31 July 2017

Summer Jam Week 12: July We Hardly Knew Ye. LIVE!

Amazingly, we close out July with a fairly underwhelming week in the world of tepid pop music. Sure these hot beats are driving our lives but what does it all mean, really? I've always been one to succumb to the temptation of mindless gyrating to distract myself from the world's real problems. That's what it's all about. Summer Jam Royalty baby! Let's dive in:

Hot Jam of the Week: "Boys" by Charli XCX



You are now gay. This is a nice sweet song, though, and a little bit more toned down from the nuttiness Charli XCX usually cranks out. It's also got just about every type of boy you could ever want featured at some point. It'd be cool if this takes off, but I'm going to go ahead and say it's unlikely.

Summer of Khaled: "I'm the One" by DJ Khaled ft. A Ton of Other People

Has anyone noticed that Bieber and Khaled in some kind of combination do seem to be ruling summer? I haven't always acknowledged it as such, but "I'm the One" popped on my radar this week more than usual, although it's been in the background and #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for quite some time now. We're pretty much past the point of prognostication now, and while in any other sane world this would have a clear chance at being named the Official Jam of Summer 2017, thanks to my insane personal methods there's no way.

Planet Moon: "Something Just Like This" by Coldpay & Chainsmokers

I've been pretty blatant about how much I hate this track as well, and we don't have to get back into that here. This song has also popped in here and there and seemed to surge this week for whatever reason. I can't remember turning on a band so quickly as I have with the Chainsmokers. I think it was after I realised that even though their beats seemed really innovative and distinctive, they only have one! This is like, exactly "Closer" but applied to a Coldplay song, which just makes it so much worse.


So this is admittedly pretty old, but I was listening to this on the radio this week and thinking to myself, "You know, this is a pretty solid track." And I'm right. Actually, watching this video makes me so less into Post Malone as this weird rasta white dude. I was literally picturing Lil' Yachty. He's kind of halfway between traditional and mumble rap styles. Now that I'm watching this idiot I kind of hate this track. I promise one of these will be positive.

Cults N Shit: "Now or Never" by Halsey

Here is a song that I still actually like and is still actually on a bit of an upswing rather than one that faded with the rest of the Summer Contenders. Halsey's voice is solid, sweet, and just a little raspy that is really appealing right now for some reason. She feels like an anti-pop starlet like Lana Del Ray but actually isn't at all, which is exactly why she works. If this is last jam standing, that'd be great, but it's never really felt dominant this Summer.

Sit, Roll Over: "Stay" by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara

Here's another one that's been around forever, but has grown on me as much as it's grown on America, apparently. The beat really isn't anything at all, but Alessia proves again that she could be one of the better pop voices of her generation. She really ought to get out of this typical shit and do some actually interesting, thoughtful work. She has done that I suppose but it hasn't reached Adele mainstream levels. That's way too harsh and judgy. I'm in a bitchy mood today.

Daylight: "Redbone" by Childish Gambino

Just let it roll. I obligated to throw down "Redbone" last week and I just heard it out quite a bit again, and even spurred some discussion with contemporaries of mine about its merit and value. It's all pretty high. I'm amazed at the truly artistic career that comedian and Community weirdo Donald Glover has made for himself and this could quietly kind of become a legit Summer Jam, old as it is.

Long and Winding Road: "Body Like a Back Road" by Sam Hunt

So, with a #2 spot last week and #1 this week, Sam Hunt is very much in the hunt towards immortal Summer Jam status. That's some wild stuff. This is still like the third ever country song that I can stand listening to, and it inspired that conversation like four times this week whenever it came on and I was around people. At this point it's time for jams to start clinching, and Julia Michaels' "Issues" needs to come back if it's going to make good on its frontrunner June status.

Next week...

There were plenty of other hot jams that I ignored because they were stupid. This includes Nicki Minaj's new joint with Future, Selena Gomez's "Fetish" video (sounds way hotter than it is), that weird one from Macklemore about his grandma, Demi Lovato's "Sorry Not Sorry" which is an awful song, and Kendrick Lamar's "Loyalty" which is totally legit, but I've also just overdone my Kendrick love this summer. Really the soundtrack for the Summer should just be DAMN. and that's it, but we've got other shit going on, people. Stay tuned!

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