Summer Jam 2013: THE ANNUNCIATION!

Summer has finally come to a close. With that, it's time to recount the biggest musical hits of the season, which we cataloged every week in our Summer Jam Winner's List. I'm not sure why I'm so obsessed with Summer Jams. To some extent it's just about finding that perfect encapsulation of a zeitgeist - a time capsule with which to look back and say "Yeah, that was my soundtrack while this was going on in my life." I've only seriously kept track of the past seven Summer Jams (jeez, really?), so let's first remember those Chamipions.

2007: "Umberellaella" by Rihanna
2008: "Keep Bleeding in Love" by Leona Lewis
2009: "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas
2010: "California Gurls" by Katy Perry
2011: "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO
2012: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

One track from 2013 will join the ranks of all these immortal songs. Actually none of them are really immortal (when's the last time you even heard "Party Rock Anthem"?). Logging Summer Jams is about purposely creating a process to facilitate nostalgia. After I tracked a tremendous amount of Jams all Summer long I logged them all in a spreadsheet and awarded points for different placements. Let's first go over some Bonus Winners - Jams that were pretty significant, but couldn't quite break away this Summer. Included are the dates the song was feature on our list:

"Cups" by Anna Kendrick - 06/03 & 07/15
"Crazy Kids" by Ke$ha ft. will.i.am - 06/10 & 07/01
"Applause" by Lady GaGa - 08/19 - 09/02
"Holy Grail" by Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake - 08/05 & 08/26
"The Way" by Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller - 05/26, 07/08-07/15
"I Don't Care" by Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX - 05/13, 06/10 - 06/24
"Clarity" by Zedd ft. Foxes - 08/05 - 08/19
"Stay" by Rihanna - 05/13 - 05/20, 06/03
"Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk ft. Nate Ruess - 05/13 - 05/20, 06/03 - 06/10

Okay - enough fartin' around - here are the heavy hitters who kept us jammin' all summer long:

Coronary Issues: "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato
Weeks on the List: 4 (05/27 - 06/17)
Peak: #1 on 06/03

Don't fret - this jam is just as earsplitting as ever. It still boggles my mind that Demi is a judge of other young people's vocal talents on The X Factor while she demonstrates here her clear lack of talent. That's not to say she hasn't had fine songs in the past, but she butchered this one. "Heart Attack" flashed really big around the month of June, but then fizzled out for the rest of Summer. I do still dig the way she delivers that basketball line, though, and I get sort of enraptured in the really weird ink-based video that makes no sense at all. In regards to ink-based videos this summer, Maroon 5's "Love Somebody" was a bit more creative.

Chernobyl Diaries: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons
Weeks on the List: 6 (05/13, 06/24, 07/15 - 07/29, 08/26)
Peak: #3 on 05/13, 06/24, and 07/29

Apparently the key to a Monster Summer Jam is a good pair of eyes, a crazy booming drum, and a completely crazy music video featuring underground Muppet fighting. While that vid's tone continually shifts between wacky and serious, it was really unique and genuinely interesting to sit through. That's a huge component to successful videos in a sea of the same crap. As for the song itslef, "Radioactive" was the journeyman this summer, one of only two songs on the list to appear at least once every month except for September, as well as nearly earning the distinction of appearing in the first and final week (it will have to settle for Week 1 and Week 16). It traded its consistency for never really igniting during a week, and for that reason its peak was only ever at #3 (which it did a month apart, each time). Therefore while it was never an especially hot track, it was always somewhere in the conversation.

Nugget of Yesteryear: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars
Weeks on the List: 6 (07/08 - 07/22, 08/05, 08/26 - 09/02)
Peak: #1 on 07/22

I once had high hopes for "Treasure" becoming the Summer Jam, but it will have to settle for its position here. It really flashed hot in July in the heart of Summer, but then petered out a bit in August. Just at the end of the Season though, it seemed to flash again, but to no avail. The Season was over, and so were Bruno's chances of being the King of Summer. The video is super-nostalgic though, if not a bit derivative of the gimmick used in Snoop Dogg's "Sexual Eruption" a few years back. Still, Bruno's Jam is way funky, and will remain a treasure for years to come. Wha-hey.

Gay Anthem of Summer: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert
Weeks on the List: 6 (06/10, 06/24, 07/08 - 07/15, 07/29, 08/19)
Peak: #1 on 07/08

This is probably the most important song of the summer, and a credit to Macklemore for putting his faith behind a Jam that could be heavily criticized in the Rap Community. He even addresses that kind of homophobic culture in his native genre in the second verse. While the track's subject matter is significant and an important step forward to widespread acceptance of differing sexual orientations, the song itself really isn't that great. Mary Lambert tends to kill it on the chorus, but Mack has been much tighter in his other monster smashes this year. While this song came in and out of the countdown a great deal, it never quite pushed over the edge because it's more of a contemplative story song than a thumping jam song. That's really a better way to get its message across anyway, though. It is also notable that I picked this as the Hot Jam of the Week for Week 5.

Douche Anthem of Summer: "Cruise (REMIX)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly
Weeks on the List: 7 (5/27, 6/10 - 07/01, 07/22 - 07/29)
Peak: #3 on 06/10

The fact that "Cruise" even exists still kind of boggles my mind. I'm somewhat surprised that the eloquent Country / Hip-Hop Crossover wasn't a huge hit, which tends to happen more and more with Country Acts that break into mainstream pop. While there were contingents of both Rap and Country fans who dug this, the gap just couldn't be bridged. It was strange each week as this fought with the thoughtful, contemplative "Same Love," and more and more, "Cruise" just felt out of place. It's almost a bygone song where you could stuff a lot of beautiful babes in your video and get away with a lot of male gaze. There is however, of course, one song on this list that would completely contradict the notion that this kind of misogyny is outdated. As a proud member of the Rap-loving side of that gap, though, I did dig this song (I added it to my list of country songs I can stomach, where it joined only "Low Places"). And who doesn't want to cruise around with their windows down all summer?

Make Me Smiley: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus
Weeks on the List: 8 (6/17, 07/08, 07/22 - 08/12, 08/26 - 09/02)
Peak: #2 on 07/22 - 08/05, 08/26

I always find myself at a loss for words when trying to describe this beast. "We Can't Stop" would be such a drop in the pond for a Ke$ha or even its original artist, Rihanna. Miley took this chance to completely shred her cutesy little girl image, though, and to desperately prove that she's cool and edgy. She comes off as just that - someone trying far too hard to grow up fast and jump in on the pressures of being a slut in Hollywood. You've got to wonder where her guidance is, because surely Billy Ray isn't doing a thing for his daughter but give her free license to print all the money she wants at any expense of dignity or class. Like I said though, no one would give a shit if it was Ke$ha doing this shit, and in fact Ke$ha did to the "White Girl Emulating Black Culture for Fun" thing with "Crazy Kids." See, they're in the same boat. This video is completely boffo, I'm not sure if there's really any merit to it and if anything it's fairly offensive culturally, but not really sexually. The sexuality of it seems confused, like Miley is basing her sluttiness out of some preconceived expectation rather than something genuinely hers like a GaGa would do. Anyway, whatever her rationale is, it's working - this jam was huge this summer and stands in sharp contrast to Carly Rae Jepsen of yesteryear. It could never quite breach the #1 spot, but it was a solid first mate for most of the heart of summer.

Try to Pin 'Em Down: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton
Weeks on the List: 7 (05/13 - 06/17, 07/01)
Peak: #1 on 05/20 - 05/27, 06/10, 07/01

Now we're getting into the heavy hitters. "Can't Hold Us" dominated the early months of Summer, and never fell lower than the #2 spot for its entire run. It fell off in July, which hurts its chances to become the True King of Summer, but it still propelled Macklemore & Ryan Lewis to have a year like The Black Eyed Peas had in 2009, Katy Perry had in 2010 or LMFAO had in 2011. This is arguably their best track, too, with Macklemore spitting rapid fire catchy and clever delivery, a solid varying beat by Ryan Lewis and unknown Ray Dalton filling in all the gaps in the chorus. One thing this duo does really well is find voices for the actual singing parts, and it's always refreshing to hear really good rappers pass the mike instead of trying to sing themselves. The vid is also a true epic, with camels, crazy wolf people, and the coolest beach haircut ever. "Can't Hold Us" hit on every note possible, and if it hadn't broken in March it would have dominated the whole Summer. Nothing can stop these guys. Except a slightly bad second album.

Robot Nation: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell
Weeks on the List: 12 (06/03, 06/17 - 07/08, 07/22 - 09/02)
Peak: #1 on 07/29 - 08/12

Remember all that stuff I said about how great music videos help the life of a song? Toss it out the window. Daft Punk, whether intentionally or not, set out to put out an incredible track and let it speak for itself. This is about the only song of the whole Summer to carry itself by itself, with nothing to go on but an infectious beat, a funkadelic rhythm, and the irresistible coos of Pharrell. Seriously, it's impossible to get sick of this song. You could play it on repeat at any Summer Party imaginable and it'd become a great party. Stephen Colbert knows it. Simon Pegg knows it. "Get Lucky" hit #1 three weeks in a row, the only Jam the whole Summer to do so. It was also the Hot Jam of the Week for Week 4. Unfortunately though, it spent too much time playing Second Banana to this year's winner, and after it looked like it might make a comeback, it fell off track. Thus we move on to our SUMMER KING:

The Throne is Yours: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.
Weeks on the List: 13 (05/20, 06/17 - 09/02)
Peak: #1 on 06/17 - 06/24, 07/15, 08/26 - 09/02

Did I say Macklemore was having a good year? I'm sorry, I meant known vampire Pharrell. Did I say you needed to throw crazy Muppets in your video to make it popular? I'm sorry, I meant throw in Emily Ratajkowski. Did I say the failure of "Cruise" to become more mainstream was its inherent misogynistic content? Throw that to the wind. Probably the most controversial King of Summer of all time, "Blurred Lines has some crazy good stats on the List. It appeared on the List for 12 straight weeks, which is five longer than any other challenger. It also appeared in every single month of Summer, and hit #1 in every month but May. It also dropped in Week 2, meaning it nearly had a span of the entire Season. This song was everywhere and there's no doubt that it was the biggest track - THE Summer Jam, the song we'll always treat as synonymous with Summer 2013.

Now, there a couple problems with that. Here's a fairly apt parody that captures how douchey, awkward, and rape-y the track really is. Here's another with a good dose of role reversal. Despite anything that Robin Thicke says about how he's married so it's ok (that line of reasoning didn't work for Tiger Woods) or how the song's sexuality empowers women, it's all bullshit. The track's lyrics strongly support a "no means yes" culture of imbalanced sexual context, and the video is so obsessed with its females as sexual objects it literally places them among the background to be gawked at by males and to be played around with like any of the other props. It's a torrid, condescending affair. Blame the engrossing beat, its iconic style, and yes, maybe its irritating misuse of hashtags, though, and you've got the biggest Jam of Summer.

See you in May...

Summer Jam Week 17: Adieu

It's been a long, crazy, stupid summer around here folks, but it's finally over. With Labor Day striking and kids trotting off back to school, the joyous raucous of the Months of Sunshine halt as we descend unto Football, Masks, and Turkey. But lest we not forget the hottest jams of the Summer? I think not - for once more into the fray, here are your week's winners:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Control" by Big Sean ft. Kendrick Lamar & Jay Electronica



This track has gained some fame for Kendrick's verses where he insults and threatens just about every other rapper out there. It's either a huge sign of his apathy towards mainstream rap beefs or a legitimate "fuck you" to every possible collabo he may find down the line. Either way, I'm inclined to think that Kendrick will be fine - he's got the talent to stay above everyone else, although he doesn't really have the career yet where he can claim to be the greatest ever. Save that for Jay-Z and Kanye.

More Ken: "Street Dreamin'" by Bridget Kelly ft. Kendrick Lamar

Keeping with Kendrick for a second (and we could have certainly included "Give It 2 U" with Robin Thicke), this is a chill little song that made some slight waves this week. Although, is it just me or does Bridget Kelly look like Kimmi the tranny from The Hangover: Part II (2011)? That kind of gives me all kind of weird feelings. Anyway, Kendrick ought to have a nice Labor Day, that is if he's not whacked.

Once More For Luck: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

I may have left this jam off this week if not for the brilliant reading by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost linked above. It's a magnificent interpretation of the Summer Jam, and Pegg seems to be channeling his inner Patrick Stewart to comic effect. If not for this I think despite what appeared to be a nice little run towards the end of Summer, "Get Lucky" will come up just short this week.

Bummer Summer: "Summertime Sadness REMIX" by Lana Del Rey vs. Cedric Gervais

This jam deserved more of a chance this summer, even if Lana Del Rey has no interest in being a prototypical pop star, which actually makes her much more interesting to me. Her sheer apathy towards pop stardom is heavily criticized, but that's kind of an insane thing to criticize, right? Why should she care or attempt to make herself presentable or marketable at all? She's fine just crooning out wonky songs like "Video Games" and this, whose techno Gervais beats makes it way more palatable for Top 40 radio. And even if it's a downer, who doesn't get the summertime sadness every once in a while?

Hands Together Now: "Applause" by Lady GaGa

GaGa is storming her way up and I bet "Applause" ends up being a pretty decent hit, even if Katy's "Roar" is currently ranked higher on the Billboard Top 100. "Roar" is instantly forgettable, though, and while GaGa has done better than "Applause," it's still been far too long since the girl has been on the radio. She's knee deep in her self-proclaimed Art/Pop Culture Revolution, and to the extent that mainstream audiences can buy into that wacky schtick will influence how this jam's received. Yeah, Katy goes down way smoother, regardless of the actual merit of the songs. And that meta-edge makes GaGa even more irresistible to pop aficionados like me.

You've Had Enough: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

What more can I say? Miley dominated just about every news outlet this week, for better or worse. More attention is usually good attention, at least if she can come back with something even half-good after this. For now, "We Can't Stop" has a thumping base, a completely boffo video, and legion after legion of very confused fans. It's unclear at this point whether or not Miley is actually going crazy like Amanda Bynes or just faking it like Ke$ha. I'm not quite sure which level of authenticity is better. All Hail Cyrus.

Gold in Dem Hills: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

This jam seemed to get up to be everywhere this week, including a spot at #1 on Vh1's weekly countdown. Anyway, this was still the song that never was this Summer, and despite this good showing this week, it's way too inconsistent to be a serious contender. Still, that Filipino kid lays down some serious funk here, and I can always appreciate the super-throwback video.

And One For the Road: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

This jam seems to have no signs of slowing. It's infectious beat, erotic video, and crazily suggestive lyrics all but guaranteed it to be the gone and away Summer Jam. Misogynistic, pig-headed, contributory to rape culture, whatever you may say, you cannot deny the popularity of this thing - which is a problem unto itself. We'll be talking more at length about this monster during our Summer Throne Annunciation tomorrow.

Tomorrow...

We lay it all ont he line baby - we'll be recounting the entire Summer and of course announcing the WINNERS of the SUMMER CROWN! Who will forever be remembered along with the immortal likes of LMFAO and Carly Rae Jepsen? This really is a stupid column, isn't it? Stay tuned and happy Labour Day, folks!

Summer Jam Week 16: Imagine some Dragons, Robins, and a Hot Mess named Miley

Welcome to the penultimate week of Summer, folks! As all the little bastard children get ready to trot on off back to school the Hottest Summer Jams are winding down, but it's looking more and more like a certain rape-y song will become the Season's Victor. Barring an extreme 11th Hour upset, "Blurred Lines" is the place to be. Here are the rest of the week's winners:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Demons" by Imagine Dragons



I mentioned this track a few weeks back as a possible second monster hit for the group, although it's admittedly a much weaker jam than "Radioactive." This still isn't really going anywhere, but it's fiery enough to get the Hot Spot this week, as forgettable as the song is.

Pretty Girls, Bright Lights: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

While this song never became teh super-jam I thought it could be at one point, its summer has still been pretty pointed. After a few weeks off this rundown, "Treasure" comes back in a real mild way, but still as funky as ever. It remains one of the more listenable songs of the summer, but ultimately may not have a truly significant place in Bruno's catalog.

Put Your Hands Together: "Applause" by Lady GaGa

After a unique VMAs performance it's clear that GaGa wants back in the spotlight. Unfortunately on Monday morning the only thing on people's minds seems to be Miley's performance (more on that later). "Applause" is a solid introductory song to GaGa's new style and sound, although it hasn't really changed all that much. It's clear she's trying pretty hard to be an "artist," or at least whatever she thinks our concept of a serious "artist" should be. "Applause" isn't really a "Telephone" and certainly not a "Bad Romance," but a serviceable reminder that GaGa is still out there somewhere.

Still Glowing: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

Does this jam have legs or what? "Radioactive" is still kicking around, and thanks to the monster hit, Imagine Dragons can be considered a major current rock power player. At least, that is, until their next jam bombs and they fade from all our memories like a Modern Day Gotye. That's right. Imagine Dragons are pretty solid, though, and ought to keep churning out the hits. Until then, they'll be milking the intensity "Radioactive" for all its got.

Indiana Jones and the: "Holy Grail" by Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake

It's such a shame that JT is the best part of this song when Jay-Z was actually used pretty well on "Suit and Tie." Typically random collabos like that are just mash-ups that don't really add anything to a track (see also: will.i.am's horrendous rhymes on Ke$ha's "Crazy Kids"). Here Jay-Z doesn't add anything to his own song, although half of JT's lyrics don't even flow into what he's singing either. The problem with this kind of mafioso rap that reaches for the stars is that it's so easy to fall short, and when you do there's no real excuse for an artist with a self-imposed "Greatest Musician of All Time" title to suck eggs. Sorry, J.

Boogie Oogie Oogie: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

Having a music video certainly would have helped Daft Punk get that final push to Legendary Summer Jam status, but I also dig how they totally don't give a shit about any of that. They're content with just making awesome music, and we ought to be content listening to one of the more engrossing tracks of the Season. Still, with lots of VMA buzz, the next two winners this week get a final edge over DP and P.

Holy Shit, Girl: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

I don't really give a shit about Miley Cyrus, and frankly, her performance wasn't all that shocking or even that sexy. It's a little awkward to see Miley really whoring it up on Robin Thicke, who is like 16 years older than her, but anyone who has paid attention to Miley's recent career, or even seen the video for "We Can't Stop" could have seen this coming. There are more troubling comments such as the idea that Miley's wildside stems from her virtual lack of a childhood akin to many other child artists whose upbringings were very controlled, and her bizarre and possibly racist appropriation of black culture. If anything, Miley does inspire some good debate. The whole thing is pretty insane.

Hail to the King (Probably): "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

Just when it seemed to appear that "Blurred Lines" was finally on its way out, it comes back in a big way this week. This has just about unequivocally been THE Jam of Summer, but there is one week left for someone Daft Punk-ish to upset the master. Considering the album that contains "Blurred Lines," Blurred Lines is also picking up sales, this song may not be going anywhere soon. Because you know, how else are people going to hear the song? They have to buy the album, that's how. Because the current year is 1967.

Next week...

It's all coming down to this folks - Week 17! The Final Week of Summer! As Labour Day looms large and dreary, we'll run through one more week of Jams and then recount the entire Season of Sun to determine which song and artist is finally crowned True Summer Royalty! Stay tuned, folks, it's all coming down to this!

Summer Jam Week 15: GaGa vs. Katy Again!

We're officially in Summer Wind-down mode now, folks, but there are still some hot jams to cling to. We've got an upset at number one, near vanishes from most of the hottest tracks that have been cruising all Season and more new fuzz than you can shake a hamster with. That's got to be an idiom somewhere. Let's do it:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Applause" by Lady GaGa



GaGa has been pretty quiet lately, but everything she's done in the last couple weeks seems to point to her coming back in a very big and very weird way. From her completely insane Abramovic Method video where she got straight-up naked (it's about time) to her leaked "Applause" track, and as of six hours ago, a video as well, everything is coming up GaGa. While she was once a staple of Summer Jams, a Crown has continually eluded her. From "Alejandro" in 2010 to "Judas", "Yoü and I", and "The Edge of Glory" in 2011, she's always been around, but not quite a clincher. "Applause" is coming out way too late to really be considered jam-worthy, but can she set things up to be a 2014 Summer Champion? We're always cheering for GaGa.

Close Call, Cloverfield: "Roar" by Katy Perry

It seems like Katy and GaGa tend to release competing singles in tandem, although in the past couple years, Katy Perry has had far more commercial success. That's not to say that GaGa hasn't really been successful, but Katy's run of #1 hits is nothing short of pop legend. Also, when I hear "Roar" I still of course think of the overture from Cloverfield (2008), which is a much better track than Katy's version. Grrr.

Douches of the Year: "Can't Believe It" by Flo Rida ft. Pitbull

I'm not saying that there is any evidence of Pitbull ever raping somebody - but you've got think that he's not a dude who believes that "no means no." This is probably one of the more overtly douchey songs in recent memory, which literally deconstructs females into walking asses. That hook "white girl got some ass" is sure to play nicely in suburbia, though, and you've got think that if this had some more time it could have caught on a bit more this summer. Still, what a pairing, right? This is also the most hastily thrown together, cheap CGI'd video I've seen in a long damn time. Congrats, douchebags.

Speaking of Douchebags: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell.

Robin Thicke actually also has a new jam out this week, "Give It 2 U" ft. Kendrick Lamar, which does not parallel "Blurred Lines" at all. Thicke may be resigned to be another Gotye or Carly Rae, who has a huge Summer Jam and is then relegated back to obscurity. A one-hit wonder, if you will. "Blurred Lines" does seem like such an anomaly - a mania fueled as much by the charisma of Emily Ratajkowski as the most infectious beat in years. You got it.

Back in Back: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

Yeah I feel bad about that joke. "Same Love" seemed to surge up a bit this week after a few weeks of teetering out there. It's certainly been a big Summer for Macklemore, although "Can't Hold Us" burned out a bit too early to really be in jam-worthy contention right now. "Same Love" has been really solid, but its achievement ought to be in bringing homosexuality more into the cultural norm than from being a really popular hit jam. And that's really the best result we could hope for.

The Queen's Baby: "Royals" by Lorde

Lorde probably doesn't deserve to be so high this week, but I'm digging the hell out of this track and nothing else seems especially catchy. It ought to be dying out pretty soon, though, and remembered forever only by me. It has one of the better hooks of the Summer, though, and itched its way onto my playlist sooner than just about anything else did this Season. Kudos to Lorde.

Robo-Fever: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

What can we say - "Get Lucky" remains a very hot jam. I imagine this summer will come down to a countdown between this and "Blurred Lines" for the final champion, not unlike LMFAO and Adele a few years back. "Can't Hold Us" may be in there, but ultimately it's down to these two. "Get Lucky" has held up way stronger down the stretch, but the cultural influence is all Thicke. Who gets the crown? We've got a few more weeks to firm things up.

Oh, and This is #1: "Clarity" by Zedd ft. Foxes

This track was everywhere this week. Somehow. See, sometimes I can really call what songs are going to blow up big, and other times I am way off. I counted this jam out as an obscure one-week wonder, but here we are, this jam is everywhere. It is a pretty damn attractive song, although despite its late-Season run up, it doesn't really have a chance to be the Queen of Summer.

Next week...

I mentioned Thicke's new jam, "Give It 2 U", and we'll certainly be keeping an ear on that during the penultimate week of Summer. Other than that, it's likely to be GaGa, Katy, and Foxes from here on out, so stay tuned to see the last minute shake-ups!

Summer Jam Week 14: A Summer Duel on the Report

As we lurch into mid-August it's time again for another rendition of the weekly Summer Jam countdown - our look at the hottest tracks to beat the Sunshiney Heat. Things are certainly heating up between Daft Punk and Robin Thicke, with their latest battle ground being a virtual duel through The Colbert Report. More on that later. For now, your hottest jams on a damn crowded week:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Hopeless Wanderer" by Mumford & Sons



I haven't thought much of Mumford & Sons since their breakout back in 2010. Nothing since then has really stood out, possibly because they helped usher in this continuous sea of Pop Folk that doesn't seem to show any signs of slowing. This video, however, gets some mighty props from featuring a quartet of hilarious dudes playing the band - Sudeikis, Bateman, Forte, and Helms give it their all. It reminds me a bit of the quartet of Rappers who once stood in for Korn, and that's really only a good thing, of course.

Red or Grey: "Clarity" by Zedd ft. Foxes

"Clarity" hangs on for another week and remains a cool little song that I do not believe will last another week. It's actually pretty addictive, probably due to its variable ascending melody, cool smashing video, and infectious vocals. It's a tubthumper for sure and equal parts clubbanger and chillout music. What I am I thinking, this song is about to stick around forever, it's so adaptable.

Princess Merida: "Brave" by Sara Bareilles

I may be out on a limb here, but this track is catching on. It seems like Bareillis is always kind of hanging out somewhere on the pop scene, although she hasn't really had a real hit since "King of Anything." And that wasn't that huge. Let's go back to "Love Song" for a real hit. Her lack of success is probably just due to her last name being crazy hard to remember how to spell. She also generally puts out more inoffensive, cheery pop that doesn't include any insecurity or sexual overtones. So obviously against the grain of pop culture.

More Pharrell? Why Not: "Get Like Me" by Pharrell ft. Nicki Minaj

See, these are the sexual overtones I was talking about. Pharrell can add to what must be the greatest summer of anyone ever, and Nelly can at least get some R&B cred back as he sing-raps his way through this after his country collabo, "Cruise." What's most surprising about this track, though, is that for about the first time ever, Nicki isn't the best vocalist present and doesn't have the most addictive verses. What's up with that? It's a solid hip-hop track without really enough time to catch on before summer breaks, but a solid jam.

Blondies Rise: "I Need Your Love" by Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding

This track dropped a long time ago and while it's flirted with this list all Summer this was Calvin and Ellie's big week. The track was everywhere, really this week's version of last week's "Clarity." Ellie has done better, Calvin really hasn't, so the product leftover is all sorts of meh, but no matter, a big week this jam makes.

No One Can Judge Us Except for Judges: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

More often than not, the Key of Awesome plays to a more cynical nerdy crowd and misfires, but every once in a while they nail a particularly retarded song for all its worst aspects. Since they rifle through just about every joke I could make about this growing trainwreck, I'll direct you to the above link - have at it and enjoy, even if it doesn't quite know how to end without being desperate.

What a Terrible Live Performance: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell & T.I.

If you missed it, Daft Punk was going to play the Colbert Report but had to bail at the last minute through a convoluted disagreement with Viacom over appearing at the MTV Movie Awards instead. Next Month. No one really understands it, but Thicke stepped in to compete openly for Summer King status, and sang...really awfully. It seemed like he couldn't hit any of those high notes he does when standing next to Emily Ratajkowski. Listen for yourself. Oof.

Breaking Daft: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

Obviously the most legendary Summer Jam moment of the year is Stephen Colbert's star-studded tribute to Daft Punk not being able to appear on his show. Add a little Bryan Cranston who is peaking more than anyone thanks to the finale of Breaking Bad last night, and you've got a real potent mix there. Even though they didn't actually make the show and Colbert sort of gave Summer King status to Robin Thicke, it's obvious that this was the better moment, the better song - and jeez I'm really leaning towards the Robots now. Only a few weeks remain - will the Daft Dudes pull it out?!

Next week...

I snubbed Bruno Mars' "Treasure" again for no great reason. It's still a fansastic song, but has somehow been a little more lukewarm than some others for a few weeks here. It's still a hard and fast #9, and just about has a guaranteed spot on any slow week, but not here. Finally, I super-dug "Royals" by Lorde this week (and yes, I think the US Version has a little more pep and gets off to a quicker start than the UK one). I'll be hard pressed to leave it in the dust next week. Stay Tuned, folks.

Summer Jam Week 13: Blurred or Clarity?

Heloooooo August! It's time now for another edition of the Summer Jam, our weekly countdown of the greatest hottest Jams trying to become true Summer Royalty. As Shark Week dawns, where are the hot jams at? In an exceptionally pop-y week, they're right here baby:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Choe (You're The One I Want)" by Emblem3



Boy bands rule, obvi. Emblem3, the latest in a long line of boy bands like the Jonas Brothers and One Direction, who really haven't gone anywhere, actually, will seek to emulate this horrible popular style. Now, the Backstreet Boys at least had a completely boffo reunion in This is The End (2013), can we expect the same from Emblem3? No. This is the last time anyone on the Internet will talk about Emblem3.

Sunny Blues: "Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Rey

This jam actually came out last year in Europe, but didn't really hit the U.S. until a few months ago. Still, because that's a bit old, we're highlighting the Cedric Gervais remix, which we can only assume is some kind of combination between Cedric the Entertainer and Ricky Gervais. It's a nice thumper of a Summer Track, though, even if it's more an ode to a Bummer Summer than a Boomer Summer. Lana Del Rey remains one of the more brilliant pop acts out there, if only from her apparent complete lack of interest of being a pop star. Good on you.

Booty Indeed: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

This Jam is still hanging around, although it's dropped a bit more than I expected it to. I would take its refreshing retro video over the smut of "Blurred Lines" any day. Maybe not. Those chicks are pretty hot. Anyway, this is an epic jam that's getting a little over-muscled by anything Pharrell is doing this summer, which is a shame.

Schizophrenic Pop Rap Jam: "Holy Grail" by Jay-Z ft. JT

There are parts of this track that I really like but other parts that are awful. It's really all over the place. From Justin crooning and building intensity to Jay-Z doing his random mafioso thing and the non sequitor "Smells Like Teen Spirit" breakdown, this track tries to be everything at once and can't quite pull it together. Jay-Z in particular should be better. He was a bit crispier and more coherent on "Suit and Tie" for goodness sake. Who is this song targeted to anyway? Is it pop? R&B? Gangsta? Who knows. About half of it is worth a Summer Jam so here ya go.

Fuzzy Dashes: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

I'm ready for "Blurred Lines" to fizzle out. Among all the Jams on this list and this summer though, there is perhaps no song that has made a bigger cultural splash, which is exactly what a Summer Jam needs to do. Its domination may have passed, but this is still going to kick around for a while and even with four more weeks of Jamming, it's just about a done deal that these dudes become King.

Better or Worse? "Clarity" by Zedd ft. Foxes

This is the kind of random upsurge that makes Summer Jams fun. You've never really heard of this track before this week, and maybe you won't hear it ever again. But for the 13th Week of Summer, "Clarity" was everywhere. It's got a really crazy music video full of these big building moments that are kind of boring yet hypnotizing. The lyrical ascension reminds me of an Ellie Goulding track, which is only a good thing. Maybe it'll stick around.

Till You Get Enough: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

Miley has gotten tot he point where you really have to double check whether or not she has brain damage. I'm down for a Disney chick like her who completely shakes off her family friendly image to just go nuts. Of course, the extent of her going nuts hasn't reached dangerous Amanda Bynes-like levels yet, but that's another story. It's actually a fairly enjoyable song, and pretty sweet for any Summer Party. Just no lines in the bathroom, girl.

Robots Rule All: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

For the second week in a row the winner is no contest: "Get Lucky" is quietly taking over all of Summer, although it's not getting the word of mouth that "Blurred Lines" really has. Can it match their cultural cachet? It's the ultimate battle between an infectious widely seen music video and a song that doesn't really have a music video. "Get Lucky" is where it's at - we'll just see now if it an close out Summer on top to make a good case for its Kingliness.

Next week...

The battle is really coming down to "Get Lucky" and "Blurred Lines" in August, but there are still a few hits to be seen. I mostly want to seee how the star studded Mumford & Sons video "Hopeless Wanderer" does a few years into the Folk Pop Rock Revolution.

Summer Jam Week 12: Lucky Parties

It's another lazy Summer Monday, so it's time of course to recount the greatest, hottest jams of the week. It's really turning upside down this season as we close out July and get into our final Sunny Month. In just a few more weeks it will be Labor Day and our search for the steamiest Summer Jam will be at an end. In the meantime, enjoy this week's Winners:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Safe and Sound" by Capital Cities



This is a peppy song with a trippy video that adds a bit to the idea that the Summer of 2013 is truly the Summer of Funk. It's a fairly competent pop rock track that had a nice upsurging week, though it is a bit too bland to really break out at this point.

Shippin Across the Border: "Cruise (REMIX)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

This track manages to stay alive because even though I'm not really hearing the actual song as much, I'm still hearing people everywhere sing and hum this jam. It would seem that this truly has had an influence in pop culture - everyone knows this damn song. And it's just gotten to the point where it's pretty irritating to listen to. As "Cruise" hits its nather, what does that portend for its chances as Jam King? It's caught on for sure, but there are just more loved options out there - even though everyone has heard of "Cruise," everyone kind of hates it.

Reflect This: "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake

I have been somewhat avoiding "Mirrors" all summer, despite its consistently good Billboard rankings. I just never thought it really caught on or got all that much airplay. That changed this week, though - suddenly this jam was everywhere. JT has another terrible new single out, too, but nothing in the next couple weeks is going to match his "Suit & Tie" from earlier this year.

Vanishing: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

This will go down as one of the more significant videos and songs of 2013 for sure, whether or not it's really the King of Summer will be another debate, even though it's got a damn good argument. Half thanks to the most infectious beat of 2013, half thanks to the smooth crooning of the Son of Alan Thicke, and just about all thanks to Emily Ratajkowski, this song, regardless of its rapey feel, is a cultural phenomenon. Considering the misogyny, that really is a bit of a shame.

Homo Much: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

Is that Arrested Development reference too obscure to the point of perceived homophobia? This is still a great song, and when contrasted with just about anything else on this list, deserves to be more prominent. It's hopefully a good sign of progressive change that this song is getting well known and wide airplay. It's hard to even fathom that homophobia could exist anymore - it's so widely accepted. Of course, I live in the North.

Like Kaiju Blue: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

I can't believe this jam is still crawling and scratching its way towards cultural significance, but it's turned into one of the cooler hits of the year. I blame those big brash drum smacks and the surreal muppet video that really doesn't match the passion and intensity of the song at all. Well, it does actually, but muppet intensity just seems a strange juxtaposition. Who cares, this song rules.

Smiley Miley: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

Miley could have put out a jam like Carly Rae Jepsen last year, or something else that would play well with her built in Disney Crowd Fanbase. Instead she's dropped one of the strangest videos with some of the least classy lyrics ever. I really want to see her go toe to toe with Ke$ha at this point, who narrowly missed appearing on the list this week. The fact that we're even mentioning Miley as a solid Ke$ha competitor should attest to her successful re-branding. Whether or not that re-branding will turn out to be a good move for Miley is another debate entirely, but for now, this is a solid summer jam.

Like Lionel Ritche: "Get Luck" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

We're finally giving the Robots the top spot on the week's Jam list, because this track really still can't go anywhere but up - and we're pumped about that. Considering how long his has been fuddling around here and how enjoyable this track remains, that's quite an achievement. This still can only really succeed even more, and as one of the smoother, nicer tracks around these days that can literally be played at any Summer occasion, this could have a late season run to take it all.

Next week...

It was regrettable to leave off "Treasure," but there were just so many other deserving candidates this week. Don't count Bruno out of the race yet, though. I was also considering Anna Kendrick's "Cups" which has flirted with the list for a long damn time. Finally, considering the premiere of Smurfs 2 (2013), will Britney Spears' "Ooh La La" come back here? I can't believe I really wrote that. No, no one above the age of three cares about the Smurfs.

Summer Jam Week 11: Treasure Can't Stop the Party

We're hitting some peak vacay time in the middle of July, and the race for the most Jamworthy Track of Summer is really heating up. There were a tremendous amount of debuts this week, and it was tough to narrow it down. Be sure to check out the preview for next week for more:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Holy Grail" by Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake



Magna Carta...Holy Grail really isn't that great. Neither is this song, which is kind of all over the place, from smooth JT lyrics to a little "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for some reason, to intense break downs, then Jay- going "uh uh uh." It's completely schizophrenic and no part of it is that catchy. Still, it's doing OK, though I can't imagine this taking off. It's certainly no "Suit and Tie."

Chernobyl Style: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

It's safe to say by now that this track has put Imagine Dragons on the map and is here to stay for the summer, even though every week I think it has overstayed its welcome. To be honest, it's not all that stale yet somehow, which is a testament to the throbbing beat, the passionate vocals, and the completely boffo music video.

Need Somebody: "Love Somebody" by Maroon 5

Maroon 5 is getting good at cranking out the most generic alt rock / pop tracks imaginable, and this one is no exception. It's so bland and forgettable, although it seems to be catching on a little bit. The rad music video helps. Still, this is such innocuous, mind-shutting down music, nothing stands out. Maybe that makes it a bit better for party background music. In that case, no where to go but up I suppose.

Crank the AC: "Cruise (Remix)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

This track is starting to have a bit of cultural cache, connecting hip-hop and country fans alike. That said, it hasn't really caught on entirely like it needs to or could have considering the possible market for big country crossover hits. My guess is unlike Lady Antebellum, the country parts were way too country (they are severely twangy), and the Nelly parts were too Nellyish for it to really fly up and away. It's become a pretty widely known song, but far from a Summer King.

Robots in Paradise: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

If you haven't yet had the chacne to read the Rolling Stone interview with Pharrell, where he ruminates at length about how "Get Lucky" was inspired by philosophical concepts of capturing the moment of the present as opposed to the past or future, you should definitely read how crazy this dude sounds. It's also apparently clear that Daft Punk are robots and Pharrell is a vampire. It's still a groovy track and worthy of all its Summer Praise and electro crossover appeal.

Titties Everywhere: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.

In what is probably the most iconic video of the year so far, I'm still not sure how Robin Thicke got three topless models on YouTube. From the smut and chauvinist perspective, filming this video also looks like the funnest experience ever. From a female empowerment perspective, probably not so much. The most iconic video of the year is also the most controversial, for no reasons that are really legitimate. It is sad that three popular music stars can shoot a video with three topless broads like this and have it become one of the forerunners for Summer Jam of 2013 but what can you do? I suppose we need a team of lady artists to come up with some Banana Hammock-themed monster hit next year, right? I'm not sure that would work. Demeaning or not, this song is catchy as hell, and it'd take a heady upset to properly derail its Summer King chances.

All Twerk and No Play: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

Speaking of super crazy music videos, welcome to the party, Miley. I'm not sure which part I like best - the money sandwich, the faux finger slicing, the teddy bear dances, or just the massive amounts of twerking and mugging at the camera. I just want to listen to Miley sing more about standing in bathroom lines. And doing lines in the bathroom. It's this crazy aggressive assertion of her maturity and sexuality, but it's kind of amiss because it's totally immature and really confused sexually. That could be intentional. I hope so. Party on, girl.

Funk City: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

With Sad Mouse no where to be found, Bruno gets the #1 spot with "Treasure" this week. The track is really popping out loud and is become the kind of ubiquitous song a true Summer Jam needs to be. For the first time in many years the real Summer Jam isn't totally obvious, with many contenders all vying for the crown. There a still a few weeks left though - can "Treasure" hold on? "Get Lucky" and "Blurred Lines" are probably the best competition right now, unless Macklemore can get back into the game. Stay tuned, folks!

Next Week...

Okay, folks, in addition to Jay-Z, competitors for the Hot Jam of the week included songs such as Demi Lovato's "Made in the USA," which is a fairly awful song that could have benefited at least somewhat from being released a few weeks prior during Independence Weekend.There are also new songs breaking from Of Monsters and Men and Imagine Dragons that are no where near as good as the big songs each band is known for. Finally, Bowie dropped a single this week. Not sure why this didn't drop in January or February, but whatevs. "Valentine's Day" is about as good as any other aging Rock Star's modern track is. And that guitar riff does feel a lot like Ziggy. Will any of these Jams crawl up the charts to be considered for a Summer Throne? Unlikely - but check in next week
 as we wrap up July!

Summer Jam Week 10: Grouplove Love Cups

Into the breach of July we've really got some hot tracks heating up, folks. This is the Tenth Summer Week, and it's time to recount the greatest Jams that have been blasting out of stereos all week in an attempt to crown a single track the Jam of Summer 2013 - that one Chief Track that forever becomes true Summer Royalty. Let's get balmy:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Ways to Go" by Grouplove



This is a pretty lively, catchy song by Grouplove, who had a nice jam last summer with "Tongue Tied." This is also a pretty entertaining video, apparently some kind of homage to Kim Jong-un, if Kim Jong-un listened to Grouplove, grew a heart, and danced around in a Hawaiian shirt. It's debuting a little late and will really have to catch up some good ground if it wants to be really counted in the running for the Summer Throne, but I'm digging this this week.

Hold in the Barf: "Cups" by Anna Kendrick

That byline probably sounds pretty derisive if you haven't actually seen Pitch Perfect (2012). Anyway, I can't stop watching that thing on HBO, it's become a ridiculous guilty pleasure. So "Cups" has really been in my head, and this has had a little boost on the radio as well as an upsurge into the Top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. It's a rapidly enjoyable track, as if we needed another reason to love Anna Kendrick.

Muppet-Bites: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

I keep thinking this track is dead, but it really doesn't seem like it's going away anytime soon. It's an awfully old song by now (its YouTube video dates back to December 2012 for goodness' sake), but it's still drum thumping its way through our hearts. Speaking of that video, it's one of the more boffo underground Muppet cockfights out there, although it remains thoroughly entertaining. I think this is mostly because it's played really straight in the video, and the band isn't really holding back any passion. Summer.

Way Back: "The Way" by Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

It's tough to remember another track where one artist was so likable and the other so awful. Ariana coos and flows all over this thing, then Mac comes in with seemingly impossible quantities of douchebaggery. This may as well be an upswing week for just about everyone - I considered this dead weeks ago, but here we are sucking down Tacos Grandes.

Cannon Fodder: "Beautiful" by Mariah Carey ft. Miguel

I heard this song everywhere this week. It's got a nice thump to it, and has a pretty broad appeal for a Mariah Carey song, which is usually limited to teenage girls and Middle Eastern men, as is my understanding. Anyway, the girl's still sexy as hell somehow, and Miguel really enhances this track instead of appearing randomly and inconsequentially like some other artists out there with bizarre name punctuation.

Sexy Motherfucker: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

Funking it up for another week, this song can't do anything but go up, which I'm fairly pleased about. It's Bruno's best joint ever, just oozing over breathy funk, a gripping bass line, and eargasms all around. That may be some hyperbole, but this song is fresh enough, happy enough, and funky enough to be my favorite pop track right now. There - I used some derivative of "funk" in every sentence.

Rapping Equality: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

This song really wasn't up there as much as it was last week, but it's still doing pretty well. I'm not sure why Macklemore thought he was gay because he could draw, his uncle was, and he kept his room straight, but I suppose that does illustrate how insane most of this country is on the idea that you can "catch" gayness, or even be cured (or need to be cured). I'm down with this battling with "Cruise" for a while, we'll see if it can really become the biggest Song of Summer (and Mack's third huge hit of the year - what a little devil!)

No Means Maybe: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.

I'm getting sort of disgusted with this track the more I listen to it, but I really just can't stop listening to it. It's the opposite of "Same Love" - a fairly horrible, rape-y topic candy coated in the most inescapable beat of the summer. Anyway, there's no stopping Ratajkowski and her cute bopping all over this video. Even though Mack's "Can't Hold Us" dominated much of the first half of Summer, the Throne favors finishers, and unless this really plummets from something like "Same Love" or "Treasure," it's almost a foregone conclusion that Robin Thicke will be crowned King. That's quite a rough patch for advocates of "no means no" everywhere.

Next week...

 It was with a heavy heart that I left out "Get Lucky" and Icona Pop. I also still have an eye on the supreme mellowness of Jack Johnson's "I Got You." I also heard a bit of Rihanna's "Pour It Up," which I thought my be pretty hot, but as it turns out that dropped a few months ago. Still it could come back right? I dunno. Besides these guys, I've still got ears on two teen idols turned wannabe sexpots Selena and Miley, along with the aforementioned whore, Ke$ha. Stay tuned, folks, we've not got much Summer left!!

Summer Jam Week 9: Lego Treasure and Same Love Crack Open the Fourth!

It's another Summer Monday, so of course it's time to recount the hottest Summer Jams of the week. Now, to be sure, we've been all over the place this year. We've got some nice doses of country, pop, hip-hop, and rock all sprinkled in all over the place. As Independence Day has come and gone, how has this year's Jams helped us cool down and celebrate this great nation?

Hot Jam of the Week: "Sweater Weather" by The Neighbourhood



This song is a bit old, but it had a pretty big week this week. It's also not that great, but it's the closest Rock Track that's going to threaten "Radioactive" any time soon. It's kind of catchy in a background sort of way, but I can't see it lighting up any time soon. Like Fall Out Boy, of course.

Shave It All: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

It seems that every chick pop song this summer is just a party song, and Miley's about the best one. She's done a great job shedding her Disney Girl image lately, although I'm not sure anyone actually cares that much. Still, good for her that she's already got a bit more than "Achy Breaky Heart" to her name. This song's suitable enough to have a nice summer, but I can't see it getting much hotter.

Funkadelic: "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

This may be one of the more positive tracks on this list, and I love the sheer funky homage to the 70s that lil' Bruno has created here. As far as dude pop crooners go, Bruno's the man and this is one of the more listenable songs he's ever put out. It hasn't caught on that much, yet, but it's still fairly new. It could go places.

Brick by Brick: "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran

This song isn't quite great, but it is super mellow to the point of being wienery. It's kind of getting to be everywhere, though, so whatever. It's also fairly forgettable, especially considering how much better Phillip Phillips is at doing the same kind of schtick. As soon as a couple singles from Jack Johnson's new album drop, we'll also not be caring any more about Sheeran.

The Night Away: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

Why not add some dance music to the list already filled with wuss rock and chick pop? "Get Lucky" wasn't nearly as ubiquitous this week, but it's still one of the bigger and better true dance hits in years, although it may be more appropriately categorized as a funk song along with "Treasure." Either way, it can stay. And it doesn't even really have a video yet.

Across the Rio: "The Way" by Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

After hanging out for a while this track suddenly blew up a little bit this week. I used to defend Mac Miller from people who called him a douche because I genuinely dug his tracks, but his show has corrected my viewpoints. He is a huge douche and can't add much to this track which Ariana already makes pretty damn good.

Get Beats Pill: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

Has this ever happened before? Has an artist recreated his or her own music video to become a commercial instead? It's just a small example of how much this people can sell out. I still don't really buy Thicke's explanation of the chauvinism in the video that they're all married so it's OK and more of a parody. It remains one of the more popular summer songs, though, because its catchiness is totally cray cray.

On a More Homosexual Note: "Same Love" by Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

After the super-hetero "Blurred Lines," it's fitting to cap this week with an ode to love and acceptance of all sexual beliefs with "Same Love." This song really took off this week and seemed to be everywhere. It's a great song with a great message, even if it's not really a typical summer song. After Carly Rae's Maybe Boyfriend turned gay last year, anything can happen. The best part is, though, that a song like this is even getting the kind of airplay it has - that's a pretty good sign of progress. It's also fitting that this is as hot as it is a week after DOMA was shot down.

Next week...

 Jay-Z dropped Magna Carta...Holy Grail today, seeming in an effort to see which one, him or Kanye has the smallest, humblest ego. No word on a hot single yet, but we'll be looking to see what happens with that. Like I said earlier, I'm also looking to Jack Johnson, who crafts some of the best smooth jams that fit perfectly with a chill Summer sunset. His album From Here to Now to You drops in September, but we'll see how the promotional single "I Got You" lands. Bon voyage, campers!

Summer Jam Week 8: Mack, Selena, and a Bunch of Rapping White Girls

Here we have another Summer Monday morning, so it's time again to recount the hottest Jams of the week. We all want to see which track is going to be the next big thing - the unstoppable Jam of the Summer of 2013. Who will claim the crown? Keep reading to find out as we head into Summer's halfway point.

Hot Jam of the Week: "Love Somebody" by Maroon 5



Maroon 5 tends to have either really great songs or really crappy songs, but whatever they churn out tends to be popular. This is a fairly forgettable song. I think I've heard it three or four times this week but can't picture the tune in my head. It does, however, have a really cool and freaky music video. Maroon 5 seems to always be a summer staple, I can't see this taking off like "Payphone" did, but it ought to be pretty competent.

All Kinds of Awkward: "Come and Get It" by Selena Gomez

Selena may be 20 and getting into weird adult territory in Spring Breakers (2013), but she still looks like she's 12, so this super sexually charged track just seems real awkward. Selena isn't a sex symbol yet, and she shouldn't be. Just because Britney rocked the world at 18 doesn't mean Selena should. Still, this terrible song had a big week.

Blue and Sexy: "Ooh La La" by Britney Spears

While we're talking about Britney, we ought to mention this latest Jam that just dropped. Now, this track is appearing on the album for Smurfs 2 (2013). Yes, that exists. Who knows why the hell Britney is singing the main tie-in song of a movie that features the voice of Katy Perry as Smurfette, but whatever. The track is kind of cute, though it seems really tailor-made for inclusion on Kid Bop. Little wiener kids and the creepy adults who follow them need Summer Jams, too, and that seems about how hot this is going to get.

Pass the Forty: "Crazy Kids" by Ke$ha ft. will.i.am

"Crazy Kids" seemed everywhere this week, and it's certainly a fun song, if not one that's square in Ke$ha's youth party song wheelhouse. It's got such a high level of insane irritation, proving simultaneously that Ke$ha can neither sing nor rap, but she's also one of the more unique, if not baffo artists out there. I'm also not sure how you can listen to this song and not hate will.i.am by the end of it, especially as he literally bows out mumbling his lines like a retard. I feel bad about saying that. I'd like to apologize all mentally challenged individuals right now for associating them with will.i.am.

Rollin' on 22s: "Cruise (Remix)" by Florida Georga Line ft. Nelly

This is hanging in there as an excellent road hog song, although I think it's maxed out its potential. It doesn't seem to be catching on the way it needs to, and as really the most stereotypical Summer Jam on this list, it's actually more out of place than interesting and innovative in a Summer that is leaning more towards funk and jazz rather than country. It also seems to be causing more alienation than unification between country and rap fans.

Blurred Rape: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

I'm having more of a hard time with the misogyny and rape culture propagated by this track, but it's also still the funnest, bounciest, and catchiest song of Summer so far. Sometimes I think that there is a feminist overreaction to the lyrics of the track, but then again, it's that kind of backslide that creates the culture of objectification, discrimination, and ultimately abuse. I'll about guarantee that most of this track's male and female listeners don't care about that though (which is a problem unto itself), so it'll stay hot for a bit.

Get Funky: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

I'm jazzed at how much this jazzy track has taken off. It's not only a perfect chill out Summer Jam but a great use of Pharrell's signature voice. This is a great party song, a great afternoon hang out song, and a real smooth Jam in every way. It's really what writing this column is all about.

Never in Doubt: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

After I completely left this jam off the Week 7 List, "Can't Stop Us" came back in a big way and reclaimed the top spot. This song was everywhere again this week. It's really such a refreshing and positive song that has been around for some time now, but doesn't seem to be stoppable. I'm hesitant to declare this the runaway Jam of the Summer, but nothing seems able to replace it. Still, we're only around the halfway mark, anything could happen.

Next Week...

I left how the high number of white girl rap songs that have seemed to come out recently - in addition to Britney and Ke$ha, we have Bridgit Mendler's "Hurricane" doing her best Karmin impression and Iggy Azalea doing whatever the hell "Work" is. Other potential jams I'm looking at include Ciara's "Body Party" and Bruno Mars' "Treasure" which is another push towards 2013 giving us the funkiest Summer since 1979. Do you want one more? Yeah you do. How about Portugal the Man's "Purple Yellow Red & Blue", which does remind me of D12.

Summer Jam Week 7: Radioactive Collard Greens

Well folks, believe it or not, Norwegian Morning Wood, the Beatles song-turned-boner joke pop culture blog site just hit its Four Year Mark, and this post is No. 500. Five Hundred! So, we could do something special, but who cares, let's just recount the most popular Summer Jams of the week. Radioactive Collard Greens. Every Summer Monday we dissect the Hottest Jams out there in an effort to see who will be crowned THE Jam of 2013's Summer. Let's begin:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Collard Greens" by Schoolboy Q ft. Kendrick Lamar



Kendrick Lamar is sort of taking off by now, and it's telling that in the same week that Yeezus dropped we're highlighting this instead. Schoolboy Q seems like a juvenile name, even for a rapper, but his flow is on point and contains a nice mix of fury and potency. Kendrick smooths his way in here and while I can't see this getting a ton of mainstream play, I bet it's going to be added to plenty of playlists this week. You're welcome.

Gorgeous: "Beautiful" by Mariah Carey ft Miguel

I actually had no idea who this was until I looked it up - which may say something about how undistinct Mariah's voice has become, or maybe just the high level of imitators she has. You've got to hand it to a diva most known for being the big-tittied object of affection for both Nick Cannon and the Zohan, she's laid down a solid track here. Anything to keep her out of a Glitter (2001) sequel. Jeez, Glitter (2012) is twelve years old? I need to stop making fun of Mariah, she's got a lot going right for her somehow.

Gay Together: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

I actually like Lambert a bit more than Mack on this song. The long story-type of song doesn't seem ideal for a Summer Jam, although this is the real Mack that the world needs to be introduced to rather than his "Thrift Shop" ridiculousness. It's a worthwhile message and kind of surprising move coming off such a huge hit. Then again, Mack has his head in the right place, and his independence from any major label allows him to use his huge positive support to push forward a major song like this. Kudos.

Ride Wit Me: "Cruise (REMIX)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

See, this is a week of opposites. We've got Kendrick and Mariah, then a huge gay anthem followed by a more traditional Summer Jam featuring hillbillies crooning over their girls. "Cruise" is still a fabulously enjoyable song, although it doesn't seem to be getting the buzz it needs to right now. You'd think the conservative crossover hit would be catching on like gangbusters, but it instead feels more like a misfire. I like this song, but that's probably better for everyone.

90: "I Love It" by Icona Pop ft. Charlie XCX

XCX is roman for 90, right? Or maybe the ten under / ten over just results in 100. Whatever. This remains the greatest pop song on this list, and gains special points for its intense amounts of swagger, originality, and its ode to being a 90s chick. It's bizarre that this has taken off at all, much less lasted this long, but I'll take it. It sums up youthful independence, energy, and aggressive apathy in a more genuine way than anything that fun. could produce. I'm all for it hanging around a bit longer.

Like Spider-Man: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons

I didn't really consider this to be that relevant for a few weeks, but it seems to have surged lately. Maybe it was just that LeBron James commercial that was on as he won his third ring. It's still fantastic song, with a really crazy Muppet Battle video that walks a line between seriousness and extreme goofiness that just ends being really surreal. It's a trip.

All Night: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

If Daft Punk paved the way for other electro hacks like David Guetta, Guetta at least paid the way for Daft Punk to be as suddenly relevant again today as they are now. This jam is fantastic, in no small part thanks to the coos of Pharrell and of course a steady stream of funk from Daft Punk. You know, those guys could be like eighty years old. We don't know. Or maybe they are actually robots. The robots are taking over!

Meow: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

My favorite musical Robin is still this one, but I guess Thicke will do for the summer. This song is just starting to get irritating, which is a pretty good sign it's on its way to being a true Summer Jam. The timing couldn't be more perfect to really get nuts going into The Week of the Fourth of July and this thing can pump out of stereos and iHomes everywhere. It's also Pharrell's second Jam of the week, meaning he's of course the go-to guy for this stuff. I'm wondering if its supposedly (and arguably) "rapey" lyrics will end up being its downfall at this point. The very NSFW original video that features all of the models topless for just about the entire time does seem to attest to that. It will be a high watermark in our general understanding of rape culture if this actually causes the song to plummet, but damn if that beat isn't catchy enough to weather the storm. We could certainly use more Emily Ratajkowski.

Next Week...

We kicked "Can't Hold Us" off the list this week - just not enough room at the inn. I'm also curious to see if anything off Yeezus does take off. Perennial favorite Bruno Mars also just dropped a new jam, "Treasure" that has plenty of room to take off. Finally I'm not counting out Miley - "We Can't Stop" is just too much of a party anthem. Right? Or have we actually gotten sick of this kind of music that has done a hundred times before? We'll see. Stay tuned, true believers.

Summer Jam Week 6: Dirty Miley and Thicke Takes It!

Here we are beginning another Week of Summer, so it's a time for another recap of the hottest Jams of the Week. There's lots of groovy shakeups this week as a lot of High Schoolers finish up their exams and we all get ready for the Real Summer to begin! Let's get to it!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Cabin by the Sea" by The Dirty Heads



The Dirty Heads always seem like a spiritual extension of Sublime, just super chillout music. It helps that their first big hit, "Lay Me Down" featured Rome from Sublime back in 2010. That's still a perfect Summer Song but "Cabin by the Sea" isn't too shabby. If "Lay Me Down" couldn't catch on significantly, though, this won't to all that much. Still, it's a legit smooth track.

90s Chick: "I Love It" by Icona Pop ft. Charlie XCX

This track really has some legs! It's still hanging around as a pretty popular, but it would still say underrated track. It's just about the most fabulous pop track of the year. It just drips with attitude and a furious independence that really makes it worthy of a Summer Jam. I can't picture it hanging around any longer, but I wish it would stay as long as it likes.

Smiley Jam: "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus is kind of undergoing a Bieber-ification where her voice and popularity are maturing a bit and it's really signified in this song. Apparently, the track was originally intended for Rihanna, but Miley added a bit of swag to it. First of all, though, there's no way that Miley could add more swag to a track than Rihanna could - but this is also a sweet jam and a bit step forward for the artist. It could certainly take off and we'll be watching this closely.

LAy Your Windows Down: "Cruise (Remix)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

This song is taking off a bit but I think it's dividing country and hip-hop lovers  a bit more than uniting them. It's still got a super-concentrated of pop appeal for a country song not seen since 2010's Lady Antebellum. I also still have a lot of hope for this track and it could easily become a theme song of Road Trips through the Dirty South this Summer. A more perfect track doesn't exist for a jaunt through Dixie.

We're the Lucky Ones: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

There may not be a song more opposite of "Cruise," but this also works. Summer is all about chilling to the max, but you also need some beat to groove with. "Get Lucky" has it in spades and it's also the most relevant Daft Punk track in ages. I have nothing but good vibes for this track but it needs quite a bit more tension to really make a good wave this summer. Jam out.

Ass Attack: "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato

Still relevant this week, but possibly at the beginning of a decline, Demi's "Heart Attack" continues the rehab-addled singer's rise to maturity. It's a wonderful, if not fairly annoying song that is far more explicitly pop-y than anything else on this list. Demi's attempting to showcase her dark side for sure, but it ends up being a little empty. There's this weird line between confident and unconfident lyrics here. There's some pay off but in all, no one will be cheering for this song five years from now.

The Mako Strikes: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

While this track is still huge, it proved to be more mortal this week when it was overtaken on the Billboard Top 100 and also slightly less than overplayed on local airwaves. Still an exceptional track, it still holds the most epic video of anything on this list, with energy, enthusiasm, and swag (yes, Miley) that far surpasses anything else out there right now. That's why the Mack is blowing - in addition to all this, he's a genuine dude, which people buy into. It works.

What Rhymes with Hug Me: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell

Congrats to Pharrell for landing on his second track of the list for the week, but I'm just pumped this Jam is taking off. Not only is it the damn hottest video in years but it's an unrelentingly bubbly bouncy song that's truly the sexiest Summer Jam in years. I think the road is now paved for this thing to dominate - there is no looking back from #1 on the Billboard Charts and it's really just taking off. Calling it now - this will take the Summer Throne.

Next Week..

There were some close calls with Pink and Selena this week being left off the list. I've also got my eye fixed on Ariana Grande along with Kanye's "Black Skinhead", which might take off with news of Kim's baby and its use in the trailer for Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), which dropped today. That suddenly made that track so much more listenable. We'll see.

Summer Jam Week 5: The Gay Anthem of Summer

 As the sun crests over another Summer Monday Morn, it's time once again for NMW to recount the hottest jams of the week previous. Each song is jostling for position to claim THE Throne of Summer 2013 - which track will we forever remember as that one great Summer Jam? Let's dive in:

Hey! A Gay Summer Anthem: "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert



This track dropped a while ago, but with Macklemore suddenly exploding, it's got a bit more attention now. And while it's way too heady to be a truly bubbly Summer Jam, the subject matter is bold and prescient, and there's no telling how high a Gay Anthem like this can soar. Its drawbacks are its slow-burning tune and story-based nature, which can limit its playability, but there's no reason why this can't take off, at least in personal playing this summer. But it's probably not a party jam.

Tastes like Garbage: "Crazy Kids" by Ke$ha ft. will.i.am

I think it was Peter Griffin, describing Xtina Aguilera as "Salty Garbage" that really was a much more apt description of Ke$ha all along. There's no real talent there and an assault on all five senses. You've got to hand it to a girl who bangs ghosts, though, Ke$ha may be one of the bolder pop acts out there right now. Who the hell knows why she's rapping from Compton now, but it's not like that could ruin her image. The only thing that could make this song worse is if will.i.am made an appearance, so sure enough he does, as some kind of Astronaut / Television, while doing so adding nothing positive to this track. I can't imagine a world where a producer finishes this up in the studio and then thinks, "Yeah, I contributed to society today." There's such an unspeakable horror in the fact that this exists, which means that someone, somewhere thought that this was the best they could do.

Oh Baby: "Diane Young" by Vampire Weekend

This has taken a few weeks to catch on, and Vampire Weekend is quite there yet, but their latest album, Modern Vampires of the City is their most mature yet, and this is a pretty fun song that someone sounds much better coming out of the radio than they did on SNL a few weeks back. It's fairly palatable, and hopefully Vampire Weekend won't need an Old Navy commercial or Step Brothers (2008) to properly break this jam.

As Fun as Pink Eye: "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink ft. Nate Ruess

If anything, the popularity of this song has introduced us all to the name of the lead singer of fun. and ensured that we'll all one day figure out how to spell it. Ultimately, even though this is still pretty popular, Pink will be the bridesmaid and not the bride this Summer, mostly due to blowing her wad a bit too early.

Sassy Fierce: "I Love It" by Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX

Those are the two words I use to describe this juggernaut - Sassy and Fierce. There isn't a fiercer, sassier song out there on the charts right now, and Icona Pop is fine to get a pass to stick around here for a while. It's like a little "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" kind of furious and proud independence infused with copious amounts of swagger. It's spectacular and a true jump up and down headbanger Jam for Summer. Its timing is a little off to truly make some waves, and it's not all that popular really - but a great tune this is.

Get Those Windows Down: "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

This is so close to breaking wide opening and destroying Summer, and I'm all for it. It's an elegant blend of country and hip-hop, and perfectly suited for a Summer Drive. This ought to convert a generation of hip-hop lovers into country bumpkins, as well as transition a bunch of hicks into the smooth flows of R&B. It's got such a good vibe to it - it hasn't really been able to catch on, but it's got plenty of time to gain some traction and it's catching on at the perfect time to really secure its Jam Status.

Cracked: "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato

Demi scares the shit out of me in this video, really. She's crazy intense, although I have no idea why. It's fun actually after the liberating nature of Icona Pop to listen to this song where Demi virtually says that she's usually a strong independent women, except this one guy has total control over her and she falls apart, destroying her strong feminist ego and causing her to succumb to more "painted nails and perfume-wearing" stereotypes. Her ultimatum to have a heart attack rather than going through with this kind of behavior is actually, oddly strongly feminist in its own right, actually. Go Demi.

Mack is Back: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

Macklemore closes this week's list as he opened it - with another Jam from The Heist that actually dropped years ago. The Heist itself was released as a series of singles that have dropped since 2010 - if only they had led with "Thrift Shop"...but there's a good formula of finding really good fits for the tracks like Ray Dalton, Mary Lambert, and Wanz, among many others who appear here - and as long as Ryan Lewis is producing these incredible jams that fit with Mack's own style and cutting voice, there ought to be a nice career here. Or not, who cares.

Next week...

We'll see if Mack keeps on keeping on - I kind of have the feeling that that bubble has got to burst soon. I'm still a fan of "Cruise" but I'm also wondering if another crossover country artist, Taylor Swift and her "Everything Has Changed" can make some summer waves. On the other end, I think the sheer funk of Daft Punk and Pharrell has some juice left in "Get Lucky". Stay tuned!

Summer Jam Week 4: Demi Lovato Attacks the Heart of Summer

Here we go - headfirst into June and the Season is doing nothing but heating up. Every Summer Monday at NMW we ramble off the hottest Jams of the week who are jostling for the position of true Summer Royalty. Whoever be anointed to the Throne of Summer will forever be known as THE Jam of 2013. Now that's special. We've got some old tracks coming around this week and others that just can't seem to die. Let's dive in:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft Pharrell



Daft Punk was the original electronic dance group, far before the genre was corrupted by hacks like David Guetta and Deadmau5. It helps that their soundtrack was one of the only good parts of Tron: Legacy (2010), and this is fierce first single from their most recent album, Random Access Memories. This is a great candidate for a Summer Jam song, smooth, groovy, and energetic all at once. It's best served with a sunset and Summer Shandy. Perfect and our Hot Pick for the week.

More Random Access: "Memories Back Then" by Hustle Gang ft. T.I., B.o.B, Kendrick Lamar, and Kris Stephens

First, to clarify, Hustle Gang is just about T.I.'s equivalent to Lil Wayne's Young Money or Kanye's GOOD Music. This track also has the best collection of up-and-coming rap stars since Drake brought together Em, Ye, and Wheezy on "Forever". "Memories Back Then" is a pretty deep track, though, with each lyrically balanced verse brought together really nicely by Kris Stephen's sweet vocals. I can't imagine this taking off, but I'm definitely digging it for the week.

Truly Bella: "Cups" by Anna Kendrick

"Cups" currently hold this really strange little niche in pop culture. It's this little riff that Anna Kendrick did for Pitch Perfect (2012), which strangely became something that the current MTV generation latched on to. Pitch Perfect lies in that negligible zone that toys at being something edgy without ever getting subversive or leaving the confines of comfortable pop culture. It's to glee what Blink 182 was to pop music 15 years ago - a shallow satire for sure, but ultimately innocuous. The fact that "Cups" exists at all as a single is even crazier, although Kendrick puts more soul into her voice here than just about anyone else on this list who isn't Barbadian. It's a nifty skill of hers and a nice secondary career outlet.

They Know What You Did Last Summer Too! "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up)" by Fall Out Boy

I really hate Fall Out Boy. So, props to them for giving me a song I actually like. Despite having far too long of a title, that also doesn't really make sense, when it hits its "Light Em Up up up / I'm on fire!" refrain, this jam gets pretty damn juicy. Add to that a pretty sexy crazy cool video and you've got a hit on your hands. With more intense jams like this, Fall Out Boy could redeem themselves from pop-punk-emo hell and make something grand. And Summer Jams always need to mention fire, right?

You Can Take the fun. out of Nate..."Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink ft. Nate Ruess

This is still a damn likeable song, but Nate's big Broadway pipes remind me more of the vapid stupidity of fun. rather than whatever Pink is trying to do here. This is still an easy contender for the best Pink song of all time, though, who has somehow managed to stay relevant through the same negligible zone niche between edgy and comfortable that Pitch Perfect found. Hey, nothing better appeals to young suburbanites who want to rebel but don't really want to live like Krewella.

Rub-a-Dub-Dub: "Stay" by Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

Despite the fact that Mikky has four k's in his name, we can get into him for really complementing Ol' Skrillex-head here. This is a methodical slow burn of a song that doesn't really contain the frenzy of a breakneck Summer Jam nor the smooth sauce to make it a max chillout track. It's a damn fine song but not really appropriate for Summer hangouts. Still, who are we to decide? Go Rihanna.

The Return of the Mack: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

What's the only song that could have been overplayed this year more than "Thrift Shop"? How about the vastly superior "Can't Hold Us"? To be honest, I haven't actually got sick of either, yet, which is a testament to the fact that every marketing angle and Simon Cowell-esque attempt to create stars is total bullshit - Mack & Ryan have been plodding on their own for years and this huge break-out is ultimately, totally unpredictable. I'm also having trouble getting my fill of the bonkers video, which involves pirates, camels, and old black guys I guess. My favourite part by far though, is the weird Ray Dalton Beach Haircut scene. There's such a frenetic energy to the barber, and he just gets out of that chair ready to do it. What exactly is unknown, but he just does it so smooth, baby.

Fart Attack: "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato

Your spirit should be sinking a little with this one. After every other track this week being pretty legitimately good and uplifting, Demi gets the big prize as the #1 song this week. This song is all-around awful, generic, and not well-sung. I don't really understand anything about Demo Lovato. She's not quite totally embracing her sexuality like Britney or Christina did at her age, but there's a some degree of a naughty glisten in her eyes in this video. I'm not sure if I've ever seen someone try this hard to be a diva, either. Maybe it's that misplacement of her confidence with her actual level of popularity and status within pop culture that is giving me some severe cognitive dissonance. Anyway, here's to "Fart Attack."

Next Week...

There were other potential tracks this week that are rising, such as Gin Wigmore's "Black Sheep", who was vH1's most recent "Artist You Oughta Know" and Jake Bugg's "Lightning Bolt", which is getting some nice radio play after a keen Gatorade commerical. Both these tracks are over a year old, though, which means I'd like them to get real hot before acknowledging them here. Only the freshest jams will suffice, folks. I also still really want to see "Cruise" take off. There ain't a better Jam for a Summer Vacation out there.