10 October 2009
Future Trends: The Next Big Thing, 2010 and Beyond
Yes, I'm saying Lumberjacks. These guys are ready to burst. Now I don't mean to brag or anything but I am very adept at predicting fads. So far in my lifetime I've successfully anticipated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Pokemon, Anime, Pirates and Zombies. I am going to say that Lumberjacks are due. They have a severe Post-Modern potential for Chuck Norris-level awesomeness.
They are hungry, violent, manly enough to help men cope with poor feelings of self-worth and competence, much like Pirates before them. They are a burly, opaque role model that is perfect for parody and simple to replicate, much more so than pirates.
In soon time, most likely 2011 or perhaps slightly earlier, there will be an upsurge on College Campuses of Lumberjack Parties, most likely during the forthcoming "Talk Like a Lumberjack Day" and Lumberjack vs. Humans LARPs. The golden age of continuing Man's Epic Battle Against Trees and Nature will finally emerge.
There are many very subtle signs of this Lumberjack Takeover already taking place. The first is a lengthy and complimentary entry in The Alphabet of Manliness by author of our times, Maddox. Maddox clearly treats Lumberjacks on the same level, if not on a greater manly cultural level as Pirates, so much so that the Men of Plaid clearly at least deserve their own annoying internet meme. Lumberjacks are powerful.
In addition to this is a very important 13-second scene in recent Box Office Okay Movie, Step Brothers (2008).
Clearly, the potency of the Lumberjack cultural movement has been established by these two deep-seeded pieces of art. Furthermore...well...I guess that's about it actually. Anyway, Lumberjacks are pretty cool and deserve to become the next big thing. No...they WILL become the next big thing! Lumberjack films WILL take off and this country will know the true meaning of flanel, beards and destroying nature. She thinks she's so smug...with her typhoons and cholera and...life giving oxygen. The trees must pay, we all know this. Bow to the Lumberjack!