Summer Jam 2012: THE THRONE IS YOURS

Well, it's been one long and crazy summer, folks. Here we are now, a few days into the new school year and it's time again to name an Heir to the Summer Throne. Yes, Summer Royalty is upon us - what will be that one Jam that this Summer will always be known for? Let's look at some past winners:

2007 - "Umberellaella" by Rihanna
2008 - "Keep Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009 - "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas
2010 - "California Gurls" by Katy Perry
2011 - "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO

What does 2012 have for us? Let's look at the Final Top 10:

Guy Pierce's Backing Band: "We Are Young" / "Some Nights" by fun.



I lumped these two big tracks together. fun. has arrived, folks. It's only to be determined now whether this band will be a two-hit wonder or their momentum will fizzle out. Their songs tend to have big youth pride themes that are easy to cling on to, but also easy to get sick of. How many optimistic "get drunk and party but change the world by doing so" songs can you really have? According to this Summer, at least two.

Out of Nothing: "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye



This cat has over 300 million YouTube views somehow. Considering that young people get their music more from YouTube than any other source, you can bet that this dude made his way onto a ton of playlists this summer. Though he really blew up over the spring, it's clear that carried on to the early Summer Months, making a good jam for the Heat in his own right. It was such a unique new sound (the rest of Gotye's efforts have been garbage) that it really caught on. It's also one of the greatest music videos ever, and it would be a travesty if he didn't sweep the VMAs.

Do the 'Do: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber



This will be remembered as the Summer where Bieber arrived. Between the excellent timing between the releases of this track and "As Long as You Love Me" he's really trying to enter the mainstream like many pop idols before him. Can he be the New Century's version of Michael Jackson? He's still got a lot of PR to do to enter the hearts of everyone who isn't a 13-year old girl, but this is a nice start.

Folk Rock is Back: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers



I didn't expect these guys to make the Final List here, but hey ho here they are. This track didn't really blow up like Mumford & Sons in 2010, but it still had a nice little presence this Summer. It's a nice happy song, great for Summer Chilling. I'm not sure the Lumineers have great potential as a band, but this was nice for them.

Guerrila Guetta Warfare: "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia



I have an uncontrollable seething hatred for David Guetta. He's just such an enormous talentless douchebag. His beats are repetitive, uninteresting, shallow, and hollow. Let that not distract us from Sia, who has a nice voice that tends to fit more on tracks like this, as well as singing Flo Rida hooks than jumping out on her own (though you could have argued the exact same for Ke$ha early in her career). Should Sia start dressing like a prostitute? Please don't.

Make Out Anthem of Summer: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove



This was a great track to have a nice run this summer. It's fresh, jammable, and is all about hooking up - quite possibly the perfect Summer Message. Grouplove has had a handful of mild hits now, and tho this didn't really hit mainstream as much as some other songs here, it was still heavily featured just about everywhere this Summer, and we're glad for it.

Cooter Blowing Anthem: "Whistle" by Flo Rida



Flo Rida was constructed in a secret government lab to combine hard rapping with a pop friendly demeanor and competent beats to become the perfect Summer Jam producer. He sure is ugly, though, huh? "Whistle" is the best fellatio-themed anthem in recent memory, and an absolutely chill song - a perfect Summer masterpiece.

Anachronistic Anthem: "Payphone" by Maroon 5



Do Maroon 5 fans know what payphones are? This track got huge this Summer, despite the high levels of irritation it deposits on all its listeners. The decline of Maroon 5's talent can be tied directly to their astronomical rise in popularity as well as Adam Levine's obnoxious presence on NBC's The Voice. They are certainly Overexposed, as their new album suggests, and we're all worse off for it.

The Break-Up Anthem: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry



Somehow Katy continues popping out hits, though this Jam didn't exactly reach the extreme levels of ubiquity of just about every hit she put out from 2010 - 2011. I ranted at long lengths this summer how hypocritical this song is, as if Perry truly abhors all the fame and attention she has gotten since she Kissed a Girl way back when. It's largely bullshit, but people eat it up and tend to buy into her faux-messages. Another one in the can.

The Final Anthem: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen.



Rihanna. B.E.P. Carly Rae? Out of no where this chick ruled Summer 2012, even taking over the Olympic Games. I think her likeability has to do with her supposed innocence, flirtatious nature, and the ridiculous simultaneous stickiness and stupidity of this track. Carly Rae joins the ranks of many of the great Summer Hit-makers, and this one, I'm sure no one could have predicted. Except for Justin Bieber, of course.

Close Calls

There were plenty of other great jams like Nicki Minaj's "Starships" (Nicki seemed like she put out a dozen songs this summer, none of which really caught on), No Doubt's "Settle Down," Pink's "Blow Me," and Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," which ought to be a good Fall Jam. We can add The Black Keys' presence in every commercial from May to June. There wasn't really a huge ubiquitous rap song, but Rick Ross, Kanye, and Wheezy all made some great efforts. Wiz Khalifa and Big Sean also popped up everywhere, and if they don't soon become the new Superstars of Hip-Hop I'd be astounded. Even if they tend to not have much more behind their lyrics than insanely clever phrases.

So that's it, folks. I hope your Summer was as great (or let's go with much greater) than this - we'll see ya next May!

Summer Jam Week 17: Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and ICP close out Summer 2012

It's pretty unbelievable. As it's now Labour Day 2012 and all the little children skip on back to school we can officially close out this, our Last Summer before the End of the World. All Summer Long we've been looking at the greatest hits each week and tallying them up. This week we'll announce a Final Tally and finally crown the Winner of the Summer Jam 2012. We've still got this last week, though, so let's have at it:

Hot Jam of the Week: "I Can Only Imagine" by David Guetta ft. Chris Brown & Lil Wayne



When Wheezy is the classiest bloke of your group, you know you've got a problem here. Douchebag Hack of the Century, David Guetta, and woman-beater Chris Brown try their all here, and Wayne is really just going through the motions. Still, as with many Guetta beats, it's pretty fresh, if not really exceptional. I was close to putting a Nicki song here, but really couldn't decide which crappy track she's put out off of the overrated Roman Reloaded in the last few months to highlight. Also, why are people still working with Chris Brown, including Rihanna who is supposedly shacking up with him again? Has she never heard of a couple named Whitney and Bobby?

Actually Not Bad: "One More Night" by Maroon 5

I think that sums this track up pretty well. Maroon 5 continues to live up to the name of their latest album, Overexposed with another rising single this summer. This jam is way radder than "Payphone," though, and even has a bit of a 2004 feel that made them so strong in the Alt-Pop World in the first place. The rhythm is engaging and Adam "Hawk Attack" Levine croons his way into more smoothness than selling out. The lyrics are still close to meaningless, but this is a good jam.

Jammin on Drank: "My Homies Still" by Wheezy ft. Big Sean

Big Sean is starting to be everywhere, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is a fabulous jam, though, and the video is off-the-wall insane. It's got a bit of an "A Milli" feel to it, with the addition of Sean, who is quickly establishing himself the only way rappers can these days - appearing on every single track ever. It is nice that they are learning how easy they can combine for some killer collabos and reap some huge benefits from it. Wheezy's clever lyric writing, and use of metaphoric puns is par for the course here, and exceptional. Sean's already repeating himself, but it hasn't gotten old yet.

Exclamation Point: "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by P!nk

I'd rather call her Pink. I'm going to. As far as Pink songs go, this is actually pretty good, but even if it's starting to blow up this week, it's still not really an exceptional pop song. I still don't understand how Pink's persona, and to some extent her lyrics and appearance try so desperately to buck from pop trends, but her melodies and fans don't differentiate her at all from the Katy Perrys and Carly Raes of the world. I think she makes her fans feel special by listening to her, but really, she couldn't be more mainstream. Someone like Lana del Ray - now that cunt's truly the inverse of a Pop Princess.

Boy-Man: "As Long As You Love Me" by Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean

This track is actually an even more interesting move in Bieber's career than "Boyfriend" was. It's as if he's truly attempting to make his transition from tween idol to worldwide pop king. It's the kind of maturation that took Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake from tweaky teen heartthrobs to Global Superstars. The difference is that Justin Bieber isn't setting himself apart from a band and creating an individual identity, he's just trying to change perceptions of himself. He's also far younger than MJ and JT, which calls his credibility in authoring a song like this into question. Big Sean appears here again. No one knows why. I think Scooter Braun jumped the gun a bit and tried to morph the Bieb's career while it was still hot, and his impatience will come back to wreck him. We'll see.

Boobzilla: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

Let's begin the part of this post were we start talking about ICP. Yep. Insane Clown Posse released a couple of Mystery Science Theater 3000-style vids where they critique some pop vids. Okay, Fuse is clearly behind it, but they're kind of entertaining. If anything though, it's mostly ICP proving themselves to be some of the dumbest human beings alive on the planet, but watching them watch Katy tends to fill every comment I could add to this video. Take a look.

The Reign Continues: "Good Time" by Owl City ft. Carly Rae Jepsen

I think "Call Me Maybe" has finally had it, but not if ICP has anything to say about it. I do really enjoy ICP, not their music so much, but just how insane and devoted their fanbase is, along with all the crazy shit they do, from revealing themselves to be Christian somehow, to suing the FBI, and of course, "Miracles." It almost just makes my job far too easy. What does any of this have to do with Owl City? Nothing, but it's far more interesting. Anyone know if Owl City is a reference to Futurama? If they aren't, that's terrible.

The New Queen: "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift

This ought to be the big jam of the Fall, and it closes out Summer nicely. Taylor is ridiculously more likeable than she should be, and this is the kind of affirmative song you can get behind. With a new video it's also everywhere suddenly and though it's certainly not going to be counted very high among the other great Summer Jams of 2012, she's got yet again a bright future here. It's actually a pretty good video, too.

Next week...

We're done - go home. But later this week, we'll announce the final, most Jamworthy Track of Summer - stay tuned, folks!

Summer Jam Week 16: Green Day, Cher Lloyd, and Brandy - Yep.

Today we bring you the penultimate Summer Jam post. It's a sad thought that our Final Summer is nearly concluded, and perhaps more so that this was clearly the Summer of Call Me Maybe. That's alright though. Every week this Summer we've counted down the hottest jams just for you - After Labour Day we'll start tallying things up and let you know how everyone stacks up. For now, though, we've still got some fresh beats to drop:

Hot Track of the Week: "Madness" by Muse



This is an exceptionally groovy track with a pretty fresh sound, if kind of wacky. The coolness of the song breaks down as it goes on, but those first two minutes are extremely jam-worthy. As with every cool and innovative jam though, there will be haters and this track hasn't gotten the amount of love it should. Still, it's a nice change of pace from all the pop I usually place here...

Coke Nightmares: "Oh Love" by Green Day

I can't picture three bigger douchebags than the dudes who make up Green Day. They all just need showers really badly. This video looks like the biggest strung-out coke party this side of Studio 54, but they don't really have anything critical to say about that. It's full of kind of hot chicks, though, who are clearly just sitting around waiting for the chance to blow a rock star. Green Day has three albums coming out in the next three months, but none will approach the greatness of their work before American Idiot (2004). That was the tipping point where the band passed the barrier from punk-pop with underground credit to mainstream pop-punk that desperately tried to retain an identical credo that just didn't apply any more. They're pathetic. I'm going to stew some more and play "Basket Case" on repeat now.

Bitchin: "She's So Mean" by Matchbox 20

This is a nice contrast to Green Day here. Matchbox 20 has somehow managed to release a song exactly as good as their earlier work as well as preserve their musical persona and perception while doing so. It's a fairly standard alt-pop track that's still a pretty fun way to close out Summer. No sign of Sinbad here, but Rob Thomas is still belting out one of the more classic 90s rock voices here.

Still Finding Work? "Put it Down" by Brandy ft. Chris Brown

I can't believe this song exists for two reasons: 1) Brandy is still alive and 2) Women are still willing to work with abusive douchebag, Chris Brown. Nevertheless, this is your smooth R&B jam of the week. It's not an especially good song, but it's got a bit of cuteness to it. Until of course you realise that as soon as Chris Brown falls in love with you he'll probably start beating you.

Oh Jeez: "Want You Back" by Cher Lloyd

I can't get enough of this shit. To some extent, it's just too easy to make fun of. There's hardly been a more manufactured attempt at a pop hit since One Direction. First of all, the diner in this video is the exact same one as in Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You," which just makes it all the more clear it's a set somewhere in Hollywood. Second, there's this weird fake attempt at giving Lloyd this aggressive punk attitude, but she's still a teenager cooing about her ex-BF, which really results in tremendous cognitive dissonance. To add to this, I'm not sure a Dirty Version actually exists, which I confirmed from checking out the lyrics. This means when she sings things like "I don't give a shh / no one else can have you," a version does not exist where she swears. It's all part of this huge attempt to sound dirty and edgy when she's really not at all. It's so fake and uninspiring. But she is kind of cute and the song is catchy - so obvi a hit here.

Canadian Bacon: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae

Is...Carly Rae Jepsen a shark?

I think this buzz is finally dying down a bit, and it couldn't really be timed more perfectly with the end of Summer. The Rise of Carly Rae Jepsen is unparalleled, which is both innovative and challenging to the entire music industry's standards of traditional promotion. The Summer of Carly Rae should be known not only for this kind of inoffensive flirty song, but how she revolutionized how producers can make a hit. Surely the waters have become much more random in who gets picked up - but with this kind of democratization can we say it's much worse than just what jams tickle a producers' ear? Let's be more specific - what tickles Simon Cowell's ear? Then we'd have a whole Summer full of Cher Lloyd. Suddenly I'm grateful that Justin Bieber made that single tweet that launched Jepsen's career.

Making Clits Glow: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

Flo Rida storms the castle this week with a great showing. Summer is always a better Season for Flo than any other. When else can he strut around the beach showing off those massive pecs and precisely manicured beard? I was thinking this week about how much Tallahassee's flow rips on Nelly's sing-song rap style and how that really bridged the gap between hip-hop and pop music where Flo has found a nice profitable niche. I think he's a poser when he tries to do much more than that, but as long as he stays in his niche, he'll be fine.

Purple Power: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

Katy never seems to be out of the spotlight for long. I already wrote a long diatribe on my problems with this song, but once again it claims the top spot for the week. She sucks. I'm not sure what to make of this song, to be honest - it's as if Katy has the power now to make a top single without even trying or really even wanting to. She's got some loyal fans, to be sure, fans who she tricks into thinking are nice and unique for listening to her, when you just can't get more mainstream right now. That's why she's dressed as a magic Druish witch, of course.

Next week...

This is it, folks - another long Summer in the can. Expect more of the same next week, with the possible addition of this new 50 Cent Jam with Alicia Keys. On Monday, things will go as normal, then on Tuesday we'll conclude this series of posts once and for all. Crank up the knobs and stay tuned!

Summer Jam Week 15: Taylor Swift, Taboo, and Nickelback?

Can you believe it's the fifteenth Week of Summer already? According to our reckoning, we've only got two weeks left before we all have to shuffle on back to school. No more Jams. No more big stupid blockbusters (just big smart ones). No more sunshine, hopes, or dreams. But we've got two weeks left, so we need not yet despair. Every week in this, our Last Summer before the world ends (tho not if Nic Cage and John Cusack have anything to say about it!), we have counted down the hottest jams in the country. So hot - in fact - that they might just ignite the atmosphere and lead to what the Mayans predicted for us all along. Without further adieu, let us hasten the End of Days by starting off this countdown with some Nickelback:

Hot Track of the Week: "Trying Not to Love You" by Nickelback



This is the first of a few very fresh jams we're seeing this week, this video only came out on Friday. The song is fairly average (though that would make it above average for Nickelback...), but the video is what intrigues me. It centers around Jason Alexander as a talented coffee shoppe employee who tries to woo this girl and then gets upended by a flashy jackass also played by Jason Alexander. It's always weird seeing him as not George, but this crops up here and there (see Shallow Hal [2001], Bob Patterson...), which is actually a shame, because he's an incredible actor that, like every non-Julia Louis-Dreyfus Seinfeld actor, hasn't been able to outrun his most iconic character. What is he doing with Nickelback? Who the hell knows, but I'm grateful no one else showed up here and all in all it's actually a little touching at the end. He frolfs, he scores!

Another Break-Up Anthem: "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift

This is another superfresh jam, with no official video even out yet. There is a certain amount of well-deserved pride in this track in an age where Katy Perry is also releasing spirited cathartic tracks and Cher Lloyd is releasing regretful hook-up jams. We could probably track a whole relationship across Carly Rae's initial flirtation, Cher Lloyd's break-up and back together, Taylor Swift's final determination, and then Katy's maturity in dealing with the personal ramification. Yep, Katy Perry is the most mature one in this group. What are we coming to. Taylor jams are always going to be pretty good, I don't think this will really be a rocking success, but good for her.

Fluorescent 90s Throwback Fun: "Settle Down" by No Doubt

It's kind of weird that this song says to get in line and settle down, when nothing about the beat or rhythm suggests so. It's a groovy jam for sure and cool to see No Doubt get a little hit on their hands. It does sound exactly like their old stuff and probably could have been released seamlessly in 1996. No Doubt is one of those bands that you hear is back and you think "Man, I hate No Doubt!" then you get caught in a little and realise that yeah, you love all their songs. It's okay - you're not alone.

This Jackass: "I Don't Wanna Dance" by Alex Gaudino ft. Taboo

This video was released last Thursday and boy does it suck. There's not a whole lot of chance this takes off, it's so typical and uninnovative that it should be forgotten immediately. I included it here, though, because it primarily features Taboo - who you don't remember until you see this idiot and then remember "Oh yeah, the worst member of The Black Eyed Peas." Apparently this dude is trying to make it out on his own like Fergie and will.i.am did. Isn't that cute. Shut the fuck up and get back to dancing in the background.

Guiding Prometheus: "Some Nights" by fun.

I may be running out of fun. jokes. All I go on is basically how much I hate the punctuation of their band's name and how much the lead singer looks like a young Guy Pierce. So, fun. has had. quite. a fun summer.. - between this. and "We Are Young," they've certainly captured the pop alternative youthful pride / party anthem market. This is a fun song, though, and Guy Pierce's voice is pretty hard to imitate. Yes, I try. Just try to scream "set the world on fire!" and not sound like a jackass. Or rather sound less like a jackass. It's tough stuff. fun. has my respect for that. Not for their grammar, though, it really screws up my writing about them. Jerks.

Metal Pipes: "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia

I heard this jam a lot this week, which is cool after it had been absent but ever present in the background for quite some time. In the pop world, though, it's still more white noise than anything right now. David Guetta's beats are atrociously bland and Sia's voice doesn't really have anything distinctive about it, despite a strong core competency (Unlike say, Cher Lloyd. Or even Rebecca Black). I don't really see them going anywhere, although Guetta's already famous and rich as hell. That really is only because of this weird niche DJ movement going on right now, that is moreover merely loud, flashy, and attention-grabbing than actually popular. It's a great ruse that Guetta actually has talent.

Oh Canada: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

After securing the longest-running stretch at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 last week, Carly Rae fell to #2 to Flo Rida this week. Flo Rida is absent from this countdown, however, because we really didn't hear it that much this week, and no one was really jamming on it. It's alright that Carly slipped a bit, she wrapped up the Queen of Summer status a long time ago.

Queen Bee: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

I think I figured out how to articulate my frustration with Katy Perry's hypocrisy this week: The premise of this song is a regretful alternative look at Katy's last few years of fame since "California Gurls" blew up both her career and her relationship with Russell Brand into the public spotlight. It's about reconciling with her younger self and taking the chance to be mature and do things differently had she the chance to start over - her innocence saves her from the demons of fame and popularity. Bullshit. The video ends with her rising through the stage for her Concert Movie released last month. That's the culmination of this shit - a bigger stage, more fans, and more fame. It's a hoax - fake like every other part of Katy Perry. It's a tease, gurl. Just when we thought there was something deeper she just proves an inability to reject attention. Or maybe that dreaded cycle is the point. Like the ending of The Hurt Locker (2009). Maybe we'll just keep dreaming on that one...

Next Week...

Like I said, we snubbed "Whistle" this week, if it keeps blowing up it ought to be back next week. Carly Rae may continue declining, which is fine, and we'll be looking at Pink and Cher Lloyd's stocks to keep rising. This week was totally absent of hip-hop, and we'll hope someone has a good jam out there, tho all we're seeing right now is 2 Chainz. That doesn't give us hope. Turn up those knobs, people!

Summer Jam Week 14: Jack, Kelly, and Sterling, no doubt

Hello once again folks, to the fourteenth Week of the Last Summer we'll ever know before the Mayans put this world away once and for all. As the Olympics wrap up and everyone stops caring about Gymnastics and Badminton, we can take solace in listening to some hot jams by people with hot bods. Let's get started:

Hot Track of the Week: "Freedom at 21" by Jack White



Does the intro to this track given anyone else a little Cox & Combes' "Washington" vibe? Jack White is interesting, I feel like there were a lot of haters who denounced him during his White Stripes days, but everyone seems to hold up high nowadays as one of the last great mainstream rock stars. I never really had a problem with anything he's put out, though it seems like Meg White did come with some baggage that he's free of now. This shit is hotter than any White Stripes jam, though I'm still jonesing for a more-complex-than-necessary Lego vid.

The Anthem of a Cave Vagina: "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson

This is pretty bad, and I'm not sure how it happened, but the first time I heard this track I imagined Kelly singing about her Vagina - and it fits perfectly. Just let this song play and picture her singing about her cooter. It works so well it's creepy. Or maybe it's just a testament to my immaturity. I'm just proud she's gotten to work on her Lunch Lady Arms. And the basic fact that she's the only relevant American Idol winner who isn't a country star. Thank goodness.

Reggae-Hop: "Tell Her Again" by Sterling Simms ft. Meek Mill

Not only is this a rad reggae-influenced track to jam to on a hot summer day, but it sounds much worse when the "pussy" is censored in the radio version. I mean, Sterling is just crooning about his own ability to pleasure a lady. He doesn't want to actually kill her, which is kind of what it sounds like when censored. When will we learn?

I Doubt It: "Settle Down" by No Doubt

I did doubt that No Doubt could make it on to this list, until I heard this song every single morning I woke up this week. It's certainly a fun track and sounds very No Doubt-like, which is refreshing. It's also nice to see that Gwen Stefani has hardly aged at all, in either looks or attitude. If anything she's gotten better - in both looks and attitude. It's also nice to see that one Indian guy still bumming around. You got to have that random Indian.

Inexplicit: "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink

I actually listened to this track this week and I kind of realised that no part of it is really sexual or dirty at all beyond the title. I like how Pink is kind of a Pop Renegade, but she gets into attention-whoring territory too often to really be subversive. She also confines herself to fairly typical pop structures although she swears a lot more. This is the kind of thing that Rihanna did too - and it is freeing to hear Pop Songs that can't appear on Kidz Bop. I still get a Franz Ferdinand vibe from this thing, though.

Blow Me, For Real: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

This track came back this week, tho it has lost quite a bit of its edge since its peak a few weeks ago. After Pink fakes her oral fixation, Flo Rida has no problem in his innuendo. It's interesting how he keeps doing this while other Rappers have no problem saying exactly what they mean (see Sterling Simms above). Also this remix is actually pretty tight. You gotta throw some Wiz in to keep it interesting, man. But really, Flo is a pop hit-maker over an authentic hip-hop artist or hell, even over a being a real human being. Get at me.

Again: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

This week Carly Rae became the longest-running #1 Billboard act of 2012 so far. Congratulations. How did this happen? Let the parodies flow strong and good as any pretension of any other artist gaining the recognition of Summer Jam Queen fades away. This is it baby. Maybe.

Next Week...

Nicki Minaj has a new single that's pretty OK, if not groundbreaking like some of her 2010 work. I'm also curious if now-Openly gay rapper Frank Ocean's "Swim Good" can catch on to beat the Summer Heat, though it was released a while ago. Simply because the game is one of the more homophobic institutions out there (maybe 2nd to the Boy Scouts of America...and Mitt Romney's Campaign Staff), it's groundbreaking to see this cat have success. I think Katy's "Wide Awake" is still on the fringe, but there were just far too many more interesting songs this week to include. Same goes for fun., whose "We Are Young" is STILL getting tons of airtime. Stay tuned, folks.

Summer Jam Week 13: Bieber, Pink, and Grouplove open up August

Here we are again folks, the 13th Week of the Final Summer before the world comes to an end - and once again, it's time to recount the hottest Jams of the previous week. We're getting into August now, which is typically the deadest month of the year, but still hot and fun enough for some late Summer Jam Bloomers to gain some ground.

Hot Jam of the Week: "As Long as You Love Me" by Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean



The Bieber has landed, baby. He has been achieving more mainstream appeal in the past few weeks than he ever has in his tweenie-bopper career phase and is setting himself up for a transition into major pop stardom like Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake did before him. Big Sean is a nice addition here, although I am still lost as to what Michael Madsen is doing in the beginning of this video. Whatever. The Bieber is fighting against irony and is here to stay, though.

Kissie Poo: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

The make-out anthem of Summer continues to do well. Grouplove actually dropped another single this week, but it sucks, so we'll do you the favour of not linking to it here. This is still a very adequate Summer Jam, though, and it's poked his head in and out like a turtle all summer. Lock some lips and keep jammin.

I'd Rather be Sleeping, Too: "Don't Wake Me Up" by Chris Brown

Woman beater, Chris Brown, comes on this list again with this fairly routine R&B jam. There's nothing really special about this song, it's got a lot of misplaced Auto-Tune, big sweeping camera movements in the music vid, and a vague relationship to every girl in the world. I wouldn't date Chris Brown, though, because I don't like getting black eyes.

Certainly Asexual: "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink

Pink sucks. This song also has a bit of a Franz Ferdinand rift to it, doesn't it? I respect Pink's attitude that doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything else, but that conflicts with her role as a standard Pop Icon anyway. This song can only increase in popularity, though, and as a feminine anthem of triumph, it's stock should keep rising.

Yep: "Bag of Money" by Wale ft Rick Ross, Meek Mill, & T-Pain

This track is all Rick Ross, with a nice T-Pain rhyming and moaning all over the background. As a result it sounds a lot like the kind of Hip-Pop that came out a really long time ago. Like 2007. Are girls complemented by being likened to a bag of money? Is that cute? Can you fuck it? Anyway, it's clear where these dudes' priorities are - fucking bags of money. That would be the next natural step, actually, I could see Kanye doing that.

Leave the Shower and Razors at the Door: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers

This is an exceptional track, but certainly feels like it should be played at a hippie folk commune and not on national alternative radio stations. It does make me feel like drinking some snooty craft beer and dancing around barefoot. It's certainly jam-worthy though, of course, not to the extent of Mumford & Sons or other folks acts tht have blown up recently.

Big Boobs is Back: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

I left Katy off for a few weeks and I thought her little flurry here was over, but instead, "Wide Awake" was back and everywhere this week. I'm still entertained by the idea that Katy believes what this song is about and isn't the most attention-loving gurl in California. Why does she look like a purple Dracula in this video anyway? I prefer her naked in a pile of Cotton Candy,

Best Song Ever? "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

This is it, baby, this is our future. Carly Rae is set to take over the galaxy and leave everyone else squirming in her wake. Her track is egregiously stupid, but grows like a virus once it's in your head. Soon it takes over every aspect of your life until you're left with nothing but a burlap sack and an overpass to call home. I've seen it happen before. Soon every smart phone will have a mandatory Carly Rae Jepsen ringtone and everyone will call everyone...maybe. It's so flighty and flirty and wonderfully indecisive - what an anthem for a generation.


Next Week...


There's a tremendous amount of stuff going on right now - from the Summer Olympics to Lollapalooza to Cher Lloyd, it's mind-boggling. I'll say Ellie Goulding, Usher, and 2 Chainz were all fairly close to popping back up on to the list this week and we ought to keep an ear on all of them plus the New Pompadour King, The Biebs himself. Stay tuned folks, it's gonna get weird.

Summer Jam Week 12: A Pair of Ellies and Cher (not that one)

Well folks, we have a new layout around here and it's my pleasure to welcome many new visitors who may seriously have no idea what they're in for. Today, as we do every Summer Monday, it's time to list off the Hottest Summer Jams of the previous week. These tracks are so hot that it we can cool off and chill out by listening. It's just that effective. It's an exciting week, here with around a month to go - without wasting more precious Jam time, here we go:

Hot Track of the Week: "Want U Back" by Cher Lloyd



This jam has already done a number on English audiences and it's just now starting to bubble over in the States. For those of you uninformed, Cher Lloyd was the winner of one of the British Seasons of The X Factor (there's been like 8 of them so far) and turned 19 two days ago. The track has swagger, is egregiously bubbly, and is probably the most inconsequential teen pop anthem since Rebecca Black. Except of course for the fact that Cher Lloyd has a coalition of actual fans, not just detractors and ironic ones. I have also embedded here the U.K. version of the song, which features a rap interlude by this little man-boy named Astro. It's absolutely ridiculous and unsurprisingly completely absent from her U.S. release. I want to just wake up every day and thank Simon Cowell for giving Cher Lloyd to the world.

The Fro Knows: "Refill" by Elle Varner

Elle Varner has a unique voice in pop today, and she certainly hasn't yet crossed over into mainstream (a nice word for "White") audiences. She coos her way through this one, but doesn't lend herself to a very high degree of marketability, without which she'll never be a Beyoncé or Nicki Minaj. Still, she's exploring her niche well right now and this is a nice jam to groove to, especially when boning.

Let it roll: "Good Time" by Owl City ft. Carly Rae

Owl City is kind of a cool concept to think about if you take the band's name literally. A city full of owls - Futurama predicted this. Or maybe the Owls are running the city? Mice fear for their lives as the put-upon rival Eagles mount a bold comeback. Anyway, apparently a conceptually weird but coolly executed collabo with Carly Rae Jepsen is all that's needed to blast an otherwise mediocre band to major Summer Jam Status.

When Boy Bands Roamed the Earth: "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction

I like the idea that One Direction, whose oldest member is currently 20, goes out and woos tons of girls who are really hot but also really insecure. Think about who this song is targeted to - exactly the kind of girls with low self-esteem and fractured body images that will fall in love with and then buy albums from dudes who look like this and tell them they're beautiful. Wow, thinking of this, I suddenly have a problem with One Direction where I had none before.

Give that Butt a Break: "Give Your Heart a Break" by Demi Lovato

The pedigree of this one is heating up, especially after she is apparently on the same level as Britney Spears in terms of being able to judge and market poor talent. This is the second reference to The X Factor in the same post, what the hell is going on here? Oh right, despite the haters Simon Cowell is actually that good about creating buzz. If only anything he did contributed to society at large.

The First of Two Oral Sex References Today: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

The only rap entry for this week is Flo Rida, which is a shame because this is just about as pop-y as you can get while still pretending you're a hard rapper. Well, maybe we can stretch that a bit more. The State of Florida, as the beefcake is known to his most intimate fans, is a pop rap juggernaut, without any real interesting beats or anything intelligent to say, but damn, he's shit-hard catchy.

Flashing High: "Lights" by Ellie Goulding

This track has been around for a while and has certainy poked its head here and there this Summer, but all of a sudden this chick is everywhere and "Lights" is one of the hottest jams in the country. It's kind of a wild, wondrous, wacky song that in the end isn't actually that memorable or significant. Everyone's lives will move on next week if no one else hears it ever again. Still, here we go.

What a Dream: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen



For your special Olympic pleasure, here is the American Olympic Swimming Team mouthing the words to "Call Me Maybe." Maybe that's why anyone whose name is Dana Vollmer or Matt Grevers has been shitting the bed these games. Either way, this jam has hit it, man, we might as well be all-Carly all the time from here on out. Is it just the joke at this point? Is it how insane and stupid this song is? Or do people genuinely like this girl? It's gone way above a Rebecca Black thing at this point, there is some credibility here and there is a good genuine fan base at work. For everyone else the track walks that line between excessively stupid and enjoyable. It's close to the perfect summer jam.

Next week...

There have been two fairly profile new releases lately, the first is Pink's eloquently titled "Blow Me," the other is the return of No Doubt, apparently, with their new uninspiring single, "Settle Down." Does anyone care about either? We'll tally it up and tell you next week. I'm also looking for the Chris Brown / Big Sean / Wiz Khalifa collabo to pop back up here. That's shit's legit. Finally, what more can Rita Ora do with Biggie's good name? A little less party and a little more bullshit, methinks.

What do you want to hear this summer?

Summer Jam Week 11: Rihanna, Cashin Out, and Let's Throw in Some Batman

Folks, it's been a tragic couple of days in the Entertainment world. The shootings in a movie theater in Colorado have marred the premiere of the Summer's Biggest (and probably best) Film. It's a terrible act and for what it's worth, the heart of Norwegian Morning Wood goes out to the victims and their families.

How are we supposed to talk about bubbly ridiculous pop hits amidst this sobering tragedy? We have to move on while acknowledging its magnitude - lest the psychos of the world win. Needless to say, this is Bat-Weekend, and the impact of The Dark Knight Rises (2012) is already rising above any other film before it in recent memory.

Hot Track of the Week: "My Homeis Still" by Lil Wayne ft. Big Sean



This is a bizarre vid, but certainly bouncing enough to make a good run as a Summer Jam. It's not really that memorable of a track, but Big Sean lays down his typical thing the way he should here. More than anything it seems to be an ode to Wayne's love for purple drank and having desolate goofy panda parties. Sounds like Summer to me.

Cheddar Burning: "Cashin' Out" by Ca$h Out

This song is perhaps egregiously stupid, but is picking up some buzz, perhaps because of how many times Ca$h Out screams his own name, which is also a call to action. What does that mean, cashing out, actually - like, exchanging your chips at a casino? Or paying your bar tab? No one really cares about the meanings of rap slang anymore. Well, I guess they never did. I just hope he changes his name for each subsequent single he releases in what will certainly surely be a long and illustrious artistic career.

Summer Smoochems: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

This track is hanging in there as a nice Summer Melody. It's held on fairly well for an track that's more alternative than it is pop, and its idle make-out anthem fits a summer bang session perfectly. Still, the song isn't really that huge, and by no means is it guaranteeing Grouplove, who has had some nice songs, a bountiful future, not even into next week.

If Foreheads Could Kill: "Where Have You Been" by Rihanna

This jam has been around for a while but really seemed to peak this week into relevancy. It's not that exceptional or distinctive for a Rihanna song, but it does its job in that it has found its way innocuously into the background of our lives just about everywhere. It won't last that long or get too huge, but for now it's a nice addition to the Rihanna oeuvre.

Blowin Up: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

Flo is turning out to have a pretty decent year, even if none of his songs are reaching the status of "Low." I mean, Step Up 2: The Streets (2008) was a powerful force back in the day. I still think Flo Rida's career is pretty interesting. He barely has a brand personality or a really distinctive following like rappers like Kanye, Snoop, or hell, even Soulja Boy. He still fills a gap in the market, though.

White Folks Cough it Up: "Till I Die" by Chris Brown ft. Big Sean & Wiz Khalifa

The most in-demand track of the moment, "Till I Die" remains the get high anthem of the summer and presents the goofier side of Chris Brown. A ruse to hide his status as a Woman Beater? Very likely. The flow of this jam is so crisp and the party-fueled lyrics infused with a quite a bit of wit makes it a worthwhile hit. It hasn't really reached spectacular jam status yet, but it ought to.

WiFi Hotspot: "Payphone" by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

The fusion between hip-hop and pop rock provides interesting precedent for future collabos, but this song still sucks. It's possible that Adam Levine peaked with "Iran So Far Away." All I know is that I'm getting sick of trashing Maroon 5 every week (read: I'm running out of criticism), and this jam needs to peter out. That's unlikely to happen any time soon, though.

Call for a Good Time: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Somehow this little Princess of Canada has truly landed here in the States. The jam is everywhere and at this point is really looking like the Champion of Summer lest something drastic takes place. Not only that, but her sophomore effort on Owl City's track is also picking up. It's a big question right now whether she becomes a low-level pop starlet like Demi Lovato, a living joke like Justin Bieber, or can transform the enormity of this jam into a successful career. My guess is we'll know by Fall.


Bonus of the Week:
Rise:



Because who doesn't want to rock out to a bit of one of the best-scored blockbusters in decades this week? Higher points for headbanging in an Desert Hole Prison to Bane's Chant.

Next Week...

We're getting to the End of July already, and believe it or not, that means that Summer is moving quietly towards its conclusion. Considering this is the Final Summer we'll ever have before the World ends in December, are we really going to let Carly Rae Jepsen take the reigns? Meh, why not. There's plenty of room for some hits to grow yet and we'll see how it all ends up shaking out.

Summer Jam Week 10: Katy, Demi, Carly Bring a Mid-Season Titshow

Hey folks, it's time once again for us to recollect the hottest Summer Jams of the past week. Every week this Summer we're tallying up the most Jam-worthy tracks to see who is all in all, the Final Summer Champion - that one track that we'll always remember as being the Jam of 2012, the Final Summer. Now, this week we've already had a very special Mid-Season Hot Review highlighting some of the freshest jams out there, but none of these are really that popular to be counted amidst the True Spicy Jams. In fact I'm quite sure I've gone out on a limb with many of them. Here are your True Megajams of the Week:

Hot Track of the Week: "Scream" by Usher

Check out the aforementioned Hot Review for many more tricked-out jams but for the core list, we're giving you a little dose of the Ursh this week. The only thing you really need to know about this track is that it sounds just like every other Usher song ever made and might as well have come out years ago. Usher can be fantastic when he really steps out of bounds, usually in collabos such as "Yeah," "Same Girl," and "Hot Tottie," but this kind of shit is the worst kind of cookie-cutter pop R&B bullshit.

I Am Iron Woman: "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia

Guetta again hides behind the true talent - a voice like Sia's. We're living in the DJ Era, folks, it's up to us to not support this level of douchery. Would it kill you to play a little Foghat, Guetta? Just mix it in, bro. This song does kind of suck, to be honest, I'm not really sure if I'm supposed to dance to it or smoothe to it or what, but it's popular and it's here to stay.

Give Your Fart a Break: "Give Your Heart a Break" by Demi Lovato

I don't feel like Demi gets the recognition she deserves as a true decent pop artist. It's probably because she's a brunette. And the fact that her songs kind of suck. She is cute though, in the sense that it's kind of tough to figure out what race she is. Also it's great to sing about giving your Fart a break - because Farts are hilarious! Moving on.

Just Blow: "Whistle" by Flo Rida

It's nice to see the great state of Flo Rida gets another song gaining some ground this summer. Florida is the nation's leading authority on Hip-Pop that Doesn't Suck, but it's still frustrating that he seems like the only one trying to be creative about being really dirty. Okay, he's not totally subtle, but moreso than Usher at least. See, you can't just come out and announce to the word that you're craving a blow job, you just gotta ask a baby to whistle a bit. She'll come. She'll do it. Also, anyone notice how hideous Flo Rida is without his sunglasses? Keep them on, dude.

Any Night: "Some Nights" by fun.

Infuriating punctuation aside, fun. has a vid for this song, inexplicably set during the American Civil War, but it's serving to increase the profile and potential of a great Summer Jam. I mean, Guy Pierce really gets into this. Guy's having a big year, actually - from his TED talk to an unrelated appearance in Prometheus (2012), the epic film, possibly one of the all-time greats, Escape from Space (2012), and now a younger version of him is the lead singer of this crappy but zeitgeist-seizing pop-alt band! What a time to be alive.

There's gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here: "Payphone" by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

Sometimes I catch this track on the radio and I think to myself "Whoa, what's this new Wiz song?" because A) I don't listen to this enough to recognize his verse and B) It's the only nasty part of the jam. I've never seen a band descend more into terrible territory than Maroon 5, but at least we're talking about them. They're certainly pumping up the overexposed buzz for Overexposed. With Steve and Jen leaving American Idol to focus more on their own music careers (which have only been rejuvenated thanks to Idol), will Adam leave The Voice to do the same? All I know is that I don't really give a shit either way.

Slipped but Strong: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly's still all over the place and any challenger is going to be fairly hard-pressed to oust her as Queen of Summer Jam 2012 at this point. Is that such a bad thing? It's clearly bubble gum pop but positive and catchy as shit. There's certainly more problematic pop culture that tweens could be obsessed with besides some innocuous flirting. Let's just hope the dude Carly gives her number to doesn't come back and rape her! Moving on.

So She Hates Fame Now: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

I can't think of anyone else who likes fame and attention more than Katy Perry. It's bizarre to me then that her latest hit seems to be a negative reaction to this and she also made some public statements this past week that she wants to spend some time out of the limelight. That would be fair and understandable to anyone else, but this is Katy Perry, who just came out with a movie that did fairly reasonable, but offers a personal (highly doctored) look into her life story (it was pretty easy) and this, her newest, hottest jam from a track not off Teenage Dream. It seems far fetched that she would step down with all this going on, but who knows, maybe we need to give Big Boobs here more credit than she deserves at this point. Anyway, she's #1 this week.

Next Week....

So we have a tremedous amount of new fresh jams this week and it's possible any one of them busts out. I'm betting the most on either Olly Murs or the tight collabo between Wiz "Nobody Beats Me" Khalifa, Big "Jazzy Jeff" Sean, and Chris "Woman Abuser" Brown on "Till I Die." For the moment though, the game is Katy's - we'll see if Carly feels like upsetting that Big Boobed Balance.

Summer Jam Mid-Season Hot Review

Well folks, we're in the midst of July and just rounding the 10th Week of Summer, it's fairly unbelievable. The Summer Jam Week 10 Champions will be seen tomorrow, but for now we have 8 New Super Fresh Jams to unload for your mid-season pleasure. These tracks are on fire, baby, and ironically enough, they can chill you out during these blistering Sunny Days. Let's get jammin:

Ghost Tracks: "How We Do (Party) Remix" by Rita Ora ft. Notorious B.I.G.

This track may be blasphemous to some and well it should be - as far as pop starlets go, Rita Ora is fairly talentless and she took over this Biggie classic a few months ago before someone came up with the bright idea to mix the original B.I.G. back into it. The best part of the track by far is Biggie's first couple of voices, the rest is fairly garbage. But it's hot! Party and Bullshit!

One Hot Shit: "One Thing" by One Direction

This Jam has already done well in the UK, but it's just now making its rounds in the states. It's interesting how that market for squeaky clean boy bands is back again, although *NSYNC and Backstreet were always quite a bit harder than this. Somehow that's true. One Direction is a bit too manufactured to ever really hit it huge authentically, but for now this is a steady follow-up hit to "What Makes You Beautiful."

Cardiograph Jamming: "Heart Skips a Beat" by Olly Murs ft. Chiddy Bang

This has the potential to be a pretty big jam if it can gain a little traction. It's a fairly fresh sound, even if it reaches that status by sounding a lot like an 80s song. I think it's the amount of synth and the rhythm of the bridge that sounds like just about every 80s melody ever. Still, it's a new artist (in America) with more original clout and crossover appeal than the Carly Raes and One Directions of the world. Jam on!

The Queen Wants Her Throne: "Princess DIE" by Lady GaGa

We should hand it to GaGa, she doesn't even have to actually release a single, just perform a track like this in Melbourne and start generating some buzz. Both her lyrics and image have certainly grown in sophistication since her "Just Dance" days (tho I may argue differently), and if she does give this track a proper release there's no reason the heartfelt ballad can't get huge.

Disinterested Pop Goddess: "National Anthem" by Lana Del Rey

For all of GaGa or Katy Perry's claims to "weirdness," none of them hold a candle to how batshit crazy Lana Del Rey actually is. It's hard to believe she ever gets real mainstream acceptance, but she makes pop music her plaything in refreshing ways and maintains a level of ambivalence towards her own fame and success that's both frustrating and liberating. Nevertheless, this is a cool and engrossing track that's worthwhile for a Summer Chill-Out Session.

The Ass-Kicked: "One More Night" by Maroon 5

Apparently one terrible single wasn't enough for Maroon 5 this summer. "One More Night" is surreal - it's like that dude who was passionately belting out "She Will Be Loved" eight years ago is doing the same thing but underneath a sell-out veil of cheesy pop instead. Oh wait, that's exactly what is happening. At this point I'm curious if they are gaining as many fans as their losing, or if their losing fans at all - after all, Maroon 5 was never that elegant of a musical experience.

Another One: "Both of Us" by B.o.B ft. Taylor Swift

B.o.B has another hot single this week, and you've got to think that he might be saturating a disinterested market. Still, I'm interested, and this is another jagged fresh track from one of the best new voices in hip-hop. The addition of Taylor Swift is a good one, more and more rappers need to give up on singing their choruses and focus on collabos that work to the benefit of the song, like they do here. Taylor's presence on a B.o.B song would seem promising, but none of the stuff off Strange Clouds has seemed to catch on, which is bizarre because that album is sick as hell.

Three Kings: "Till I Die" by Chris Brown ft. Big Sean & Wiz Khalifa

This is a nasty song. It's about time these three rising superstars got together and made an assault upon Summer. Everything about this video is ridiculous, from Chris Brown reassuring us that he's the biggest douchebag on the planet, Big Sean's best Jazzy Jeff impression "Quit hoggin the blunt-" and Wiz just high as fuck along for the ride. Big Sean's fame is still up in the air, and society's forgiveness of Chris Brown is highly questionable, but Khalifa here tends to elevate this from forgettable smoothie jam to something that ought to be recognized, as he usually does. I also like how hard Chris Brown is trying to be hard - you're a woman beater, Chris, we don't care if you got a shitty grill and look mean, you're still just an asshole.

Summer Jam Week 9: B.o.B and Carly Rae Light up your 4th of July Hangover

Here we are again, another Summer Monday and time for us to list the hottest Jams of the previous week. Our end goal of course is to do this every week from May to Labour Day in order to truly determine which artist out there has the track that will become THE Jam of 2012, The Last Summer. This week is full of new hotness, so stay tuned:

Hot Track of the Week: "Ray Bands" by B.o.B



This is a spectacular Summer Track. It's got an intensity to its beat, a lightness to the lyrics, and a demonstration of B.o.B's incredible flow. It snaps back and forth with swagger that you can rock out in a car to, jam at a party to, or grind upon your honey or dude with. It's all good, baby. More than anything, this is a cool song to beat the hot hot heat. Bobby Bravo is the man.

Babymaking Music: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber

The Biebs continues his assault on Summer this week with appearances just about everywhere. Bieber is still on everyone's tongue, both female and dude alike, so here he is here. "Boyfriend" is an interesting song for him, and it's yet to be seen whether or not he escapes his child popularity into true pop stardom - if he does this ought to be the transition point. I still think he'll end up like Michael Jackson - Pop King in his 20s and then just a creepy insane man for the rest of his life.

Marmalade Making Out Anthem: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

Grouplove surges ahead again this week with a track that seems to ebb and flow all over the place this summer. It's still a rad party song and really puts any listener into a pillow-fight make-out mood. In essence can there be a better Summer Jam? Methinks not, but I can't really predict if this track's stock is rising or falling, next week who knows, it may be gone in the breeze. Or in our faces. And our tongues.

Big Boobs, The Movie: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

Did anyone see Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) this weekend? It doesn't really seem like it, although this flick was made so much on the cheap that it doesn't really matter. The thing is that none of these pop stars are really as popular as they may think they are - it's the result of a rabid yet niche fanbase that supports them. Katy isn't nearly as distinctive as someone like GaGa anyway. Still, this track is bubbling around, if not as great as something like anything else off Teenage Dream.

Got a Quarter? "Payphone" by Maroon 5

This track stumbled a bit this week, perhaps losing some relevancy due to its awful lyrics, melody, and overexposure. Whatever the reason, Maroon 5 has long proved how much of a terrible sell-out band they are and should occupy a distinctive place in pop rock history for it.

Something About Cashing Out: "Cashin' Out" by Ca$h Out

It's about time I recognized this track I suppose. This is a pretty big jam for a rap track that isn't that obsessed with popular appeal. Name spelling comparisons to Ke$ha aside, Ca$h Out doesn't actually have any talent, but some of the rhythm of this track is fairly catchy, but who knows why he feels like he needs to work his name into his song name. No one in hip-hop has ever done that before. Will we be talking about Ca$h Out in twenty years? Next week? I'll let the strands of fate decide that for sure but if I had to guess that guess would be...no.

More Folk Rock: "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers

This mellow track continues to do pretty well, catching fire anywhere it can. It's fairly adorable and perfect to cuddle up to a loved one on a breezy summer evening by the beach. That's so cute it makes me want to puke for joy. But it's definitely worthy of Jam status and tho it may never get as big as something so eloquent and lyrically superior as "Cashin' Out" or "Call Me Maybe," it's getting its fair shot.

Song of a Generation: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly Rae is back on top baby, this bitch is everywhere. She's also got a new track out (see the next section), which ought to decide if "Call Me Maybe" will remain her eternal bread and butter or if she can break out with something else. More and more it's looking like this will earn her a Summer Crown - that's kind of unbelievable. Where's the Flo Rida? The LMFAO? The GaGa? Oh Carly Rae, what a statement of the times.

Next Week...

There are a couple big tracks that landed this week that we ought to keep our eyes on. Along with B.o.B there's some new hotness by Carly Rae, "Good Time," as well as from Matchbox-20 of all bands with "She's So Mean." Just don't wake up next to Rob Thomas and Sinbad in a mental hospital. We'll keep our eyes on both these tracks, which have equal chances to get pretty big.

Summer Jam Week 8: Maroon 5 lines it up for the 4th

Once again folks it's time to count down the hot Summer Jam tracks of the week. Is this Independence Day Weekend? Or is it next weekend? The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) comes out on Tuesday...what does that tell us? Anyway, all summer long we're tallying up the jammiest songs with the final goal of determining WHO is the greatest Champion of Summer. Let's get started:

Hot Track of the Week: "Whistle" by Flo Rida



Florida just wants some more releasing another Hot Jam of the Week. Now, none of his other Summer Songs have really done all that well, but this one could certainly catch on. It's a smooth track, even with Flo Rida asking girls (presumably) to put their lips together close and blow his whistle. He's never really been one for subtly, anyway. This is a cool song, though, and since Flo Rida is always better in Summer it may catch.

The Step Beyond Visioneers: "Hey Ho" by The Lumineers

Our groovy folk-type rock of the week, The Lumineers come in with a modest track that fits well with the lazy summer afternoon. They're getting to be another hot up and coming band but that field is getting a tad crowded with the rising stock of plenty of Mumford & Son-type bands. They all don't have a thing on the Sheepdogs and their Ryan Dunn-lookalike singer, but that's another post.

Finally: "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men

This track has been around for a quite a while now, but it seems like it's finally caught on a bit. It's the kind of song I used to hear rarely on the radio and would cherish that moment, but now that moment is happening all the time. It's a delicate elegant song with a really cool video that does seem more fitting for a snowy night than a summer afternoon. Still, it's good for the moment.

Rap Stars Intersect: "The Recipe" by Kendrick Lamar ft. Dr. Dre

This is an interesting intersection. Kendrick Lamar may have one of the better flows of any rising rap star and Dre cemented his legend decades ago. They come together here and it's probably as close as we're going to get to a Detox album. Thanks, Dre. Still, this is an Ode to L.A. unparalleled in recent years (yes, even including you, Katy). L.A. Summer. 'Nuff said.

Boobs: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

Speaking of the woman who took pop back on behalf of brunettes, Katy's still rising with "Wide Awake" this week. It's one of her better songs, apart from both the pop and sap that has downgraded about all of her work of Teenage Dream. Her upcoming flick is being peddled everywhere though, and she ought to keep going up from here. She's Katy Perry, after all.

The 'do that Changed the World: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber

"Boyfriend" didn't do all that well this week, but we got to hand it to the Biebs who is now apparently the King of Mexico. And wouldn't the world be a better place if Justin Bieber was indeed the King of Mexico? His concert was huge - I didn't know Mexicans loved Justin Bieber this much, but hey, it's all good.

Downgraded Plan: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

This song isn't really as hot, but people still think it is, so here it is. The immortal lyrics of "Call Me Maybe" have thoroughly situated themselves in the American Cultural Tapestry, and there's no going back. It's part of what makes this little jaunt so ridiculously catchy and easy to sing a long to. That's a winning recipe for success - even better than "The Recipe" (see above).

The New Pop Rock Kings: "Payphone" by Maroon 5

Maroon 5's album, Overexposed drops this week, and boy is it crap! It's a strong departure from some of their earlier styles, and even the name is a call to what Maroon 5 has become in the last few years: Fucking Overexposed. I'm not sure if The Voice has gone to Adam Levine's head or not, but this is a complete sell-out. I'm just glad I've never been a Maroon 5 fan, else I'd be even more disappointed that they've lost all of their earlier edge. Still, this is by none the Jam of the Week - now perhaps nothing more than an ode to losing your cell phone, but the track is here to stay.

Next Week...

Gotye came out with a new track this week, which is bloody awful. Will he prove to be a one-trick pony? It's the Independence Day Hangover week - anything can happen.

Summer Jam Week 7: RHCP, Nicki, & Colbie Caillat Head Up Graduation Weekend

Here we are, another week of Summer down and another set of jamworthy songs to bounce to in the Summer Heat. All Summer long we've been taking a look at the biggest tracks of the week with the obvious goal being to eventually crown one of them as the Champion Jam of Summer. It's a thoroughly purposeless exercise, but here we go:

Hot Track of the Week: "Brendan's Death Song" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers



No official video for this yet, but the Chili Peppers' latest single is the Hot Jam of the week. "Brendan's Death Song" is probably the best track off of I'm With You, released by the Peppers last summer, and it could catch on and do pretty well during the next few weeks. RHCP are coming off a great Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame induction and one of their more successful years in years. This is a chill track and a great compliment to a hazy Summer Afternoon.

Chill Rock Continues: "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons

This song has been around for some time now but it seemed to pick up a bit this week. It's become one of those tracks that is somehow always on alternative radio stations and good enough to halt a rapid channel change. It's another cool song to groove to but it probably won't last all that much longer. It's got an addictive beat but all these pop-rock songs of late have trouble catching on beyond their specific niches.

Killer Collabo: "Favorite Song" Colbie Caillat ft. Common

This is an epic Summer-y song, light, fluffy, bubbly, and bouncey. Colbie has had a lot of really upbeat tracks like this lately and it's kind of wacky that Common shows up here rapping in between her breezy vocals. Still, it should catch as much as some of her other works has of late, which isn't to say a monster jam, but good enough to jam to for the week.

Beezarre on Display: "Beez in the Trap" by Nicki Minaj ft. 2 Chainz

"Starships" is still doing well, but "Beez in the Trap" is the Nicki song of the nearby future. It's kind of a crazy song and it has plenty of detractors but there are some really great parts and an exceptional flow. Nicki has this weird divergent career where she puts out harder true rap tracks like this around her broad crazy pop stuff like "Starships," and then more typical chick pop like "Right By My Side." It's kind of crazy but she tries to be everything at once and actually pulls it off half the time. In her revolving door of personas the gangsta in her is shining for the moment now though.

Iron Woman: "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia

I still feel like this should be Sia ft. David Guetta, because she adds much more to make this song a distinctive hit than the cookie cutter beat supplied by the Frenchman. Still, Sia yelps her way through this track and its upward path should continue through the Sunny Months.

The Purple Vampirella: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

She's got kind of an Emily Blunt thing going on in this vid

Katy Perry is an idiot. There isn't much to her act at all, but she's trying with this one. It's perhaps a rebuttal of some of her earlier poppy hits, but it still goes into bizarre territory with her new goth video that came out this past week. Yeah, fame really sucks and I'm sure Katy hates all the attention. Still, even tho this vid is serving more as an advertisement for the Katy Perry Concert movie coming out soon as well as the Katy Perry brand in general, it's a solid effort for the lass.

Maroon Cartoons: "Payphone" by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

The most interesting thing about this song is the presence of Khalifa. Wiz is probably the best up and coming rapper out there and the precedent set by this collabo could lead to some interesting new songs. Next summer will we see Chili Peppers featuring Kanye West? I'm not sure it could ever work, it doesn't really work here, but the collusion of rap and rock through the all-encompassing spectre of pop is intriguing.

So Cute it Makes You Want to Puke: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Once again Carly Rae is hitting the top of the charts, tho I think the intensity of her novelty may be dying down. As of not this is the only song really close to being on track to be crowned the Summer's Champ, which is kind of bizarre, considering how grating and almost universally panned it's become. Still, you can definitely have a soft spot for the girl and it's a great guilty pleasure for sure.

Next Week...

I'm looking for a couple fun. songs that were squeezed out this week as well as Nicki's aforementioned revolving door of popular tracks. I'd bet the future of Summer is Katy again, though, "Wide Awake" is ready to catch fire. I'm also paying attention, however, to surging artists like Alabama Shakes, Kendrick Lamar, and The Lumineers.

Summer Jam Week 6: Katy Perry, The Wanted, & fun. Return

Here we are in the middle of June now, Six Weeks into the Greatest Season of them all - Summertime, baby. Every Summer there is one song that really stands out as truly encapsulating the musical zeitgeist of its year - that one completely ubiquitous irritating track that creeps itself into the background of every beach party, every amusement park, and every jeep ride through the country. Our job here is to find that Immortal Song and Crown them the Summer Champion.

Hot Track of the Week: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry



No official video for this yet, just a weird Facebook Timeline Lyric thing above, but this could be another great Katy hit. Her past couple songs haven't really been that distinctive or memorable, but this one has a cool rip to it and post-breakup songs are always more fun creatively. It's a good chance the best thing Russell Brand did was leave those big boobs behind. None of her stuff has caught on like gangbusters going back from her ridiculous stretch from "California Gurls" to "E.T." but hey, this has got a shot.

Back for More: "Glad You Came" by The Wanted

I thought this thing was dead but somehow it really surged up this week. I heard it about six times today alone, what the hell. It's still not a particular good song by any means and there's no reason to ever want to listen to it - but that's the key to a Great Summer Jam - it's there long after you wish it wasn't.

Indy Summer Tunes: "Hold On" by Alabama Shakes

I really like this track, it's got a nice groovy vibe and some really nice vocal work by lead singer Brittany Howard. Yeah, it's a chick singing it and she pours in an incredible amount of passion into it here. It's a very jamworthy song, I'm not sure it catches on to Unequivocal Summer Jam status, but it can enjoy its week of fame here.

Our Second Hot Track of the Week: "Some Nights" by fun.

This is a pretty good sophomore effort from fun., whose "We Are Young" reappears on this list a bit later. While this is another pretty riveting, exciting, sublimely jamable track, it is a hell of a lot like Paul Simon's "Cecilia." We ought to have fun with "Some Nights" before they pull a Vanilla Ice. Though if that leads to a pathetic appearance by them in an Adam Sandler film twenty years from now, that may be okay.

Anachronism at its Best: "Payphone" by Maroon 5

This was another song I thought was dying a bit but then I heard it incessantly on the radio this week. Nothing about this track is good besides Wiz Khalifa's addition. What is with more and more rappers appearing on otherwise pop alternative tracks? Sometimes it works but here it's just really bizarre and out of place. This tune may not be going anywhere though, so we had all better learn to like it.

Good Set of Pipes: "Titanium" by Sia ft. David Guetta

A few weeks ago this was the Hot Track of the Week and it's coming back now as a legit Summer Jam. Which is good. It's a powerful track, although I still don't think the Guetta beat necessarily fits with what Sia is trying to say. Will Sia have a career or flame out like every singer she's emulating right now? She's got a nice voice, but nothing else about her is really distinctive.

Anyone else see a little Guy Pearce in this dude?

Designed Not for Octogenarians: "We Are Young" by fun.

This track also came back this week, perhaps from surging interest in their other song, "Some Nights" that's about to pick up. This is still somehow tough to get sick of, maybe it's the obnoxiousness, the cheekiness, or its status as an anthem for the newest drunkest generation, but just when it seemed dead it rose like the Necronomincon Worshipers of Old.

Celebrating Father's Day: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson

The week completes and no song title is greater than three words. Fantastic. Carly Rae comes in again at #1 but I would say her hold on the spot is more tenuous than it's been in a while. I think there's better tracks out there and some of the New Jams we heard this week ought to attest to that. This is fine as a Great Summer Jam, but I think some of the heavy hitters are going to come in and start teaching this intrepid Canadien what Jammin is really about.

Next week...

You'll notice no Gotye this week, "Somebody That I Used to Know" was still pretty big this week, but I feel like these eight songs were just much more relevant. We're definitely looking at Katy and fun. but there's a lot of potential everywhere. This time of June is usually when the Summer Jam lands. No hip-hop this week but I've had my ears on Kendrick Lamar & Dre's "The Recipe" among others. Stay tuned!

Summer Jam Week 5: Flo Rida, Wiz, & Bieber Mix it up

Well folks, we're in the middle of June and it's time for a bit of a shake-up. The tracks that have made it this far have a great chance to be anointed the Jam of Summer, and there's also some great tracks that have landed on their feet with plenty of opportunity to Jam through the rest of the Sunny Months.

Hot Track of the Week: "Run" by Flo Rida ft. RedFoo



This is a perfect Summer Song, and if it catches on there's no question it Jams to the top. Flo Rida is a Summer God, the beat is both fast, exciting, and innocuous enough to simultaneously exist in the background of anywhere and allow true jammers to focus in and groove. RedFoo of LMFAO and all his douchey glory has been everywhere since "Party Rock Anthem" King-Jammed last year and this track even recalls some of that song directly. And c'mon, that video is incredible. A big-tittied chick running on a beach is what Summer is all about. It's glorious.

Blue Collar Khalifa: "Work Hard Play Hard" by Wiz Khalifa

Wiz Khalifa is one of the most talented recent rapper, even though all he does is clearly smoke weed and party. This is a killer track though, and after starting the week at the MTV Movie Awards it's had a nice little upsurge. It exists in that perfect popular circle between rap and pop and its central thesis, work hard - play hard is a true anthem for an increasingly drunk professional generation.

Hanging Around: "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye ft. Kimbra

This track isn't as big as it was a few weeks ago, but it certainly still has a presence that we can't ignore this week. Its past its peak hotness, though, and while it will remain a very good song, it's about time for it to move over and let Carly Rae take her spot at the top of the charts.

The Station-Turner: "The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder

I really hate Travie McCoy. He's so trashy and really can't sing or rap anyway. Gym Class Heroes are the kind of band that sums up everything wrong with pop music, just full of corny, clichéd hooks that do little to advance culture. Anyway, this is a kind of typical song from these guys that almost sounds like a Bruno Mars-esque track, kind of reminiscent of last year's "Lighters," except lesser in every way. It should be pretty popular.

Let's Get Drunk: "We Are Young" by fun. ft. Janelle Monáe

After an absence the last few weeks, fun. comes back this week and this track was seemingly everywhere again. To their credit, the track is super-catchy and actually somewhat difficult to sing well. It's an apt zeitgeist song, full of hipster intoxication and less youthful rebellion than youthful assimilation into a shared shittiness. This of course requires nothing less than a party and hooking up with the drunkest chick at the bar. I heard little kids singing this song and it played at weddings - c'mon guys.

More Loud Obnoxious Beach Jams: "Starships" by Nicki Minaj

Okay Nicki, we get it - you're weird. Thanks for beating us over the head with that. While this isn't nearly as good as other great Summer Minaj tracks like "Your Love" or "Super Bass" it's still a good pump-up song, even if the lyrical content is fairly indecipherable. Has Nicki made the final transition from Rapper to Pop Goddess? She tends instead to continue walking the line, as her parallel jam "Beez in the Trap" would attest to.

The Greatest Rapper on Earth: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber

I've seriously been hearing this track all the time on local hip-hop stations. What the hell is going on? This may be the Bieb's most mainstream hit in his lifetime and it's been pretty huge. I can get through the opening riffs but it's just downhill from there. It's just not right. I don't really have the writhing, seething hatred that most people have for the lil' guy and until this track he's been a novelty more than anything else. I think this is his Jam though, and considering the growth of its popularity and acceptance into the mainstream world outside of his typical fans (tiny girls who he's teaching to touch themselves for the first time) it's a fairly significant track.

The Female Bieber: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Apparently after hearing this runner-up of Canadian Idol's track, Justin Bieber just had to give her a chance. That's right, Canadians helping Canadians - they are banding together to destroy us all with their inoffensive pop music. Carly Rae is blowing up so huge so fast though that it's tough to judge when the little bitch is going to burn out. For now though, "Call Me Maybe" remains a crack-like track for the Summer Months, eating up radio time, internet time, and magazine space everywhere. Who knows, maybe she'll have a career if anything else she does is as insanely catchy.

Next Week...

There's a lot more to go, folks. Not a whole lot of Rock Songs this week but I predict that one of these tracks we'll agree becomes the Jam of the Last Summer. Through Father's Day we'll have a pretty good idea of who's rising and falling - stay tuned!