11 May 2015

Summer Jam 2015, Week 1: Let the Glory Commence!

It's the greatest time of the year, folks. For the next seventeen weeks we'll be crushing eight tracks a week to determine which song will forever enter the annals of Summer Jam Royalty, joining jams like "Call Me Maybe" and "California Gurls" as the greatest Summer Songs ever. Which artist will we always remember as THE hit-maker of Summer 2015? That's what we're here to find out. Take my hand, little one, and join me in our quest to dish on the hottest jams around. We'll go from here to Labour Day. Let's get started!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Pretty Girls" by Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea



No music video yet, but you can bet this song is going to soar this summer. It's only slightly intoxicating, but the combo of legendary pop artists past and present attracts everyone's interest, if only for novelty instead of merit. Britney can still do that weird baby-talk voice singing thing, which actually complements Iggy's killer edge pretty well, though. And this is an easy club banger for a ladies' night out. All of her songs last summer were better, but could this be the start of an Iggy Azalea dynasty? It's only week one. Cool your jets.

The King of Summer: "G.D.F.R." by Flo Rida ft Sage The Gemini and Lookas

Can I first comment on how annoying it is when singers have a ton of featured artists with long complicated names attached to their tracks? I really don't want to remember Sage The Gemini and Lookas all summer. I do think G.D.F.R. is more on the downturn than the upswing by now, though. I didn't actually even realize this jam dropped last December but really blew up thanks to Furious 7 (2015). Flo Rida has been crushing Summer Jams for so damn long now. I can't think of a worse Summer artist, really, but I love that he keeps specializing in these ridiculous, meaningless summer songs.

Ethnically Diverse Hot Chicks; "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink

Speaking of ridiculous, meaningless summer songs...I have no idea where Fifth Harmony came from, but they're totally reminiscent of Little Mix, or before that, the Pussycat Dolls or something. Aaaand actually looking them up now, they're a product of Simon Cowell's The X Factor, just like Little Mix. I should have known. I sort of have a problem with Cowell's manipulative method for pop success, which really just apes the success of other acts that seeks to apply bland music to massive tastes instead of formulating anything original. But this jam is catchy, even if it steals Jason Derulo-style trumpets (Derulian Trumpets?) and is incredibly hard to distinguish from any other pop song that's been producer in the past ten years. That's not the way to find real success! Hot, though.

No More Getting High: "Talking Body" by Tove Lo

Tove Lo follows up "Stay High" with "Talking Body," which is at least as good a song, if not better. Our girl Tove (is that her first name? I don't know) again mixes some sincere passion with a fun, energized jam that's less like Tone Loc that I always want to write. As far as its chances to be a Summer Jam, it's peaked a little bit early, but I could see her using this to roll out with something else that can flick the pulse of the zeitgeist pretty hard.

Go Ahead and Cry: "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth

You ready to just cry every week when we issue this song? This is also probably passed its peak popularity, which happened about a month ago in wake of Furious 7 and its obviously tragic but hopeful subject matter, but it has enough legs to crush the first half of Summer, too. The success of Furious 7 is really unbelievable, but this is also a franchise that is full of monumental songs, and the fact that "See You Again" is probably the biggest of any of the franchise's signature jams is also a ridiculous achievement. So sad.

Your R&B Injection for the Week: "Somebody" by Natalie La Rose ft. Jeremih

I realized far too late that two out of my top three jams this week are fairly interchangeable R&B jams but fuck it, they're too fun to leave out. "Somebody" is notable for featuring "Birthday Sex" Jeremih and a fine showcase for whoever Natalie La Rose is. The video is relatively simple, cool, and sexy, which is all great for Summer Jam notoriety. The actual song itself ought to be a little more distinctive to really catch fire, though.

Your Second R&B Injection for the Week: "Post to Be" by Omarion ft. Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko

I hate how much I like Chris Brown's music. Seriously, he's objectively one of the biggest douchebags on the planet. But he's so damn talented. I would still try to not listen to him if I could. In addition to that woman beater, this is a dream team of current smooth jam artists, with Omarion back from the dead and Jhene Aiko cooing in a more pop setting than her usual soulful tracks. Also I am fairly sure it should be "posed to be" as in "supposed to be," unless I'm totally behind on what "post to be" could be. Eat that booty like groceries. We'll forgive you.

Dance Jam of Summer: "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon

I love the immediacy of this song along with its sheer funness, and it's a perfect Summer Jam. Super danceable, super catchy and memorable, and sexy without being crude. It also tended to be everywhere this week, ensuring its hotness. I would be curious if it keeps trucking or fizzles out, though, because songs like this never seem to be able to fully engage our great nation of Jam enthusiasts.

Week One is in the books, folks. What do you think? Are there any jams you would have added or taken away? And where do you think we're going this Summer?! Stay tuned each and every Monday morning for more Hotness!

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