Slowly but surely we're balking towards the end of Summer. It's a tragic time nationwide as the days get a bit shorter, a bit chillier and the skirts get longer. As we plow ahead into some shit times though, the Definitive Jam of Summer 2010 emerges. It was a tough battle this week, many tracks just barely failing to make the cut. Let's take a look:
#8: "The Only Exception" - Paramore
This hasn't exactly charted that great in the past few weeks, but I'm still hearing it everywhere, which indicates that it's at least a good jam for my hometown of Rochester, NY. Hayley Williams really belts it out on this one, starting soft, slow and cool while eventually building to an incredible crescendo. It's kind of a weird depressing song at first but there's some hope that shines through by the end. It's not really Summer Jam Lyrical Material, but fuck, what is this Summer? Oh, her. That's right. For a shout-out at #8 this week and unlikely to return, it's Paramore. What the hell is a Paramore anyway? It sounds like something that should be something but isn't actually anything. Hot Dog.
#7: "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner
It's possible this song may have had its run, it's slipped a bit on the Hot 100 but still seems to show up everywhere despite overstaying its welcome. Posner is an absolute tool though. Yes he deserves to die and I hope he burns in hell.
#6: "DJ Got Us Falling in Love" - Usher ft. Pitbull
This is about the inverse of "The Only Exception," it's ranked pretty high but I didn't really hear much of it this week. Not to say its popularity should be considered dropping, but its buzz peak seems to be last week for sure. Then again, it's Hot 100 is its all-time highest position, so whatever. It feels more of a radar blip song than "OMG" (which I actually probably heard about as often as "DJ" this week), so its stock for Summer Jam is pretty crud right now. Still though, good enough to clock in at #6 this week.
#5: "Your Love" - Nicki Minaj
Despite finally falling to Em on the Rap Charts this week, I heard this song a ton played in cars driving by, which is just about the most reliable I can get towards hearing what other people are listening to these days. "Your Love" is killing the drive by tunes right now, a clear definitive, objective observation on successful Pop Culture. Nicki's a stunner here even if "Bottoms Up" is failing to impress. Cleavage, though.
#4: "California Gurls" - Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg
After sinking a bit last week Katy crawls back here, actually the song I heard most in Rochester, NY this week. Stunning stuff, she clearly hasn't lost a whole lot of Radio Momentum, at least in smaller markets. "Teenage Dreams" is surely the go-to song of hers right now and its stock is rising far faster than "California Gurls" is falling. The pulse of the zeitgeist has really moved on from here, but its just still kind of around. In fact, I heard it my car about 15 minutes ago. We're going to need some stakes and garlic for this girl pretty soon, I'm not sure what else can kill it!
#3: "Teenage Dreams" - Katy Perry
Double-shot this week for the owner of Kitty Purry. This is a big counter to the boundless energy of "California Gurls," and the video is much less hot, although the lyrics are arguably a bit hotter. The singing is probably better than her other track (at least when she gets over the high-pitched whine at the start), but there's not a whole lot of bit here. Nevertheless, the thing's decent enough to take a legit charge at our zeigeist if Em slips up next week. Unlikely.
#2: "Dynamite!" - Taio Cruz
Yeah this is still going really strong. I still get pretty pumped every time I hear the first few riffs, and look at this vid: I've never seen another dude get chicks to walk so sexy next to him. Damn, son. It's some hot shit and however this song ends up doing, Taio's had a hell of a Summer.
#1: "Love the Way You Lie" - Em ft. Rihanna
Is it possible this track is starting to stale? It's just on the cusp, I wouldn't be surprised it if finally falters a bit next week. Still, it finally beat Nicki for the Rap Charts as well as still ruling iLike, Radio and Ringtones. Pretty fearsome. "Dynamite" is actually beating it on the Pop Charts though, and "Teenage Dreams" has it on Digital Songs, with some more momentum I wouldn't be surprised if Katy nabs #1 with her new song next week. Em's almost losing grip on the zeitpulse, so we'll see.
So that's about it, we've got one more Week of Summer then it all finally comes crashing down while the King of Summer will place his or her Crown on his or her Anointed Head. I don't know what happened to "Magic" by B.o.B and Rivers Cuomo this week, and "Misery" by Maroon 5 is looking alright for the most part, we'll see if they're able to fight back and throw their hats in at the last minute. It's time to get excited! See you for one more!
30 August 2010
25 August 2010
Because They're Everywhere: 9 Parts of Mainstream Culture I Hate
In honour of Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me" which makes me want to drown and kill cute puppies whenever I hear it, I thought I'd take a moment today to go on a nice ramble about other parts of Pop Culture I absolutely despise. See, this is relatively exceptional. Even shows like Jersey Shore or films like Transformers (2007) I'll watch and even enjoy. They are incredibly stupid and of no artistic or spiritual merit, but I find myself able to enjoy them. No, today we're talking about three movies, three television shows and three bands that I absolutely can not watch or listen to because they just anger up the blood. They fill me with such unsustainable rage that I get into Baby-Punching Mode. Films like Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) that are absolutely atrocious and clearly deeply flawed can still have some cool parts, some reason for enjoyment even if it's only to get over a massive Sunday Hangover on F/X. The following are those that commit the Deepest and Darkest of Sins. And going into this article I admit forthwright that yeah, these are pretty mainstream and for the most part, massively popular. You're going to be surprised. Let's begin:
Three Films that Make Me Want to Strangle Kittens:
I'll also admit that for some of these I don't really have an explanation. Such is the case of Miami Vice (2006) and Paycheck (2003). I was prepared to turn my mind off for both films but instead they obnoxiously demanded my attention for needlessly complicated plots and attempts at deep, brooding character interaction that was totally uncalled for. Michael Bay is a fucking visionary because he delivers exactly what the audience wants. He doesn't pretend he's an auteur. Michael Mann's Miami Vice is such a pretentious piece of shit, the kind of piece of shit that considers itself an excellent, thinking action film. Instead it's a boring, dumb action film without the requisite action necessary to justify it's viewing. I mean, Face/Off (1997) is implausible, but awesome stuff happens on a second-by-second basis, which is backed up by actors playing slimily against each other with a whole lot of fun involved. Paycheck involves Assfleck at one of his Unrelentingly Douchiest and Colin Ferrell and somehow-Oscar Winner Jamie Foxx commit sins against got in Miami Vice. I can't bother with either one.
Another film I actively hate and will always refuse to watch is X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009). I already summed up most of my feelings here. Everything is wrong with this movie. It's a non-hardcore movie that tries to be violent, it's a comic-reference heavy film that gets all its references wrong. Hugh Jackman acting in any movie that doesn't begin with "The Prest" and end with "ige," should be shot on sight without question. Damn is this film bad. It's so bad it really insults Comic and Wolverine Fans everywhere, and that is the truest sin of all. See also: Avabar: The Last Bartender (2010).
Three Television Shows that Make Me Want to Eat My Own Dick:
You're going to think I'm absolutely crazy but I absolutely hate The Colbert Report. I fucking hate it. Steven Colbert is plenty talented on his own and I enjoyed the first couple years but after that we have problems. Part of which is that Steven Colbert IS really funny on his own! The Colbert Report has all but prevented him from doing other fantastic voice work as well as comedy much more innovative that The Fake News. The fake gimmick of The Colbert Report has become stale, far too political (Again, I have admittedly gone to the point where this and The Daily Show actually give me more non-NFL news that I'm prepared to handle in a single sitting) and even hipster-ish. It panders to a half-educated drunken college crowd that pretends to understand the jokes and arbitrarily assigned Colbert the mantle of Generational Icon long ago and has since ceased to question it. It's a bland repetitive humour that feeds off its audience rather than the other way around. The subversion is complete. Move on. At least whoever did this agrees.
Do I even have room for two more TV Shows? I hate every possible incarnation of Scooby Doo. It's worked itself into such a limited paradigm - oh hey, it's not a ghost, it's Old Man Jenkins! Every once in a while they introduce REAL Monsters which is completely contrary to the determined Rules of its Universe, thus altering Suspension of Disbelief. There's no winning with Scooby Doo. Predictability or Destruction of Universe. Once you've seen a single episode you've seen every one (wait, fuck that, Scooby Doo is so ingrained in our Pop Culture that you could recite a Scooby Doo episode from memory without ever seeing the show). Awful, awful lazy writing. Despite Trope Innovation, Scooby is Bullshit.
Speaking of Lazy Writing, let's talk Family Guy. Not unlike similar bullshit shows like Wonder Showzen and Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Family Guy relies on a stretched out, Discomfort Humour that seeks to test and annoy its audience rather than enlighten them. Hidden under guises of "surreality" and Nostalgia-Pandering, Family Guy is an awful awful show that tricks its viewers into thinking it's funny. This shit is not surreal. People throw around the term Surreal as an excuse for most of Adult Swim's bullshit to fly across their faces without just criticism. Monty Python's Flying Circus is the definition of surreal, even The Other Guys (2010) can fit the description very accurately. It is disorder presenting itself as order, thus becoming subversive, innovative and requiring the audience to think in ways it hasn't (or couldn't) before. The Superior Shows on Cartoon Network's Late Hour right now are The Venture Bros and The Boondocks, shows reliant on heavy, lasting character development to fuel jokes both subtle and outrageous whilst allowing for greater commitment to story that rewards the viewer both aesthetically and intellectually. Family Guy does none of this. Random for the sake of Random is pitiful. Devoid of meaning there is no meaning. South Park, better than any show or article has nailed it better than I ever could.
Three Bands that Make Me Want to Blow Coke and Rape Some Nuns:
I'm getting angrier and angrier as I'm going through this so I'll try to wrap this up here, especially because as you can tell, I take my Music pretty seriously. I can't stand Asher Roth for reasons similar to my hatred of a College Crowd that adores Colbert. Props to Spose who made Asher's genre awesome while dissing him. It's a stereotype, simplification and glorification of the College Experience. Actually for the most part it's far too tame. Where is the herpes, Asher? And what parties are you at that end at 3 AM? Who the fuck uses condoms in college, anyway? Get the fuck out of here. For the most part, it's the kind of winking pretension that really irritates me. It creates Artificiality out of the college experience instead of Organic Fun. I mean, there used to be propriety and shame over college alcoholics failing out due to over-partying. Asher made a hit single about it. I- dammit, this is how aneurysms start.
Alright, there are two more bands that I cannot listen to for more than two or three seconds, yet both are commonly hailed as Classics, which I believe was uncalled for. I speak of U2 and Dave Matthews Band. I can't stand either of this shit, mostly because both of these guys' voices would sound perfect playing over parties where a bunch of dudes get blown by other dudes. Dave, what the hell is wrong with Dave? It sounds like Bruce Vilanch stomping on an angry badger. It's a Crime against God. And Bono, oh fucking Bono. Just die, Bono. Die a horrible death. How can this cat give so much and still seem so full of himself? Oh right, South Park nailed that one, too. And speaking of South Park, what the fuck is up with that show? As for Bono it's probably something like I get the impression that he's not truly altruistic, he helps out because it's expected of him, not because it's his true wishes. It's why he's still rich as shit, I mean, don't give half, Paul, you want to truly become enlightened give it all up, join an Ashram somewhere, don't prance around Africa in your Gucci Loafers you arrogant son of a cock. Since when did U2 become classic rock? Why the fuck do I turn on my Classic Rock Station and the setlist goes Stones, Beatles, Zep, Doors, U2? How the fuck did U2 get in that crowd. This is fucking bullshit.
Now I'm really angry. I hope none of you like Steven Colbert anymore.
Three Films that Make Me Want to Strangle Kittens:
I'll also admit that for some of these I don't really have an explanation. Such is the case of Miami Vice (2006) and Paycheck (2003). I was prepared to turn my mind off for both films but instead they obnoxiously demanded my attention for needlessly complicated plots and attempts at deep, brooding character interaction that was totally uncalled for. Michael Bay is a fucking visionary because he delivers exactly what the audience wants. He doesn't pretend he's an auteur. Michael Mann's Miami Vice is such a pretentious piece of shit, the kind of piece of shit that considers itself an excellent, thinking action film. Instead it's a boring, dumb action film without the requisite action necessary to justify it's viewing. I mean, Face/Off (1997) is implausible, but awesome stuff happens on a second-by-second basis, which is backed up by actors playing slimily against each other with a whole lot of fun involved. Paycheck involves Assfleck at one of his Unrelentingly Douchiest and Colin Ferrell and somehow-Oscar Winner Jamie Foxx commit sins against got in Miami Vice. I can't bother with either one.
Another film I actively hate and will always refuse to watch is X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009). I already summed up most of my feelings here. Everything is wrong with this movie. It's a non-hardcore movie that tries to be violent, it's a comic-reference heavy film that gets all its references wrong. Hugh Jackman acting in any movie that doesn't begin with "The Prest" and end with "ige," should be shot on sight without question. Damn is this film bad. It's so bad it really insults Comic and Wolverine Fans everywhere, and that is the truest sin of all. See also: Avabar: The Last Bartender (2010).
Three Television Shows that Make Me Want to Eat My Own Dick:
You're going to think I'm absolutely crazy but I absolutely hate The Colbert Report. I fucking hate it. Steven Colbert is plenty talented on his own and I enjoyed the first couple years but after that we have problems. Part of which is that Steven Colbert IS really funny on his own! The Colbert Report has all but prevented him from doing other fantastic voice work as well as comedy much more innovative that The Fake News. The fake gimmick of The Colbert Report has become stale, far too political (Again, I have admittedly gone to the point where this and The Daily Show actually give me more non-NFL news that I'm prepared to handle in a single sitting) and even hipster-ish. It panders to a half-educated drunken college crowd that pretends to understand the jokes and arbitrarily assigned Colbert the mantle of Generational Icon long ago and has since ceased to question it. It's a bland repetitive humour that feeds off its audience rather than the other way around. The subversion is complete. Move on. At least whoever did this agrees.
Do I even have room for two more TV Shows? I hate every possible incarnation of Scooby Doo. It's worked itself into such a limited paradigm - oh hey, it's not a ghost, it's Old Man Jenkins! Every once in a while they introduce REAL Monsters which is completely contrary to the determined Rules of its Universe, thus altering Suspension of Disbelief. There's no winning with Scooby Doo. Predictability or Destruction of Universe. Once you've seen a single episode you've seen every one (wait, fuck that, Scooby Doo is so ingrained in our Pop Culture that you could recite a Scooby Doo episode from memory without ever seeing the show). Awful, awful lazy writing. Despite Trope Innovation, Scooby is Bullshit.
Speaking of Lazy Writing, let's talk Family Guy. Not unlike similar bullshit shows like Wonder Showzen and Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Family Guy relies on a stretched out, Discomfort Humour that seeks to test and annoy its audience rather than enlighten them. Hidden under guises of "surreality" and Nostalgia-Pandering, Family Guy is an awful awful show that tricks its viewers into thinking it's funny. This shit is not surreal. People throw around the term Surreal as an excuse for most of Adult Swim's bullshit to fly across their faces without just criticism. Monty Python's Flying Circus is the definition of surreal, even The Other Guys (2010) can fit the description very accurately. It is disorder presenting itself as order, thus becoming subversive, innovative and requiring the audience to think in ways it hasn't (or couldn't) before. The Superior Shows on Cartoon Network's Late Hour right now are The Venture Bros and The Boondocks, shows reliant on heavy, lasting character development to fuel jokes both subtle and outrageous whilst allowing for greater commitment to story that rewards the viewer both aesthetically and intellectually. Family Guy does none of this. Random for the sake of Random is pitiful. Devoid of meaning there is no meaning. South Park, better than any show or article has nailed it better than I ever could.
Three Bands that Make Me Want to Blow Coke and Rape Some Nuns:
I'm getting angrier and angrier as I'm going through this so I'll try to wrap this up here, especially because as you can tell, I take my Music pretty seriously. I can't stand Asher Roth for reasons similar to my hatred of a College Crowd that adores Colbert. Props to Spose who made Asher's genre awesome while dissing him. It's a stereotype, simplification and glorification of the College Experience. Actually for the most part it's far too tame. Where is the herpes, Asher? And what parties are you at that end at 3 AM? Who the fuck uses condoms in college, anyway? Get the fuck out of here. For the most part, it's the kind of winking pretension that really irritates me. It creates Artificiality out of the college experience instead of Organic Fun. I mean, there used to be propriety and shame over college alcoholics failing out due to over-partying. Asher made a hit single about it. I- dammit, this is how aneurysms start.
Alright, there are two more bands that I cannot listen to for more than two or three seconds, yet both are commonly hailed as Classics, which I believe was uncalled for. I speak of U2 and Dave Matthews Band. I can't stand either of this shit, mostly because both of these guys' voices would sound perfect playing over parties where a bunch of dudes get blown by other dudes. Dave, what the hell is wrong with Dave? It sounds like Bruce Vilanch stomping on an angry badger. It's a Crime against God. And Bono, oh fucking Bono. Just die, Bono. Die a horrible death. How can this cat give so much and still seem so full of himself? Oh right, South Park nailed that one, too. And speaking of South Park, what the fuck is up with that show? As for Bono it's probably something like I get the impression that he's not truly altruistic, he helps out because it's expected of him, not because it's his true wishes. It's why he's still rich as shit, I mean, don't give half, Paul, you want to truly become enlightened give it all up, join an Ashram somewhere, don't prance around Africa in your Gucci Loafers you arrogant son of a cock. Since when did U2 become classic rock? Why the fuck do I turn on my Classic Rock Station and the setlist goes Stones, Beatles, Zep, Doors, U2? How the fuck did U2 get in that crowd. This is fucking bullshit.
Now I'm really angry. I hope none of you like Steven Colbert anymore.
24 August 2010
Profiles: The Contrasting Roles of Will Ferrell, Part II
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen finally to Part II of our look at the many varied roles of Will Ferrell in honour of his new film, The Other Guys (2010). A Dozen Days ago I described some of his different types of characters, the great job he does in Supporting Roles, Buddy Films, Children's Films and even (relatively) serious work. There are Four Characters that are pretty significant however, his straight-up Leading Man-Child Roles. These Four all have their own particular nuances and idiosyncrasies that serves to make each distinct facets of that singular Man-Child Theme. We'll begin with the weakest character from the weakest film and move from there:
Jackie Moon in Semi-Pro: Everybody Love Everybody
Besides some of the Best Marketing a Will Ferrell Film has had of late, Semi-Pro (2008) was a critical and commerical bomb. I found it a spectacular look at Beta Males in B-Level Athletics (not unlike The Other Guys' eponymous look at those other guys). It's an interesting film because Jackie Moon really takes the backseat to some of the other characters. He doesn't get the girl, he doesn't have the most satisfying arc and he doesn't really have the talent to carry or coach the Flint Tropics (Best Fake Sports Team Ever). He works as a rallying point, though. Jackie is able to bring out the best in everyone around him, bind the teammates together and encourage and support them. He's definitely the most sensitive Ferrell creation, as well. He's got a soft spot for his dead mum (so much so that he forfeits a game when she's insulted) as well as for team love, loyalty and friendship.
All of Will's characters have trouble growing up. Jackie Moon most clearly has issues with his madre, but is also stuck in a changing world. He fears the changing merger between ABA and NBA threatening to destroy the precious if not precarious small-town set-up he's established. He's also clutching on to former glory, deluded by a to fear of growing old and irrelevant (despite the clear fact that he is old and irrelevant). In the end one of the most grounded supporting casts in a Will Ferrell Film Ever bow to his incredible promotional skills which he more than sheepishly employs to save the day. Like I said, this character is by far the most passive, sensitive Man-Child, expressing his fears through moodiness and despondence rather than insane yelling. For the most part.
Chazz Michael Michaels in Blades of Glory: He'll Get Inside You Face
The most brash and renegade Will Ferrell Character, Chazz Michael Michaels IS figure skating. Blades of Glory (2007) is a monster on its own, existing someplace goofier than Semi-Pro but not nearly as ridiculous as Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004). Chazz is a addicted to alcohol, sex, fame and glory - refusing to quit when he gets going. One of my favourite Ferrell creations actually, Chazz is loud, confident and unlike any of Will's other creations, a literal Lone Wolf. He is loath to reach out to any kind of friendship, part of which results in his great difficulty working with Napoleon Dynamite.
He's actually one of the least Man-Child like of all of Will's Man-Children. He doesn't care enough to run away from problems or deny any big life tragedy or abandonment issues. He's alone, uncaring and unfeeling until Jimmy McElroy gets forced into his life thus giving him one vital attachment. Like Jackie Moon he is without a Love Interest (unless you count like...Oksana Baiul) but the film works better from it. Jackie has enough to do controlling everybody in Semi-Pro without having a chick to pursue, and Chazz's personality is so anti-commitment that no lasting relationship would seem real. Chazz is nuts, look at this brilliance. He's the peak of self-destruction. Ron Burgundy approached this level towards his darkest point in Anchorman, but hell, this might as well have been Chazz's introduction. He gets worse from there. Again, Blades of Glory is its own monster.
Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: I Wanna Go FAST!!
This is one of Will's Career Best Characters. He's got the most significant Arc of any film he's ever done (except maybe Stranger Than Fiction [2006]). Ricky Bobby is that perfect mix of crazy, confident and vulnerable. There's a lot of pain that drives him which inspires him to drive fast. What's cool about Talladega Nights is that you can tell there's this real character underneath this insane one. The NASCAR circuit brings out this brash, boastful American out of his small-town, meek guy. By Film's end he finally reaches a middle path. He stops racing for the love of his dead-beat Father, his bitchy wife or even his Gay French Rival. He races for himself. That's the key with Ricky Bobby. His Man-Child grows up by realising he needs to drop his issues with the people around him and becomes a man on his own right.
This could also rank in the Buddy Film Category, but due to the long split he has with John C. Reilly and the more solo focus the second half of the film contains, it becomes Will's Movie more than any other. He is loud and obnoxious like Chazz Michael Michaels, but lacks the self-destructive habits and has a strong outer and inner need for accompaniment rather than a small internal desire. Abandonment, rivalry, fake vs. real friendships and marriages set in the greatest Advertising World there is, Talladega Nights (2006) is a film-making feat of strength. Also Ricky bangs Amy Adams in a bar. Righteous, brother.
Ron Burgundy in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy: In a Glass Case of Emotion
Ron Burgundy is the balls. I've already discussed at length the various Insane Competing Realities of Anchorman (2004), it's a shame that he really hasn't built a film as purely surreal as this since. Any McKay film (Talladega and The Other Guys) comes close, but none really so thoroughly skew reality as Anchorman. Maybe it's simply the 1970s setting that lends a certain liberty to be ridiculous (compare with Starsky and Hutch [2004] and Semi-Pro which both existed in much firmer realities, the latter of which was downright gritty at times). While Jackie Moon doesn't have a great deal of aggressive actions, Chazz Michael Michaels is a reluctant player and Ricky Bobby's struggle is to liberate himself from his need for company and approval, Ron Burgundy is the definitive center of Anchorman. There's no question.
He gets the girl - babe of babes Christina Applegate. He gets his friends back after a disastrous fall from Olympus. He's not a fighter by choice, nor is he explicitly loud or uncouth. He's the perfect gentleman. Picture for instance what would happen if Ron, Ricky, Chazz and Jackie were in a bar together. Jazz Flute comes on the Jukebox. There's only one man who could get a lay out of that, much less make it out without his ears bleeding. Ron would take charge even among Will's own Character Parade. He's a perfect rallying point, a natural figure to look to when in a jam. The supporting cast is absolutely out of control here but Ron always remains cool. He's the smoothest of the characters that appear here, probably the most well-rounded.
He also doesn't have that many psychological issues, which undoubtedly help found his leadership ability and calm demeanor. Ron is still afraid of change, however, and when Veronica Corningstone threatens to destroy the world he's built things go downhill. Anchorman is about Fall and Redemption, the destruction of a Faulty World and the Ascension of one built on Compromise and Tolerance. There is of course, a whole lot of goofiness here that prevents any deep analysis (like that's ever stopped me before). Ron breaks down only when his entire world is destroyed, not dissimilar to how Ricky Bobby's World was Ruined. How both characters react are a sure sign of their distinction. Ricky, starting from the bottom returns only to the bottom with a family and sons intact, thus he freaks out much less. Ron, however, only knew the top. When he goes to the bottom he doesn't really know how to react other than drinking warm milk on a Hot Hot San Diego Day.
So whenever anyone tells you that Will Ferrell plays the same character in every movie he's in, you look him or her in the eye and scream at the top of your lungs "NO" and then show them this website.
Come on, Magic Man, what are you waiting for.
Jackie Moon in Semi-Pro: Everybody Love Everybody
All of Will's characters have trouble growing up. Jackie Moon most clearly has issues with his madre, but is also stuck in a changing world. He fears the changing merger between ABA and NBA threatening to destroy the precious if not precarious small-town set-up he's established. He's also clutching on to former glory, deluded by a to fear of growing old and irrelevant (despite the clear fact that he is old and irrelevant). In the end one of the most grounded supporting casts in a Will Ferrell Film Ever bow to his incredible promotional skills which he more than sheepishly employs to save the day. Like I said, this character is by far the most passive, sensitive Man-Child, expressing his fears through moodiness and despondence rather than insane yelling. For the most part.
Chazz Michael Michaels in Blades of Glory: He'll Get Inside You Face
He's actually one of the least Man-Child like of all of Will's Man-Children. He doesn't care enough to run away from problems or deny any big life tragedy or abandonment issues. He's alone, uncaring and unfeeling until Jimmy McElroy gets forced into his life thus giving him one vital attachment. Like Jackie Moon he is without a Love Interest (unless you count like...Oksana Baiul) but the film works better from it. Jackie has enough to do controlling everybody in Semi-Pro without having a chick to pursue, and Chazz's personality is so anti-commitment that no lasting relationship would seem real. Chazz is nuts, look at this brilliance. He's the peak of self-destruction. Ron Burgundy approached this level towards his darkest point in Anchorman, but hell, this might as well have been Chazz's introduction. He gets worse from there. Again, Blades of Glory is its own monster.
Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: I Wanna Go FAST!!
This could also rank in the Buddy Film Category, but due to the long split he has with John C. Reilly and the more solo focus the second half of the film contains, it becomes Will's Movie more than any other. He is loud and obnoxious like Chazz Michael Michaels, but lacks the self-destructive habits and has a strong outer and inner need for accompaniment rather than a small internal desire. Abandonment, rivalry, fake vs. real friendships and marriages set in the greatest Advertising World there is, Talladega Nights (2006) is a film-making feat of strength. Also Ricky bangs Amy Adams in a bar. Righteous, brother.
Ron Burgundy in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy: In a Glass Case of Emotion
He gets the girl - babe of babes Christina Applegate. He gets his friends back after a disastrous fall from Olympus. He's not a fighter by choice, nor is he explicitly loud or uncouth. He's the perfect gentleman. Picture for instance what would happen if Ron, Ricky, Chazz and Jackie were in a bar together. Jazz Flute comes on the Jukebox. There's only one man who could get a lay out of that, much less make it out without his ears bleeding. Ron would take charge even among Will's own Character Parade. He's a perfect rallying point, a natural figure to look to when in a jam. The supporting cast is absolutely out of control here but Ron always remains cool. He's the smoothest of the characters that appear here, probably the most well-rounded.
He also doesn't have that many psychological issues, which undoubtedly help found his leadership ability and calm demeanor. Ron is still afraid of change, however, and when Veronica Corningstone threatens to destroy the world he's built things go downhill. Anchorman is about Fall and Redemption, the destruction of a Faulty World and the Ascension of one built on Compromise and Tolerance. There is of course, a whole lot of goofiness here that prevents any deep analysis (like that's ever stopped me before). Ron breaks down only when his entire world is destroyed, not dissimilar to how Ricky Bobby's World was Ruined. How both characters react are a sure sign of their distinction. Ricky, starting from the bottom returns only to the bottom with a family and sons intact, thus he freaks out much less. Ron, however, only knew the top. When he goes to the bottom he doesn't really know how to react other than drinking warm milk on a Hot Hot San Diego Day.
So whenever anyone tells you that Will Ferrell plays the same character in every movie he's in, you look him or her in the eye and scream at the top of your lungs "NO" and then show them this website.
Come on, Magic Man, what are you waiting for.
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