04 January 2022

The Unabashed Greatest Upcoming Films of 2022

Another annum is upon us and that means one thing and one thing only. It's time to get HYPED for shit that will definitely suck. I am going to be bold this year and just try not to pick any superhero movies. Oh, that's not fair. I ranked The Suicide Squad (2021) in my Top Ten. Oof. I definitely have some weird picks for things I'm getting kind of excited about, so let's go from there.

Untitled David O. Russell Project
November 4th, 2022

With a catchy title like that what can go wrong! I generally enjoy David O. Russell, particularly his recent output like JOY (2015) and American Hustle (2013), but somehow he hasn't directed a film since then. There is no indication of any kind of plot anywhere, but the cast is ridiculously hot right now, including Anna Taylor-Joy, Rami Malek, Margot Robbie, John David Washington, Zoe Saldana, and Timothy Olyphaunt. These were just my favourite actors, there's also Christian Bale, de Niro, Chris Rock for some reason. It's stupid. Will it be any good? Who knows, but it has my attention.

Bullet Train
July 15, 2022

This is Brad Pitt's first film post-Oscar and it comes from David Leitch, famous part of John Wick (2014)'s success. Atomic Blonde (2017) I actually thought left a lot to be desired just in terms of...having a plot, but his work with Deadpool 2 (2018) and Hobbes & Shaw (2019) is solid. I think this dude can at least handle action, and this movie is apparently about a bunch of assassins on a train fighting, I dunno, each other probably. The cast includes Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Joey King, Zazie Beetz and Brian Tyree Henry in an Atlanta reunion, and also Sandra Bullock for some reason (replacing Lady GaGa?!). I'm in. I like the idea of a bullet train being also filled with bullets. 2021 had a strange amount of train action, from Nobody, Shang-Chi, and Matrix Resurrections but it's a fun action medium. It goes fast, after all.

July 15, 2022

Jordan Peele has become an automatic hype director after Get Out (2017) and Us (2019), despite me generally disliking Key & Peele a lot. Is he just a horror guy instead? This reunites him with Dan Kaluuya, along with Keke Palmer and Steven Yeun. Not much to go on besides a poster that looks like a cloud sperm or something, but I'm definitely down for whatever racial but also just normal horror he has in store for us.

February 4, 2022

Listen...you may not know this about me, but I am all about movies where the moon falls out of the sky and on to earth. I have been workshopping a novel about it forever. Gravity gets messed up and we try to blow up the moon or whatever. I am so inexplicably and universally down for this. I saw this trailer when I watched Spider-Man and I was just like hell to the hell fucking yeah. Roland Emmerich making some stupid shit again. I don't care, this movie is going to be so dumb, but I love it. We are always at war with the moon. Crash that moon, baby!!

Don't Worry Darling
September 23, 2022

Olivia Wilde is an underrated actress and although she's only had one feature, Booksmart (2019), I dug that a lot. This is getting into deeper and more sinister thriller territory, but Wilde as an actress has bounced between lighter and darker roles and I'm confident she can handle a wide range. The main cast is Harry Styles and Florence Pugh as some kind of 1950s domestic mystery thriller with Chris Pine and Gemma Chan somehow also hanging out. My intrigue is definitely peaked and I hope this is cool.

April 8, 2022

Okay, fine. I said I didn't want to disappoint myself. But this trailer looks cool! It's Michael Bay doing Michael Bay things and the plot seems...really really unnecessarily complicated and it stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II who I am so happy is becoming a buzzy actor after being by far the best part of Aquaman (2018). The Matrix Resurrections (2021) was terrible, but whatever, he was charming in it. This looks like the kind of original bombastic action film that was popular in the 90s. I am just very game for it. I wish it had a more distinctive title, though. Google is going to think I'm in sincere medical trouble when I keep searching for Ambulance.

Jackass Forever
February 4, 2022

Ahhh February 4th Jackass and Moonfall, eh? Sounds like a pretty sweet double feature to me! I am an unashamed Jackass fan and have been for twenty years now. It definitely fits into early 2000s nostalgia which is creepily peaking its head around our corner. I am a little curious if this is going to be any good. Surely these movies work because of the camaraderie of the cast and the outrageousness of the stunts, but everyone is like, well, WELL past their prime. Is it as fun to watch a bunch of 50 year old dudes goof on each other? It's also had its share of production woes, mostly centering around Bam Margera, who couldn't stay sober on set, but is now suing Paramount saying that was a ridiculous contract he had to sign that would force him to stay sober. It's a mess. I'm cool with Bam's absence, we don't need pranks on Granny April in 2022. But it does seem like it's a bullshit move on Paramount's part. I don't know, I really want to see this, I laughed harder at this trailer than half of the movies that came out last year.

The Northman
April 22nd, 2022

Robert Eggers is 2/2 with The VVitch (2015) and The Lighthouse (2019) and he's now combing those casts (at least Anna Taylor-Joy and Willem Dafoe) with Alex Skarsgard, Nicole Kidman, and Ethan Hawke into a movie about Viking revenge. There are three distinct badass moments in this trailer - the arrow to the king, catching the spear, and just jumping off a roof without a cut that are really spectacular. It looks clear and coherent with a simple narrative, but Eggers is just a master of metaphor and visual language. In his other works there's so much else going on and I am very excited to see what he does here.

Across the Spider-Verse Part 1
October 7th, 2022

Okay! Number one hyped movie of the year comes with some serious caveats. First, the directing team is totally different. Now, on Into the Spider-Verse (2018) we really just had a directing team from SONY Animation, including two first-time directors, so that shouldn't really be that jarring. The writing team is mostly intact (Phil Lord actually adds Chris Miller, who I didn't realize was absent from the first one) as is the production team.

The problem comes with the hype. Into the Spider-Verse was so stupid good that it's going to be hard to top. Making another movie in this sub-series a Spider-Verse film seems to be limiting Miles Morales to multi-verse stories, which also seems like a creative misfire without the impetus and originality from the first film. The big question is that facing all sequels - can lightning strike twice and can this film be as exciting, dynamic, fresh, and interesting as the first one? Especially when it's "Big Brother" live action No Way Home (2021) just basically did the same thing? It's as if this is the only story we have to tell about Spider-Man anymore (don't get twisted, this same thing has also happened in comics. And the 90s animated TV show).

Now - to be fair, this is all conjecture. We don't know anything about the plot except that there is some multi-dimensional traveling again and somehow Spider-Man 2099 is involved. And that's pretty much why this is still the #1 hype machine. First - the first film was THAT good and for as edge and 90s as it is, Spider-Man 2099 is just so damn cool. I'd like a whole movie set in Nueva York and figuring that out. Superhero sequels are generally good. They get passed all that baggage required from an origin story. Think Spider-Man 2 (2004), The Dark Knight (2008), The Winter Solider (2014), or even Superman II (1980)! But it could also be like Iron Man 2 (2010) or THOR: The Dark World (2013). We just don't know, but this hype train is rolling.

Other Crap

Okay, fine, so we had a superhero movie in there. And yeah, some big blockbuster type sequels. Should we be pumped for The Batman (2022)? I mean, I definitely am, but hesitant when they just keep saying that it's better than Batman Begins (2005). Not that I think the latter is sacrosanct, just that it feels like a trick you pull when you know your film sucks. Seriously, James Cameron tried to put his weight behind Dark Fate (2019), you can't really trust these people.

Anyway, Love & Thunder, Multiverse of Madness, Wakanda Forever, Aquaman and the Lost City of Gold, I dunno. I liked all these series. I just have a more warry eye. I'm assuredly not pumped for Lightyear, which still looks like a parody or Morbius, which exists for reasons I don't understand. I will believe The Flash is a movie that exists when I see it in theaters. Probably towards the end of the movie. Same with AVABAR 2. How did this sequel series get so blocked up, it's maddening. No one cares about AVABAR anymore.

Black Adam is interesting. The Rock is inspired, but like, this dude is a sincere villain, are they going to make him fight Zachary Levi? I feel like they will Venom-ify it and render him toothless. But it could be cool! Oh, sweet sweet razorcakes.

The last films I'm cautiously optimistic about are The 355 and Turning Red. The former has an interesting premise of women from various international spy agencies teaming up, but the trailer didn't really look all that catchy. Turning Red is a Pixar movie about a girl who turns into a giant red panda when she's flustered. Again, seems like an outstanding premise, but I wasn't all that impressed by the trailer that didn't necessarily push that premise into interesting territory. Oh well, could be cool, might suck, this is the world we live in.

What do you think?! What's your hype?! All MCU? Sound off!

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