27 August 2018

Summer Jam 2018 Week 16: Bitch Ima Cow

A true tragedy has struck this nation. Only one more week of summer, baby! Also a lot of other real terrible crap. There's nothing like some chill Summer Jams to melt your troubles down to the bone and let us all remember that the real truth of existence is meaningless - awww yeah, baby! Let's get to the countdown!

Hot Jam of the Week: "Mooo!" by Doja Cat

So, "Go to Town" is probably better, but way older. I think this is satire. I...I hope this is satire. It was rough listening to this as some other folk walked in the room this week. I think it's actually literal, like not saying either that women are cows or a play on the male gaze, but just, like a real song that a playful cow might sing. This also has the worst production values of all time. It's great end of summer listening while you fire up the grill for those burgers!

"Honestly" by Gabbie Hanna

This isn't really a song I've heard anywhere, but it came across my desk, you know, where I do all my important work. This just rang to me like an old 2000s pop ballad and I really dug it. It has no Summer Jam chances and exists purely as a way for me to give Gabbie Hanna a shout out. She looks like a weird Maya Rudolph.

"Hopless Romantic" by Wiz Khalifa ft. Swae Lee

Let's add to the late summer pile of non-hits before we get into the real meat here. This crept up on my this week but it's been around for a little while now. Swae Lee owns this track and I dig the rhythm. It weirdly makes me reflect on our digital age, scrolling through our phones lying in bed before we sleep and again the first thing in the morning. Romance in 2018, people.

"Girls Like This" by Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

So, at least one more week this comes up, but down a little lower. This is an impressive run that encapuslated nearly the entire summer. We can also start talking about this as one of Maroon 5's greatest hits ever, which is certainly impressive company to be around. (currently their third track to peak at #2, they've also had three #1's). And if I may editorialize (surely for the first time ever), it's their highest ranked song that I've actually liked, so there's that.

"Sicko Mode" by Travis Scott

Anyone follow any of the Nicki Minaj drama this week? She's apparently blaming Travis Scott, Spotify, you, me, anyone else for her album debuting at #2. I've been calling her thirsty all summer but didn't even know about this ridiculous shit. She does seem hella desperate for a piece of the Summer Jam Queen crown. She probably follows Norwegian Morning Wood. I wouldn't say that Scott has really dominated Summer, either, only because Astroworld more neatly follows the paradigm shift of Spotify whole album streams that more appeal to the young people (indeed, "Sicko Mode" is barely a single, and certainly not played on the radio). I'm curious what comes out of this and if Scott becomes a household name. Clearly his current success needs to go somewhere now.

"No Tears Left to Cry" by Ariana Grande

Yep. What do you want for me? Sweetener actually surpassed Astroworld this week, because obviously it did, and that pushed up the biggest single off her album. I still really dig it and just about anything else Ariana is doing right now. It's great. Take your crown. Or wait until next week.

"I Like It" by Cardi B ft. J Balvin

I almost left this off until I heard it three times today, and #1 according to the man most in tune with America's musical preferences, Ryan Seacrest. Anyway, I've never given this song enough credit to actually sample as well as it does, mix in Latino influences, and rise to the top. It's no slouch, and a great late run is the closest Cardi has to a genuine Summer Queen status. I'm sure this is has nothing to do with Nicki's meltdown.

"No Brainer" by Bieber, Khaled, others

Yeah, putting this in the number one spot this week was a... NO BRAINER! Totally in the minority, though, I heard #1's this week anywhere from Cardi B to Drake to Travis Scott to "Boo'd Up." "No Brainer" totally. It hit that nice stride of freshness and ubiquity where I knew it enough to get into it, but it still felt pretty new. Whatever you want to say, Bieber has found a niche here for some reason, and hearing Chance the Rapper belt out some real Chance the Rapper-sounding lines the week the trailer dropped for yes, our #1 most anticipated movie of 2018, Slice was well... a no brainer.

Next week...

I've been pretty close to placing both "Delicate" and "APESHIT" on these lists both of the last two weeks. For some reason they can't push over the edge. We've got only one more week, though, people. WHO WILL BE SUMMER JAM CHAMPION?! You've got to come back next week - some Norwegian Time, same Morning Wood place!

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