24 November 2011

Movies We're Thankful For

Hello folks, I hope your Thanksgiving is magical so far. The stuffing should be flowing out of that bird's ass, the mashed potatoes flowing like wine, and the wine flowing like beer. It's also the time of year that we express our gratitude for the wonderful things in life. There are a few cinematic events to be thankful for, of course, and today we give remembrance. Naturally, very little thought was put into this list.

We're thankful for Taxi (2004), for killing Jimmy Fallon's career. The current reigning king of Thank You Notes really only ended up in his talk show position because his career as the next big SNL star to translate into movies came to a screeching terrible halt with this abysmal Queen Latifah vehicle. Thank goodness though, because Jimmy can't really act anyway and is much better at just playing himself off of celebrities as well as making great song impersonations. His stint on Late Night allows him to do that and thankfully, he'll stay out of film for quite a long time.

We're thankful for Downfall (2004), for creating endless Hitler Memes. I've never seen Downfall, but I have seen plenty of parody videos of that sucker on YouTube. In fact, the only moments from this film If I've learned anything, it's that Hitler's final days were hilarious. There are far too many excellent uses of this simple set-up to list here but the Internet has done that a few times already for us. I also enjoy this one where he reacts to Pokemon, Rebecca Black, and Jay Leno. What's great is that director, Oliver Hirschbiegel is in full support of the parodies and believes they actually support his intentions in making the flick. Wunderbar.

We're thankful for Get Him to the Greek (2010), for showing us how funny P. Diddy can be. I've gone over this before but it still surprises me. How did this happen? In a movie with two of the hottest comedians today, Jonah Hill and Russel Brand the absolute break-out character is played by P. Diddy. Now, there wasn't a whole ton of buzz after this flick came out, but whenever we think of this flick, all we can imagine  is covering our houses with fur so it looks like a fuckin' werewolf.

We're thankful for The Wicker Man (2006) for everything Nic Cage does. This has got to be one of the most unintentionally funny movies of all time. From punching grown women in bear costumes, bee torture and otherwise inexplicable scenes that only Cage could pull off, this film has it all. We're thankful for these scenes because they pick us up whenever we're down. Half out of the sheer hilarity of it all but also due to the proud fact that we had nothing to do with making this movie. Or paying to watch it. Give it up for Cage.

We're thankful for There Will Be Blood (2007) for giving the Aughts its catchphrase. "We're gonna need a bigger boat." "E.T. phone home." "Show me the money." "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!" Maybe the immortality of this line among those others is stretching it a bit, but there's still not a whole lot in the 2000s in terms of memorable lines from great movies. P. T. Anderson's There Will Be Blood would have been the best picture in any year or any decade that didn't also feature No Country for Old Men (2007) and a strong case can be made for it nevertheless. The line is delivered with incredible bravado by Daniel Day-Lewis during the film's most emotionally gripping scene which just cements its status as a beautiful catchphrase. We all know milkshake sales mysteriously rose in reaction. Also SNL had its way with it.

We're thankful for Bound (1996) for filling the spank bank. There's only one scene we're really interested in while watching Bound. It's the one where Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly rub parts. It's a steamy time for everyone in the family to enjoy this Thanksgiving night. To be fair towards the ladies we can hand them Heath and Jake from Brokeback Mountain (2005). Now those boys know how to rock a tent.

We're thankful for Funny People (2009) for forever clouding our Adam Sandler judgment. If you remember Judd's quasi-flop but probably his best film (if not a little long and with a plot that boils down to a character study of just a bunch of stuff that happens), it seemed to signal a different direction for Adam, that he had become self-aware of the kinds of terrible movies he had been starring in. Perhaps after this film Adam would go on to more serious roles, or at least ones that didn't play to the lowest common denominator. Untrue. Oh well. But I still hold out hope that there is some sanity left. No? Alright.

Finally, we're thankful for Hot Tub Time Machine (2010), for being the greatest movie of all time. I've already said why and also watched it while making this list. I told you I did not put a lot of thought into this. Still, I would agree with myself, even when sober.

Happy Turkey!

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