2017 Reflection: The Crap We Was

It's a long mirror to look back in and understand our anticipation of lots of media that dropped in 2017. I tried really hard to not set myself up for disappointment this year. I was mostly pleasantly surprised. This was an impressive year, all things told. It's important to be really refined about what we're looking for, and for all the complaining about the movies being dead or Peak TV uh...peaking, we had some good shit. Let's review the shit that we were pumped up for a year ago.

Taboo (01/10)

I went back and forth on Taboo a lot. In the end I liked it. It was a brutal look at the life of Tom Hardy in the early 19th-Century, full of some insane twists and turns that made for some addictive watching. I continuously got the impression that they were trying hard to be an admittedly scaled back Game of Thrones set in 1814 London. It's full of different parties trying to play against each other and manipulate a grand game of war, ships, slaves, and whore murder. It ended a bit softer than it should have and was never as good as it tried to be, but the acting, impressive production design, and incest are always welcome.

Run the Jewels 3 (01/17)

This dropped in December as I was writing this preview, so dammit, Killer Mike. 3 wasn't as good as 2, but grew on me as the year went on, culminating in "Legend Has It" featured in that stellar Black Panther trailer. I'm surprised they had commercial success with their insanely literate politically charged hip hop at all, but they proved again they're some of the best in the game.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (01/20)

Hahahaa, alright, so there was a pretty specific way this could go. I'm further confounded about the Diesel after this - he is so clearly not in on the joke of his own ridiculousness. It actually had a decent premise, too. This movie was pretty fucking bad, but Ruby Rose was amazing in it. This did not turn into the Fast franchise nobody but Diesel wanted, but that's for everyone's benefit.

Legion (02/08) - FX

Just give him some McDonalds and be done with it

Legion was bonkers and continuously mind-blowing, often very literally. It changed the game for what Aubrey Plaza can do, made a star out of Rachel Keller, and showcased Dan Stevens as so much more than the arbitrary stand-in actor for Beauty and the Beast (2017). That dance scene, man. This leaves all those Marvel Netflix series in the dust by not being remotely concerned with superhero antics. Instead they focus on misuse of powers, mostly through lack of understanding, fear and self-preservation, and personal gain. Ironically, a series focused on mutants is the most human series yet.

John Wick: Chapter Two (02/10)

The most difficult uphill battle was that this was no longer coming by surprise. John Wick (2014) changed the game and a second chapter was neither asked for nor necessary. Yeah, we're glad we got it. From throwing the action to a car, the random mean streets of New York, and then a somehow even more impossibly bleak ending, Chapter Two delivered more action sequences that raised the bar for all other films to follow. We just can't watch sub-par action anymore.

The LEGO Batman Movie (02/10)

I enjoyed this a lot, but am generally less of a fan than I should be. It's an absolute love letter to superhero, particularly Batman tropes and history, which is all sorts of amazing, but there was a moment there when the metanarrative didn't add up with the actual narrative, and the "Joker in love with Batman" subplot (or...main plot?) felt inauthentic. Cramming in every other property that Warner Bros owns seemed forced and resolved far too quickly for how good this could have been. In its defense, it IS probably the funniest film of 2017 and Will Arnett continues to be a revelation in this role.

A Cure for Wellness (02/17)

Kind of like LEGO Batman this film was full of good, interesting ideas that never seemed to go anywhere. Yes, let's compare A Cure for Wellness to LEGO Batman... Dane DeHaan is serviceable enough, but the conspiracy pay-off isn't great. I don't know why we needed a big conspiracy at all. This movie worked fine as a meditation on creepy wellness sanitariums, which totally actually exist somehow and are totally manipulative pseudo-science. There's 3/4 of a good movie in here.

Logan (03/03)

Breathtaking? Amazing? Uncanny. Logan delivered on everything it tried to be and more. In an age of bigger and badder crashing and smashing superhero films, Hugh, Pat, and James found a way around all that. I still hate the doppelganger crap, and wanted Mr. Sinister, but this is fine. I guess. There's enough incredible scenes of tragic superhero downtime and growth, actual fucking growth to make this a great film.

The Fate of the Furious (04/14)

I'm sorry. I'm off Diesel. I promise. That Statham baby fight, tho. And that Statham / Rock prison escape. And the Rock throwing a torpedo into a submarine. There was lots of madness here, but an empty movie with a wasted premise. The Last Knight (2017) wins this year's battle of "Heroes Becoming Traitors" movie twists.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (05/05)

Until my dying day I'll tout this over the original and over most of what else dropped in the blockbuster realm this year. I was hesitant to throw this up here because I'm always disappointed, but this worked in every way. Well, sure the middle of the film just chilling on Ego was a little flat, but damn they rode their characters so true, threw in a random Stallone, and gave us more feels for Yondu than any superhero character ever. How about that?

Dunkirk (07/21)

Don't forget your suntan lotion!

Here's another film that possibly surpassed expectations. We all know that Chris Nolan has to really try to make an outright SHITTY movie (I listed Following [1998] and Batman Begins [2005] among his worst. How is that even possible), but it was great to see that Dunkirk easily ranked among his best ever. It's kind of like when Pixar spits out an Inside Out (2015) that suddenly stand with anything they've ever done. This somehow plays with time more than any film he's done, despite cranking out two huge films that explicitly deal with some form of time travel. It's a wonder of editing, storytelling, and true drama.

Blade Runner 2049 (10/06)

There are a few weeks left of this year to crank out a few more choice films, but right now 2049 is at the top of my list. I don't think I've ever had a #1 most anticipated film actually come out as best of the year. I feel so validated. We'll get into this more when the time comes.

Now, we had a few mini-anticipation previews, so let's go through that:

Rock That Body - became Rough Night, sucked
Baby Driver - ruled
Downsizing - did not see yet, word of mouth has grown lesser since its announcement
God Particle - coming out 2018
Untitled Paul Anderson Fashion World Drama - became Phantom Thread, have not seen, but is evidently amazing
Logan Lucky - Definitely underrated, but a clear Soderbergh lesser work
Annihilation - coming out 2018
The Death of Stalin - US Release 2018
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - nuts, but okay
It Comes at Night - shitty
Mute - 2018
Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter - unknown release
The Coldest City - became Atomic Blonde, ruled
Brawl in Cell Block 99 - Have not seen, but word is it rules
Landline - did not see, relatively little hype
Free Fire - shitty, probably my biggest disappointment of the year.

Well, that's it for the shit we looked forward to. Not too shabby, folks. I could have told myself that xXx: The Return of Xander Cage would suck. I wouldn't have listened. This is the life we chose.

Stay tuned until January when we preview 2018! It never ends!

First Impressions: The LEGO Ninjago Movie

Okay, okay, okay. I know. Listen, I actually did see this film in the theater. I had four beers and even less sleep the night before and I'll be honest, I'm actually a little fuzzy on the ending. I remember getting really really bored about two-thirds of the way through. There were still a few giggle-worthy moments that I enjoyed in my delirium, but let's start these impressions with my whole journey:

This is becoming a rough trend that started with me watching Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) two months ago, when I showed up twenty minutes late and basically just picked the worst the theater had to offer because it was something to do. Last night I literally just picked the shortest film they had in the cinema. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) was nearly two and a half hours! What the hell is that? LEGO Ninjago (2017) beat that by forty minutes. Sold.

A volcano that erupts sharks!

The ticket counter dude was incredulous. He actually tried to talk me into seeing Kingsman or IT (2017) instead. Now, I'm sure either of those would have been a much better movie, but that's not what we're about here. We're all about the EXPERIENCE, especially when that experience is bizarre and awful. I've always had a passion for terrible movies, especially terrible commercial movies without any real redeeming factors. I'm always curious how we can live in a world where this shit is actually made. I mean, of course it's about the cash, but is it? No one was in this fucking theater! It's such a misguided trainwreck that's beautiful and amazing to watch. SPOILERS probably, but who cares, you aren't going to see thi smovie.

For the record, as I said, I don't know what fucking Ninjago is. I have no idea if this is true to the existing LEGO sets or the show, which has existed for a whopping seven seasons, but little of that matters to me. This is the freshest I could possibly get going into a film and it did a nice job establishing everyone and their little quirks. Let's talk about that cast first, then we can go into...whatever the hell else there is.

The voice cast was phenomenal, especially Kumail Nanjiani, Abbi Jacobson, and especially Justin Theroux who relished his role as the inexplicably evil Lord Garmadon with relish. Kumail pulls off his role as a nervous yet passive aggressive twerp really well and Jacobson is almost a parody of other cool action chicks like The LEGO Movie (2014)'s Wyldstyle, to an awesome extent. Zach Woods playing the worst fake robot ever is spectacular. I expected more out of Fred Armisen and Michael Peña, who round out the core Ninja cast, but their characters weren't that distinctive.

Finally we have Dave Franco as the main Green Ninja, Lloyd Garmadon, who is routinely verbally abused for his relationship to megalomaniac Lord Garmadon, who ironically, barely registers that Lloyd exists. The development of this relationship forms the core of the film, which makes it really feel like a boy's club as well as something that's been done a lot. Still, it did partly feel like a cool inverse of a Luke Skywalker / Darth Vader thing except one where Luke and Darth were stuck in the jungle fighting a giant cat and bonding. Franco is just fine.

What's really nice is seeing (and hearing) Jackie Chan, who seems like has been a way for a while. Then again, the dude's 63. Still, his character is the exact same as Morgan Freeman in The LEGO Movie, down to his funny idiosyncrasies that put a lampshade on wise master types. On that note - Black LEGOs exist, right? I mean, Vitruvius was black. I was a little put off by Michael Strahan making an appearance as himself....as an ostensibly "white" LEGO (sure, they're all yellow, but this film was weirdly homogeneous). Same with the relatively diverse cast that was all whitewashed into...being white. It was kind of bizarre.

So, the film plays out like a better version of Power Rangers (2017) that totally realizes and gives into how stupid it is. Very literally, there are ninja teenagers who jump into big mechas, "Zords" if you will, and battle an egomaniac mystical villain (who was bitten by a snake who was bitten by a spider, thus growing an extra pair of arms). It's in creative bits like that where Ninjago really shines, even if it's incredibly derivative of The LEGO Movie, down to the "Ultimate Weapon" (code for: Ancient Relic - a real life laser pointer that attracts a life-sized cat [a huge weapons of mass destruction, "Meowthra" to this universe]). Some of these gags worked really really well, and it's definitely an enjoyable experience.

Carmelo Anthony just traded to the Oklahoma City Thunder -
Go Knicks! New York Forever!

Still, there's no real hook or deeper experience that would make this film something to cherish for years to come. Its unfortunate, but inevitable to continuously compare to The LEGO Movie, but part of the reason that worked so well is that it had so many pop culture references, idiotic non sequitors, and outrageous bits of animation that flowed through a brilliantly philosophically sophisticated meta-storyline that also served as an advertisement breaking down the very means of playing with LEGOs itself. It's a really high bar to clear. Ninjago just kind of feels like a normal churned out story - one that could have been done with any kind of animation, not necessarily LEGOs, and that's where it becomes a little fruitless.

I also noticed how the characters didn't really live in an all-LEGO world like The LEGO Movie. I weirdly got pissed off when I saw REAL fire, smoke, and water, even some land and trees! Fuck that shit. It may be something that no one else would ever notice, but it bothered the hell out of me.

It's hard to knock a film that has robot dragons fighting shark-themed mechs that shoot sharks out of its hands, but that's where we are. Gags galore are solid as hell, but structurally the film doesn't hold up that well. Or it at least doesn't really innovate. Kids may like it or something, who cares, but as a drunken adult it was a solid giggle fest without much depth. Maybe that's just fine, and is probably what I should have expected, but I just want my LEGO to transcend the boundaries of time and space, dammit.

Have you see this thing, yet? Leave your thoughts below!

LEGO, Facebook Demons, and Cowboy Spies - ALL TONIGHT and MORE!

As we mentioned last week, September 2017 is rolling, folks. There are plenty of notable films emerging from the woodwork like little shitty termites here for our pleasure. There are three big films this weekend, although one will almost assuredly be lost in the shuffle, and the other two appeal to relatively distinct demographics. So, as is the norm, let's go through this in my personal order from least to most anticipation.

Friend Request (2017) is a film I kind of thought they had done years ago, but I guess still exists for some reason. Once again I have attempted to actively know nothing about this film before I set to ramble about it, and I'm more confident than ever. This is about some kind of Facebook Demon I guess, who lives in the computer and requests you to be its friend, then eats you or something. All of this is unfortunate, because while there are a lot of interesting ways to dissect horror in a modern technological setting, Black Mirror does it better than any of this.

Critically this is not getting a lot of love, but I don't think it was ever meant to. There are a shitload of interchangeable horror films these days, but then again, there has always been a ton of horror movies, just instead of bad B-Monster movies we get weird demon computer ghosts or whatever. This kind of disposable, quick-scare, quick-buck horror seems kind of fruitless coming off the hot heels of IT (2017), though, right? 2017 is becoming a banner year for horror, with the excellent Get Out (2017) and the shitty Anabelle: Creation (2017) doing comparatively massive business. Now, Anabelle: C certainly falls into that cheap buck category, but simply by its tangential relationship to the legitimate Conjuring franchise, felt like it had more prestige backing it up. Friend Request sounds like a "Boy in the Wall" movie that we will never again care about.

While it would also seem that horror is really in these days, kids have definitely gotten their fix from Anabelle and IT in the past month, and typically, non-IT horror doesn't even work in September anyway. IT's success really has to do with so many other factors, from expert marketing, a perfect mix of nostalgia and ambivalence towards the remake, and frankly, the current trend of psychotic clowns roaming the countryside. Friend Request looks pretty rough from all angles, and will be gone as quickly as the time I spent thinking about it.

How could you not want to watch this movie

Moving on, for the kiddies today we have The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017), which really snuck up on me. I think that The LEGO Batman Movie (2017) was so high-profile (and also frankly, sort of disappointing), that this one totally slipped my mind. It also doesn't help that LEGO Batman fits a far wider audience profile, with easily recognizable characters and the voice of Will Arnett, whose LEGO Batman is probably his second-most famous role at this point. It also feels much more specific than The LEGO Movie (2014), which successfully connected children's interpretations of LEGO imagination to the adult world in all sorts of meta post-modern ways.

This is of course all a fallacy for those in the know who know that LEGO Ninjago is one of contemporary LEGO's most successful brands. LEGO Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitsu has run for an impossible seven seasons on the Cartoon Network, and this film is almost more an extension of that rather than an extension of the LEGO Movie brand. It does seem to retain more of the latter's humour style and high-profile voice cast, which really works pretty well. It's harder to latch on to something broad here, though, and anyone caught unawares of what Ninjago is will assuredly be lost. Casual fans can hop on to the LEGO Movie, which ran through a lot of classic town, Old West, and Space sets while telling an original story engrossing enough to bring in casual fans both through its actual plot and its more general theme / advertisement of digesting what it means to actually play with LEGOs. Ninjago is like...Ninjas? Or something? With robot dragons? LEGO Power Rangers? All this makes it a tougher sell for casual fans.

Kids, however, ought to line up. And they've been starved for a truly good animated movie all year. This is a weird spot where it looks pretty good but not really a must-see for adults. The good success but not really as great-ness of The LEGO Batman Movie has got to be worrisome, as is LEGO's general recent decline, they're surely banking on this flick to prop up sales of their most popular line. There's not a crazy amount of competition right now, and it ought to get second or first place this week if it can clear the $30 or so million that IT will make.

Culturally I can see this becoming a gem, but likely not really ubiquitous. Again, it's largely apart from adult consciousness, but those who seek it out will probably be rewarded. Or it may be total shit, although the wit and weird father/son blatant insane supervillain conflict plot on display so far is appealing. I'm a little concerned about the three different directors, none of which really have much pedigree in directing (Charlie Bean has done plenty of other animation roles over the years), so it's hard to say they're a slam dunk like Lord and Miller. Who knows, but my interest is peaked.

I mean, come on

Finally, the long-awaited sequel to The Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015) comes The Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017). Now, there were a lot of fucked up things about the first Kingsman, mostly that ending and Sam Jackson's weird lisp. Still, I was a big fan of the church scene, obviously, as well as candy-coloured head explodings. It was like the xXx (2002) for the modern age - a Bond that didn't give a shit about being Bond. The sequel promises what every sequel promises - all the dependable home shit from the first movie burned down and no one to trust by Channing Tatum.

This franchise lives and dies by its action sequences, which need to be up to par for this film to be memorable at all. While The Kingsman is generally underrated as an all-time great modern action movie, it's certainly distinctive enough to be remembered and referenced more than some other shittier flicks. It also did great despite a February release. Golden Circle has an equally non-traditional September release, but that might do it a favor by opening far away from the cluster of the Summer. This and IT really ought to be the first step towards uncrowding the Summer and showing that a big film can be be released whenever, an even better release model that allows similar films to shine on their own without blending into each other and causing fatigue.

Critically this film seemed to get rid of its weak points and added some great new cast members. The first film was well-received, although nothing like a serious award contender or anything. The Golden Circle needs to do enough to distinguish itself from its predecessor while retaining the renegade fuck all spirit it had. This is certainly possible and with director Matt Vaughn returning, it feels like it's in good hands.

So that's it, folks. There's some potentially good under-the-radar shit coming out this week that could be pretty good. Or it could be more overplayed crap. Everything has a decent pedigree and solid marketing though (well, except Friend Request), and both these films will have to give me a reason to doubt them before I assume. What are you checking out this weekend? IT? Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)?

Never Ending Darkness! Fifty Shades of Wick and Batman

This weekend is all about black, and after a few terrible weeks at the Box Office, where we got a lot of ratshit movies that nevertheless have a lot of history that we probably could have dissected, from xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017) to Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017), these are momentous continuations of pop culture. Of course, xXx really exists so singularly in 2002, and Resident Evil has churned out enough films since 2002 that they all really blur together. 2017 so far has mostly just been about Hidden Figures (2017), which came out late and out of no where in 2016 and another follow-up (sorta?) to an early-2000s film, Split (2017). I won't say which, because that end reveal is pretty nifty that it connects for some reason.

So many darker

This is the first weekend where we've got three high profile films launching and they're all sequels, of course. I'm most intrigued at how one seems to be getting much less hype than its original, and another is getting much much more. So, as we are wont, let's dig into the commercial, critical, and cultural potential of everything coming out this weekend, in order of my personal least to most want to see it:

First we have Fifty Shades Darker, the follow-up to 2015's Fifty Shades of Grey, which came out around the same time of year (Valentine's Day! awww) to little acclaim by either its supporters or critics, but a ton of cash. $85 million in fact. It dropped an absurd 73.9% by its second week, though, and although through its own way of mainstreaming sexual bondage fantasies, it's had a lot less staying power than one would think. Or maybe exactly as much, to be fair. The sequel promises uh...nothing new at all. Less intrigue, if anything. There's a certain novelty that's required with this stuff - and considering that nothing actually happens by the end of Fifty Shades of Grey, there's not really anywhere this story can go.

Now, I'm not really an expert on the horny housewife market, but interest seems pretty low this time around. The critical reaction isn't hard to guess - it's likely to be dismal. Even though there seems to be some undercurrent of this movie actually happening, its cultural effect also seems non-existent. I feel like we can all get through this weekend without checking in on this disaster. And disaster I would handily expect this to be. F's all around!

Let's quickly move on to John Wick: Chapter Two (2017), which is growing more and more fascinating to me. John Wick (2014) was a great flick, although not really the end all be all of action films its more die-hard supporters would make it out to be. It's more good by way of every other modern action film falling on its face hard. Still, that movie came and went pretty quick a few years back. It wasn't until everyone caught up on Netflix and DVD or whatever that we all realized what we missed out on. Keanu Reeves' stock has only risen (after a few years of making 47 Ronin [2013] and shit for some reason). The film purports to pick up from the exact moment John Wick left off, although it adds Neo's old buddy Morpheus Laurence Fishburne for reasons that seem more like a cheeky fun reunion than anything else. We're all on board.

I think this will still play to a pretty specific crowd - it is an R-rated action film after all. I will guarantee, though, that the action and stunts will be among the most steady and clear that we'll see all year. John Wick didn't necessarily catch on critically or commercially, because it rides its genre pretty hard, and supposedly Chapter Two digs deeper into the secret assassin world mythos that its predecessor flirted with, which ought to appease fans and alienate newbies. Unless it's handled with the same cavalier flair for story and focus on action that made Chapter One work so well, of course.

Culturally, John Wick has aged pretty well, and its slow burn has worked great wonders for its potential, and likely is a major reason why this film even exists. It's an interesting capper for Keanu's career, which has mostly been breezy surfer dudes. John Wick has proven to be one of his more signature characters, which after a long line of ageless action and genre films, is an impressive achievement. It's sort of a reminder that despite all the hate, we all actually really love Keanu. I know I do. It's as much wrapped up in his mythos as anything he's ever done, and so lives and dies on his credentials. I can see this not earning the huge bank some people out there might think it will, but if it's at all good, or at least full of thrillingly coherent action sequences like its predecessor, we could be talking about it for a while.

Do you think that the big screen interpretations of Polka Dot Man
and Crazy Quilt will be controversial?

Finally we have The LEGO Batman Movie (2017). Everyone will be seeing this this weekend, and there's a reason why it's also my number one pick for the weekend. Will Arnett's interpretation of Batman as delusional frat bro somehow takes the grimdark and turns it into camp, with both common Batman threads mixed in a delightful LEGO cocktail. This is a spin-off of 2014's similarly-released The LEGO Movie, which is still infinitely watchable, both for its surface humour and to unpack its complex metatext. Putting its break-out character, or at least its interpretation of a previously successful character, in his own film is a brilliant ploy to give the audience the same shit coated in something new.

That novelty ought to bring in the cash, allowing it to match or surpass the original's bank. It probably won't attract the hardcore Batman v. Superman (2016) fans, but little kid Batman fans haven't really had any great movie to jam out to in a while. Since those crappy Schumaker films, really. The LEGO DC brand is actually roaring, with plenty of sets, video games, and direct-to-streaming movies under its belt. LEGO Batman gets the professional directorial treatment, though, although it's surprisingly the first film made by Adam McKay after winning the Oscar for The Big Short (2015). His career has certainly taken its share of left turns, and this is actually some unproven subject matter for him to take on. I imagine that a director who follows the principles of quality like McKay does will put forth a strong effort.

The cultural key here is for LEGO Batman to differentiate itself from both the previous LEGO Movie and previous incarnations of Batman and to surpass all the great lines, Batman moments, and NO PARENTS lampshades of its predecessor. If it can fulfill all these expectations then it will do fine. Critically The LEGO Movie did fantastic, but it was largely ignored by end of the year awards. It's tough to predict whether LEGO Batman will do the same or be even more ostracized for its blatant commercial-ness. It is quite the specific brand, after all. I still think it does pretty well here.

What do you think? What will you be eye-jamming out to this weekend? No more football and we're a bit away from the only basketball that matters all year. Let's go to the movies!

Top 10 Films 3.0: 2012-2014

As we did yesterday with years 2009-2011, it's about that time where we re-evaluate our Top Ten film rankings of yesteryear. Attitudes change and some movies hold up better or worse than others over the years. While this is certainly a pointless exercise with no real end year after year, it's definitely a nice way to be reminded of how many good flicks there are out there and an encouragement to see as many as possible. I would postulate that as my tastes have evolved, these latter years won't change that much - based both on their recency matching my current profile and the original lists being more solid and less random and pandering than when I first started this site.

Again, for our first realignment back in 2014, which also holds our first lists, click here!

2012:

The Campaign
The Grey
The Five-Year Engagement
Celeste and Jesse Forever
Life of Pi 
Skyfall
Argo
Zero Dark Thirty
Django Unchained
The Master

When we last met I was but the student

There's only three films that I have retained through the years, four since 2014 which is actually incredible. The Grey has maintained a low spot on the list while Django and The Master have unwaveringly held the top two positions. Other than that I've moved away from the slew of great action films in 2012 like Dredd and Looper in favour of the great comedies like The Five-Year Engagement and Celeste and Jesse Forever. I never thought much of Life of Pi, but it's grown on me, and in terms of big spectacle films I traded The Dark Knight Rises for Skyfall. 2012 is an all-around pretty solid year that I can see switching around quite a bit, while I don't think much can touch those top two giants. Other films like Moonrise Kingdom, Seven Psychopaths, and even Pitch Perfect were tough to leave off, but they're ultimately all too gimmicky. Then again, The Campaign gets the #10 spot as a film that's held up remarkably well as its outrageousness is eclipsed by actual contemporary political campaigns.

2013:

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Frozen
Prisoners
12 Years a Slave
The World's End
Pain & Gain
Spring Breakers

Inside Llewyn Davis

The Wolf of Wall Street
Stoker

omg shoes

I really love a list that includes Cloud with a Chance of Meatballs 2 and Prisoners so close to each other. You may have noticed how much I've loved the Phil Lord and Chris Miller films, but I'd argue that the sequel is actually the superior film in many ways. Now, to be sure, my original 2013 list was a total cop-out that just allowed me to list all the films I liked. That's all kind of bullshit. Of the 19 films listed, six remain here. In 2014 I re-ranked and as predicted, the lists are pretty similar, with seven films still cropping up here. The major difference is Stoker, which I just watched and loved, earning it the #1 spot. In future installments I'd be curious if that film's position is tenuous. Other than that this list is crazily similar. Frozen moves from #8 to #9, 12 Years a Slave moves from #6 to #7, and the Top Five largely remain identical besides the downvote of The World's End and the inclusion of Stoker. To be sure, when making the 2017 list I didn't even glance at previous rankings; I literally re-ranked from scratch, which means 2013 is remarkably stable, at least as far as my tastes are concerned. I would like The Lone Ranger to make it someday.

2014:

Interstellar
The LEGO Movie
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Foxcatcher
Snowpiercer
The Interview
Birdman
Gone Girl
Inherent Vice

Under the Skin

Scottish Men only use 10% of their dicks

Some years are weird with titles, like how 2012 has "The" in front of a lot of films. 2014 is all about "In" - Interstellar, Interveiw, Inherent Vice...2014 retains seven from the original list, but in drastically different order, with Under the Skin moving way up and Interstellar moving way down. Birdman I unanimously named my favourite at the time, although it's #4 in 2017. What's more weird is that in 2015 I re-ranked and only five remain from that one just a little over a year ago. Those are basically the Top Four, although I had difficulty leaving John Wick and Dear White People off the list - the former because it's a well-constructed action film that isn't that great of a film, and the latter for just being something that didn't stick with me as much as it did in 2015. Instead, Foxcatcher and Snowpiercer sneak in, both of which I still actively talk and think about.

These ranks ought to be considered Norwegian Morning Wood canon for at least the next three years. I'd be curious to see how anything changes between now and 2020 or if we've somewhat stabilized. We of course JUST ranked 2016 and re-ranked 2015 here, so you may check that out as well. As for the future, we can only guess as to which films rise to prominence, which seem to flash hot then fade, and which barely miss the cut in favour of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2.

Top Pop Culture Bits to Watch in 2017!

I'm going to try so hard this year. This post. RIGHT NOW to get some shit right. No more thinking X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) will be a cool movie (to be fair, it wasn't all thaaat bad). I'm so nervous. I still get excited for some tentpole films that end up crowding this list. Still, I'm trying real damn hard to tempter my expectations. Let's go through all the Vin Diesel-focused events of 2017 that we can articulate some reasonable expectations with and then sort out the intriguing Paul Anderson and Edgar Wright projects later, okay?

Taboo (01/10)

Evil Lincoln!

I've tried to stay away from much other detail about this creepy story of Tom Hardy returning from the dead to Victorian England and ruining everyone's day, but it's certainly the miniseries to catch in early 2017. Tom Hardy's almost becoming too recognizable to be effective, but there's hardly another actor who can throw himself so completely in a character, even if that character is fairly predictable by now. I bet he'll be an ornery loner who grunts more than speaks! I'm curious how weird this gets - Hardy on FX let loose ought to deliver.

Run the Jewels 3 (01/17)

Fucking A. This came out already. It doesn't really reach the heights of Run the Jewels 2, but the third album by the Killer Mike / El P collabo once had a real shot at becoming an early frontrunner for 2017's album of the year. Instead it may kind of end up as a 2016 afterthought that was moved up three weeks and dropped Christmas Day. Confusing for pundits for sure and definitely sneaking out of many Best of Lists that shot their wad prematurely.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (01/20)

Sorry, Asia Argento

One of my goals here is to showcase some films that no one and I mean no one else is looking forward to in 2017. Hell fucking yeah Return of Xander Cage. xXx (2002) should never be Google searched, but exists in that holy first period of Diesel prominence, and at the time I loved it a whole lot more than The Fast and the Furious (2001). It doesn't give a shit about anything and relishes its own schlock and stupidity, owning that turn of the century XTREME fad to the max, while also showing some shaky sides of the Diesel. Really! No other movie showed its protagonist shaking and shocked at the end of an intense episode like this until Captain Phillips (2003). XXX:RoXC (oh jeez) looks to be the Fast Five (2011)-ification of this universe, and why not? It will almost surely miss the mark and lack all the great characters that have made Fast a billion-dollar franchise. It's also amazing that Diesel used to avoid any and all non-Riddick sequels, but now he's really into revisiting everything. Or he just likes money. I'm not sure if he understands irony at all, but that's part of what makes Diesel great. I'm going to regret hyping this in twelve months.

Legion (02/08) - FX

Of all the X-Men characters, Chuckie Xavier's weird time travelling son Legion is an odd one to focus a television show around, but that's perhaps exactly the point. It's unexpected and therefore unknown and ripe to mix around however Noah "Fargo" Hawley feels like doing. It looks to be an untraditional story at best, but in rough danger of falling apart. The 90s Legion comics were a trip, but decently inaccessible. Keeping the mythology at arms' length is a good play, but I'm most curious how it ties in (if at all) to the junkiest and oldest contiguous franchise out there.

John Wick: Chapter Two (02/10)

Let's go to something that could actually be awesome. John Wick (2014) was a stunningly good original action film, more so that it was actually good rather than anything revolutionary it did. Amazingly, keeping a frame steady throughout a firefight and letting the actors and stunt people rather than the editing do the work results in a sublime movie! Chapter Two loses the David Leitch part of the directing team, but hopefully Chad Stahelski is fine enough on his own. Laurence Fishburne seems like an uncanny Matrix (1999) reunion that's too on the nose to be accidental considering how much sway Keanu has on this thing. It all looks like a really fun mess that will never be what John Wick was, but based on what we got last time, ought to serve us up a nice couple of hours.

The LEGO Batman Movie (02/10)

How come having every villain ever at once isn't
weird or awful in animation?

There's a lot mixing around here. The LEGO Movie (2014) was an absolute blast, and Will Arnett's bombastic little kid's interpretation of the Dark Knight had a lot to do with it. Caught in between campy and serious views of Batman, he could prove to be the best Batman ever. We'll see when the character is on full display here, seemingly a swath of maniacal ego, darkness, and loneliness - but in a fun way! Chris McKay takes over directorial duties, who has an comedic pedigree for sure, although relatively untested in G/PG realm. Hopes are high for irreverence, especially one that pins holes in a superhero year that features the most grimdark Batman ever, Ben Affleck returning for Justice League (2017) just a few months later.

A Cure for Wellness (02/17)

Dane DeHaan is our best young creepy actor, but he's lacked any sort of defining role, or at least a good movie to exist in. Gore Verblinksi is a supremely underrated director, mostly I think because he trades in excessive bombast more than anyone, but also creates films of sincere symbolic depth that generally challenge accepted blockbuster norms, if not structurally than thematically. This seems to trade on all the work he did prepping a failed or at least not by his hands BioShock movie and trades in the quasi-horror and creepiness that Verblinksi films always flirt with. I'm on board.

Logan (03/03)

"You killed my family!" SNIKT

If we discount Legion and LEGO Batman, this is the first and most anticipated superhero movie of the year. You've torn my heart out time and time again superhero movies, but 2017 looks to be even more subversive than 2016. This past year we really only got Deadpool (2016) that made fun of the genre while actually going through it by the numbers. Captain America: CIVIL WAR (2016) actually did a much better job throwing down and dismantling the formula with a villain that preyed on the hero's perceptions of what movie they were actually in. Anyway, that's a long way of saying that Hugh Jackman's final Wolverine outing (barring Deadpool 2 [2018]) may be his best - a grungy angry Unforgiven (1992) starring a superhero rather than an out and out capes and capers flick. If it even goes that route at all - by all means it could just be a beat-up action film that uses its hero pedigree to sell some tickets. The Wolverine (2013) promised this intimate portrayal, but then largely missed the mark. Hopes are high all around for this, even if James Mangold has had more misses than hits lately.

The Fate of the Furious (04/14)

Listen - I had to. Just read all of this. These films may have topped out actually at Fast & Furious 6 (2013), but what's crazy is how they don't seem afraid to mix up the formula at all. It helps these impeccably similarly titled films to remain distinct. Fast & Furious (2009) was the one that got them back together. Fast Five (2011) saw them heist in brazil. Fast & Furious 6 was them battling their evil-er counterparts in London. Furious 7 (2015) was the spy movie where Paul Walker died. This one is where Dom Toretto is replaced with a mind-controlled clone robot evil brother. Really a pretty simple continuity.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (05/05)

Oh movies are weird.

Comedy and superhero sequels are always tricky, and there's no reason to believe this will work, besides a trailer that is familiar yet different. That's the ultimate bargain. You want to feel the exact same way about a film but have different shit make you feel that way. This is golden for that. My love for Guardians wanes and waxes between cheeky admiration, now overplayed sarcastic character tropes, and then back to a hilarious no frills space romp. With all the pressure in the world this film has thrown up an even bigger middle finger to anyone who cares - from the poster that looks like a Ramones album to a trailer that delivers with characters settled into their roles and really hitting their mark. It'll fail if it goes for more of the same, and the "Hooked on a Feeling" that hits the trailer again feels like going back to the well, even if every single tentpole ever now has a quirky 70s pop song attached nowadays. This needs to rise above its imitators.

Dunkirk (07/21)

I suppose this checks off a list of obvious ones, but even though there seems to be a weird anti-Nolan backlash around the Internet, likely mostly just in contrarian to the universal nerd love he's gotten for so many years, that's not holding me back from getting excited about this. Here's what's not - the general blandness of the trailer, and the acknowledgment that Nolan's films tend to be conceptually intriguing and breathtakingly shot, but in a practical sense bereft of imagination. Creatively daring but practically bankrupt. It's a subtle line. He's never approached a historical epic, though, and I'd love to see what he can bring to the war genre. Harry Styles, though. I may have talked myself out of my anticipation. It will probably look pretty, though.

Blade Runner 2049 (10/06)

Not to mention Ana de Armas in a not "right out
of the shower" role. Presumably.

This is kind of tough. I get the feeling like this is sort of being treated as a big franchise, re-visiting kind of film, although none of that adds up. Blade Runner (1982) was exceptionally unbeloved upon its release, and remains a really really niche film, mostly appealing to sci-fi nerds, film nerds, or people who like to track the influence of giant flaming cityscapes. Denis Villeneuve may be the best working non-Paul Anderson director right now, but the most cash he's ever brought in was for this year's Arrival (2016), which is by far his most accessible film. Handling Blade Runner 2049 seems like something he'd go nuts with, although Ryan Gosling is just about at a career peak and Harrison Ford's late age bankability is strong after he brought back Han Solo. Give the meat to Gosling, treat the material like it's new and this will be good. Pander to Deckard and Scott and this will suck tits. I can't imagine Villeneuve catering and bowing down to studio influences. Right?

So those are all the really obvious choices for 2017. Let's get into some of the smaller scheduled films that could make a splash that will likely actually be much better:

Rock That Body - The cast is like SNL mixed with Broad City and lead by Scarlett Johansson. A summer release comedy with shades of Bridesmaids, which is likely exactly how it got made.
Baby Driver - a non-Cornetto Trilogy Edgar Wright film, which has been taking up his time since his departure from Ant-Man (2015). It's also written by Wright and has a likewise awesome cast, although not many of his regulars. This is really the time to see whether or not Wright is a sustainable non-Simon Pegg director.
Downsizing - a Matt Damon shrinking movie by Alexander Payne. This will do.
God Particle - for some reason this is another Cloverfield movie, which seems to have even less to do with Clover than 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). Director Julius Onah is untested, but the cast is sweet and the premise of a vanishing Earth as seen from space is intriguing. Could be another Passengers (2016), could be another Moon (2009). Who knows.
Untitled Paul Anderson Fashion World Drama - this is all you need. Seems kind of Neon Demon (2016)-y, possibly with less eyeball eating (or hell, more!), but this is like the third time I've cited Paul Anderson as our greatest current working director, so there.
Logan Lucky - there's a lot to like here. Steve Soderbergh's coming out of retirement party (we all could have called that), his current muse, Channing Tatum and Adam Driver star as brothers performing some kind of NASCAR heist. 2017 Upcoming It Girl Riley Keough supports, as does Seth MacFarlane in an extremely rare live action supporting role in something he didn't write or direct. Mind-blowing.
Annihilation - Alex Garland's Ex Machina (2015) follow-up features a bunch of chicks who head to the jungle lead by Natalie Portman fresh off her Oscar win. Or nomination. Or sat at home and we all lie about how we liked Jackie (2016).
The Death of Stalin - there's a weird and wonderful cast here, from Timothy Dalton to Steve Buscemi, but I'm intrigued by the subject matter of where and how the CCCP went after Stalin kicked the bucket.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - Luc Besson is riding high after Lucy (2015), even if his ambition was a bit over his delivery, but this looks like a grand original sci-fi tale that's got to remind you of The Fifth Element (1997). Cara and Dane look great and the title's a mouthful, but this will definitely make like $10 million in the States and $500 million worldwide.
It Comes at Night - Joel Edgerton, who is suddenly a good actor, and Riley Keough...again (see what I meant?) in this mysterious number shepherded by A24, who has produced all the good movies lately.
Mute - Duncan Jones gets off the Warcraft (2016) trainwreck and into a more Moon-like bit with Alex "Tarzan" Skarsgård as a mute in future Berlin or something. Everyone involved was once good and has done much shit in the past few years. Let's get back to the good.
Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter - Jody Hill has been busy on the small screen but returns here in what could be a comedy, or maybe a tragedy about Josh Brolin hunting with his son. It will likely be equal parts a bit of both.
The Coldest City - Consider this the other half of John Wick. In between producing Chapter 2 and also sinking into Deadpool 2, David Leitch lends some hopeful action expertise to Charlize Theron in this Berlin Wall spy thriller. Down.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 - S. Craig Zahler, who gave us the brutal yet underrated Bone Tomahawk (2015) gets Vince Vaughn to try his True Detective mode again. If anything, we're intrigued. Also some kind of prison fight.
Landline - Gillian Robespierre does Obvious Child (2014) again, in the 90s, with an awesome cast of actresses, including Jenny Slate again. On board.
Free Fire - this one just got a trailer, which ruled and looks all sorts of incredible. Just a straight no holds-barred gun fight in the 70s. Armie Hammer being a doofus and Brie Larson in between Oscar winning and Captain Marvel roles. I'm in.

So folks, what do you think? What did I miss? I'm not getting excited about Apes or Spider-Man or Jedis anymore. I just can't. What's in your Top 2017 List?

Goodbye 2016: Top Movie Moments of the Year

Here we now exist in that most magical week of the year - the Final Week of 2016! A nebulous time between Christmas and 2017 where hopefully you aren't doing all that much. I for sure am not. Most web pundits and bloggers out there spend all of December going through their top picks for the year, but I'm of the opinion that you've got to wait until the last possible minute. After all - are we to capture the entirety of 2017 or what?! Our Official Top 10, which will be undermined to death in the years following what's hot right now and what has Legacy, will come shortly - but let's start off with the Top Movie Moments of the Year, along with other Superlatives. I always like this opportunity to highlight some great bits from otherwise sullied films, but this year a lot seem to be one in the same. Let's begin:

Airport Fight - Captain America: CIVIL WAR



CIVIL WAR won't ultimately make our cut, but damn if it didn't come close. There are a lot of great moments here, and the Cap vs. Stark one on one at the very end is surely the apex of their long-building personal conflict. Here is where almost all of our Superhero Movie wishes are granted though - the Battle Royale between an array of costumed weirdos. Everyone gets their little moment, with Spider-Man and Ant-Man the sure standouts, never better than when they turn against each other. It's pretty grimy but above all a hell of a lot of fun. Damn near perfect as an action sequence.

Baby Bath - The VVitch



So let's now go in the complete opposite direction. The VVitch has been left off many Best Of year lists for whatever reason, likely a combination of recency, unwatchability, and its genre-ness, but it wastes no time showing what kind of movie it is by undercutting all the main characters, immediately showing its hand that there is a real live Witch preying on this poor settlement, and thus setting the stage for everyone else to turn on each other in mystery, suspicion, and yeah, bewitchment. It's not the only scene of the year that shows up on this list for sheer brutality, but it's the kind of thing that will stick with you long after this film is done fucking your soul.

Reverse Gravity - Arrival

No clip available quite yet, but of all the well done scenes in Arrival, the most cinematic and visceral is the gravity change. The best shot for sure, likely for the year, is the initial approach seen above which is simply breathtaking. The best scene though, has got to be when Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner first board the giant black egg. It's a trip just to see that physics seem to work a bit different here, but you feel the unnerving experience all the way, along with the horrifying disorienting tension of turning around and seeing nothing but a plummet to your death so long as this mysterious anomaly holds. It's an excellent combination of acting, editing, and shot choice to combine for a really engrossing moment.

Orgy - Sausage Party



I still continuously debate whether or not Sausage Party was any good - the humour is extremely sophomoric, but conceptually it's brilliant. And I'm all about sophomoric humour, but even this was probably too far gone. It culminates by throwing off any shackles it may have purported and somehow finds a way to push things even farther. This scene is actually kind of sexy, but in a way that makes you feel exceptionally dirty and never really willing to look at tacos the same way again. It's a pansexual fiesta that you can watch over and over again without ever getting the answer to the most important question of all - how the hell is this a movie?

The Arm Cut - Green Room



Green Room is all-around amazing, at least until its flat ending, and it's tough to pick a singular scene, although this was one where I had to pause the movie and walk around a bit to shake it off. At first you only hear Anton Yelchin's yelps, and up to this moment you think that the bar's owners may not be so bad. Sure they're Nazis, but seem more shady than evil. Here's when everyone's intentions are laid bare without pretense of help or negotiation. Also super gross. It's a moment where no one can turn back from.

"SABOTAGE" - Star Trek Beyond



Years and years ago I posed about films that harness the Awesome Power of Rock to advance their plots. I actually only came up with two, but that was seven years ago when this site was pretty rough. Yeah. WAS rough. That post was in honour of Brutal Legend for fuck's sake. But here's #3, and as cliché as the song choice is (which every year unfortunately feels more dad-ish. What is wrong with us?), it's apt for Kirk and the marketing campaign. Who cares, the Beastie Boys destroys Aliens. Or mutated Humans or whatever the hell those assholes in Beyond were. It comes together sublimely.

Elephant - The Brothers Grimsby



Here's the first real curveball. I'm sure you didn't expect The Brothers Grimsby here. The scene where Harry Potter gets AIDS is tempting, but for a terrible bomb comedy, there's actually a lot of greatness here. It peaks with Sacha Baron Cohen hiding in an elephant vagina, which simultaneously feels like the obvious horrible animal to cum in your face along with a fresh comedy bit. Alright, maybe that's a stretch, but if your sense of humour is real twisted, this is gold. Again, squeamish readers ought to just keep scrolling.

"Would that it were so simple" - Hail, Caesar!



I don't know why this scene works so well in a film that's altogether kind of meh; striking for a Coen joint. Both Ralph Fiennes and Alden Ehrenreich had big years in their own right, and the chemistry here is fantastic in a scene that's plotwise fairly out of place (then again, everything is in Hail, Caesar!), but thematically sound. After a while you're not sure if you should laugh or continue sitting in amazement that all these characters exist, from the exasperated Fiennes just barely holding back his rage but maintaining true professionalism to poor Ehrenreich's Hobie Doyle who is hopelessly out of his element but just trying to do the best job he can. It's a subtle fantastic bit.

Hot Meat Lube - Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising



Another relatively forgotten yet competent comedy, everything comes together by use of Zach Efron's sexy distracting dancing. Ike Barinholtz's forever horribly misguided clown steals the show by popping up at the worst moments in a bravura madcap sequence through a tailgate in a film that never totally eclipses its predecessor.

Vader - Rogue One

Scene of the year picks should always be obvious, and this was an easy pick. No reliable clip up yet, but surely this will eventually be the most-watched Star Wars video on YouTube. Sneaking in with just a few weeks to go, the forty year cultural culmination that we didn't even realize we needed - Vader being Vader re-purposed but never lost is the most 2016-scene in a long year of franchise re-contextualization. He's re-earning the title as cinema's #1 bad guy and displays the kind of fearsome power we've always just merely imagined. There's an argument that his threat is scarier in A New Hope (1977), but I'd challenge any hater to watch this over and over.

Other Nominees:

Doctor Strange reverses time

Powers on full display in Midnight Special

Kevin describes his cat in Ghostbusters

Actors of the Year

This was a tough call. On the male side, Ryan Gosling made a damn good case for having the best 2016 out of anyone, although he just had The Nice Guys and La La Land, but with an incredible comedic performance against type (or at least angsty Drive [2011] type) in the former and the latter which could go on to big things come February, that's significant. The male actor of the year, though, has got to go to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, which is horribly unlikely considering The Rundown (2003). Or maybe that was an early signal of his endless charisma. He only had two entries on the year as well, but Central Intelligence was the most popular live action straight comedy of the year (if you ignore Deadpool and Ghostbusters which kind of straddle genres), and Moana, even if it's just his voice, was huge and totally an animated version of the big lug. He's also the Sexiest Man Alive and with 2016 sandwiched between two Fast and Furious films, it feels like he's non-stop.

The woman's side was a bit tougher to figure out. Melissa McCarthy had two big films, but neither really made a lasting impact. I bet you even forgot the non-Ghostbusters one. Amy Adams makes a strong case for herself with Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, Arrival, and Nocturnal Animals, which presents a nice range of roles, genres, and exposure. I really want to lean towards Margot Robbie, though, whose three flicks include Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, The Legend of Tarzan, and Suicide Squad. While her role was minimal in the not-much-seen Foxtrot, and Tarzan didn't make too much of a splash, when Suicide Squad works at all it's largely due to her Harley Quinn, and with a slew of roles lined up, she's got 2016 in the bag.


Best Trailers of the Year

Lastly, let's go through the trailers. An art form in their own right, we got a lot of the same crap yet again this year - big Inception (2010) - level BRRRRMMPP's, fast cuts, rising editing, and a whole lot of footage that isn't in the final product. But a few stand out:

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017) - proving both that Will Arnett may indeed be the best Batman of our age and that there are endless interpretations of the Caped Crusader - including this one that seems to walk the line between camp and self-seriousness, at least in a self-aware way. It's complicated.
A Cure for Wellness (2017) - I like switching gears fast. This is the kind of film that needs a great trailer to draw interest, and it scores big here. Sure you've got the re-purposed pop song, but it works super creepy wonders here.
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) - Dropping a first look three months ahead of a release is bold, but when the trailer is this good you're good to go. This sells everything about you need to know about the tone perfectly.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) - so none of this footage made the final film, which is kind of crazy. As a mini-movie this is brilliant, even if the tone and even implication of plot doesn't fit the still fine final film. This still gives me chills though.

Logan



C'mon - the top trailer of the year couldn't be anything else. This is damn near perfect for a character's ninth outing, not counting appearing as a cut-out on Ryan Reynolds' face in Deadpool (2016). You know, Deadpool is the most successful X-Film, maybe the problem this whole time has been Hugh Jackman. One part Old Man Logan, one part Reavers, hints of Mr. Sinister, and a busted out old Professor X in the mix sounds like a damn good time, and the hollowed out, mutant-less tone seems less like a superhero film and more like a superhero dropped into Unforgiven (1992). I'm down.

Stay tuned for much more coverage of 2016, including our fabled Top 10 film list along with our look backs at television, music, and more!

Nice Guys, Bad Girls, Mean Birds - Weekend of Champions

I didn't say much in anticipation of Captain America: CIVIL WAR (2016) two weeks back, and unbelievably, I also kept my mouth shut during the premiere of The Darkness (2016) and Money Monster (2016) last week. Today, however, we have a trio of films that we need to discuss. As I've done in years past, we'll spend every Friday from now until forever discussing the critical, commercial, and cultural potential of each big summer film. It's a big beefy version of this.

There are three wide releases dropping this week, and although some of them are kind of similar, they make for a good block of programming. I'm not convinced any will do all that extremely well, but there's no reason to doubt we have some quality films on our hands. First up, Shane Black's The Nice Guys (2016).

Fightin' 'round the world!

The Nice Guys found its way on my most-anticipated list this year, and I'm still pretty excited. If anything it's a great excuse to talk about Shane Black, who I think gets a little bit of flack for writing the game changing Lethal Weapon (1987), then copying his own style for years and years until he literally had to parody himself in Last Action Hero (1993), which soured a lot of people on both his talents and Arnold Schwarzenegger (I, of course, personally disagree, although it was a bit ahead of its time). He actually had the gall to follow that one up with a Geena Davis / Sam Jackson buddy cop movie that no one has seen, then took a break for a while.

Shane Black really is the buddy cop expert. Literally every film he's written with the exception of The Monster Squad (1987, and that was mostly Fred Dekker) have featured some kind of buddy pairing, whether it be meta-commentary or not. He arguably peaked with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005), which more blatantly used all of Last Action Hero's fourth-wall breaking along with serving as the first entry in Robert Downey Jr.'s comeback tour (and Val Kilmer's. And Black's himself). That film was able to fulfill all of Black's tropes while toning down the extreme, over-the-top masculinity of something like The Last Boy Scout (1991), which is super-insane. It tempers his wild energy with freshness and charm instead of shock value.

The other big entry is obviously Iron Man 3 (2013), which remains one of the better-constructed Marvel films, even if the third act gets wonky and there's suddenly a fuss over the lack of a female villain. This isn't even really anything to get mad about. I mean, getting mad at evil corporations for wanting to make money is like getting mad at a pig for eating shit. It's objectively a sexist move, but we ought to stop thinking of big movies as creative, progressive expressions of art.

So, what do you do when you make the 10th highest-grossing film of all time (5th at the time of release..)? Obviously you scrap together $50 million to make an original goofy period buddy movie starring Russel Crowe and Ryan Gosling. It's really telling to see what movies directors choose to make after they get carte blanche. Nolan made Inception (2010). Bay made Pain & Gain (2013). Raimi made Drag Me to Hell (2009). Verbinksi made Rango (2011). Look at James Cameron making fucking AVABAR (2009)! It also reminds me of the Coen Bros riding astounding critical acclaim and a Best Picture win after No Country for Old Men (2007) settling into Burn After Reading (2008) and A Serious Man (2009). Who does that?! We've gotten some really great, really weird films from directors trusted to do whatever they want, typically using their name alone to sell the film. I don't think Shane Black's there yet, since this is actually only his third feature as a director, but it's nice to see this getting made at all and squeezing in among the blockbusters that he helped helm three years back.

The ad campaign for this has been light, fun, and witty, and it feels like a total throwback film, which I think will appeal to a certain age group. It can capture that certain feeling of older audiences who want to move on from juvenile superhero films (although CIVIL WAR is decently mature), but still have a fun and fresh time at the movies. That seems like a narrow window, though. Ultimately I think this could have a decent cultural effect if it's good and warrants a lot of repeated viewership. There's no real reason to expect it wouldn't, if Black is trending more Kiss Kiss Bang Bang than The Long Kiss Goodnight. What's most fair, though, is that his career in general is about equal hits and misses, even if his misses are fucking spectacular.

They call the JV squad "The Joeys"

Up next we have Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016) starring Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Zach Efron, and a whole gaggle of insane young actresses. The first Neighbors (2014) was a spectacular film and pretty close to the funniest film of 2014. Seth Rogen rarely misses when he makes a film where his Rogen-ness is fully on display. The Green Hornet (2011) and The Guilt Trip (2012) are clear blemishes on his record, but I can get behind just about anything else he's ever done. It's that great ability to write really funny and intelligent scenes while playing up his natural doofiness. More than that, he just seems like he strikes the zeitgeist really well, providing a sense of humour tailor-made for the current generation of feisty youths. Neighbors nailed this to a T, offering a classic generational conflict that succeeded in part because the Frat House feels extreme yet believable. If their Sorority spin is any indication, we should see a lot more of that.

I can picture this succeeding pretty well because it's a classic extension of the premise that worked so well last time. It's exactly as simple an idea as the first film with just as enticing a cast and an assurance of similar levels of silliness. The only thing that could bog it down is the simple fact that comedy sequels so rarely work. We've discussed this at length here at NMW, but namely, that initial surprise that first generates the funny is difficult to sustain.

My only trust at this point is that Seth Rogen is smart enough to put a spin on the typical sequel. We've actually had some decent ones recently, most notably 22 Jump Street (2014) and Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013). Of course the latter is somewhat debatable (although I'd actually consider it superior), and the former is more the product of Phil Lord and Chris Miller who hide behind layers of meta and self-awareness to get past the groan-worthy hurdles of tired sequel tropes. I have similar faith in the Rogen / Evan Goldberg / Nick Stoller team. Of course, as a writer, Nicholas Stoller misses at least as often as he hits (for every The Muppets [2011], there's a Sex Tape [2014]). He also just gave us Zoolander No. 2 (2016), which doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Still, as a director, with Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008), Get Him to the Greek (2010), The Five-Year Engagement (2012), and Neighbors under his belt, you have to be excited for the chances this has to succeed.

Comedy sequels are also difficult because it's rare that they'll actually add anything new to the mythos. Ghostbusters II (1989), Christmas Vacation (1989), and even Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) did this pretty successfully, mostly because each one took the well-received characters from the first installment and put them in completely different situations (Ghostbusters II may come the closest to leaving this promise unfulfilled, but Viggo is at least as iconic, if not more so than Gozer). Sorority Rising doesn't really look like it's elevating above the original's source material. Instead it will probably just rely on being the funniest film of the Summer. I'm not sure we will really adore this flick 10 years from now or just blur it together with Neighbors. That's the Horrible Bosses effect.

Lastly we have The Angry Birds Movie (2016). Now, there is objectively no reason for this to exist, but we've seen a lot of movies like this lately. The LEGO Movie (2014) comes to mind for sure. That film relished in existential inter-textuality, though, while maintaining a really sincere level of goofiness. I'd argue that The Angry Birds Movie seems capable of doing the same thing as long as it adds layer after layer of irreverence.

The critical difference here of course, is that LEGO is a well-known brand that's been around for decades and I don't think anyone really cares about Angry Birds anymore. It's also really a lot less substantial of a brand. It's not nearly as expansive as the LEGO empire. But this is sort of an unfair comparison. How much money will this thing make?

I have no idea what Angry Birds is actually about.
Is this in the app game?

It's an easy assumption that The Angry Birds Movie will win the weekend. It has the broadest appeal and kids haven't really had anything to see at the theater since Zootopia (2016). May seems a little early, though, because most of those brats are still in school. There's a reason why Pixar does so well when it drops its flicks in late June when little wiener kids can actually go see it. I also can't really understand if little kids would even be into this. Doesn't Angry Birds feel really really 2013? Sure it does, that's when they started putting together this movie.

Then again, what else could win this weekend? Based on Civil War's hold, it'll probably pull in $30-some million, so that's the mark to beat. Neighbors somehow made $49 million back in 2014 and The LEGO Movie pulled in $69 million in February 2014. I don't really think either can be a direct comparison to now, but it may actually be a good bet that Neighbors 2 wins by hitting that $40-50 million mark. It likely won't have to compete much with the Angry Birds audience.

The film does seem to shoe-horn in a lot of how the game is actually played. We call this the Battleship (2012) effect. If it comes off organic that's great, but it also makes you question whether any of this was really necessary at all. It's one of those great mysteries. Does this count as a video game movie? No, it's an app movie, right? Do you think we'll get a ton of app movies now? Tinder: The Movie (2021) coming soon. Don't worry, they preserved the experience.

Ultimately like with anything else, the legacy of Angry Birds depends on if the film is actually any good or not. Zootopia, Frozen (2013), and every non-Good Dinosaur (2015) and Cars Pixar film ever makes its bank on its critical success, which attracts parents willing to sit through this crap in addition to giving it to their unloved bastard children. And to be fair, despite Jason Sudeikis' decidedly non-presence, it looks like it has its decent share of jokes. In terms of its production pedigree, it's a product of Sony Imageworks, which is really just building its animation tradition. On one end of the spectrum is the vastly underrated Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009, and its arguably better sequel). On the other end is the Hotel Transylvania series. If it leans more towards the former we could be in a for a decent experience. After my endless comparisons, this really should have just been directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, right?

So, what do you think? What are you seeing this weekend? I can see each of these films fulfilling their niche and making some bank, or they could just all cannibalize each other. Go see something!