04 September 2017

Summer Jam 2017 17: The Final End of It! LIIIIIVE!

This is it, folks. The Final Day of Summer. This is of course an absolute tragedy unparalleled with anything else currently going on in the United States of America. By far. For sure. But that also means that we're at The End of All Things - the last of our Very Special LIVE Editions of the Summer Jam Countdowns. Stay tuned for the final announcement of the Summer Throne tomorrow!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Houston #1" by Coldplay

The devastation from the flooding in Houston is unbelievable, and it's awful nice of Coldplay to write a song about it. Sure. Does anyone even like Houston? I don't think it's that great. It's hot, the Texans suck, can't even win a consistent division title against the Jags and Titans. Terrible. Still sad, though. Amazing they cranked out this tune and apparently played it once in order to pander and capitalize on a National Tragedy.

Body Like My Back Hand: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

This track just barely made it in at the last second this week, but concludes a pretty solid summer campaign for a mainstream crossover country jam. I'm mystified by the lack of a music video, but who cares, it'd probably be Sam Hunt in his truck with some hot chick in cut-offs prancing around anyway. Damn. Where is this video.

Cop A "Feels" by A Bunch of People and Katy Perry

"Feels" ended up being pretty impressive this summer. Katy, Pharrell, and arguably even Calvin Harris have all had bigger and better summer jams, but this is probably a solid candidate to at least make the Final Top Eight based on sheer longevity in a Summer that was fairly merciless to many tunes out there. And again, this is by far Katy's best video this summer because she's actually being sane and humble.

Money Moves: "Bodak Yellow" by Cardi B

It's amazing it took some artist this long to rip-off Nicki Minaj, but here we go. And it's not like all black female rappers are like Nicki, but damn Cardi is totally Minaj-y. Especially this bit that just seems a ton like Nicki's mannerisms in "Bottoms Up" in particular and a few other vids. She's actually somehow a bit harder than Nicki, though, with a deeper, raspier, less listenable voice. It's decidedly rap instead of rap-pop which is rad, but in general I'm not totally a fan. Track is hot right now, though, even after having been around for a while now.

Don't Wanna Fight Right Now: "Now or Never" by Halsey

This track has come and gone in and out this Summer, but at least got in one last solid week before the leaves fall. I like like 20% of this song, the other 80% is really typical forgettable pop that I can go the rest of my life without ever hearing again and be perfectly happy with. Damn I'm cold this week - the deathly snows of Winter are on their way, folks!

Manos Fritos: "Despacito" by Daddy Yankee Bieber Fonsi

I'll have to tally everything, but this is your presumptive champion. I'm not even really sick of this jam yet, to be honest, and it's probably got some legs left to go into September. Who the hell knows what these Latin guys are saying, at least one part of it is "slowly" so we got that down pat. A bit of a dip this week, but it's gotten its work in!

Dat Bass Tho: "Strip That Down" by Liam Payne ft. Quavo

This is kind of old and I think I talked about it earlier this summer, but this just seemed fresh to me this week and kept popping up. The hook is actually damned sexy and a great summer panty dropper. Classic back-to-school stuff now I suppose. That's right. Not going to do much in lieu of being a Real Jam at this point, but could be a fall thing.

Autumn Queen: "Look At What You Made Me Do" by Tay Sway

Yeah....this song is going to be big. Almost double Katy Perry's "Swish Swish" views already, Taylor makes everyone else look like a joke right now. I'll admit this track has grown on me a bit this week, and the video may actually be brilliant if you know anything about Taylor and her history. I really don't, so it remains indecipherable to me, but it might be a more canny critique of fame and media than first glance. Then again, it's an insane testament to her white girl ego that she expects everyone to be so knowledgeable about her. Again, I really like the breakdown, and the steady confidence of the camera work here is cooler than the forced meme-ing of "Swish Swish." That's not how memes work!

Next year...

We obviously don't know. Maroon 5's terrible new song, "It Ain't Me", "Stay", and the Foo Fighter's terrible new song all missed the cut this week. Tough tummies. Tomorrow we tally it all up and crown our new Summer Royalty! Stay tuned, folks!

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