This summer just won't end. Usually that's a good, amazing, wonderful thing! This is hell. Hell, baby! We've got some hellishly smokin' red hot jams for your earholes today you fat fucks! It's time to kick things up a notch. We're real fresh this week. Hot salmon in the sun. Fresh and pink. We are...we are, we are really something here. Okay. Here we go:
Hot Jam of the Week: "Laugh Now Cry Later"
This is such...not that great of a song. Also just a straight up Nike commercial? Drake looks like he's gained some weight. He's starting to get DJ Khaled vibes. Maybe it's muscle. He certainly seems like he wants to be an athlete. This article summed up a lot of feelings better than I can. He's just making memes now. Corporate, safe memes. And coasting off being the top rapper for the last decade. This could be a big song. It's so mellow, though and just not really seizing a moment. Whatever, that's Drake.
Okay, I still like this a lot and we shared it this week, but it's definitely not a notable track at all. I really dig it and it's so of our zeitgeist it's sickening. I could listen to it forever, it's such a peak of anger, sadness, melancholy, and rage. Also all true. This year is awful. Has anyone noticed that every year is awful? We're just living in pretty awful times, people. Everything sucks. At least we have hot jams.
This was a close hot jam of the week. She appeared on Kimmel, not hosted by Kimmel this week, but she's a rising star this summer. This is totally innocuous forgettable pop, but I'm sure that's what some people need right now. I feel like everyone sings about Malibu. We just had that line in "Roxanne" from Arizona Zervas. I guess it can be in more than one song. Also, screw singing about a place known for beautiful elitism right now. I'm all sour. I hope Petras has a great career.
"Who's Laughing Now" by Ava Max
Listen, I know I'm an unashamed and disporportionate Ava Max fan, but she's having a good breakout summer and I dig this track. Totally undeserving of so high a position but this week is also turning into a girl power pop week so let's go with it. I am so on board with this. She's clearly splitting the summer, though, which will only hurt her songs in the long run. That's okay, she wasn't quite going to win the crown...YET!
This track has a lost a bit of its first bite but still hits pretty hard. As we have young people unexpectedly going back to classes this week, mostly as everything falls apart and everything sucks and everyone is diseased, let's get some mental health aid! It's really quite powerful. Yeah, it's not really the pulpy bop some of the other jams are this week. It's still a good track.
"Watermelon Sugar" by Harry Styles
Sure. Break up the girl party, Harry. This was somehow the #1 song on Billboard this week and did well on Spotify. Alright. I didn't really hear it but I also live in the middle of no where. He's had a good summer and could do well on longevity at this point. It is a good song as well. HIGH.
This song is great. It's really wormed its way into my life at this point. It's not quite the giant it was last week, but still very much a presence. I had the thought this week that it's also unfortunately a huge missed opportunity that not once in this whole track did Tay Sway rhyme "cardigan" with "fart again" which is incredibly disappointing. We need a "fart again" parody. I will make that. These beans made me fart again. This stuff writes itself, it's all gold, Jerry. Gold.
"WAP" by Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion
Obvi #1 this week. Like, no contest. This is a huge track and could surge for the last few weeks of summer. I think these women heard "cardigan" and then tried to make the exact opposite song. What does it say about me then that I love both these tracks? This should have dropped mid-July. Summer was up for grabs! It's nice to see that Cardi had more than Summer 2018 in her. Oh, and I just put it together this week that the title stands for "Wet Ass Pussy." Hell yeah.
There were quite a few high profile awful songs this week. Kesha, Omarion, Billie Eilish, and Dua Lipa (ft. Missy Elliott and Madonna?!) all dropped new jams this week. Lupe Fiasco is also doing something. Cool, none of it is that great and nothing really caught my ear or our culture in a significant way. Having said that, they could all be here next week as summer descends into chaos.
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