million its opening weekend, but I don't think it will be the smash that Straight Outta Compton was.

Oh no! Sharks!

Moving on we got 47 Meters Down (2017), the Mandy Moore Shark Cage movie we've always been waiting for. This is totally jumping off the success of last year's The Shallows (2016) with Blake Lively, which got a lot of points for being original, if not still pretty stupid, and tension-filled, if not pretty exploitative. That even premiered around the same time, which was also around the same time as JAWS (1975) forty-two years ago. Sharks in June are like Star Wars in May. Or now December.

By all means, advance reviews are that 47 Meters Down does what The Shallows and even JAWS failed to do - get right to the shark attack and get to it damn fast. I'm okay with this. This is what Shark Attack fans always dream about. I get the impression that this is exactly as good as you'd expect it to be, with a solid mix of schlock and genuine terror to make it enjoyable. As far as the Shark genre goes, you have these films, all the other Jaws movies, Deep Blue Sea (1999), Open Water (2003), Sharknado (2013), and wait...shit...so much more. It is the original blockbuster genre, after all.

Mandy Moore's stock is actually rising after This is Us and La La Land (2016), even if the La La Land Mandy Moore is a different Mandy Moore. It didn't seem to matter much for Blake Lively last year, as long as she's hot. Hey, this is how America works, people. The marketing hasn't been nearly as cool as last year's Shallows - in fact, that trailer was way cooler than the movie turned out to be. It will probably do okay, although we're not exactly horror-starved with It Comes At Night (2017) dropping last week. That film has already disappointed a lot of horror fans, though, and 47 Meters Down is certainly a different, specific sort of creature feature. It's also PG-13, which means lots of little kids can get in and be scared of big mean sharks. It'll likely do just fine, now that I'm thinking about it.

Culturally, The Shallows did actually penetrate culture and make a memorable impression, even if it ended up being kind of lame. I at least remember how it ended. That's more I can say for its competition, Independence Day: Resurgence (2017), whose name I had to look up. If 47 Meters Down is solid, it could break through, if not, then it'll just be another Shark Attack 3 (2002). While its Rotten Tomatoes isn't good at all (51% right now), it's actually a notch above All Eyez on Me and Rough Night (2017), and right below Cars 3 (2017). So, no matter what you're getting a meh movie this weekend - if you're a shark guy, then go for it.

Weekend at Scarlett's

Moving right along, next we have Rough Night - the Scarlett Johansson Very Bad Things (1998) rip-off Bachelorette movie, which looks like the greatest comedy ever if it wasn't derivative of like four great comedies in the past. I mean, this just Bridesmaids (2011) with less heart and a modern cast, right? Or is it more just the straight female Hangover (2009) remake that Bridesmaids really wasn't?

I don't mean to be totally deriding because this cast is a fucking dream, even if I still think this is the second-worst Scarlett Johansson casting of 2017. Ilana Glazer and Kate McKinnon need to be movie stars, and their supporting turns here could propel them to the spotlight, which is what I've been hoping to happen to McKinnon since Sisters (2015). To be fair, a lot of the jokes in the trailers and commercials have landed pretty well, and like all comedies, if the movie is just funny, it'll rise to the top. If it can't, it'll spin in purgatory with Bad Moms (2016), Masterminds (2016), and Office Christmas Party (2016) that we don't care about.

Critically it's already been not great, which isn't a good prospect for a comedy's legs. Despite the fact that a film only needs to be funny, if it's going to last it helps if it's actually full of clever writing. Comedy is inherently subversive, if a film's just going through the motions there's not a lot there. With all this crap, though, there's still some high anticipation with the coming together of every great rising comedy star there is right now, and I still want to see it for what this mix of SNL, Idiotsitter, Broad City, and uh...The Avengers (2012) can do on the big screen together. Without a ton of comedic competition around it could do well financially, but there's also enough general competition right now to divert attention.

HAHAHA, what?!

Finally, we come to Cars 3. The advertising for this movie has been completely insane, and you've got to wonder if that has to do with the fucking terrible cultural reputation of the Cars franchise as "that one where Pixar sold out for merchandising profits." That's totally true. Cars 3 seems like it's layering on maudlin serious dark heavy overtones, which is absolutely nuts. Why not double down on what has worked for Cars before, the stupidest of all Pixar's kid-friendly properties?

It's pretty clear that the studio is upset about Cars 2 (2011) universally ranked as their worst film, both critically, almost financially, and in Oscar nominations (at zero). Nothing is really going to help the clear direction of the studio, though, who seems to have shifted towards returning to the well, perverting old characters rather than all that constant innovation that they did so well for so long. There's no hiding Finding Dory (2016), along with sequels to The Incredibles (2004), and the worst offender, an upcoming Toy Story 4 (2019), which threatens to unravel all the great closure from Toy Story 3 (2010). It all points to not a great point in the studio's history, although we're also only two years removed from Inside Out (2015), which spits in the face of all this criticism and is at least in the Top 3 of anything they've done.

Culturally this feels incredibly derivative. There's just not a lot of reason to be invested in this. If it's about finality, it's basically the Cars version of Toy Story 3. If it's about selling toys (the other big Cars theme), then it's just another installment in the crappy franchise. I'd really like to know more about the Cars world. How does any of it work? How do they have kids? Why do they have car doors for passengers? What happened to the humans? How big are these stadiums? What happened to all the stairs? Why are there tractor-cows? Are you born into whatever role you have in life based on your car make and model? What kind of insane society is this?!

This ought to win the weekend - you know that The Mummy (2017) isn't going to give any real competition. Still, I don't think anticipation is all that high, and it's not going to be a mondo Pixar movie like in years past. No one "wants to know how Cars ends". It'll do just fine, but you've got to think that out of all these four random movies dropping this week, none is going to be crazily successful. The weekend as a whole will probably be fine just because there's so many options to attract a wide range of people, but I don't see any one film doing great. Wonder Woman it is.

Which will you pick this weekend?

NMW's Totally On-time Summer Movie Preview!

That's right - it's time to go through an exhaustive list of every film coming out this summer. It's alright that we're already two weeks into the official Summer Movie Season - you didn't miss anything. We went pretty in-depth last year, and I assure you that we care much much less with each year that goes by. So let's start with what dropped two weeks ago:

Anticipation levels are out of 10,000

MAY

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Anticipation Level: 8653 - Marvel is on a ridiculous streak of competence (not really excellence, but surely competence), and the first one was amazing on all levels.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Anticipation Level: 3079 - No one cares about this.

Snatched

Anticipation Level: 5436 - This could be pretty entertaining and Amy Schumer can be good or bad, but it's the return of Goldie Hawn that has a lot of people interested.

Alien: Covenant

Anticipation Level: 4550 - I was actually a big fan of Prometheus (2012) when it came out, although my eagerness has waned with more fridge realizations of how much that story made no sense. This looks exactly like Alien (1979) which is exactly as good and as bad as you want that to be.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

Anticipation Level: 0349 - I don't know what this is.

Baywatch

Anticipation Level: 8043 - This is looking top to bottom like a fun movie that really gets what it is, although we'll see if it just apes 21 Jump Street (2012).

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Anticipation Level: 3374 - Javier Bardem is inspired casting, but the last one was pretty bad. So bad I even forget its name. Was it like Davy's Locker or Sunken Treasure or something? On Stranger Tides (2011), that's right. The promotional materials aren't that shitty, but we just seem so worn of this by now.

JUNE

Wonder Woman

Anticipation Level: 6792 - I don't totally care about Wonder Woman, although really sinking into her character can be pretty interesting if it's done right. All the marketing has been excellent so far and this could be hype. Then again, it could be like every other DC movie and be total shit.

The Mummy

Anticipation Level: 1334 - I don't understand on any fundamental level the process that went into creating any aspect of this film. The Tom Cruise stunts for the sake of stunts angle, the Universal Monsters shared universe angle (can't wait to see how it ties into Dracula Untold (2014)! Or not), or the misplaced tone. The Brendan Frasier Mummy movies were actually really enjoyable camp, but this is just altogether bizarre.

Cars 3

Anticipation Level: 0457 - I'm about as excited for this as I was for Cars 2 (2011). Or Cars (2006). There was actually that chilling first trailer, which is kind of bold and interesting, but I'm confident about my life moving on without any interaction with this material.

Rough Night

Anticipation Level: 7844 - Scarlett Johansson may be somewhat miscast here, but the rest of the troupe is an unrivaled comedy dream team. I have reservations over this being similar to a lot of other movies out there, from Bridesmaids (2011) to Bachelorette (2012) to hell, even Very Bad Things (1998), but I enjoyed all those movies, so maybe that's not a bad thing.

Transformers: The Last Knight

Anticipation Level: 9006 - Hell yeah! I've grown more and more into accepting this franchise's absurd idiocy and absolutely love every insane facet to come out of the marketing material so far. The Transformers franchise is so dead and gone, but no one tell Michael Bay that.

Baby Driver

Anticpation Level: 9007 - just slightly above Transformers, of course. Everything about this screams awesome visual filmmaking like few besides Edgar Wright can do. The last time he struck out from the Cornetto Trilogy we got the fabulous Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2011) and everything from the cast to the premise looks fantastic.

Despicable Me 3

Anticipation Level: 1899 - Trey Parker voicing some weird 80s Supervillain is interesting, especially since he and Matt Stone have shied away from a lot of non-South Park Hollywood work since Team America (2004), and this is also the kind of stuff they'd usually make fun of. Still, Trey is an amazing voice actor and a huge get. I don't care about anything else in this franchise.

JULY

The House

Anticipation Level: 2981 - I wish modern comedies had more distinctive names. Even Rough Night is just so vague. I had to look this up before I remembered that it's a surprisingly rare Will Ferrell / Amy Poehler vehicle that should be getting more hype than it is. That may be because the premise is pretty weak and the first trailer was largely a dud.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Anticipation Level: 4232 - This isn't really doing it for me - I'm sure it'll be just fine and I'm really looking forward to writing a lengthy post about Mike Keaton's Batman to Birdman to Vulture journey, but there's not a ton here to get excited about. Maybe that's because Captain America can be in a political thriller movie, Wonder Woman can be in a period war movie, Deadpool can be in a comedy, Wolverine can be in a western, but Spider-Man is just kind of Spider-Man. I think the official moniker they're going for is a John Hughes movie, but fuck it, Spider-Man 2 (2004) was as pure a superhero movie as we're ever going to get and it was grand.

War for the Planet of the Apes

Anticipation Level: 5000 - right down the middle. I stay up late at night wondering if Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) was a good movie or not and feel much of the same here. I like the continued cycle of human actors, and a menacing Woody Harrelson is inviting, but I feel like this will be the Star Trek Beyond (2016) of this summer - great competent blockbuster filmmaking that no one cares about.

Dunkirk

Anticipation Level: 4126 - It's not often that I'm not up for a Chris Nolan film, but nothing about Dunkirk that's been presented so far has been awfully interesting. He's a great director who can find meaning in almost any material and is great at offering new takes on tried subjects, and you'd easily think that a Nolan War movie would be great. I hope it is, but I have no reason to blindly believe it will be.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Anticipation Level: 6045 - Despite the mouthful title, this feels like Luc Besson going nuts and I love it. The weirder the better, wacky adventure ahoy! There's a lot of unknowns here, though, and it could so easily be shitty that its AL suffers.

The Emoji Movie

Anticipation Level: 0000 - you knew it had to be somewhere. What is this. No.

Atomic Blonde

Anticipation Level: 8504 - I'm into everything about this. Charlize Theron is suddenly a go-to badass, the team from John Wick (2014) returns to craft some hopefully amazing action pieces, and the style is out of this world. Plus this.

AUGUST

The Dark Tower

Anticipation Level: 7172 - I've never read the books or anything (of course not), but the basic premise of the Dark Tower linking all of Steve King's work is really interesting. The trailer that dropped last week was fantastic and actually pretty buzz worthy. This might be the sleeper of the summer.

Detroit

Anticipation Level: 8014 - It's about time Kathryn Bigelow returned after the one-two punch of The Hurt Locker (2009) and Zero Dark Thirty (2012). The Detroit riots of 1967 are an overlooked part of American History, complex to take apart and timely as hell.

The Hitman's Bodyguard

Anticipation Level: 5478 - This could be good. Ryan and Sam are both hot right now and their pairing in this premise is ironic and fascinating. It'll have to deliver on its goods, but the release date is cherry and it ought to find its niche.

So, to conclude, let's rank these bastards:

Baby Driver	Anticipation Level: 9007
Transformers: The Last Knight	Anticipation Level: 9006
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2	Anticipation Level: 8653
Atomic Blonde	Anticipation Level: 8504
Baywatch	Anticipation Level: 8043
Detroit	Anticipation Level: 8014
Rough Night	Anticipation Level: 7844
The Dark Tower	Anticipation Level: 7172
Wonder Woman	Anticipation Level: 6792
Valerian and the City of A Thousand Planets	Anticipation Level: 6045
The Hitman's Bodyguard	Anticipation Level: 5478
Snatched	Anticipation Level: 5436
War for the Planet of the Apes	Anticipation Level: 5000
Alien Covenant	Anticipation Level: 4550
Spider-Man: Homecoming	Anticipation Level: 4232
Dunkirk	Anticipation Level: 4126
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales	Anticipation Level: 3374
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword	Anticipation Level: 3079
The House	Anticipation Level: 2981
Despicable Me 3	Anticipation Level: 1899
The Mummy	Anticipation Level: 1334
Cars 3	Anticipation Level: 0457
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul	Anticipation Level: 0349
The Emoji Movie	Anticipation Level: 0000

What do you think? What's your anticipation level for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul?

Top Pop Culture Bits to Watch in 2017!

I'm going to try so hard this year. This post. RIGHT NOW to get some shit right. No more thinking X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) will be a cool movie (to be fair, it wasn't all thaaat bad). I'm so nervous. I still get excited for some tentpole films that end up crowding this list. Still, I'm trying real damn hard to tempter my expectations. Let's go through all the Vin Diesel-focused events of 2017 that we can articulate some reasonable expectations with and then sort out the intriguing Paul Anderson and Edgar Wright projects later, okay?

Taboo (01/10)

Evil Lincoln!

I've tried to stay away from much other detail about this creepy story of Tom Hardy returning from the dead to Victorian England and ruining everyone's day, but it's certainly the miniseries to catch in early 2017. Tom Hardy's almost becoming too recognizable to be effective, but there's hardly another actor who can throw himself so completely in a character, even if that character is fairly predictable by now. I bet he'll be an ornery loner who grunts more than speaks! I'm curious how weird this gets - Hardy on FX let loose ought to deliver.

Run the Jewels 3 (01/17)

Fucking A. This came out already. It doesn't really reach the heights of Run the Jewels 2, but the third album by the Killer Mike / El P collabo once had a real shot at becoming an early frontrunner for 2017's album of the year. Instead it may kind of end up as a 2016 afterthought that was moved up three weeks and dropped Christmas Day. Confusing for pundits for sure and definitely sneaking out of many Best of Lists that shot their wad prematurely.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (01/20)

Sorry, Asia Argento

One of my goals here is to showcase some films that no one and I mean no one else is looking forward to in 2017. Hell fucking yeah Return of Xander Cage. xXx (2002) should never be Google searched, but exists in that holy first period of Diesel prominence, and at the time I loved it a whole lot more than The Fast and the Furious (2001). It doesn't give a shit about anything and relishes its own schlock and stupidity, owning that turn of the century XTREME fad to the max, while also showing some shaky sides of the Diesel. Really! No other movie showed its protagonist shaking and shocked at the end of an intense episode like this until Captain Phillips (2003). XXX:RoXC (oh jeez) looks to be the Fast Five (2011)-ification of this universe, and why not? It will almost surely miss the mark and lack all the great characters that have made Fast a billion-dollar franchise. It's also amazing that Diesel used to avoid any and all non-Riddick sequels, but now he's really into revisiting everything. Or he just likes money. I'm not sure if he understands irony at all, but that's part of what makes Diesel great. I'm going to regret hyping this in twelve months.

Legion (02/08) - FX

Of all the X-Men characters, Chuckie Xavier's weird time travelling son Legion is an odd one to focus a television show around, but that's perhaps exactly the point. It's unexpected and therefore unknown and ripe to mix around however Noah "Fargo" Hawley feels like doing. It looks to be an untraditional story at best, but in rough danger of falling apart. The 90s Legion comics were a trip, but decently inaccessible. Keeping the mythology at arms' length is a good play, but I'm most curious how it ties in (if at all) to the junkiest and oldest contiguous franchise out there.

John Wick: Chapter Two (02/10)

Let's go to something that could actually be awesome. John Wick (2014) was a stunningly good original action film, more so that it was actually good rather than anything revolutionary it did. Amazingly, keeping a frame steady throughout a firefight and letting the actors and stunt people rather than the editing do the work results in a sublime movie! Chapter Two loses the David Leitch part of the directing team, but hopefully Chad Stahelski is fine enough on his own. Laurence Fishburne seems like an uncanny Matrix (1999) reunion that's too on the nose to be accidental considering how much sway Keanu has on this thing. It all looks like a really fun mess that will never be what John Wick was, but based on what we got last time, ought to serve us up a nice couple of hours.

The LEGO Batman Movie (02/10)

How come having every villain ever at once isn't
weird or awful in animation?

There's a lot mixing around here. The LEGO Movie (2014) was an absolute blast, and Will Arnett's bombastic little kid's interpretation of the Dark Knight had a lot to do with it. Caught in between campy and serious views of Batman, he could prove to be the best Batman ever. We'll see when the character is on full display here, seemingly a swath of maniacal ego, darkness, and loneliness - but in a fun way! Chris McKay takes over directorial duties, who has an comedic pedigree for sure, although relatively untested in G/PG realm. Hopes are high for irreverence, especially one that pins holes in a superhero year that features the most grimdark Batman ever, Ben Affleck returning for Justice League (2017) just a few months later.

A Cure for Wellness (02/17)

Dane DeHaan is our best young creepy actor, but he's lacked any sort of defining role, or at least a good movie to exist in. Gore Verblinksi is a supremely underrated director, mostly I think because he trades in excessive bombast more than anyone, but also creates films of sincere symbolic depth that generally challenge accepted blockbuster norms, if not structurally than thematically. This seems to trade on all the work he did prepping a failed or at least not by his hands BioShock movie and trades in the quasi-horror and creepiness that Verblinksi films always flirt with. I'm on board.

Logan (03/03)

"You killed my family!" SNIKT

If we discount Legion and LEGO Batman, this is the first and most anticipated superhero movie of the year. You've torn my heart out time and time again superhero movies, but 2017 looks to be even more subversive than 2016. This past year we really only got Deadpool (2016) that made fun of the genre while actually going through it by the numbers. Captain America: CIVIL WAR (2016) actually did a much better job throwing down and dismantling the formula with a villain that preyed on the hero's perceptions of what movie they were actually in. Anyway, that's a long way of saying that Hugh Jackman's final Wolverine outing (barring Deadpool 2 [2018]) may be his best - a grungy angry Unforgiven (1992) starring a superhero rather than an out and out capes and capers flick. If it even goes that route at all - by all means it could just be a beat-up action film that uses its hero pedigree to sell some tickets. The Wolverine (2013) promised this intimate portrayal, but then largely missed the mark. Hopes are high all around for this, even if James Mangold has had more misses than hits lately.

The Fate of the Furious (04/14)

Listen - I had to. Just read all of this. These films may have topped out actually at Fast & Furious 6 (2013), but what's crazy is how they don't seem afraid to mix up the formula at all. It helps these impeccably similarly titled films to remain distinct. Fast & Furious (2009) was the one that got them back together. Fast Five (2011) saw them heist in brazil. Fast & Furious 6 was them battling their evil-er counterparts in London. Furious 7 (2015) was the spy movie where Paul Walker died. This one is where Dom Toretto is replaced with a mind-controlled clone robot evil brother. Really a pretty simple continuity.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (05/05)

Oh movies are weird.

Comedy and superhero sequels are always tricky, and there's no reason to believe this will work, besides a trailer that is familiar yet different. That's the ultimate bargain. You want to feel the exact same way about a film but have different shit make you feel that way. This is golden for that. My love for Guardians wanes and waxes between cheeky admiration, now overplayed sarcastic character tropes, and then back to a hilarious no frills space romp. With all the pressure in the world this film has thrown up an even bigger middle finger to anyone who cares - from the poster that looks like a Ramones album to a trailer that delivers with characters settled into their roles and really hitting their mark. It'll fail if it goes for more of the same, and the "Hooked on a Feeling" that hits the trailer again feels like going back to the well, even if every single tentpole ever now has a quirky 70s pop song attached nowadays. This needs to rise above its imitators.

Dunkirk (07/21)

I suppose this checks off a list of obvious ones, but even though there seems to be a weird anti-Nolan backlash around the Internet, likely mostly just in contrarian to the universal nerd love he's gotten for so many years, that's not holding me back from getting excited about this. Here's what's not - the general blandness of the trailer, and the acknowledgment that Nolan's films tend to be conceptually intriguing and breathtakingly shot, but in a practical sense bereft of imagination. Creatively daring but practically bankrupt. It's a subtle line. He's never approached a historical epic, though, and I'd love to see what he can bring to the war genre. Harry Styles, though. I may have talked myself out of my anticipation. It will probably look pretty, though.

Blade Runner 2049 (10/06)

Not to mention Ana de Armas in a not "right out
of the shower" role. Presumably.

This is kind of tough. I get the feeling like this is sort of being treated as a big franchise, re-visiting kind of film, although none of that adds up. Blade Runner (1982) was exceptionally unbeloved upon its release, and remains a really really niche film, mostly appealing to sci-fi nerds, film nerds, or people who like to track the influence of giant flaming cityscapes. Denis Villeneuve may be the best working non-Paul Anderson director right now, but the most cash he's ever brought in was for this year's Arrival (2016), which is by far his most accessible film. Handling Blade Runner 2049 seems like something he'd go nuts with, although Ryan Gosling is just about at a career peak and Harrison Ford's late age bankability is strong after he brought back Han Solo. Give the meat to Gosling, treat the material like it's new and this will be good. Pander to Deckard and Scott and this will suck tits. I can't imagine Villeneuve catering and bowing down to studio influences. Right?

So those are all the really obvious choices for 2017. Let's get into some of the smaller scheduled films that could make a splash that will likely actually be much better:

Rock That Body - The cast is like SNL mixed with Broad City and lead by Scarlett Johansson. A summer release comedy with shades of Bridesmaids, which is likely exactly how it got made.
Baby Driver - a non-Cornetto Trilogy Edgar Wright film, which has been taking up his time since his departure from Ant-Man (2015). It's also written by Wright and has a likewise awesome cast, although not many of his regulars. This is really the time to see whether or not Wright is a sustainable non-Simon Pegg director.
Downsizing - a Matt Damon shrinking movie by Alexander Payne. This will do.
God Particle - for some reason this is another Cloverfield movie, which seems to have even less to do with Clover than 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). Director Julius Onah is untested, but the cast is sweet and the premise of a vanishing Earth as seen from space is intriguing. Could be another Passengers (2016), could be another Moon (2009). Who knows.
Untitled Paul Anderson Fashion World Drama - this is all you need. Seems kind of Neon Demon (2016)-y, possibly with less eyeball eating (or hell, more!), but this is like the third time I've cited Paul Anderson as our greatest current working director, so there.
Logan Lucky - there's a lot to like here. Steve Soderbergh's coming out of retirement party (we all could have called that), his current muse, Channing Tatum and Adam Driver star as brothers performing some kind of NASCAR heist. 2017 Upcoming It Girl Riley Keough supports, as does Seth MacFarlane in an extremely rare live action supporting role in something he didn't write or direct. Mind-blowing.
Annihilation - Alex Garland's Ex Machina (2015) follow-up features a bunch of chicks who head to the jungle lead by Natalie Portman fresh off her Oscar win. Or nomination. Or sat at home and we all lie about how we liked Jackie (2016).
The Death of Stalin - there's a weird and wonderful cast here, from Timothy Dalton to Steve Buscemi, but I'm intrigued by the subject matter of where and how the CCCP went after Stalin kicked the bucket.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - Luc Besson is riding high after Lucy (2015), even if his ambition was a bit over his delivery, but this looks like a grand original sci-fi tale that's got to remind you of The Fifth Element (1997). Cara and Dane look great and the title's a mouthful, but this will definitely make like $10 million in the States and $500 million worldwide.
It Comes at Night - Joel Edgerton, who is suddenly a good actor, and Riley Keough...again (see what I meant?) in this mysterious number shepherded by A24, who has produced all the good movies lately.
Mute - Duncan Jones gets off the Warcraft (2016) trainwreck and into a more Moon-like bit with Alex "Tarzan" Skarsgård as a mute in future Berlin or something. Everyone involved was once good and has done much shit in the past few years. Let's get back to the good.
Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter - Jody Hill has been busy on the small screen but returns here in what could be a comedy, or maybe a tragedy about Josh Brolin hunting with his son. It will likely be equal parts a bit of both.
The Coldest City - Consider this the other half of John Wick. In between producing Chapter 2 and also sinking into Deadpool 2, David Leitch lends some hopeful action expertise to Charlize Theron in this Berlin Wall spy thriller. Down.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 - S. Craig Zahler, who gave us the brutal yet underrated Bone Tomahawk (2015) gets Vince Vaughn to try his True Detective mode again. If anything, we're intrigued. Also some kind of prison fight.
Landline - Gillian Robespierre does Obvious Child (2014) again, in the 90s, with an awesome cast of actresses, including Jenny Slate again. On board.
Free Fire - this one just got a trailer, which ruled and looks all sorts of incredible. Just a straight no holds-barred gun fight in the 70s. Armie Hammer being a doofus and Brie Larson in between Oscar winning and Captain Marvel roles. I'm in.

So folks, what do you think? What did I miss? I'm not getting excited about Apes or Spider-Man or Jedis anymore. I just can't. What's in your Top 2017 List?