01 July 2013

Summer Jam Week 8: Mack, Selena, and a Bunch of Rapping White Girls

Here we have another Summer Monday morning, so it's time again to recount the hottest Jams of the week. We all want to see which track is going to be the next big thing - the unstoppable Jam of the Summer of 2013. Who will claim the crown? Keep reading to find out as we head into Summer's halfway point.

Hot Jam of the Week: "Love Somebody" by Maroon 5

Maroon 5 tends to have either really great songs or really crappy songs, but whatever they churn out tends to be popular. This is a fairly forgettable song. I think I've heard it three or four times this week but can't picture the tune in my head. It does, however, have a really cool and freaky music video. Maroon 5 seems to always be a summer staple, I can't see this taking off like "Payphone" did, but it ought to be pretty competent.

All Kinds of Awkward: "Come and Get It" by Selena Gomez

Selena may be 20 and getting into weird adult territory in Spring Breakers (2013), but she still looks like she's 12, so this super sexually charged track just seems real awkward. Selena isn't a sex symbol yet, and she shouldn't be. Just because Britney rocked the world at 18 doesn't mean Selena should. Still, this terrible song had a big week.

Blue and Sexy: "Ooh La La" by Britney Spears

While we're talking about Britney, we ought to mention this latest Jam that just dropped. Now, this track is appearing on the album for Smurfs 2 (2013). Yes, that exists. Who knows why the hell Britney is singing the main tie-in song of a movie that features the voice of Katy Perry as Smurfette, but whatever. The track is kind of cute, though it seems really tailor-made for inclusion on Kid Bop. Little wiener kids and the creepy adults who follow them need Summer Jams, too, and that seems about how hot this is going to get.

Pass the Forty: "Crazy Kids" by Ke$ha ft. will.i.am

"Crazy Kids" seemed everywhere this week, and it's certainly a fun song, if not one that's square in Ke$ha's youth party song wheelhouse. It's got such a high level of insane irritation, proving simultaneously that Ke$ha can neither sing nor rap, but she's also one of the more unique, if not baffo artists out there. I'm also not sure how you can listen to this song and not hate will.i.am by the end of it, especially as he literally bows out mumbling his lines like a retard. I feel bad about saying that. I'd like to apologize all mentally challenged individuals right now for associating them with will.i.am.

Rollin' on 22s: "Cruise (Remix)" by Florida Georga Line ft. Nelly

This is hanging in there as an excellent road hog song, although I think it's maxed out its potential. It doesn't seem to be catching on the way it needs to, and as really the most stereotypical Summer Jam on this list, it's actually more out of place than interesting and innovative in a Summer that is leaning more towards funk and jazz rather than country. It also seems to be causing more alienation than unification between country and rap fans.

Blurred Rape: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

I'm having more of a hard time with the misogyny and rape culture propagated by this track, but it's also still the funnest, bounciest, and catchiest song of Summer so far. Sometimes I think that there is a feminist overreaction to the lyrics of the track, but then again, it's that kind of backslide that creates the culture of objectification, discrimination, and ultimately abuse. I'll about guarantee that most of this track's male and female listeners don't care about that though (which is a problem unto itself), so it'll stay hot for a bit.

Get Funky: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

I'm jazzed at how much this jazzy track has taken off. It's not only a perfect chill out Summer Jam but a great use of Pharrell's signature voice. This is a great party song, a great afternoon hang out song, and a real smooth Jam in every way. It's really what writing this column is all about.

Never in Doubt: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

After I completely left this jam off the Week 7 List, "Can't Stop Us" came back in a big way and reclaimed the top spot. This song was everywhere again this week. It's really such a refreshing and positive song that has been around for some time now, but doesn't seem to be stoppable. I'm hesitant to declare this the runaway Jam of the Summer, but nothing seems able to replace it. Still, we're only around the halfway mark, anything could happen.

Next Week...

I left how the high number of white girl rap songs that have seemed to come out recently - in addition to Britney and Ke$ha, we have Bridgit Mendler's "Hurricane" doing her best Karmin impression and Iggy Azalea doing whatever the hell "Work" is. Other potential jams I'm looking at include Ciara's "Body Party" and Bruno Mars' "Treasure" which is another push towards 2013 giving us the funkiest Summer since 1979. Do you want one more? Yeah you do. How about Portugal the Man's "Purple Yellow Red & Blue", which does remind me of D12.

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