21 December 2010

The Five Year Anniversary of The Juggernaut Bitch: Fun Memories, Memes and Swears

You know what a great way to rack up hits is? Neglect posting for three weeks then come back two fists swinging with in-depth analysis of fringe nerd pop culture from a half-decade ago. Hell yeah. Sometime around this day five years ago I first personally discovered what remains to be the single best use of YouTube besides advanced access to Kanye West videos, from My Way Entertainment, "The Juggernaut Bitch."

Please stay with me.

This was actually exceedingly difficult to find online for a while, which is astounding to me because this coupled with "Lazy Sunday" single-handedly launched YouTube into the mainstream. It's also ironic that Samberg and Parns' best SNL Viral Effort's original links are now also defunct. Not from the original source then I bring you this:

Oh yeah baby. That came out Five Years ago, do you believe it? I probably watched this every day for four months and even compiled a transcript which was lost when my computer exploded from porn.

What makes the vid work is a ridiculously simple premise actually executed pretty professionally. Besides the occasional crack-up the voiceover guys keep the vid flowing pretty well, typically establishing a great Black Stereotype for each major character that simultaneously ridicules some of the stranger parts of the X-Men cartoons ("I'm made out of Laffy Taffy, motherfucker"). It's got adult content galore but actually also exhibits a good knowledge of X-Men Lore which gains it instant geek cred.

It's a simple ploy, make as dirty as possible a children's cartoon. Almost every line is instantly quotable, a string of swears and inappropriate phrases.
"No but I'm 'bout to kill this bitch. I'm 'bout to fuck her in the head- blow her brains out because I'm the goddamn Juggernaut, bitch I'ma break ya in half!"
The Juggernaut is so insane in this, but the only thing changed is the audio. This means most of that insanity really is from him popping out of no where, knocking over walls and otherwise smacking everyone around. After a while even the other characters start criticising him ("Why do you always gotta scream everytime you come into the room?" / "What the fuck is wrong with you, Juggernaut?"). It's fitting that Gladiator ("Goliath") takes him down at the end, thus destroying his out of control ego. Really, Juggs has sort of a twisted version of his true comic personality. He's deservedly cocky and violent (though an eventual member of Excalibur), but fun-loving and proud of himself. He's more of a tool for greater evil but bears a strong resentment to half-brother Charles Xavier. "The Juggernaut Bitch" spins this wildly out of control.

Now I love this shit. I still think it's one of the funniest vids on YouTube. There were tons of sequels but none really captured this spirit. It's part of that theory that necessity breeds art - stay with me - the dudes behind this worked best when they were just having fun without expectation. It's a style that can never really be duplicated. The novelty of the juxtaposition of gangster language with kids' cartoons gets old pretty fast. For that one moment five years ago, we saw Internet Perfection that surpassed a lot of other terrible memes out there.

You see, the best part is that this actually got into X-Men: The Last Stand (2006).

So nutty, right? I still can't believe that got in there. Part of 2006's trend of always following what the internet wanted (see also, Snakes on a Plane [2006]), the scene is funny enough in an inexplicably English accent (what the hell, Vinnie Jones). I'll use this quick tangent to mention I've never hated a film more while looking forward more to the sequel.

Alright, back on track. I hate a lot of memes, they spin out of control without filter or context, which leads to a sharp decline in quality. It's not really enough to laugh for me, there needs to be some kind of substance behind these things. The Juggernaut Bitch transcends a lot of the bullshit by exhibiting a good length to develop some insane characters, twist, reflect and joke on specific X-Men tropes and provide a hilarious couple of one-liners. I did mention the Black Stereotyping which is a bit of a concern but it really serves the deep audio/visual tonal divide further than what could just be a minstrel show. There are also some characters explicitly not Black (Gambit, Banshee, Rogue all in terrible accents). The voice cast if I'm not mistaken is largely Black and Hispanic, which would seem to parody Gang Language and Culture rather than African-American stereotypes. You could very easily argue against this.

So what have we learned? Well, nothing really. I'm about to launch a fury of posts commemorating the end of the year so if you stay tuned I'll actually have a lot more than this around here.

Stay thirsty.

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