31 August 2015

Summer Jam Week 17: Somehow Not Done Yet

In any normal summer this would be it. Typically we have seventeen weeks to purposelessly analyze and deliberate on the hottest, most gnarly Summer Jams, but in the Year 2015, thanks to an auspiciously late Labour Day, we have one more week. Think of it as a bonus week - a miraculous extension of Summer that should please all involved. Needless to say, we're still getting a little razzled. Stay tuned for the penultimate exercise in Summer Jam Zaniness:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Get Schwifty" by Rick and Morty

Needless to say, this is going out on a limb a bit. But "Get Schwifty" totally has all the elements of a mindless pop megajam - albeit bathed in a surreal satire courtesy of Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon's Rick and Morty. But you can imagine any other hot artist this summer commanding us to "shit on the floor" and proclaiming themselves to be Mr. Bulldops. Here's the full, uninterrupted jam.

Drool for the Gummer: "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato

I essentially added this one again because I personally can't stop singing this to myself. It was totally a jam that was still rattling in my head all week, even though it's so clearly out of the running for any kind of Summer Jam Throne that I'm committing a disservice to all of humanity by maintaining a compulsion to write about it once again. Last time. Promise.

Gushing Red: "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar

This may be limping along, but the fact that it IS still limping says a lot about this Jam's cultural power. I was about ready to give the Jam Title to "Shut Up and Dance" a few weeks ago, but the way this has held on may prove me wrong. It's reached that ultimate saturation level where everyone on earth has heard it and little fringe pockets are still jamming out to the sick beats. It's come full circle and that's a thing to acknowledge. Last time. Promise.

Clearly Roc City: "Locked Away" by R. City ft. Adam Levine

This jam has been scraping away recently and deserves a little shout-out here. It's fairly lame, but has a bit of an uplifting and generous rhythm to it. It's nothing that will change my life, but I'm ever curious what makes a jam like this stay relatively quite while The Weeknd slays the charts. Who knows. Faux Jamaican is so in.

Let's do it Again: "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink

"Worth It" is kind of a default around here, considering the Jam has never really gone away. I can't imagine anyone ever realistically caring about this song or Fifth Harmony, but it is a damn sexy song, considering the majority of the group couldn't buy cigarettes until a few months ago. It's essentially lyrically meaningless in almost every way, and the Derulian Trumpets are obnoxiously derivative. Still, catchy! Last time. Promise. Better than Little Mix.

Ya'll Already Know! "Watch Me" by Silentó

Maybe it's not quite as ubiquitous as it was last week, but "Watch Me" is still pretty strong. At any Fall Wedding this will be the number one white person dancing track on the playlist, and authentic black community dancers may forever regret teaching old white women how to nae nae. It's a great way for suburbanites to pretend to be hood. Probably one of the more inane Summer Songs, this is still totally addictive, and more importantly, pretty fun. It'll end up with a solid showing.

The Future is Soon: "Good for You" by Selina Gomez ft. A$AP Rocky

"Good For You" keeps surging as a haunting Lana Del Ray-esque sorrowful jam that's perhaps more suited for Autumn than the hot licks of Summer. It's a fantastic jam steeped in girl powered irony and a sultry yet uncomfortable lyrical composure that flirts with pop stardom while pulling out a rug of self-tortured compromise. Needless to say, this has been a Jam I've really digged this summer.

I Got That Fire: "Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd

The Weeknd returns to the top spot this week with a Jam that really won't quit in this late season rush. It's a solid Jam that's earned on the back of The Weeknd's surprisingly rising talent. With a couple great songs under his belt already this notoriety ought to do wonders for his career, although he persists in an attitude that doesn't seem to really give a shit if he takes off or not. It's smooth yet energizing, and in essence, a perfect Summer Jam. We'll have to see whether or not it broke too late or not.

Next week...

This is it, people! An unprecedented Week 18! I know you're all bristling with anticipation, but you'll have to be a little patient. Go out and enjoy your Last Week of Summer before all shit freezes over and you're confined to the doldrums of snow and isolation! And who do you think should win the Summer Crown!?

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