Summer Jam 2017 LIVE -- All Hail Your New God-King of Summer!

The time has come at last, folks. After seventeen long weeks of tallying, cataloging, guessing, and skipping summer jam weeks, we're finally here at the alpha and omega of all things pop, which is life. As is customary, let's recount our past summer jam winners - now, this is the magical tenth year in the official reckoning, although of course, the weekly rundown is a relatively new phenomenon, having started around these parts only as recently as 2010. But here is the auspicious company the New King of 2017 will join, to be forever echoed in the Halls of Valhalla:

2007: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
2008: "Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas
2010: "California Gurls" by Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg
2011: "Park Rock Anthem" by LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock
2012: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
2013: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. & Pharrell
2014: "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea ft. Charle XCX
2015: "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon
2016: "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake.

Let's go through this for a second, particularly the last couple jams. First of all, the grammar of "I Gotta Feeling" is terrible, that would mean like, "I have to feeling" like will.i.am is compelled to feeling. We don't talk about this enough. "Blurred Lines" is probably the worst-themed rapist mainstream pop anthem of all time. And I will forever have a disclaimer that I was upset with the past two summers, kind of regretting how things shaped out, and believing they should have belonged to "Bad Blood" and "Cheap Thrills" respectively, that I think have aged a bit better. Then again, I hear "Shut Up and Dance" all the time, so who knows.

So, we tracked an amazing fifty-seven songs this year, about half of which are notable. Let's get them into three big groups:

Tier 3: Songs That Were Sort of In Your Head for a Week

These suckers came and went pretty fast, but a lot of them were pretty good, so let's acknowledge them here:

"Element." by Kendrick Lamar
"Rockabye" by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie
"Bon Appetit" by Katy Perry ft. Migos
"The Cure" by Lady GaGa
"Look At What You Made Me Do" by Taylor Swift
"Redbone" by Childish Gambino
"Feel It Still" by Portugal. The Man
"I'm the One" by DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Chance the Rapper, Lil' Wayne, Quavo
"High" by Sir Sly
"Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow
"Attention" by Charlie Puth
"Swish Swish" by Katy Perry

Tier 2: Solid Songs that Came Close to Being Ubiquitous

This next batch of eight all made great cases for Second Team All-Summer Jam. Do not doubt their power, for they are treacherous.

"Woman" by Ke$ha ft. The Dap-Kings Horns
"iSpy" by KYLE ft. Lil' Yachty
"That's What I Like" by Bruno Mars
"Something Just Like This" by Coldplay and Chainsmokers
"Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna, Bryson Tiller
"Sign of the Times" by Harry Styles
"Slow Hands" by Niall Horan
"Now or Never" by Halsey

Tier 1: THE FINAL JAM LIST

Here we go, folks. This is the cream of the crop. They're so good they even each get an embedded video. Let's run through the final countdown until Avengers: Infinity War (2018) comes out:

#8: "Feels" by Calvin Harris ft. Katy Perry, Pharrell, and Big Sean



Weeks on Jam List: 5
Peak: #2 on 08/28/17

I really liked "Feels", way more than anything Katy did on her own this summer, which always seemed like a lot. It had such a nice summer-y beat, and although it didn't reach the Summer Heights both Katy and Pharrell have been in the past, it had a solid late-season upsurge despite dropping way back in mid-July. It was such pure pop collabo, not really trying to hard to do anything it couldn't reach. Again, the exact opposite from most of Katy's Summer 2017 - surprisingly off-brand, but in the best way. Everyone filled their role and did a great job.

#7: "Stay" by Alessia Cara, Zedd



Weeks on Jam List: 5
Peak: #3 on 07/31 and 08/14/07

This was kind of an old one (dropping in April), that stayed (heh-hoo!) around for most of Summer, never doing crazily good, but always kind of there in the background. It's a perfectly fine song, even if that "Rum in Cola" line is the only one I tend to clue in every time it comes on. The instrumental is a little bit too busy and overreaches Alessia's fantastic vocals quite a bit, but this kind of pop drop is hardly concerned with something so incidental. On its own merits it does fine, and that's where it lies.

#6: "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran



Weeks on Jam List: 4
Peak: #1 from 07/10 - 07/24/17

Somehow "Shape of You" only made the Jam List four times this Summer, but it feels like it was around way more, doesn't it? I think it just missed the cut in favor of more interesting tracks quite a few times, but it did score three straight weeks at #1, the only track to do so. The only other song that came close was "Despacito", which had three weeks at #1, but not consecutively. Ed Sheeran had a weird summer and is almost certainly a weird lazy eyed ginger pussy but somehow masculine sex symbol? I don't know. The song's okay, I really thought it was Timberlake. It's also been around forever I guess, but really peaked in July, which gives it is Summer Jam boost.

#5: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo, Selena Gomez



Weeks on Jam List: 5
Peak: #1 on 06/12 and 07/03/17

Selena had a maybe great summer? At least early on she seemed pretty unstoppable betweent his and "Bad Liar" but the latter certainly petered out. "It Ain't Me" seemed to always blend together with "Stay" and "Issues" and will surely be remembered in that glob. This is kind of a nice triumphant break-up song, though, a sweet and bitter elegy to being too fucked up to drive drunk and face the terrible morning to come. The beat is whack of course, and it sounds like more of a 2017 song than anything else here, but proved some whiskey neat staying power.

#4: "Bad Liar" by Selena Gomez



Weeks on Jam List: 5
Peak: #1 on 06/19/17

Speaking of Selena... This was a total early summer jam that seemed pretty powerful, but didn't even make it through July. Still, its early potency was enough for it to survive here. You can see we're averaging about five weeks each, although from here on out, you need at least one #1 spot to surive. I wonder if this great jam's precipitous downfall had anything to do with the bizarre Selena-only gym teacher / dad-fucking video that defies all kind of logic and really shows how much Gomez looks like a pre-teen still at age 24. I really do like this song, though, which is a great showcase for her voice and really smooth and sexy, like most of what she's done lately. Gomez is totally an underrated artist, although that also probably has everything to do with the artist in the #2 spot, who wrote "Bad Liar" with resident weirdo but pop savant Justin Tranter.

#3: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt



Weeks on Jam List: 8
Peak: #1 on 07/31/17

I had no idea "Body Like a Back Road" had made such an inways until I was tallying everything up. It wounded up on an astounding eight countdowns, beginning in Week 3 and ending on Week 17. That's an appearance in all five official months of summer. It started off consistent, and actually had five weeks off before finishing on five out of the final seven Jam Lists. There's a lot of power in a crossover country hit and one of the four official Country Songs I can stand to listen to. I don't think Sam has really gotten much credit for this, and it may be more radio play than digital, but considering a primarily country and pseudo-pop audience, that fits his wheelhouse pretty well.

#2: "Issues" by Julia Michaels



Weeks on Jam List: 8
Peak: #2 on 07/03 and 07/17/17

Alright, fine, so I lied. "Issues" was somehow never a #1 song, which wasn't necessarily the reason why Julia Michaels isn't Queen of Summer, but she assuredly needed a little more consistency down the stretch. She started off excellent, and despite dropping on Week 2, was the only song that week to maintain a presence up through Week 13 with only four breaks in the middle. She peaked in July, and really represented the perfect meat of Summer. At any rate, Julia Michaels is one of the most brilliant minds in pop today, and it's great to hear her behind a microphone after writing a slew of excellent contemporary hits. I did like "Uh-Huh" a bit better, but it never had the traction. I think that she could have stood a chance if "Issues" had dropped a little later, but this is a great outing for someone who could be around for quite some time.

#1: "Despacito" by Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber



Weeks on Jam List: 9
Peak: #1 on 06/26, 08/14, 08/21/17

I remember this song being around in mid-June, hitting #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and being pretty dismissive. "Populist skewed crap" I said - not a true jam! Oh how I was wrong! Already an international hit, Bieber hopped on and lent his voice to the Fonsi / Daddy Yankee jam and pushed it into the stratosphere domestically. This is the first Summer Jam Remix King and yet is a legit great jam. It's a sexy as hell Latin-infused Caribbean opus - perfect for a Summer Thrill. How did we never have a song like this reach the highest heights of Summer before? I feel as if my soul is at rest. "Issues" made a nice run, but as soon as we got into August and "Despacito" showed no signs of slowing down, I knew it was the unequivocal champion. More weeks than any other song on the Jam list, even though it didn't really get started until the end of June. Its first run was four weeks in a row where it debuted at #1. Its second run to end out the year saw five weeks where it never sank lower than third, and that was only as Summer bowed out in favor of "Look What You Made Me Do" which will almost assuredly take over Autumn. Bieber finally has a Summer Jam. Where you at, GaGa!?

As always, folks, it's been a long and awesome journey this summer. We'll be back with this crap again starting the Monday after the first full week after the first weekend in May. I suppose that is a little ridiculous, but that's how we've always reckoned Summer to begin, for the record. That'd be May 14th, 2018. As in most years we'll take a little break as we cease to care about September's pop cultural crap, but we'll definitely have an upcoming IT (2017) post up here soon. Stay golden, Jam Lovers!

Summer Jam 2017 17: The Final End of It! LIIIIIVE!

This is it, folks. The Final Day of Summer. This is of course an absolute tragedy unparalleled with anything else currently going on in the United States of America. By far. For sure. But that also means that we're at The End of All Things - the last of our Very Special LIVE Editions of the Summer Jam Countdowns. Stay tuned for the final announcement of the Summer Throne tomorrow!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Houston #1" by Coldplay



The devastation from the flooding in Houston is unbelievable, and it's awful nice of Coldplay to write a song about it. Sure. Does anyone even like Houston? I don't think it's that great. It's hot, the Texans suck, can't even win a consistent division title against the Jags and Titans. Terrible. Still sad, though. Amazing they cranked out this tune and apparently played it once in order to pander and capitalize on a National Tragedy.

Body Like My Back Hand: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

This track just barely made it in at the last second this week, but concludes a pretty solid summer campaign for a mainstream crossover country jam. I'm mystified by the lack of a music video, but who cares, it'd probably be Sam Hunt in his truck with some hot chick in cut-offs prancing around anyway. Damn. Where is this video.


Cop A "Feels" by A Bunch of People and Katy Perry

"Feels" ended up being pretty impressive this summer. Katy, Pharrell, and arguably even Calvin Harris have all had bigger and better summer jams, but this is probably a solid candidate to at least make the Final Top Eight based on sheer longevity in a Summer that was fairly merciless to many tunes out there. And again, this is by far Katy's best video this summer because she's actually being sane and humble.

Money Moves: "Bodak Yellow" by Cardi B

It's amazing it took some artist this long to rip-off Nicki Minaj, but here we go. And it's not like all black female rappers are like Nicki, but damn Cardi is totally Minaj-y. Especially this bit that just seems a ton like Nicki's mannerisms in "Bottoms Up" in particular and a few other vids. She's actually somehow a bit harder than Nicki, though, with a deeper, raspier, less listenable voice. It's decidedly rap instead of rap-pop which is rad, but in general I'm not totally a fan. Track is hot right now, though, even after having been around for a while now.

Don't Wanna Fight Right Now: "Now or Never" by Halsey

This track has come and gone in and out this Summer, but at least got in one last solid week before the leaves fall. I like like 20% of this song, the other 80% is really typical forgettable pop that I can go the rest of my life without ever hearing again and be perfectly happy with. Damn I'm cold this week - the deathly snows of Winter are on their way, folks!

Manos Fritos: "Despacito" by Daddy Yankee Bieber Fonsi

I'll have to tally everything, but this is your presumptive champion. I'm not even really sick of this jam yet, to be honest, and it's probably got some legs left to go into September. Who the hell knows what these Latin guys are saying, at least one part of it is "slowly" so we got that down pat. A bit of a dip this week, but it's gotten its work in!

Dat Bass Tho: "Strip That Down" by Liam Payne ft. Quavo

This is kind of old and I think I talked about it earlier this summer, but this just seemed fresh to me this week and kept popping up. The hook is actually damned sexy and a great summer panty dropper. Classic back-to-school stuff now I suppose. That's right. Not going to do much in lieu of being a Real Jam at this point, but could be a fall thing.

Autumn Queen: "Look At What You Made Me Do" by Tay Sway

Yeah....this song is going to be big. Almost double Katy Perry's "Swish Swish" views already, Taylor makes everyone else look like a joke right now. I'll admit this track has grown on me a bit this week, and the video may actually be brilliant if you know anything about Taylor and her history. I really don't, so it remains indecipherable to me, but it might be a more canny critique of fame and media than first glance. Then again, it's an insane testament to her white girl ego that she expects everyone to be so knowledgeable about her. Again, I really like the breakdown, and the steady confidence of the camera work here is cooler than the forced meme-ing of "Swish Swish." That's not how memes work!

Next year...

We obviously don't know. Maroon 5's terrible new song, "It Ain't Me", "Stay", and the Foo Fighter's terrible new song all missed the cut this week. Tough tummies. Tomorrow we tally it all up and crown our new Summer Royalty! Stay tuned, folks!

Summer Jam 15: This One's DEFINITELY Live.

Hey - it's still Monday! We're in the antepenultimate week of Summer, and things could not be heating up with hotter heat. There are some challengers this week for sure, but more and more looking like a late upset will seal the deal. Read on to find out!

Hot Jam of the Week: "1-800-273-8255" by Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid

This really a perfect zeitgeist-y mix of artists that also has a fairly powerful message. Cara is having a break-out 2017 and Khalid, while less known, and a much worse singer is also strongly debuting. Logic himself is just coming off a solid Rick and Morty appearance. Anyway, this is a powerful track that anyone can relate to if Matthew Modine walks in on you while cuddling some young hot dude. Don Cheadle is also making his music video appearance rounds this summer. Is Don Cheadle doing okay? But really, the name of this track refers to a National Suicide Hotline, and really has relatable meaning beyond forbidden homosexual love.

Since 1966: "Feel It Still" by Portugal. The Man.

This track has been hanging out all summer but came back a bit this week. It's still a remarkably rad song although it's been overshadowed quite a bit by other brighter stars. Like a moon over the sun. Eh? Eh? Ya'll 'clipsin? There's not really a chance this gets in our final count, but it's still a cool jam.

Whiskey Neat: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

In the EDM pop musical chair this week is "It Ain't Me" back for more. It wasn't quite everywhere this week but popped up enough that it got back on my radar. This is still a really cute track that actually has a solidly bitter break-up message. Drinking is fun, though.

Get Nakey! "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna

This has ended up being a decent summer jam, although also 'clipsed by the rival Spanish-laden track that has done a solid job dominating this season. Rihanna really makes this track her own - I know DJ Khaled shows up and yells, but this doofy credit-sharing really needs to end. Why isn't this just a Rihanna song. I suppose it's to bring in the Khaled and at this point, probably Bieber fans, right? Ugh, whatever. It's still a mellow jam.

Nun Time: "Praying" by Ke$ha

I've been big on "Woman" but "Praying" is definitely a force this summer as well that we ought to throw down. I just love the liveliness of "Woman." Ke$ha is awesome and rocking the hell out of Summer 2017 by just being her and this is another great song championing inclusivity. She was everywhere this week, and again, a bit too late to the party for anything really Jam-worthy, but this is still cool. This is also an actual nice centerpiece for Ke$ha's voice without much auto-tune for once, which is amazing.

Vampire Pharrell: "Feels" by Calvin Harris ft. Katy Perry, Pharrell, Big Sean

I really dig this track, although I was struck this week by how much this feels like a desperately cobbled together Summer Jam, manufactured rather than an organic expression of art. Oh, this is a weekly pop countdown, every single song here was created out of a desire to make profit. But "Feels" was bit this week, including one morning where it blasted me awake on the radio FAR too loudly. I still think that Katy Perry is kind of underused, like they could have gotten any random pop chick to sing the bridge instead of one of the biggest stars on the planet.

Not JT: "Attention" by Charlie Puth

I actually did think this was a new Justin Timberlake song. Sorry, I don't know anything about Puth that's not "See You Again." This actually has a sick rumbly beat and has been hanging around for a while but I just had trouble cluing into it and actually understanding that it was a different track than Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You." Far too late to do anything, but acknowledged here.

Mamacito! "Despacito" by Biebs and the Bros

#1 once again is "Despacito" which is really solidifying its position as a possible Summer 2017 King candidate. It'll come down to these next few weeks and how "Issues" turns out, but it's looking damn good for Bieber right now. The Timing has been really solid for the most Core Summer Weeks and it's gotten to the point where everyone knows it. Hell, the pre-Bieber Luis Fonsi version was already a worldwide hit. This is looking more and more like it's in the bag.

Next week...

Things are really coming together, folks. Bruno Mars dropped a "Versace on the Floor" video this week and I really dig that song although it's not really all that popular. Hell, I almost threw in "That's What I Like" again, but resisted. There's a lot that can happen - tune in next week - same NMW time, same NMW place!

Summer Jam Week 14: Weird Galactic Tunes. LIVE!

A week of reckoning is upon us all! It's with great excitement that we bring you yet another seven days of sunshiney fun and the hottest jams around. These last few weeks are critical for those tracks trying to get one more final push into 2017 Pop Relevancy. Let's dig in!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Guardian Inferno" by Zardu Hasselfrau

So yeah, this is basically just marketing. But it rules so much. It's merely a re-purposed Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) theme into a pop disco hit. I didn't even pick up on the entire cast showing up until Karen Gillen's obvious face appears. Even Zoe Saldana just seemed obscured to me, mostly through the shitty 70s video filters. It's amazing getting the entire cast to stoop to this, and everyone, especially Pom Klementieff looks like they're having the time of their lives. I really just wanted to say the name Pom Klementieff, which is more bizarre than any galactic name. Wonder Woman (2017) just beat Guardians for superhero movie gross of the year, but this is a solid attempt at regaining relevancy.

Jamming Continues: "Strobelite" by Gorillaz

Humanz has been a little underrated as the Album of the Summer, but that's also because although it's pretty great, it's not really at Plastic Beach levels. Anyway, this vid dropped this week for probably the second-catchiest jam on the album. I'm weirdly weirded out by grown up, sexy Noodle since I mostly think of her as the child guitar prodigy from their self-titled debut, but I'm sure that's more just me being steeped in fake Gorillaz history. It's also kind of awkward just because of its cartoon-ness interacting with the real world and not really in character here, actually.

Fuckin with My Eyes Closed: "Body Like a Backroad" by Sam Hunt

Sure, this is back. Or maybe it never really left. Sam Hunt's massive crossover hit is making a great case for itself. I am infinitely curious to tally up the final numbers when this all shakes out. At this point we've got the candidates pretty well set but who will be the champ?! This remains a solid country tune, which is an insane thing that I never thought I'd type.

Sad Mouse: "That's What I Like" by Bruno Mars

This is another song that's come and gone all summer, and pretty much peaked far too early to be a real contender, but it's still had some flashes here and there. This week was one of those flashes for sure and it seemed like it popped up everywhere. What's cool is that it's at that point in its lifetime when everyone knows every word, so when it comes on during your party it's a true jam.

Giggle Fits: "Woman" by Ke$ha

This is still probably my favourite non-disco song of the week, but even though it wasn't and likely won't get much radio time, "Woman" was a big part of my life. Not #1 anymore, but a four or five week late run here could do some damage if she basically wins out. Since my ranking each week is so damn random, anyone can jump in. Let's go, Ke$h!

Scotch and Cherry Coke: "Stay" by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

There's a solid competition this whole summer between this, "Issues" and "It Ain't Me" for EDM-ish girl pop jam. "Stay" has stayed, though, and remains a solid tune for at least one more week. The others are kind of done, but could still come back. "Issues" maybe had the best run out of all of them already, though. Will it be enough!?

1D Back in 2020: "Slow Hands" by Niall Horan

I'm decently proud of my complete lack of One Direction knowledge - apparently Niall is a member? Cool. "Slow Hands" is a solid jam and one of the better tunes to come out of that break-up. I was reading about how 1D has all these Beatles-esque solo projects out now. That's not remotely accurate, but this song has done a fine job this summer.

#1 With a Bullet: "Despacito" by Bieber and the Mexicans

"Despacito" actually might be putting everyone else to shame. The clear winner this week, this track doesn't really show any signs of slowing down. A cool tropical fusion jam featuring primarily Spanish singing? Why isn't this the Song of Every Summer?! There are still a few more weeks for sure, but for now, it's looking good for the Biebs.

Next week...

There's a lot that can happen here, folks. Ed Sheeran and Coldplay are still out there doing things that I basically just ignored this week because they suck. And you know, as the world basically descends into hell and chaos (oh hell, we've been on a rough road for a while now), we can all bask in the glory of Fifth Harmony moving on without Camilla Cabello.

Summer Jam Week 13: Moving Despacito into August LIVE!!

We're down to the final month, folks. It's all around amazing, but this Great Summer Season is almost completed. This truly saddens my typically gregarious heart, but alas, there is nothing to be done. Soon the leaves will fall, the pigskin will fly, and little unloved failed abortions will skip their way to through the schoolyard. Let's get into some hot jams!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Marmalade" by Macklemore ft. Lil' Yachty

Macklemore's 2017 stuff has been pretty shit, but this is actually a really awesome song. It doesn't quite hit the heights of "Downtown" (dammit, "Downtown" is my favourite Macklemore song for sure. Maybe "White Walls"), but it comes close. The video is hella cute and it's actually amazing that they found such kids that emulated the mannerisms of Mack and Yacthy. The Lil' Lil' Yachty in particular is perfect. It's a bit too late for any Hot Jam to take off, but this is cool for a few weeks.

Wiggly Time: "Feels" by Calvin Harris ft. Katy, Pharrell, and Big Sean

This song isn't totally a hook like it was a few weeks ago, but got some good attention around the Internets this week, particularly this compelling article, which I'd normally ignore in factoring in my hot decision, although in this case I totally agree with. It could be the bestly constructed track of the Summer, even if it didn't quite stay as long as it should have.

Young, Wild, and Free: "Young Dumb & Broke" by Khalid

This was almost Hot Jam of the week, but I just loved that Macklemore song more. Ironically, this means Khalid gets higher props as a result. It's a good track and Khalid, indeed young as hell, could be the next big thing in the rap game. Actually his voice is totally moany and groany. Catchy, though. It's got a nice zeitgeist feel, which is always rad.

Problems: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

Back again after a minute away, "Issues" makes a strong case for Song of Summer with a swell showing this week. There's a lot up in the air, though, and August can make or break a campaign. This is a solid track, though, and if Summer 2017 gave us anything it's this great up and coming artist getting her actual voice in front of the mike instead of the multitude of songs she's written for others over the years.

Gonna Feel the Back of My Hand: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

Julia Michaels' chief competition right now is this ditty, which had another good showing this week. Cross-over country hits always do really well, because hell, they're already popular as hell in country circles. When you add the rest of the population, forget about it. I think it'll come down to these, probably with some Ed Sheeran or something in there.

Who You Gonna Call: "911" by Tyler the Creator

Yes, now for the exact opposite of Sam Hunt. This is a weird track for Tyler the Creator, who is usually way harsher. Hell, just sample "Who Dat Boy" for some vintage Creator. This track got hot this week, though, in wake of Tyler's latest album, Flower Boy. It's a rad song in an album that is largely okay if not really spectacular. All in all too late to make a serious Summer Jam run, but ripe for the moment.

Bow to the Biebs: "Despacito" by Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, and Bieber

Ha! I bet you thought "Despacito" was #1 this week! Well, it was close but I backed out at the last minute. It has to settle for the penultimate spot, but still had a sold showing over the past few days. It's also a definite contender for Summer King. These next four weeks are going to be exciting, folks!

A MUTHAFUCKIN WOMAAAN: "Woman" by Ke$ha

That's right baby. Ke$ha dropped a few other singles this week, but "Woman" remains the best thing she's done in years, possibly ever. It's actually a mature, not-that-auto-tuned track that sounds great, is fun as hell, and a crazy declaration of freedom after the hell she's been through the past few years. It was also all over the place this week, although not exactly radio-friendly. It was certainly stuck in my head forever.

Next week...

Well, as you can tell, we're all about the final stretch right now. "It Ain't Me" and "Stay" are super-still in play and Charlie XCX's "Boys", our Hot Jam last week was also certainly still hanging around, narrowly left off this week. A lot can happen - we got four more weeks of sweet beautiful sunshiny freedom, people! Crank up those knobs!

Summer Jam Week 12: July We Hardly Knew Ye. LIVE!

Amazingly, we close out July with a fairly underwhelming week in the world of tepid pop music. Sure these hot beats are driving our lives but what does it all mean, really? I've always been one to succumb to the temptation of mindless gyrating to distract myself from the world's real problems. That's what it's all about. Summer Jam Royalty baby! Let's dive in:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Boys" by Charli XCX

You are now gay. This is a nice sweet song, though, and a little bit more toned down from the nuttiness Charli XCX usually cranks out. It's also got just about every type of boy you could ever want featured at some point. It'd be cool if this takes off, but I'm going to go ahead and say it's unlikely.

Summer of Khaled: "I'm the One" by DJ Khaled ft. A Ton of Other People

Has anyone noticed that Bieber and Khaled in some kind of combination do seem to be ruling summer? I haven't always acknowledged it as such, but "I'm the One" popped on my radar this week more than usual, although it's been in the background and #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for quite some time now. We're pretty much past the point of prognostication now, and while in any other sane world this would have a clear chance at being named the Official Jam of Summer 2017, thanks to my insane personal methods there's no way.

Planet Moon: "Something Just Like This" by Coldpay & Chainsmokers

I've been pretty blatant about how much I hate this track as well, and we don't have to get back into that here. This song has also popped in here and there and seemed to surge this week for whatever reason. I can't remember turning on a band so quickly as I have with the Chainsmokers. I think it was after I realised that even though their beats seemed really innovative and distinctive, they only have one! This is like, exactly "Closer" but applied to a Coldplay song, which just makes it so much worse.

Obligatory Wedding or Graduation Greeting: "Congratulations" by Post Malone ft. Quavo

So this is admittedly pretty old, but I was listening to this on the radio this week and thinking to myself, "You know, this is a pretty solid track." And I'm right. Actually, watching this video makes me so less into Post Malone as this weird rasta white dude. I was literally picturing Lil' Yachty. He's kind of halfway between traditional and mumble rap styles. Now that I'm watching this idiot I kind of hate this track. I promise one of these will be positive.

Cults N Shit: "Now or Never" by Halsey

Here is a song that I still actually like and is still actually on a bit of an upswing rather than one that faded with the rest of the Summer Contenders. Halsey's voice is solid, sweet, and just a little raspy that is really appealing right now for some reason. She feels like an anti-pop starlet like Lana Del Ray but actually isn't at all, which is exactly why she works. If this is last jam standing, that'd be great, but it's never really felt dominant this Summer.

Sit, Roll Over: "Stay" by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

Here's another one that's been around forever, but has grown on me as much as it's grown on America, apparently. The beat really isn't anything at all, but Alessia proves again that she could be one of the better pop voices of her generation. She really ought to get out of this typical shit and do some actually interesting, thoughtful work. She has done that I suppose but it hasn't reached Adele mainstream levels. That's way too harsh and judgy. I'm in a bitchy mood today.

Daylight: "Redbone" by Childish Gambino

Just let it roll. I obligated to throw down "Redbone" last week and I just heard it out quite a bit again, and even spurred some discussion with contemporaries of mine about its merit and value. It's all pretty high. I'm amazed at the truly artistic career that comedian and Community weirdo Donald Glover has made for himself and this could quietly kind of become a legit Summer Jam, old as it is.

Long and Winding Road: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

So, with a #2 spot last week and #1 this week, Sam Hunt is very much in the hunt towards immortal Summer Jam status. That's some wild stuff. This is still like the third ever country song that I can stand listening to, and it inspired that conversation like four times this week whenever it came on and I was around people. At this point it's time for jams to start clinching, and Julia Michaels' "Issues" needs to come back if it's going to make good on its frontrunner June status.

Next week...

There were plenty of other hot jams that I ignored because they were stupid. This includes Nicki Minaj's new joint with Future, Selena Gomez's "Fetish" video (sounds way hotter than it is), that weird one from Macklemore about his grandma, Demi Lovato's "Sorry Not Sorry" which is an awful song, and Kendrick Lamar's "Loyalty" which is totally legit, but I've also just overdone my Kendrick love this summer. Really the soundtrack for the Summer should just be DAMN. and that's it, but we've got other shit going on, people. Stay tuned!

Summer Jam Week 11: Ed Sheeran, Hobos, and White Walkers, LIVE from Downtown Cincinnati!

Well, we're actually paying attention and on time this week, which is a big plus for everyone involved! Especially you, the reader. Oh, loyal reader. How naive you are to still be following this crackpot after we've jerked you around for eight years! Wanna hear some cherry jams? Yeah you do! Get an earful of this shit!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Talking to Myself" by Linkin Park

It was incredibly tragic this week to hear the news that the greatest Transformers-soundtrack contributor had passed away. Chester Bennington purportedly took his own life, who joins a really bummer year from rock frontmen. Let's not kid ourselves - Chester Bennington was no Chris Cornell and beyond that one summer between eight and ninth grade, Linkin Park blows. I fucking own Hybrid Theory, man. This song is no different, but RIP you terrible, terrible singer. I actually do dig a lot of those Transformers songs.

Jam or...Meme? "Redbone" by Childish Gambino

"Redbone" has of course been hanging out for a while both in general existence and as a weird steadily growing meme. I've actually started to hear it blast on the radio, though, which means that it's actually crossed over to old people's analog ears. It's really unlike any other song, certainly any modern song, which sounds as much like Donald Glover as Danny Glover, that's also good for just about any scenario. It's taken off in the Land of the Internet hardcore and while it's come on a big too gradual and yet also specific to really be a Jam contender, it's worth a commentary here.

RumNCola: "Stay" by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

This is honestly a Julia Michaels / Selena Gomez / Alessia Cara roulette that the latter wins this week. "Stay" had a bare edge this week, and while it's an infinitely enjoyable pop jam for this moment, I am curious how much we revere it ten or twenty years down the road. In the year 2046 will we think back and be like "Damn, dat Zedd knew his beats..." This is perhaps unfair and crowning a Summer Jam champion is as much about reveling in the songs of the moment as anything else. Still, that "sittin on the sofa drinkin rum n cola" line gets me every time.

Whole Lotta LUUV: "Now or Never" by Halsey

Speaking of superfluous pop...Halsey seems to have a better pulse on grungy youth than most pristine artists out there. She's like the 2017 version of Ke$ha, if Ke$ha wasn't also making a little comeback. Same as "Stay" I do like one or two vocal moments here, mostly in that first bridge. Halsey has done better, but this is a groovy enough track for Summer 2017 that is on more an upswing than downswing.

If I'm Gonna Make a Weekly Jam Countdown I'ma Make It Look Sexy: "Element." by Kendrick Lamar

And with that, we've achieved the longest joke introduction title ever. We're all pretty proud over here. "Element." may be crawling up to be my fav DAMN. track, and it was stuck in my head all week. It doesn't really have that gargantuan "Humble." immediate widespread appeal, but it's still a quality track that deserves its own fight in this jungle of wild misty summer jams.

Nakey Nakey Nakey: "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna

Just in time for her latest movie Valerian and the Journey to the Center of Valerian (2017) to bomb, we've got a way better Rihanna song that sizzles this summer. It's still fresh enough that I momentarily forget that it exists when it comes on and then I shimmy shimmy get into it. Like most collabos I wish Bryson Tiller or whatever was not involved and this was just a RiRi show, but what can you do. A few minutes past the summer halfway point this could still charge pretty solidly.

Whiplash: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

Just to go in the complete opposite direction, "Body Like a Back Road" came back in a big back road way this week and remains one of the now half-dozen country tracks that I can actually tolerate. It's been here and out all summer and will probably end up making a swell case for itself, although I might suspect true jamdum eludes it.

The Night's Watch: "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran

So during last week's um...escapade I gave "Shape of You" the unofficial winning node, but I thought he probably deserved his own write-up. This week was much more Sheeran-y anyway. Sure, you got Game of Thrones to push that, and whether you dug the cameo or not, who cares, people were talking Eddy and listening to this shitty song. It's all good. Here's your true #1 week.

Next week...

By now we really have a strong contingent of contenders contemplating the conquering of Summer. We ignored a whole bunch this week including "Issues", "Despacito", "It Ain't Me", and "Bad Liar" which I re-watched and damn that video is so stupid weird. I also really still like "Feels". Anyone else? I guess not. All of these are canonized and fo sho in the mix, although with my haphazard throwing around of winners and losers who knows. That's part of the fun, folks! Stay tuned as we wrap up July!

Summer Jam Week 10: LIVE! Let's just Move Past the Lateness for a Quick One

To update you folks once again, I've been in the process of moving to Cleveland this whole month and it's gone relatively smoothly, but I also lacked Internet for a good five days there. This of course didn't stop me on my phone, but after eating up my month's allotment of data in the first three days I decided to chill on the YouTubing Summer Jams.

So, for the first time ever during a Summer Monday, I don't have a list for you. This is tragic, and we'll have to get back at it next week. For now, know that the jams in contention were the typical, "Issues" by Julia Michaels, "Sign of the Times" by Harry "Dunkirk" Styles, "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran (probably the #1 bastard after managing a rando Game of Thrones appearance), "Despacito" by the Biebs and Daddy Yankee, and "It Ain't Me" by Selena. How many is that? Five? That's good enough.

For your Hot Jam, dish on "Woman" by Ke$ha ft. The Dap-Kings Horns, whatever that is:

On Monday we'll return to your regularly scheduled Hot Summer Jam programming.

Summer Jam Week 8: TOTALLY ON TIME LIVE EDITION

I rarely talk about my personal life here (read: never), but I'll note that this post was a day late because I just got a new job in Cleveland, Ohio and spent most of the weekend driving across the country. I know this doesn't make up for my Jam-tardiness. You've been waiting for this forever. I did listen to a ridiculous amount of Jam Candidates in the car, though, making this the most accurate rundown ever.

Hot Jam of the Week: "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar



This isn't nearly as catchy or invigorating as "Humble." or "DNA." but the video full of slow motion rage is damned spectacular. I think Kendrick's shot at a legit Summer Jam has probably passed, but he's a solid contender for straight-up album of the Summer with DAMN. which keeps churning out incredible singles proving that he's a rapper without real parallel right now.

I Get a Little Bit Franklin Han: "Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow

I'll stop highlighting obscure alt songs as legit pop competitors soon but I had this track in my head all week this week. I've had so many weeks like this this summer, but particularly this week. It's so damn earwormy. It's not much for radio play yet, but that hardly matters. I'm curious to see what else Miike's got for us.

Through the Jungle: "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna, Bryson Tiller

I'll admit to being thoroughly unimpressed by this at first listen last week, but it's grown on me a bit and I've enjoyed it more as it's begun to rise up this week. It's actually a decent latin guitar-filled Summer tune that could strike it big if it gains a bit more traction. I'm curious if it's actually TOO chill, though. There's not too much here and Rihanna just kind of shows up, but it's got a nice amount of bite to it.

More Latino: "Despacito" by Justin Bieber ft. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee

I'm not really sure if this is a true Bieber song or not, but the Bieber version is totally the better track. Who knows what he's singing about - something about a burrito - but it's still a pretty sexy sunny summer jam to chew on. What do Caribbeans do all year long? It's summer every day, right? I'm glad we Americans at least appropriate their culture from May to August. It's a good time.

More New Americana: "Now or Never" by Halsey

I dig Halsey's voice, especially as this new generation's grimy go-to track filler, although her solo stuff is probably her best. The high notes here towards the beginning are gorgeous and totally suitable for some pop-jam-ness. I'm a bit worried this song isn't distinctive enough at all to really jump out - indeed the beat is totally uninspiring. We'll see how it goes.

Sippin Rum n Cola: "Stay" by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

Here's an oldie but a goodie that definitely had an upsurge this week. I couldn't even really separate this from other Alessia Cara songs, but I do really enjoy that "Sippin Rum n Cola" bit, hence my shout-out above. This really adds to the female EDM pop wave that's crashing all over Summer 2017, which isn't totally a bad thing, but really feels like a lot of the same thing. This is enjoyable, but also kind of whatever. It's been around for a long damn time, too, and may not have much energy left to be a viable jam.

Unstoppable: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

I may be calling it now - "Issues" has a huge lead. This could very well be it. Even running through the rest of this list for the week there's not really another song that already feels SO 2017. There is a lot of Summer left, of course, as we're just about to crest the halfway point, but it'd be cool to see Julia Michaels run out in front of this.

Whiskey Neat: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

There were some heavy contenders this week, but "It Ain't Me" rose to the top to complete our extensive series of female vocal-led EDM tracks. I like this jam, but I do think it could do a bit more lyrically with the tension between love and moving on from helping a helpless drunken jerk. It feels pretty Summer, though, and it's star will shine bright yet.

Next week...

As we round Independence Day Weekend we're nearly at the half-way point, which is a miracle. There were plenty of jems I left off this week including Calvin Harris' new mega-collabo "Feels", DJ Khaled and Justin Bieber's "I'm The One", Miley's "Malibu", and Niall Horan's "Slow Hands", which gives me sincere pains to ignore. Stay tuned to see them crack next week!

Summer Jam 2017 Week Six - LIVE from the Downtown Colosseum

We're getting into the thick of it now, people. We're quickly approaching the heart of Summer as we round through June. School is about to get out for many of the little bastard unloved children across the country and then, truly the Months of Sun may begin. Let's get sweaty, weird, and frisky!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Rich Friends" by Portugal. The Man

There's so much I love about this. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's Glenn Howerton showing up with what he's been up to since apparently leaving the series, along with his wife appears in this video that's really unique advertisement-based storytelling. The song is also rad and riding this sudden Portugal. The Man wave, which in my head is always Foster the People on both sonic quality and name similarity. This is probably one of the best videos of the year, as the story gets more and more creative and dark as it progresses, all through pop-up ads. It's brilliant.

Bryne of the Brymes: "Sign of the Times" by Harry Styles

After a few weeks' absense, Harry is back with this underrated brooding gem which ain't really all that brooding, but looks it for some reason. I'm really struck by how un-Bieber this little prick is. He's actually not a prick at all, right? I don't know Harry Styles. Does he suck? I don't really care. I haven't listened to a single One Direction song ever, but this is killer and that's all that matters. It still feels like it's a bit of come and go in terms of Summer Jam-ness, but we'll see if it can keep crawling.

Kish Kish: "Swish Swish" by Katy Perry ft. Nicki Minaj

Katy seems everywhere right now, doesn't she? But not totally in a great light. I felt like Katy Perry could do no wrong for so long now it's all wrong. This jam has grown on me, though, and even though it doesn't totally seem like it's the dominating track Katy probably really wanted it to be (I'm not sure we'll ever get there again), and it's not charting all that well, it's still sticking around. If it's going to jump and become THE JAM, though, it's got some work to do.

Julia #1: "Uh-Huh" by Julia Michaels

This is slowly becoming my favourite track of 2017, and I was pumped to see at least a neon-soaked lyric video drop this week. Will we get proper single treatment and a real video any time soon? I can only hope that this clever, playful, and oddly melancholy song becomes a great summer jam. In non-me worlds, it definitely doesn't quite have traction yet, but it's got the potential to be a sexy dance jam for everyone.

Selena #1: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo, Selena Gomez

This still doesn't really feel like a Selena song, and that's probably because it's more a Kygo song with Gomez just lending her voice, but this track persisted this week. It's a pretty heartbreaking song, that's kind of fun to sing along to until you realize what you're jamming about. It's not all that summer-y when you get down to it, but it ought to hang out for a bit yet.

Julia #2: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

You may say it's crazy that half of this list is dominated by two artists, but dammit, I'm into it. "Issues" has been more consistent than a lot of songs I thought would make a run this summer, and although it may be tottering a bit, it could end up making a good run by just sticking around and gaining points each week where others have faltered. This is such a downer song after "Uh-Huh" though. Sucks listening back to back. I think this girl's got some talent, though, but "Issues" is probably a little too Ellie Goulding for her own good.

Nall That: "Slow Hands" by Niall Horan

Our one rock representative this week, even though this is totally not a rock song and that Imagine Dragons "Believer" crap came close. "Slow Hands" has been around for a minute but I really just clued in on it this week. It's got a solid beat with a lovely little git-box breakdown during the hook. It's got more potential than I gave it credit for, and it's actually a better song than you think when you first hear it. Still, I had to look up the name (for some reason, "Slow Hands" even though Niall says it 40 times, didn't stick in my brain), and for sure, what the hell kind of name is Niall anyway. Still, here we go.

Pants on Fire: "Bad Liar" by Selena Gomez

AKA Selena #2. This song did okay this week, but damn that video, which is so weird and kind of creepy and all the way insane. It's just what we needed. There's not many instantly memorable videos that drop like this anymore. I mean, what is going on here? It totally seems like Student Selena has a crush on Homeroom Selena, but maybe it's Phys Ed Teacher Selena, who is flirty with Homeroom Selena? But by the end it's like, Student Selena has a big lesbian crush on herself as Phys Ed Teacher Selena? There's one word here. Awesome. And I've said this before and have actively tried avoiding talking about it, but it's unmistakable. Selena Gomez is 24 years old but still looks like a fucking 12-year old. It's so much worse in this video. Even in a moustache. Still, this song rules.

Next week...

I meant to mention Run the Jewels "Legend Has It" from that Black Panther trailer, which is all sorts of awesome and may gain a few notes here. The #1 song in the country according to Billboard is "Despacito" which I have never consciously heard play in my life - that and Bieber's "I'm the One" with DJ Khaled seem to keep trying to happen, but just aren't in my world. Am I off the pulse listening to non-stop Julia Michaels? Stay tuned, listeners.

Summer Jam Week FIVE LIVE Selena Takes All Our Money!

Summer rolls along and it's time again to espouse the sexiest, saltiest, savoriest jams of the week. There were a ton of hot new beats dropped this week, and we were tempted to do an All-New Hotness Edition, but a lot of holdover tracks were still jamming enough to get their shout-out here. We might get to a hotness week one of these weeks, but for now we're at least 50% old crap. Let's start thumping!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Good Cop Bad Cop" by Ice Cube

I went through a lot of new jams this week but knew I had to pick this ditty when I came across it. This is a new track on Cube's reissue of his 1992 album Death Certificate, and while it has plenty of relevant politically charged lyrics daaaayumn that beat is hot, son. We haven't really heard Ice Cube rap in a while. He's been distracted making terrible xXx movies, corny family films, and the occasional 21 Jump Street (2012). It's nice to be reminded of how damn good he is spitting bars, and this is totally Death Certificate-worthy.

Fard Crimes: "Hard Times" by Paramore

For some reason I have trouble coming up with puns on this one. Maybe because it's just such an inexplicable song. It's perfect background noise, though, such innocuous mid-day Summer bar music or commercial or movie fodder. It's all the same crap. But it's enjoyable, and that's the real point here. Can we really fault a song for being competent and uninteresting, but still pretty fun? I don't know, but that's Paramore.

Get Close to Sombodda: "The Way I Are" by Bebe Rexha

I never quite know what to think of Bebe Rexha. She looks like a sexy little rat who can't really sing, but smiles a lot like she can, so that's something nice. Lil Wayne appears here autotuning it up, which is probably just to make Bebe look better. This reeks of a confident music video that also doesn't really have any purpose other than pop glory, which is evident all over the place. That may not be a bad thing, but there's not a ton of depth or interestingness here. This also gets really weird with Indian appropriation. It's cheeky pop, so it could last, but I've grown to dislike it.

iBrya: "iSpy" by KYLE ft. Lil' Yachty

This track returns for a little bump this week, and I for sure haven't gotten really sick of it yet, even if it's been muscled out lately. I do think that Lil' Yachty is becoming emblematic of the mumble-rap even more than his predecessors, Desiigner and Fetty Wap. There's lots of sticky moments here, though, which is generally positive and uplifting, which is kind of rare for a big crossover summer rap hit. I'm down.

Now Flip It Around: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

Yes, the exact opposite of "iSpy." America! See, we can live in harmony. Both these songs are just about hooking up with chicks, that's what it's all about. America. This has been hanging around for a bit now, and maybe wasn't totally prominent but means a lot to my life right now. Or at least I found myself singing along on the radio. I still use radio. I'm glad this song appeals to radio users. Do we even have shared radio experiences anymore when everyone Spotifies? These are questions above mortal understanding.

Faces in the Street: "Bad Liar" by Selena Gomez

It might also just be my personal taste, but "Bad Liar" has found a way of persisting. Selena Gomez gets under my skin with in her voice and rhythm, which is endlessly infectious. I don't even know if this rises above kewl car jams, though. Can you rock out to this at a party? Dance to it at a wedding? That's all in the ether. Still, it's proven to have some legs by now and should continue.

Like MJ: "Swish Swish" by Katy Perry ft. Nicki Minaj

Katy Perry is trying really really hard to have a stunner Summer Jam. "Bon Appetit" ended up fizzling a bit, but this was "Swish Swish"'s week. She's been on YouTube live non-stop and keeps popping up doing weird promotional shit with Gordon Ramsay and more. Maybe "Swish Swish" is her key, and it is a pretty cool song. I do feel like this should have been a more monumental collabo than it is, but you kind of get the feeling that Katy and Nicki are each doing their own separate thing rather than really being true bffs. Nicki even gets to break it down late in the track like it's her own. It ends up coming off as two songs in one, with both artists doing their own thing over the same beat. It's possible it finally gains some traction, but Katy's trying really hard here.

Drunk and All Alone: "It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

I had no idea that this was Selena, I actually thought it might have been her doppelganger, Kiiara, based on the choppiness of the bridge, but this is an adorable song that's also super heart-breaking. It also is super-young, drunk, and stupid, which is all rad. It's been around for a minute, but like every one and done #1 Jam this summer, was every where this week. Maybe that'll be this summer's theme. It's worked for the past five weeks, at least. Stay tuned for more of this junk, listeners!

Next week...

I narrowly gave the axe to Harry Styles' "Sign of the Times" which I think could still come back and be something. Other than that, we saw new drops by Blink 182, TLC, Dan Auerbach, Chicano Batman, Little Mix, Fifth Harmony (sans Camila Cabello), and Lorde this week that could all become things. Well, that Blink 182 song sucked, but it was remarkable how much that TLC track sounded 90s. The future is upon us! We're still well in need of an ubiquitous Summer Jam, so much so that I almost wonder if this column is worth doing anymore. We at least have all of Kendrick's DAMN. providing a soundtrack to the NBA Finals.

Summer Jam Week 4: LIVE Genghis Khan Attacks China!

You heard that right. Welcome to another LIVE edition of the Summer Jam 2017 countdown - all your hottest hits are right here for your musical pleasure! There were a lot of great special jams dropped this week as we roll into the month of June, which for many is when Summer officially starts. We've been at this for a month now, but it's time to rock out again!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Run" by Foo Fighters

I got super hammered Friday night and discovered this, which I half-remembered until now. It's an okay song, but the age make-up is crazy and weird and awesome and it's nice to hear a new Foo song, especially one as hardcore as this. It's already pretty popular and could be a great crossover rock hit that does some damage this summer. I've yet to hear non-Internet plays, but no one but me cares about that anymore.

Common Cold: "The Cure" by Lady GaGa

GaGa is hanging around while Katy seems to have evaporated as soon as she crashed. "The Cure" is a sly song that's deceptively catchy even when it's forgettable upon first listen. I still think this isn't quite the Summer Jam GaGa needs, and its position here is pretty precocious. I'd expect "Bon Appetit" to return soon, but who knows at this point.

High Again: "High" by Sir Sly

This is probably getting more attention than it deserves, but once again we get High with Sly. I didn't notice that this video only has like 800,000 views on YouTube, which is crazy, but it's a damn fun song that deserves the notice. Spare me the scant joy this brings - we gotta get hot here. This could come or go from here, but is probably on the edge more than I want it to be. It's my countdown, dammit.

It Ain't Easy: "Hard Times" by Paramore

Do you remember the last Paramore song? I had to do some research and now my YouTube account thinks I really dig Paramore, which is unfortunate. That'd be 2014's "Ain't it Fun" and 2013's "Still Into You." I really hate those vague titles that could literally be the name of any song from any era ever. Hayley Williams is probably better known as the chick from "Airplanes" but this probably their best work. It's got a solid amount of spirit and feels like a proper Summer Jam. It almost struck the Hot Jam position and the timing is good if it can settle down and hang around for a while.

Something Just Like Piss: "Something Just Like This" by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay

Sorry, I just hate this song. It's so dumb. Our #1 from last week falls a bit and after hearing it everywhere last week it seemed to dry up. That's probably coincidental, but as an introspection into my life it didn't show up nearly as much. It could still hang around, but I'm inclined to think it's on its way out. Ugh that scratchy Chainsmoker percussion is so 2016. Get over it.

Tissues for: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

Michaels almost had a hot jam this week to add to the superb "Issues" in "Uh-huh", which is actually a way more awesome track. She's fucking silky, right? I have no idea what she's all about or anything, but I think she's just barely one notch above every other terrible white girl singing her heart out these days. A couple more months of establishing her brand can be helpful, and "Issues" has actually been one of the more consistent songs on this bonkers list each week.

Back Hand in the Back Country: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

That's right. This track is creeping up and up and made a solid effort this week. I actually like this song and thump my head along with it, which is such a rarity. It's all about the smooth rhythm and lack of twang that just destroys most other country songs. It's subtle in its supreme irritation. Maybe I'm just becoming more sympathetic to flyover country. This needs a video with some chick in cut-offs in a lift kit and just be the most American Summer Ever. Fuck France!

Asia is Ours! "Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow

Alright, so this out of now where, but this song genuinely ran my life this week. I did here this here and there but also totally played it on my own fourteen hundred times. It's a really cool little song with a bonkers video and solid metaphor. This is a gutsy #1 pick, but they've all been this year. This could stick around and maybe a contender this summer, but probably not. We've gone really crazy so far. Summer Jam Queen will probably be like "Issues" or something.

Next week...

We'll see if Miike Snow can stick around, perhaps not in the #1 spot. I'm also looking at Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, who narrowly missed out this week, and Lorde's new track, "Perfect Plan." That in addition to a ton of new spicy jams make it an exciting time to have ears! Stay tuned, loyal listeners!

Summer Jam Week 3: Coldplay Assaults LIVE!!

As Memorial Day reaches a close we're officially in the thick of summer now, people. Our eternal Jam contenders are codifying and it's looking like a really thrilling summer. Well, it sure is a summer, alright. That perennial #1 jam seems to be elusive so far, as we've had three dominators in three weeks. Still, let's crank up the volume and yank off the knob!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Good Morning" by Grouplove

This flies in the face of most of what the Hot Jam of the Week is all about - this song dropped six months ago, but I have a soft spot for Grouplove and they have a new album that just dropped and they're amping this song up as a lead single. It's not particularly great nor as earworm-y as something like "Tongue Tied" but I heard it for the first time this week and that's good enough for me.

The Last Knight? "Heavy" by Linkin Park ft. Kiiara

I really thought this was like, a Fast and Furious song, but I think that's because it kind of sounds like the hook to "See You Again" but I guess it's just a straight up Linkin Park pop song, which is all kinds of terrible to what terrible fans they may have had left. Listen, I actually own Hybrid Theory, and yeah, it's pretty bad listening to it seventeen years later (holy shit, Hybrid Theory came out in 2000), but at least it's something. It's not like a crappy twenty-one pilots / Imagine Dragons modern pseudo pop-rock rip off. I really just want to hear what they have in store for Transformers: The Last Knight (2017). No? It's amazing that the modern films seem to have switched to Imagine Dragons. The context of that sentence's existence is insane. Perhaps it's less weird now that Linkin Park has shifted their sound. Getting back to this jam, it's possible it has some legs, we'll have to see. Or hear.

High by the Beach: "High" by Sir Sly

Sir Sly returns with this jam that hasn't quite established itself (I had to record it on my phone and look it up later because I liked it...for the second week in a row). It's a cool jam, though, and feels thoroughly modern, even if it's likely coasting off a Foster the People / Portugal. The Man kind of mid-2010s rhythm. That's another insane sentence. This is still decent, though, and it's got a slick tone. I'm not sure how long it'll last but cool.

That Country Life: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

It's so rare that I actually like a country song, much less slap one on here, but Sam Hunt did it this week. This joins the ranks of "Low Places", that Florida Georgia Line / Nelly song, and that one that Miranda Lambert did a while ago as country jams I actually like. Anyway, crossover appeal can be a powerful thing for country jams, even if they're purportedly popular in all those weird non-New York City parts of the country, wherever that is.

Talkin it Out: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

I always need to kind of hear this song again for a little bit for it to register with me what it is, but that just seems like all of modern pop music, right? As soon as I remember what this is, I really like it, and I feel like it'll hang around for a while just sort of being there and existing without ever really breaking into that hot #1 spot. Good enough. The world needs music!

Shit, Do I Like Harry Styles? "Sign of the Times" by Harry Styles

I kept hearing this jam over and over this week and had no idea who sung it until I looked it up to write this post. Harry Styles isn't really on my radar since I'm a heterosexual thirty-year old man, and I'm not aware of any One Direction drama or gossip or anything, but he always kind of looked like a chode so I didn't care. This is a great song, though! Shit! Harry Styles is legit. This is obviously on the Dunkirk (2017) soundtrack, right? I have no idea what he sings in falsetto but I love it. Great litmus test. I think this could do some damage this summer and put Styles on the map in a way classier way than Justin Bieber or his other wuss contemporaries.

Pants on Fire: "Bad Liar" by Selena Gomez

This jam is also gaining traction and is set up pretty well this summer. I'd be excited to see a really good video drop that can push it ahead in June. The timing is excellent and I'm at a stage where I just want to listen to this more and more instead of it cresting and being terrible. Good on you, Selena, even if Kiiara continues to steal your look, voice, and career.

It's All Yellow: "Something Just Like This" by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay

Listen, I resisted this for a long time, but it was everywhere this week. I would change radio stations and keep finding it. Unescapable! This song is terrible, and I didn't even know it was a Chainsmoker joint - in my head I knew it as "That Shitty Coldplay EDM" song. Neither style really fits the other here and everything seems like a weird clash. It is hella old, so maybe it won't have too much gas left. Still, you got to think it'll make an impact this summer. We can all pray that the Chainsmokers' terrible music will cease being cool eventually. Right?

Next week...

Katy Perry has gotten all this weird backlash this week, which I don't really buy into. Still, I didn't get much of either "Swish Swish" or "Bone Appetit" this week. They're certainly not finished. I mentioned Sir Sly above, but Portugal. The Man's "Feel It Still" is still definitely a contender as well. Finally, "iSpy" is also still a think, but I snubbed them this week in favor of some fresher jams. They'll be back. I was even tempted by GaGa's "The Cure" again this week! Stay tuned, loyal listeners!

Katy Perry Does Double Duty LIVE Summer Jam Week 2!

Once again we're coming at you LIVE on Week 2 of the Official Norwegian Morning Wood Summer Jam Countdown - our destiny is here until Labour Day - let's get into some funk, baby! We have eight songs that are ready to pop like candy-coated dynamite here just for you, the loyal listener. Let's jam.

Hot Jam of the Week: "Swish Swish" by Katy Perry ft. Nicki Minaj

Two weeks, two Hot Katy Perry jams, but what can I say? She's bringing it. Nicki doesn't bring a ton to this track that a random group like Migos do, but it's a good enough song that continues to firm up Katy's new brand. This takes about a minute to get interesting, and is in every way a lesser track to "Bon Appetite" but it's trending enough this weekend to earn a spot here.

Dropped: "iSpy" by Kyle ft. Lil' Yachty

Our #1 last week is barely holding on - this just wasn't an earworm this week. There's a lot of competition right now as everyone settles into their summer jam hood. "iSpy" was never destined for a crown, having dropped far too early, but it should still have some juice in it going forward for a few months.

SWE: "High" by Sir Sly

Here's your random track for the week. I heard this jam this week and was digging it hardcore. There's of course no real hope this number catches on, but I like highlighting some random alt jams like this from time to time. It has a fantastic, cutty rhythm and almost feels like an old Foster the People song.

Issues Need Tissues: "Issues" by Julia Michaels

This jam seems like it's been around for a bit, although just this week it started really chugging forward. I have no idea who Julia Michaels is, but she can sing the hell out both the hook and verse work of a song like this. The lyrical content is very whatever, we've heard this a million times from anyone who's ever sung anything ever, but the way it straddles in between ballad and upbeat dance number is engrossing. I bet this could stay for a minute.

Bone Ape Tit: "Bon Appetit" by Katy Perry ft. Migos

This ain't going anywhere. It's a beautiful EDM / Pop / Rap song that merges everything like a bountiful buffet. I'm fearful of Katy dominating all of Summer forever, which is totally possible right now. I don't really know if this is supposed to be goofy Katy or serious Katy, but it's surely sexy Katy, and that always works. Let the assault begin.

Like Kellyanne Conway: "Bad Liar" by Selena Gomez

I almost slotted this in the Hot Jam slot, but it works better here, because it totally legit took over a ton this week. This is kind of like that Julia Michaels song in that it's been around for a second without exactly making a name for itself. Like "Same Old Love" a few years back she does a really nice job with the progression of her vocal work and it's totally sexy even if at 24 years old she still looks like she's in middle school.

Rebel Just for Kicks: "Feel It Still" by Portugal. The Man

Now this is this week's earworm. Portugal. The Man has had a few jams here and there but this is by far their biggest jam to date. It's a little old, but rock songs always seem to have a delayed reaction from release to prominence. This has such an engaging and fun beat and vocal work that makes for a great summer contender. Can it hold on? I'm inclined to say no, but for now and maybe here and there this will pop up.

The Old Man: "That's What I Like" by Bruno Mars

Definitely an old song, but it's hung around and was good enough to earn that Top Spot this week. It assuredly won't last, but in this state of flux, it's got it. It's been around long enough that its hotness gets even hotter with mouthed lyrics at dance clubs and a knowing nodding approval. For some reason Bruno Mars is the only one really pushing funk these days, or is at least the most successful at it. I'd be eager to see what else he might drop to secure a Summer Jam Kingdom.

Next week...

What new song with Katy Perry drop? Can GaGa surge back ahead? What about everyone else? These are the questions that have plagued humanity for all of history. I also narrowly kicked out "Rockabye" this week which is still knocking on the door. Altogether these really are the hot ones right now, and I struggle seeing much besides a shuffle of the order next week. Stay tuned, true believers, the Summer's just starting to sizzle!

Here We Do! SUMMER JAM 2017 WEEK 1 LIVE!

Let us begin! Coming to you live on the first Monday after the Summer Season officially begins, it's that age old time to once again recount all the hottest jams of the country each week until only one remains to be crowned THE Summer Jam of 2017! We've been doing this...for many many years and this has clearly evolved into one of our least popular columns, but dammit if it isn't still a thrill to dig into the sexiest jams each week.

So the magic number is eight - always has been and always will be. Think of this more like whatever jams I really wanted to talk about more than whatever's actually hot. That always makes the end of the year tally more valid. Now, we've only got seventeen weeks, so every notch counts!

HOT JAM OF THE WEEK! "Bon Appétit" by Katy Perry ft. Migos

This will definitely rise fast, and even though there are many possible candidates this week, it's clear that Katy Perry has been priming a mini-comeback from her mini-sort of hiatus lately with "Chained to the Rhythm" then this, which blows everything out o the water. Her new style seems to be somewhere between more traditional Lo Fi Chill-Hop beats and a really engrossing vocal rhythm, with some healthy rap collabos. Migos are the hottest hip-hop group around right now, and their inclusion is very natural to make a killer summer jam. This song is debuting at a perfect time and won't go anywhere till mid-July.

Old Jam Holding On: "That's What I Like" by Bruno Mars

Bruno has also had a great pair of songs in the past six months - following up the wonderful "24K Magic" with this smooth jam that comes close to being superior. It's definitely on the tail end of its cosmic journey across pop culture, but still getting airplay and notoriety enough to be worth a mention here. It may even survive a few more weeks, but likely not a true Jam candidate.

Smokin! "Mask Off" by Future

Future blows, as does this song but I really wanted to mention this because a friend of mine was telling me the other day that Future was trying to steal his friend's girlfriend. This of course makes no sense outside of an insane lifestyle that I want to learn much more about. This song is doing alright and Future's stock is rising. We'll keep an eye on it.

Oppam One-Hit Wonder Style: "New Face" by PSY

I really love non-"Gangnam Style" PSY songs for two reasons: 1) The 2012 smash was a ridiculous worldwide YouTube-driven novelty song and 2) He's actually equally insane and hilarious in all his videos, and "New Face" preserves a lot of that "Gangnam Style" weirdness and sick dance moves. It will of course not catch on, but it's still a sweet jam to crank out this summer. You'll at least get a lot of fun quizzical looks! He also dropped "I LUV IT" this week but that's a bit weaker to me.

A Star is Born: "The Cure" by Lady GaGa

It's been a few years since she was a serious Summer Jam contender, and whether she sees this herself or not (I doubt it), I've always pictured GaGa as eternally pining for a Summer Jam Crown. "The Cure" is a little old but still pretty fresh, and from Super Bowl LI it's been clear that she wants 2017 to become the Year of GaGa. Unfortunately that may have been 2009 or maybe 2011, which is getting to be a minute ago. I think this could keep tracking for a few weeks or at least set up another single off Joanne, but once again, she's dueling Katy this summer.

Interchangeable Pop Ballad of the Week: "Rockabye" by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie

This was a big jam this week but totally also a random pop song that no one will care about in three weeks' time. You can always tell the songs like this since the amount of artists you need to credit is longer than the song title. Nice to hear Sean Paul here although I was totally just thinking Pitbull the whole time. I just realized that Pitbull took over the career that Sean Paul was building. That's fucked up. There's nothing really special about this song, but it's cool for now.

Speaking Of: "I'm the One" by DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne

It may be weird to hear, but I actually don't have anything at all against Justin Bieber. In fact I dig most of his tracks, especially "Love Yourself" which I still tune everything else out to jam to. This is a pretty stupid song, though, even if it's #1 on the Billboard Charts this week. There's a lot going on here and it doesn't come close to some of Chance the Rapper's great hits like "No Problem" that he cranked out last year with Lil Wayne. He's still probably the best part of this jam. It could stay around a while since it has the momentum, but I don't think it'll ever really threaten for Summer King.

Cosby or Eddie Murphy: "iSpy" by KYLE ft. Lil' Yachty

I had to look up a few things - namely, KYLE, and the stylization of "iSpy" for some reason, but this is far and large the catchiest song of the week. There's not an artist that more embodies 2017 to me than Lil' Yachty, who just seems to get this generation, probably because he's actually of this generation. This is a little bit outdated and will probably only ride until June or so, which makes its Summer Jam status a reach, but we'll see what it can do.

Next week...

I was tempted to shout out DNCE's new jam with Nicki Minaj, but the song sucks hard. Kendrick Lamar has also had a lot of big awesome jams drop lately, but I'm not sure any of them are actually Top 8 yet - "Humble." is the chief, but that's definitely a bit played out by now. Still, it could easily creep back. Stay tuned! We got 16 more weeks of this crap!