16 May 2016

Summer Jam Week 1: LE TIT BEGIN!

We've finally made it, people. For the seventh (SEVENTH) consecutive summer we'll be taking a moment out of your week each and every week to countdown the hottest, blistiest, bustiest, tightest jams around. Only the tastiest beats may apply. More often than not this really just comes down to the eight songs I was into the most that week. And yet this is the most important countdown you'll get. By far. We put vH1, Billboard, and your grandma's stereo to shame.

For last year's results, which I will probably totally retcon, because a year out I couldn't even remember the name of my named winner (it was Walk the Moon - ugh), click here. When you're done with that, prepare yourself to press on for seventeen weeks of mind-blowing inane riffings on pop music. DIG IN, cowboy!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Kiss It Better" by Rihanna



This video dropped a while ago, but I just heard it on the radio this week so here you go. Like I said, this list only features the most modern, up-to-date fresh jams available. This is just getting started, though, and I'm pumped. I was really really obsessed with Anti back in February, 2016, and this was my second favourite jam off the album (to "Same Ol' Mistakes" obvi). I wanna see this jam rip up summer because Rihanna is underrated as one of the most original and independent artists out there, who totally actually outsells everyone over her lifetime.

What Ever Happened to Pop Punk? "Bored to Death" by Blink 182

It died a slow, painful death. I can't really pretend that I like Blink 182 anymore, although I totally dug them from 1998-2002. I have three of their albums. They're really a pretty awful band and I thought they broke up, but whatever. This jam is really forgettable, but has nice timing to take on summer, fulfilling the ass-blasting niche that no one has been terrible enough to fill since they became irrelevant years ago. Again, I have three of their albums.

Cover of the Week: "The Sound of Silence" by Disturbed

Oldie but a goodie. Okay, I just wanted to rant about this. How good and random is this jam. Great for summer parties. All night long, baby! No better way to crush some pussy on the beach, playa!!! Now, for reals, this is somehow an incredible cover, mostly on the extreme change in vocal timbre, since much of the rhythm and instrumentation remains fairly similar. Gets me pumped though. Crushin' dick on the beach, playaaaa!!

Canadian Bacon: "One Dance" by Drake ft. Kyla & Wizkid

This is the kind of song that I need to check seven times to make sure I got the featured artists right. Drake is boosted this week by a pretty competent SNL hosting gig, and even though it's the #1 jam on the Hot 100 right now, this really hasn't invaded my life like "Hotline Bling" did to everyone in the world last Halloween. It's still a sexy jam, though, and we'll leave it here. For now. I'm not that convinced this is something we're going to keep coming back to all summer.

From the Roof of Apple Records: "Don't Let Me Down" by The Chainsmokers ft. Daya

You really should listen to the Beatles single, which is a way better version of this song. One of my favourite Beatles tracks, and I should know - I turned the second track on Rubber Soul into the name of this blog. Upon my second or third listen, though I think this isn't a cover but rather an original track. Lame. This is as good and catchy as EDM gets, and although it's really not the best Chainsmokers song, or even their best song of the past year, it could have some legs. Maybe.

Poppin Like Doc Venture: "Pill in Ibiza" by Mike Posner

This track is definitely a few weeks into its lifetime and we probably won't see it past June or so, but I think it hold strong until then. It's kind of a cool ethereal song that I actually find myself getting into. I don't think it ever gets as good as that first humming lyric, but Posner just rides it for the entire track. The beat is as forgettable as any non-Major Lazer EDM jam, but people like this crap (like I said, even I'm addicted), so it can stretch quite a bit.

This is Your Life: "7 Years" by Lukas Graham

This is kind of a weird track and Lukas Graham looks like he's 14, but it's pretty damn catchy and this boy can sing. That's really the only formula you need. It's distinctive, heartfelt, and invigorating. It's also been around for a few weeks to establish itself, but I think that will help it for these first few weeks more than anything.

Hand Action: "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber

So, if 2016 accomplishes anything, it accomplished the first time that I unironically loved a Justin Bieber song. This is fucking incredible. I love the muted sarcasm, the confident break-up anthem, and smooth, pared down melody to coo along with really biting but honestly clever lyrics. It exists in a bit of a tonal quagmire because of its inherent negativity but the loose edginess it has offers sublime sing-a-long-ability. While the video is cool and interesting, I wish it matched with the lyrics on a more thematic level instead of just dropping hints at coherence. Your first #1 of Summer is something I think could make a solid dent, even if it's absolute freshness has probably peaked. But hey - "Shut Up and Dance."

Next week...

All of these songs we'll keep our eyes on, but it's about guaranteed that I stop talking about Disturbed. Ariana Grande, Meg Trainor, and Fifth Harmony all have some solid jams either bopping right nor or coming down the pipe. More than that, if BeyoncĂ© can spin something really momentous off of Lemonade she can have a fearsome summer. I think her issue right now is exclusivity. Catering only to HBO and/or TIDAL supporters is a rough business. "Sorry" is alright, but I don't think that's her real hook, either. Stay tuned each and every Monday morning for your dose of HOT JAM!

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