14 July 2014

Summer Jam Week 10: So Many Exotic Shaking Girls

Ah, mid-July. It's that magic time after the craziness of the Fourth but before we really need to start turning our attention to school and work. It's a time of vacation, lounging, maximum chillaxing, and reaping the greatest benefits of the Months of Sun. For the Summer Jam, it's also getting darn near the nadir of pop excellence.

Hot Jam of the Week: "Wasted" by Tiesto ft. Matthew Koma



I'm never really into these shitty EDM artists, and Tiesto is pretty bad, but this track is surprisingly pop-friendly. It's got a pretty seductive video as well, with all these 50s housewives cutting loose. Tiesto himself makes awkward appearances through the television set now and then, but when the action stays fun, it's a good time.

Ancient Hotness: "Turn Down for What" by Lil Jon

Now, I think the Neanderthals listened to "Turn Down for What," the track is sooo old, but I thought I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it on one of these Summer Weeks. It's still getting quite a bit of airplay, actually, and making waves in the national discussion of contemporary music. Of all these songs we go through every week it's also one of the few notable, memorable songs of 2014 that ought to make a lasting impact, even if it's just another chance for Lil Jon to scream "WHAAT?!" a decade after he first made it cool.

Every Girl: "Foreign" by Trey Songz

Yes, this is really territory already explored by Lil Wayne's "Every Girl" and even earlier this summer with Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty." Yes, foreign girls are fun to fool around with and this kind of subject matter for a song has gotten sort of ill-conceived and outdated. I actually dig the extended opening, though, and damn the girls in this video are beautiful. That's all you need. But Trey Songz is still a bit of a piece of shit.

Bootyness Continues: "Wiggle" by Jason Derulo ft. Snoop Dogg

See, we are showcasing a lot of these kinds of insane booty-shaking misogynistic club-bangers this week. "Wiggle" is fun because any time you need to squirm a little bit or shake something loose you can just shout out "WIGGO WIGGO WIGGOOOO!!!" with complete acceptance. I don't think this will ever climb to #1 but it's getting pretty consistent on this list.

Mr. Anderson: "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith

Sam Smith may have also plateaued, but his debut single is still pretty significant. He's having trouble truly breaking out and dominating, but I sort of have the feeling that this track will really just offer him some great name recognition, then his sophomore effort will explode. He's got the name, pipes, and zeitgeist behind him - why not?

Mo Money: "Problem" by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea

We're getting to the point where we start to numb over when hearing this thing, but it's worthwhile that I haven't really gotten sick of it yet. It's still a really fun jam that has indelibly left its mark on the Summer Jam scene. It's just so fast-paced, positive, and catchy without really being able to be nailed down. Everything works. But it's uprooted this week.

CSNY: "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea ft. Charlie XCX

Obviously this song gets some sincere props this week after being covered by Jimmy Fallon doing his Neil Young impression. Not only that, but the additions of David Crosby, Stephen Stills, and Graham Nash makes it really an epic event. It's only a shame that the actual Neil Young couldn't also make an appearance. This is also an indication of how big and penetrating this jam is getting in pop culture, a sure sign that Iggy has arrived and isn't going anywhere any time soon.

Abra Kadabra! "Rude" by MAGIC!

We're mixing it up this week! I heard a lot of people humming and singing this joint, and well, "Problem" and "Fancy" are already getting stale anyway. It's time for "Rude" to reign, even if it really just kind of sounds like Michael Buble singing to a Reggae beat. It's kind of weird and terrible, actually. But - catchy as hell. I also don't understand the lyrics at all - is it rude to refuse some chode your daughter's hand in marriage? I think there are greater issues at work here, folks.

Next week...

It's been off for a while now but I strongly considered adding Bleachers' "I Wanna Get Better" back on here because I heard it a bit again and realized how cool of a song that is. So that's a thing. But other than that, I'm actually more eyeing whatever the next big parody is coming off of Weird Al's new album, Mandatory Fun. It targets everything that's been on this list - "Fancy," "Blurred Lines," CSN - it's going to be spectacular.

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