Summer 2016 Movie Wrap-Up Part III: All the MEH that's Meh to meh

Welcome again, loyal readers to our final Summer 2016 Wrap-up. We've gone through the clear winners and losers, but there were really a bunch of flicks that fell somewhere in between. These are the fabulous meh movies - the take it or leave it kind of drek that failed to inspire either esteem or pity. Some of these are weird, like those that financially succeeded but were critically reviled. Others were the inverse. Others kind of made their money back and good job, I guess? Let's dive in:

THE MIDDLE

The def posse is such a big chunk of whatevs

Suicide Squad

Budget: $175 million
Domestic Gross: $269 million
Worldwide Gross: $582 million

Right off the bad we ought to be contentious. Suicide Squad could easily slide in the loser category because of how much people tend to hate it, and even though I enjoyed it while sitting there (uhh...sort of), it was ultimately a pretty damn bad film. BUT - it's the #4 highest grossing film of the season and somehow the only film to gross over $200 million but under $300 million. It reset Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)'s August opening weekend record and has an excellent worldwide showing for a relatively unknown group of characters. I mean, its worldwide gross is basically Superman Returns (2006) and Green Lantern (2011) combined, and you may say "Well, those movies are awful, too", hey - the Squad did it! It's really hard to call it a failure, especially since despite all the bad vibes it seems to have staked out its place in pop culture pretty well, too. If the film was any good, we'd be throwing it in the "Winners" post without a second thought.

Star Trek Beyond

Budget: $185 million
Domestic Gross: $$148 million
Worldwide Gross: $234 million

Beyond should maybe fall more into the loser category because of its super high budget, general lack of interest, and the fact that it barely made over half of what Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) did worldwide three years ago. The vibe for this film, though, was so much better than Into Darkness and in some ways better than Star Trek (2009) that it ends up in this territory. It pleased fans more than any other of the modern Trek reboots and still managed to be the #6 movie of summer and currently #10 for the year. That's not quite the failure script, although you could certainly make that argument considering there's no way that holds.

Jason Bourne

Budget: $120 million
Domestic Gross: $143 million
Worldwide Gross: $281 million

The Bourne and Trek one-two punch this July really felt like a whiff, but honestly, Jason Bourne improved on the abysmal Bourne Legacy (2012) both critically and commercially, and worldwide its gross was pretty on par with The Bourne Supremacy (2004). That that film came out twelve years ago is still a rough assessment, and even though it couldn't nearly match The Bourne Ultimatum (2007), it was really in line with what a lot of these films are able to achieve. It was also a mild critical success, in the sense that people didn't revile it. If this all sounds kind of meh to you, well, there's a reason we're talking about this film here.

The Legend of Tarzan

Budget: $180 million
Domestic Gross: $125 million
Worldwide Gross: $352 million

The domestic gross is rough, but Tarzan's impressive worldwide tally and its moderate critical success are what brings it here. I don't know why or how anyone would spend $180 million on a Tarzan update, but whatever. I'm not sure who actually saw Tarzan, either, and it sort of got lost in the shuffle, although I'm not sure what shuffle that was. It wasn't like any big action blockbuster was crushing its way through July. That "fatigue" is becoming a common explanation for failures, but fatigue from what? No one saw Out of the Shadows (2016), Warcraft (2016), and Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)!

The Angry Birds Movie

Budget: $73 million
Domestic Gross: $107 million
Worldwide Gross: $346 million

This was...a thing that happened. That's about all you can say. This really came and went pretty fast and I remember thinking it had a decent opening for what it was ($38 million), and the 2.8 multiplier is actually pretty decent, but $107 million still feels so...not great. Still, it made its budget back in spades worldwide, so is it really a failure? It's all the more impressive it did this in what's looking like the most expansive year for animation ever, from Zootopia (2016) to Kubo and the Two Strings (2016). It dug its own niche, somehow didn't get in the way of other kids' fare and made a mild amount of money. That's so meh, baby!

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Budget: $33 million
Domestic Gross: $45 million
Worldwide Gross: $64 million

This is the same kind of script. I thought that this flick actually had a shot to stand out more than it did, and I'm sure the producers were hoping for a little more return on their investment, but as it stands, its gross is perfectly okay. Its reviews weren't great, but it looked pretty funny. I don't know, I didn't end up seeing the thing so maybe it's all my fault it didn't do that great at the box office. But it did beat POPSTAR: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016), so that's important. What's the breakout comedy of the summer? Sausage Party (2016)? I thought this was going to be the immortal Summer of Comedies, but nope it sucks.

Money Monster

Budget: $27 million
Domestic Gross: $41 million
Worldwide Gross: $93 million

No one really cared about a Julia Roberts / George Clooney film that didn't involve them robbing a casino in 2001. Still, despite seeming really really irrelevant, it somehow tripled its budget worldwide and although it wasn't a monster smash, it still made some money. Monster. Eh?! There we go. As adult fare goes, it held its own in a May swarming with more juvenile entertainment, and although this really felt like it should have been a fall release (my guess is it wasn't because nothing about it really felt Oscar-worthy), it actually proved that you can make a few bucks off adults in a summer drama. Not too much, but it was okay.

The Nice Guys

Budget: $50 million
Domestic Gross: $36 million
Worldwide Gross: $36 million

So before I started writing this I had no idea the budget for The Nice Guys was $50 million. What the hell cost $50 million? Actor salaries? The Man with the Iron Fists (2012) sure as hell didn't cost that much. Was it all trainer fees to get Russel Crowe in shape? Legal fees for his fights around the world? I have no idea, but despite its loss, it was one of the better reviewed films this summer, and although it's not likely to put in for an Oscar or anything, it felt like Shane Black getting back to his bread and butter (although to really do so, one of them probably should have been black), and according to Rotten Tomatoes it was the 8th-best reviewed film this summer. So consider this full circle from Suicide Squad - the great movie that gets no cash.

As for the rest, it's a bit too early to tell the fates of War Dogs, Kubo and the Two Strings, and Florence Foster Jenkins. Those were all the major films we previewed this summer. That and The Darkness, Nine Lives, and The Infiltrator, all of which were pretty significant losers that I don't totally care about.

See you next summer, folks! Bundle up!

Bourne's Mom!

I would totally watch a movie about Jason Bourne's mom...behaving badly with Mila Kunis. Anyway, there's two polar opposite flicks dropping this week, and like just about every week this summer I can't stay I'm awfully excited about either one. But we here at Norwegian Morning Wood have a solemn, thankless duty to prognosticate the commercial, critical, and cultural potential of every major new summer release. Why? Because we're always chasing that next great property to inspire the populace and create relevancy in our lives. Or whichever has the best sex and explosions. Hopefully we'll get doses of both this weekend.

Let's start with Bad Moms (2016), which continues the line of "Bad" films like Bad Santa (2003), Bad Teacher (2011), and Bad Grandpa (2013). Jeez there was even more "Bad" titles than I thought. I would definitely watch Bad Fish (1975). So that's not a great start. Even the cast, which includes Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, and Christina Applegate, looks spectacular, I'm a little more cautious when it comes to the team behind the camera.

Alright, I can get behind this.

Directors Jon Lucas and Scott Moore have written and directed such gems as...21 & Over (2013). They also cut their teeth writing Four Christmases (2008) and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009) before getting into the Hangover Trilogy. They wrote all three with time for The Change-Up (2011) in there. While I have a lot of respect for the writing of The Hangover (2009), that's clearly a film bolstered more from its cast and direction than anything else. And even though I'm actually a fan of how The Hangover: Part II (2011) changes the setting and not much else, it was derided (not unfairly) for being the exact same movie. Even odder is how much The Hangover: Part III (2013) failed for being a completely new movie.

Now, it's a little harsh to deride these two dudes for extending a property that probably should have never gotten one sequel, let alone two. It is totally alright, though to condemn them for their otherwise unceasing array of terrible films. The trailer for bad moms actually feels a whole lot like soemthing resembling The Change-Up. Not so much the plot or style, or anything, but a tone that seems to miss the mark. It doesn't really present any compelling reason at all to see the flick, and flaunts an obnoxious array of clichés that seem to fuddle a genuinely notable thesis about moms actually being human beings. Shades of Mom's Night Out (2014), which is really the completely toothless version of the same premise, doesn't really help, either.

But let's get back to the cast, which is the reason to see this. I don't want to shit all over every reason this film exists and ignore a group of women who are pretty excellent in everything they do. Except Jupiter Ascending (2015). It's up to them to elevate this material. Still, I can't imagine this being that culturally significant. Back in May I predicted that this could be one of the greatest summers for comedies ever. That really hasn't come true at all. Then again, just about every film that's not Animated or Civil War (2016) has bombed worse than Fallujah. I almost feel like we ought to change our standards. Suddenly Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) sitting at $40 million feels like a win. If Bad Moms can tap into Bridesmaids (2011) or Trainwreck (2015)-level pent up need for outrageous female comedy, it ought to do well. Frankly, with a lot of other comedies with higher pedigrees already trying that this summer, I don't see it happening.

For one, how many commercials have you seen for Bad Moms? Right. It's rough. Critically it's also almost been a dead silence. There just isn't really a buzz of any kind around this at all. It's the kind of film that seems to be dropping with a collective sigh of "meh." I'm not totally sure it has much merit at all. Hopefully it's got a few good jokes, which is about all you can expect.

Rockin' shit in this one!

On the other side of the aisle we have the return of Matt Damon as Jason Bourne in Jason Bourne (2016), which feels exactly as unnecessary as any of the dozens of other sequels we've seen (or to be more accurate, not seen) this year. Somehow the Bourne films turned into a major franchise, with this being the improbable fifth installment. If you're counting on your fingers and forgetting one, that would be the pretty rough Jeremy Renner Bourne Legacy (2012) which I actually tried to catch on television and lost interest in. Seriously, me. The guy who once wrote this, lost interest in The Bourne Legacy on TV.

I watched The Bourne Identity (2002) alone in theaters because I thought it looked cool and no one wanted to see it with me. I maybe scrapped together like one other person to watch The Bourne Supremacy (2004) with me, but I remember being pretty surprised that it got a sequel, because in 2002, no one really cared about The Bourne Identity, despite Paul Rudd's comments. I always felt like I was loving the really well-crafted action slow burn in a vacuum. By the time The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) came out, it became the highest-grossing August release until Guardians of the Galaxy (2014).

It also had a tremendous effect on how Action Films are shot, particularly bleeding into Bond's style, adding more shaky cam and quick editing. The issue of course, is that this worked really well in the hands of Paul Greengrass, but not so well when it's distracting and nauseating in the hands of many other directors. It's also provided a firm template for spy thrillers. It feels more appropriate in the modern age of uncertainty, mistrust of authority, and conspiracy that the CIA would be Bourne's major adversary rather than his employer, although even that distinction is cloudy, which again reflects an age where we don't exactly know who our enemies are.

What's surprising in all this is just how little money all of these films have made. The biggest grosser, Ultimatum topped off at $440 million worldwide, and it's the only one to crack the $200 million mark domestically. The rest don't really come close. It's kind of bizarre that this is considered a franchise and most people really respect it. I mean, it closes with a damn Moby song each time, what the hell is that. I can't even hate, that song rules and is so damn Bourne.

Even though Ultimatum is generally considered the pinnacle, I'd contend that nothing really surpassed Identity. The third one in particular added to much shit, like making Julia Stiles' character really important for some reason really late in the game (she's returning for Jason Bourne, apparently), adding a ton of convoluted backstory and retcons, and never reaching anything as interesting or tension filled as the Clive Owen goose hunt cattail field thing scene. It was good.

So where are we from a critical, commercial, or cultural standpoint? Critically it's somewhat of a mystery. There's not a lot of early word about the film besides the fact that Matt Damon apparently only has 25 lines of dialogue. That's not a bad thing at all, and not wholly unusual for the character. I do generally think that Jason Bourne (wasn't his real name David Webb? I guess David Webb as a movie title wasn't that sexy)'s character's journey is pretty much complete. Then again, it felt really complete after Identity.

Commercially there's certainly a ceiling. The Bourne films largely get by on having pretty minuscule budgets, which is definitely a part of their charm. Jason Bourne is actually, unbelievably, cheaper than The Bourne Legacy, which gives it a legit shot at making its bank back, but I struggle to think that it'll really light up the box office. With the way this summer is going, if it hits what Legacy made ($113 mill) or hell, even what Identity made fourteen years ago (a similar $121 million), you've got to consider it a success. With Star Trek Beyond (2016) doing a bit better than I'd anticipate, that's going to be a tough sell, and this doesn't feel like an event at all.

And that's just it. Why should any of us watch Jason Bourne? Sure Matt Damon is riding high off of The Martian (2015), but that success was as much off its attitude, marketing, and premise than anything else. What the hell is even the premise of Jason Bourne? Bourne is...back and kicking ass...again? I feel like all I've seen is that shirtless scene where he lays those mofos out, but that feels really Jack Reacher (2012). I'd be curious to see if there's anything really cool that comes out of this. Paul Greengrass really hasn't directed a ton of films since Ultimatum, but Captain Phillips (2013) at least gave us "I'm the captain, now." That's worth something.

So what do you think? Is this another Summer Friday where you'll be content to sit around and get drunk alone or get drunk and watch Bad Moms? Leave it below, friend!

Norwegian Morning Wood's Official Summer 2016 Movie Preview

Ah we have arrived at last at the greatest time of the year - that magical period between the first weekend in May and like the second or third weekend in August where common sense is thrown to the wind and the theaters are ruled by the loud and obnoxious rather than the tepid and mundane.

Of course, if this year is to prove anything it's that Summer Release dates don't actually matter anymore. Deadpool (Feburary), Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Just-Ass (March), and The Jungle Book (a few weeks ago) have already proven that whenever a film comes out, if people want to see it, they'll see it. You see this in television as well - more and more traditional Fall to Spring seasons are eschewed by cable networks in favor of just dropping episodes when they're ready.

Well, we're clutching on to something special, dammit. Let's take a look at every single film that's opening big enough to be worth our while:

MAY

May 6th:

Captain America: Civil War

Interest Level: Damn High
Cash potential: Fucking righteous
Cultural effect: Less than Bats v. Supes, but quite a bit more positive

May 13th:

The Darkness

Interest Level: What the hell is this?
Cash potential: non-existent, even if it's counter-programming for horror lovers
Cultural effect: In two weeks after its release this will be as unknown as it was two weeks before its release. I believe in a thing called love!

Money Monster

Interest: More counter-programming for adults who like George and Julia.
Cash: Could be decent, but not huge
Culture: This looks really dumb and tonally mismanaged.

May 20th:

The Angry Birds Movie

Interest: I'm not into Angry Birds at all. It looks like it's forcing things a bit more than The LEGO Movie (2014), which took likewise unadaptable material and made something really unique.
Cash: Kids movie opening in a graveyard. Although do kids play Angry Birds?
Culture: I don't think we're getting the next Minions out of this.

Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

Interest: Pretty high. Seth Rogen almost never misses
Cash: It'll make like $80-100 mill and that's a success
Culture: Neighbors (2014) was absolutely hilarious and has had a decent cultural impact. This could just add to more of the same mythos.

The Nice Guys

Interest: I'm down, but not sure many more are. Summer is a weird time for this release.
Cash: I actually have a small feeling this will bomb. Not sure anyone cares.
Culture: Cult status is possible, but I think it'll be a decently small splash.

May 27th:

Alice Through the Looking Glass

Interest: For all it's ragged on, Alice in Wonderland (2010) has some cool and unique moments. It's not a good film at all, but whatevs. I don't think anyone has cared about it since its release so also whatevs.
Cash: There's no way this cracks $1 billion like the first one. For one the marketing has been way more subdued, and that was totally that early 2010s 3-D/IMAX affect. See also: Wrath of the Titans (2012).
Culture: Can't see it.

X-Men: Apocalypse

Interest: Certainly higher than Alice, but possibly more niche.
Cash: Non-Deadpool X-Men movies seem to have a ceiling. And the feeling around this isn't nearly where Days of Future Past (2014) was. I'm actually discounting this, but it won't flop.
Culture: There's lots of really cool iconography on display, although the plot seems awfully formulaic.

JUNE

June 3rd:

Me Before You

Interest: What the fuck is this shit?
Cash: There will be none
Culture: I repeat my first statement

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

Interest: I'm super on-board with this, although I'm not sure it has the buzz of some other high profile comedies like Neighbors 2 and Central Intelligence.
Cash: The Lonely Island trio have had a crazy amount of success making viral videos, SNL zeitgeist-capturing products, and have now branched out to shows like Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The LEGO Movie. Having said that, they actually have an egregiously terrible track record at the movies. This may land with a thud.
Culture: See above. Previous directorial works from either Jorma Taccone or Akiva Schaffer include Hot Rod (2007), MacGruber (2010), and The Watch (2012). I might consider the former two decent cult hits, and I have a sneaking suspicion that's where this lands as well.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

Interest: I'm somehow more into this than the first go around. I think it's the emphasis on aggressive goofiness that I'm into more than any kind of self-serious gritty treatment of this material. It's more 80s cartoon than 00s cartoon (or 80s comics for that matter)
Cash: The first go around did alright and this has a bit better release date. It really finds its buck as a children's action film, of which there are virtually none of anymore. It will find its way.
Culture: The modern live action film series seems to add to mythos rather than extend it, and although there are some real wuuurd choices going on here, I'm not sure it'll really be cultural dynamite.

June 10th

The Conjuring 2

Interest: I actually JUST saw the first one, and didn't really think it was that much better or scarier or different than any other stock horror film, although I remember it getting a ton of good press back in the day when it was released. I'm not all that in to it, although if I had been more impressed with the original I might have been.
Cash: The first one made a ton on its own, but do horror sequels ever outgross their predecessors? My guess is that if the critics come around again and are like "It's sick, bro!" it'll do fine. If they be like "Nah, it's whack, dude" then it's fucked.
Culture: The Warrens have kind of penetrated pop culture, but for most normies it's still all about the ghosts or whatever is possessing whatever. Remember Annabelle (2014)? Lol

Now You See Me 2

Interest: Here's another sequel to a film that did well and was generally well-received, but did anyone really care? The cast for the first one was always way too good for its source material (boasting two Oscar winners and three more nominees - and the best left is still Mélanie Laurent).
Cash: This is another instance of a sequel to a film that did surprisingly well. There's honestly not a lot of exact competition around it (Ninja Turtles might be the closest thing that steals its dollars, and that's saying something), so it could do pretty well.
Culture: Name any one of the first film's characters! Didn't think so!

Warcraft

Interest: This is all but guaranteed to be the first really big flop of summer. I can't get into this at all. What the hell is the story here? It looks like a CGI explosion, admittedly a pretty good one, but who the hell can tell what's going on. Stop giving B-movie material huge budgets just because Lord of the Rings did well fifteen years ago.
Cash: Calling my shot now, this one totally bombs.
Culture: No one will care about Warcraft, except for possibly nerds.

June 17th:

Central Intelligence

Interest: That Dwayne Johnson fat shower is real, real weird, but putting these two in a film together is a damn solid move. I don't really find myself caring about it, but a lot more will.
Cash: No brainer. This one rules June.
Culture: I have trouble naming Kevin Hart movies, but then again, I'm not black.

Finding Dory

Interest: I have almost zero interest in this, even though Finding Nemo (2003) currently sits at #2 on my Pixar Movie list. Long-term sequels just feel weird coming out of Pixar, who is known so much for its original storytelling. I'd take something weird and experimental like Brave (2012) over Monsters University (2013) any day.
Cash: Nemo is one of Pixar's truly great moneymakers. It'll do damn fine.
Culture: This all depends on how they push it. Are we really talking much about Monsters University three years down the line? No, but Obama still watches Toy Story 3 (2010).

June 24th:

Free State of Jones

Interest: I was totally getting this confused with The Birth of a Nation. Is it weird to be turned off by too many prestigious slavery movies? The premise got me but I thought the trailer took some wind out of it. If it's good I'll see it.
Cash: Why is this coming out in late June? McConaughey pushes it towards popular territory, but no part of this feels like it deserves to be here. Counter-programming against ID4: Resurge? No doubt, and it shouldn't be too tough to make its budget back.
Culture: That kind of depends on whether it gets lost between Django Unchained (2012), 12 Years a Slave (2014), The Birth of a Nation (2016), and Harriet Tubman on the $20.

Independence Day: Resurgence

Interest: Summer '96 was so hard for ID4. I remember seeing that motherfucker on vacation, man! This is totally going the Jurassic World (2015) / Force Awakens (2015) route of going bigger and nuttier while more or less retaining the exact same storyline. I lean towards not caring.
Cash: For all the reasons above there's no real reason why this doesn't light it up. I still have a nagging feeling though, mostly because nothing really grabbed me in the trailer as must-see. It will probably do okay and not the Jurassic numbers it's hoping for.
Culture: ID4 was so pure for so many years as that one non-franchise franchise. Fuck that now. I don't think this will necessarily damage the brand, but tough to add to it.

JULY

July 1st:

The BFG

Interest: Could care less. Spielberg tends to fumble with this kind of material (namely beloved stuff that's not his), although our only real example is The Adventures of Tintin (2011). It's amazing how much that soured me. But I feel the same way about this as I did about that disaster.
Cash: Hard to say. It's coming off of ID4: R and running into Ghostbusters (2016) soon after, so it's a tight window to make a buck - and moviegoers have tended to run out of steam in July lately. Not sure anything about this screams "SEE ME!" and we might have our second major bomb of the Summer.
Culture: Doofy CGI. Nothing that won't be forgettable. Why does Spielberg have this hard-on for Mark Rylance all of a sudden?

The Legend of Tarzan

Interest: So damn low. I don't care about Tarzan. No one cares about Tarzan. See my comment above about B-movies getting A-Blockbuster treatments.
Cash: It seems to skew a bit darker and older than The BFG will, but they're still splitting that weekend. That's tough to come out with any significant cash flow.
Culture: Will we see a lot of Tarzan Halloween costumes? You know, you might have a kid factor, because I think I'd be down for a Tarzan when I was like 12 years old (actually, I got one - with dreads, bruh!), but it's not that cool for thirty-year olds to swing around their furniture screaming that they're Tarzan. Hrmm...

The Purge: Election Year

Interest: There seems like there is a ton of shit coming out every weekend this summer, and some of it is decent counter-programming, but stuff like this will totally cannibalize itself. Purge movies actually seem to be trending better, which is cool, and I didn't even know another one is coming out. I'm down, what the hell.
Cash: It's probably good. This is horror, but it's more fun horror, unlike The Conjuring 2, which is scary horror. This weekend certainly trends in a line from The BFG to this in getting more serious and adult, and that could pay off. It's certainly not running into The Secret Life of Pets (2016).
Culture: It's all the same at this point, although the second one actually did a decent job differentiating itself, and introducing a larger, bigger budgeted world. There's room to innovate here.

The Shallows

Interest: No one knows what this shit is. Move on.

July 8th:

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Interest: I'm personally super on-board. The trailers have done a really nice job, the cast is a dream of young likable people right now, and the turn presented among the principal characters is amazing.
Cash: Will this be the Summer of Efron? I'm actually curious how this differentiates itself from Neighbors 2, but I think it can break out. It seems like it has enough of a hard edge over some of the other comedies this summer.
Culture: Will 2016 give us one of the best summers for comedies, ever? The action films all look like garbage so I'm down.

The Secret Life of Pets

Interest: I'm generally on Team Zootopia (2016), which looks like the total winner in this "animated talking animals" showdown. Nothing about this looks very clever or interesting and it's a solid pass.
Cash: Finding Dory isn't that far behind, and that's all but guaranteed to be giant. Angry Birds isn't too far behind that, either, and has had a fair amount of marketing awareness. This will be the third talking animal movie of the summer and fourth on the year. In just two weeks it also runs into the much much much more well established Ice Age: Collision Course (2016). "Totally doomed" is a phrase used all too often these days...
Culture: Does anyone care?

July 15th:

Ghostbusters

Interest: So hard for this one. There's no one in the cast that I don't adore (for all the hate, Melissa McCarthy delivers more than she misses, even if her movies have missed lately), and Feig obviously has the credentials, but the honest truth is that nothing the film has put out has been all that funny. Hoping something lands, but could probably pass at this point.
Cash: The expectations are obviously huge. This is probably the major film of the summer if not the year. There's probably enough goodwill amongst those who follow all the bits from the cast to beef it up, but it probably won't win summer based on the collective meh of a lot of people like me.
Culture: It seems like it's halfway steeped in 'buster lore, and halfway doing its own thing. That's probably good. If this could just make Kate McKinnon a bankable megastar I think my work here on earth would be done.

The Infiltrator

Get outta here

July 22nd:

Ice Age: Collision Course

Interest: I obviously have no interest in Ice Age 17 or whatever. I actually, I think it's #5. How have they made five Ice Age movies? It battles the mind. I am pretty into Scrat, though. Great throwback to clever silent animation of yesteryear.
Cash: There's a reason why this is the fifth Ice Age and we haven't seen Ray Romano do shit else in like ten years.
Culture: Can you remember what happened in the last Ice Age? Was that the one with the pirates? It's all the same movie by now.

Lights Out

Interest: This is turning into a big summer for horror. This actually had a cool and creepy trailer, and if it rides that vibe, I might be down. Looks real stupid, though.
Cash: Right after The Purge 3 is rough, but it's a pretty different style of movie. Summer horror counter-programming doesn't work, however, when it strikes three times.
Culture: I don't think anyone will remember this years on down the line, but it's kind of a cool gimmick for the summer.

Star Trek Beyond

Interest: Ohhh yeah, another Star Trek is coming out this year. Do you remember how pumped up everyone was for Star Trek (2009)? How was that seven fucking years ago? I remember even getting jazzed for Into Darkness(2013) despite its dumb title, terrible obvious and unnecessary plot twist and the general apathy I had after it sandwiched itself in between Iron Man 3 (2013) and Fast & Furious 6 (2013). That's kind of where I'm at again. For some reason the property can't seem to elevate itself in its franchise wars.
Cash: It's really hard to say. I'm not sure this summer will undergo blockbuster fatigue at this point like 2014 or 2013 did, but that could spell doom for this. Depending on if people are enough into Ghostbusters to ignore this it might do okay.
Culture: Into Darkness, even if it was ultimately a pretty forgettable movie at least gave us that sweet space jump scene and a terrible character twist to endless debate and bitch about. Can Beyond hope to do the same!? We haven't really seen much at all about it (or even Idris Elba's villain. Yeah - he's in this film! He's in every film! He's like a black Samuel L. Jackson).

July 29th:

Bad Moms

Interest: What the fuck is this movie? Wait - is it some kind of raunchy comedy starring Christina Applegate, Kristen Bill, and Mila Kunis? Ahh - the trailer literally dropped a few hours ago....and was apparently pulled already. That's not a good way to make Bryan watch your movie.
Cash: Who knows. This seems like it's going for a Bridesmaids (2011) thing, which obviously did pretty well. Considering the cast of Bridesmaids is jamming out in Ghostbusters a few weeks before, the release date seems like a weird move. These should be pretty different films though. Or we're clearly looking at the greatest Ghosbusters ever.
Culture: Got me. Could be something.

Jason Bourne

Interest: Next to nothing. I love how they dropped Damon for Jeremy Renner, made a shitty movie, realised he sucked, and are now trying to circle back. Man, the Bourne story just feels soooo finished.
Cash: It's really really weird how the Bourne Franchise became a franchise. I remember seeing the first one alone in theaters and feeling like I was its only fan. Now it's legit, albeit with a definite ceiling. There's no real reason for audiences to feel like they need to come back, though, and it could bomb pretty bad.
Culture: Bourne's shaky cam set pieces really ruined action films for a long time. Let's avoid that.

AUGUST

August 5th:

The Founder

Interest: Decent. Can you tell that Mike Keaton was sore after not getting the Oscar he should have? He's crushing these kind of high profile roles. This is totally The Social Network (2010) for McDonald's, but who cares, that was a damn strong trailer.
Cash: Again, the release date seems off. Shouldn't this be an October picture? Sure, the non-Fincher here is a whole bit lighter, but it feels like this gets buried, unless its good reviews bring the old people who have been neglected all summer - having only received the maddening Money Monster a few months ago.
Culture: Could be pretty high. A good portrayal in what looks like an unconventional biopic that's relatively high profile can make a splash. The issue I can see is if McDonald's is glorified, but do average people really care about that? I had McDonald's in the past 10 days and I hate their food.

Nine Lives

This is some kind of Kevin Spacey / Jennifer Garner cat movie.

Suicide Squad

Interest: Super high. This flick has had some of the best marketing ever. Hopefully it rises past Batman v. Superman's terribly bad will and is actually a rad picture.
Cash: There's certainly a market for this anti-Superhero movie, and if Deadpool proved anything, it's that audiences want more. This could rake it in and coast through August.
Culture: All the pieces are there. Personal investment is high, the iconography is strong, and the cast and performances seem damn solid. I'm all in.

August 12th:

Florence Foster Jenkins

GTFO

Pete's Dragon

Interest: So damn low. I don't really care about the original movie, and this feels really shoe-horned. Is he the one who puffs by the sea? No, that's Puff the Magic Dragon. Is that the same thing? You gotta give me something here.
Cash: There might be enough nostalgia here to lift it up, but it just doesn't feel on anyone's radar, especially for a live action adaptation on the heels of The Jungle Book, which was super successful. Bomb.
Culture: Nope.

Sausage Party

Interest: This seems really weird. I'm not totally into the concept or the parody of animated "Secret World" films with adult overtones. I was actually looking forward to this out of intrigue, but I'm not sure that it has the wit to back its crudeness.
Cash: There's almost no way this is profitable. It's so niche. It belongs on Adult Swim or something, which is influential and popular, but not in the sort of broad sense you need to sell tickets.
Culture: If anything, this could leave a huge dent in our culture for being really super weird, but I'm not sure enough thought leaders will see it for that to matter.

Spectral

No one knows what this is. I mean, seriously, you don't have a poster, yet? This sounds super-August with notes of Skyline (2010).

August 19th

Ben-Hur

Interest: Do I really have to talk about these last four? These are absolute abominations that no one will see. But Ben-Hur is damn sure trying, so we ought to include the weekend.
Cash: Not for all my pocket change.
Culture: Well, the original isn't that well known or culturally significant, so surely the remake will fare better.

Kubo and the Two Strings

What the fuck is this shit? Actually this trailer is kind of legit. It might have a shot with the right marketing.

The Space Between Us

Alright, so admittedly I need to research some of these shitty movies. This trailer is also kind of cool. I'm all about original sci-fi, although that's pretty horseshit, because that doesn't a good movie make. But I'm curious about this, which probably won't light up the box office but could make a decent late August splash if marketed right.

War Dogs

Lastly we have a weird Todd Phillips war profiteering dramedy starring Miles Teller and Jonah Hill. I don't care if this movie exists or not. It has the production acumen, although I think Phillips struggles when the tone isn't explicit. He seems to have trouble finding the moral sweet spot between elucidating boorish behavior and condoning it. His movies end up a pretty dark shade of gray.

So that's it. As of now you actually don't need to see any movies this summer because we've listed them all here. And just for finality's sake, let's give an official list of my "Definite Want to Probably Spend Money On":

Civil War
Neighbors 2
Nice Guys
Never Stop Never Stopping
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates
The Founder
Suicide Squad
Kubo and the Two Strings
The Space Between Us

There. You only need to see nine movies and your life will matter.

Dueling Spies - Shady Counter-Organizations are the New Black

By the end of last week we had two new trailers on our hands for a pair of 2015 films that have, for better or worse, somewhat slid under the radar. This is really only due to 2015 being absolutely huge and crazy for the mega-franchises of or day and in another year where these flicks may have swung some heavy cultural weight, they're being a bit overshadowed in the wake of men flying around in tights and triple-bladed lightsabers.

An used image from Tom Cruise: Man of Steel

But these are venerated franchises. The first trailer dropped for Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015), which I really only had a shaky recollection of coming out this year. The second is something we have no reason not to be pumped out of our minds about, the twenty-fourth Bond Film, SPECTRE (2015). Here, go watch their trailers.

What do you think? Maybe it's just because it's been a while since we've had dueling spy films, but I haven't noticed how similar these properties have become. We had this in the mid-90s when GoldenEye (1995) battled Mission: Impossible (1996), and again at the turn of the century during the great bout between Die Another Day (2002), The Bourne Identity (2002), and of course, xXx (2002).

Our spy duel in 2015 seems a little different though, because they're not just sharing genres, but it would seem plots as well. See, there are shady uncover agencies everywhere, even more secret than MI6 or IMF and The Syndicate and SPECTRE are out to get our respective super-spies. And that is really just following up on HYDRA from Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014), which is something I never thought I'd say.

Why this sudden upsurge in dastardly evil organizations in mainstream spy thrillers? Maybe it's the aftereffect of terrorist cells like ISIS recruiting your neighbors next door. Maybe cinema's writers have just watched too many episodes of The Americans. There is a sense, though, of suspicion, that anyone around you could be a deadly insurgent, and after all, what better threat to a super-spy than an evil super-spy? And just because these movies all seem similar doesn't mean they'll be terrible. In fact, Rogue Nation and SPECTRE both look a few shades of awesome, with both franchises cashing in on what they've built their bread and butter on lately.

Mission: Impossible has had sort of a strange, tortured road to becoming an A-list franchise. It's built completely on Tom Cruise and is so tied to whatever level of patience audiences have with him at that moment. Looking back on films in the franchise I'm always reminded of the Mission: Impossible staple: not remembering any plot or why anything was happening at any given time for any reason, but there's always one great scene or stunt that stands out. The classic wire-hanging. Cliff-climbing. Keri Russel's brain exploding. Scaling the Burj Khalifa. It's all there. From the looks of it, Rogue Nation is following this up with a compelling remade scene from Black Sheep (1996).

Thanks to the general goodwill steaming from Mission: Impossible III (2006) and Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011), people are also expecting a good flick. I think folks have also come around with Tom Cruise, who has actually had a pretty reliable string of early summer films lately. At the very least he has built up a reputation for some awesome stunts, made more compelling by the public knowledge that he does just about everything himself. You know, like a crazy person. He's stayed out of the public eye and avoided jumping on Oprah, which has also allowed us to remember more of how fearless an actor he is than how much of a maniac he is. That bodes well for Rogue Nation.

Why is skiing always a staple of the spy genre?

SPECTRE has the benefit of following up the most successful Bond Film of all time, financially and arguably critically, Skyfall (2012), with the same production team and a really intriguing trailer. Bond has done well lately to trade the exact kind of insane stunts Mission: Impossible loves for more personal, introspective stakes. Sure, Skyfall has its really big moments and explosions, but the funnest part of that film is when it boils down to a farm battle in Scotland between Bond, his nemesis, and the surrogate mother to both of them. There is a lot of complicated pain and relationships in Skyfall, which SPECTRE looks to build on. There isn't a "Tom Cruise hangs from a plane" scene in that trailer, but I find myself re-watching it even more. There's a lot of hope there.

It's interesting to think back nineteen years now, the impossible amount of time it's been between now and the first Mission: Impossible. We've gone through two Bonds in that time and that's with even Daniel Craig is nearing the end of his run. This further proves that Tom Cruise, even after cresting fifty years old, is immortal. I love how he was that semi-retired agent in Mission: Impossible III, which was now a whopping nine years ago. Think of it this way - that year also showcased Daniel Craig as a new Bond while Skyfall showed him rather as an old, rusty Bond. Cruise just keeps barreling ahead.

All this is awesome for Jeremy Renner, who constantly seems on the cusp of A-list stardom, being primed to take over the Mission: Impossble and Bourne franchises but constantly being denied. Even poor Hawkeye keeps getting the short shrift. Maybe he can be the next Bond. No, Idris Elba has a better chance for that than Jeremy Renner.

So, what do you think? Why are shady counter-organizations in this year? Which film will reign supreme - Rogue Nation or SPECTRE? And is there any room for these films as cultural objects of affection in a crowded year filled with Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Terminator, Avengers, and Hunger Games films? If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on...Paul Blart.

Rogue Nation drops July 31st, while you can check out SPECTRE  November 6th.

The Road to a Blockbuster: The Galifianakis Legacy

It's Friday once again folks and welcome to The Road to a Blockbuster - Norwegian Morning Wood's Summerlong look at the potential of every major new movie release. We're not content with just what it can do at the Box Office, though - we want to examine the possible critical and cultural impact these flicks can have. This week our biggest adventures are The Campaign (2012) and The Bourne Legacy (2012), both of which ought to do okay if not spectacular.

Let's start with The Campaign. It's almost a surprising pairing of two of the funniest comic actors from the past decade - Will Ferrell and Zach Galifanakis. Norwegian Morning Wood has profile both of these dudes in the past (Read Will's here and Zach's here). Who will come out on top? It seems as if Ferrell is playing the more villainous, conniving incumbent candidate here and Zach is the rising, bushy eyed up-and-comer, which is not unlike their own respective stardom.

In a risky career move, Galifianakis grew a moustache.

I will always tout that I've been a Galifianakis fan since his days hosting subversive talk shows that came on at 3 am on vH1 and haven't gotten tired of his schtick yet. Like I said, his mix with Will isn't common, though their humour styles sometimes align. They both tend to play man-children teetering on the brink of innocence and depravity. Compare Galifianakis' Alan in The Hangover (2009) and Ferrell's Brennan in Step Brothers (2008) and you'll find two people obsessed with bizarre things like Long John Silvers and Bonnie Raitt. Where they differ, though, is in subtle things that steer them in very different directions. Take Alan's creepy knowledge of the Jonas Brothers vs. Brennan's love of Cops and Chewbacca. The difference is that Ferrell is immature but still way more mainstream - his obsessions are funny because they're the same that a little boy would have. Galifianakis is on an entirely different level of insanity because his obsessions are the same that a little girl would have.

Galifianakis has always been this underground comic. While Ferrell was hitting it huge 15 years ago on SNL, Galifianakis was parading with The Comedians of Comedy and seemed like he wanted everything in the world except stardom. They're both very subversive acts, though, and part of Ferrell's freshness has come from his retreat from awful things like Bewitched (2005) and a simultaneous focus on playing his character trope seriously (Everything Must Go [2011] - Ryan Reynolds did the same thing to wondrous effect in Adventureland [2009]) and going all out for the absolutely wacky (The Other Guys [2010]). It's not like mixing people who have a lot of history such as Vince, Ben, and Jonah in The Watch (2012) a few weeks ago. Based on how well that did, that's probably a good thing.

Zach and Will have done some things together like a Between Two Ferns episode that struggled to identify who was playing whom. It is actually weirdly rare, though, how often legends from different comedy schools team up. The only recent example I can think of is Adam Sandler joining up with Seth Rogen and the Apatow crew for Funny People (2009), though granted he has history with Apatow (a weird episode of Undeclared where this chick sleeps with Loughran for some reason. Also they were college roommates). That was one of the best films of 2009, though it didn't do shit at the Box Office. Still, it's tough to compare the two outside of the interesting pairing.

In an election year this film couldn't be better timed before things get serious come the fall. It remains to be seen whether or not this stakes a political stance beyond the simple idea that "campaigning is stupid," which is true. Still, it ought to be a nice R-rated jaunt, which is great. We are truly in the debt of The Hangover, which proved that everyone can make a ton of money with raunchy comedies.

Actually doesn't this look like the most generic action film ever?

The other big film this weekend is The Bourne Legacy, which stars Hawkeye as Jason Bourne. I would go see it on only that premise, to be honest. But no, this is Jeremy Renner as Aaron Cross, a sort-of Bourne alternate who seems to be in the same Bourne world but without any of the intrigue that drived the character. The thing about The Bourne Identity (2002) that made it so successful was that it didn't focus on this large conspiracy or organization. It was a spy movie about a dude who didn't know he was a spy. As the series progressed, Matt Damon's character grew and grew until he learned his name was David or something in The Bourne Ultimatum (2007), and ended up shot in the back in a body of water and soon to bang Julia Stiles (which was actually exactly how he started the series, which was pretty cool).

The thing was though, that Ultimatum and the massive conspiracy and bureaucracy behind it wouldn't work as a stand alone film, it would just be lost in the shuffle of tons of espionage films. Identity was simple in structure and thoroughly established both Bourne as a character and Damon as an actor. Jeremy Renner lately has been a dude to kind of show up everywhere and take over everyone else's franchise (see also: Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol [2011]). Still, his roles in The Hurt Locker (2009) and The Town (2010) were enough for him to steal our hearts. And our wallets.

What will happen with this movie? Who cares. That really seems to be the underlying sentiment. Both these films have been advertised well, but I give the edge to The Campaign for having an original premise and to get a nation together that's been starving for a good comedy. The Bourne Legacy is cool but can anyone tell you what the hell it's actually about? Hawkeye shoots something in the snow, bangs Rachel Weisz (who still looks hot, good for her [and her career in Hollywood]), and is another dude who is working for the same people Bourne is but without any of the amnesia. That's like making another Total Recall movie and not setting it on Mars! Wait, they what?!

Who says Superman isn't Black? And Jamaican.

I don't know, maybe this will succeed. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) is still casting a long shadow, though, and since it's actually been slower than The Dark Knight (2008), more people still haven't seen it, meaning it can keep pumping out those numbers for a while. You've got to hand it to them - that release date ahead of the Summer Olympics was vital, in addition to its prime Summer Launch date. With the final weekend of the Olympic Games and a flurry of Gold Medal matches in highly contested, globally popular sports like Handball, Synchronized Swimming, and Men's Field Hockey, who has time to go to the movies anyway? What's that? LeBron will get his Gold Medal at 11 am Sunday? Okay, maybe we can squeeze in a trip to the movies before then.

The point is, though, that there are too many distractions for any film this weekend to have a great cultural impact. The Bourne Ultimatum is somehow still the highest-grossing August release of all time, and Will has had a great track record in August - but again, no one cares. The biggest topic of national conversation is Usain Bolt, the Flying Squirrel, and which non-fictional politian is screwing up his campaign more - Romney or Obama (I'll give you a hint...it's Romney). A year ago everyone was buzzing about how awesome Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011). That turned it into a decent cultural event. That won't happen with either of these films.