The Road to a Blockbuster: Madagascar v. Prometheus

Another Summer Weekend is almost upon us and that means that some new movies are set to duke it out at the Box Office. This column seeks to discover more than just the fat paychecks these flicks will bring in to their creators - but also analyze the extent of the cultural waves made on this great nation. Actually in the current market the United States return is slim compared to the global appetite for great mindless action. It's for this reason that the biggest films have to be sparse on dialogue, relying on visual spectacle instead of the English language.

But at any rate we have two very different films coming at us this weekend. The first is another in a seemingly long line of extraterrestrial-themed movies we've encountered thus far in 2012 (The Avengers, Battleship, Men in Black 3, for starters) but Prometheus seems to present something different. Is it an Alien (1979) prequel? Probably, maybe, kind of? It has an intensity to the marketing that alludes to both its director and its familiar iconography of that great film of thirty years prior.

Here's the deal with Prometheus: even if it is some kind of direct successor to Alien, it hasn't really been marketed as such. Ever since its announcement and subsequent successful trailers (even if they seem to be spoiler-heavy [I've been avoiding them]) it has built up the kind of anticipation for an original story by a visionary director unheard of since Inception (2010). It's going after a very specific demographic, a cadre of nerds who want this to be the kind of truly harsh and disturbing sci-fi reality they can share with themselves that isn't as broad as The Avengers, doesn't have the stigma of Battleship, and doesn't try as hard to be as self-serious and edgy as Snow White & The Huntsman (2012). Is it weird that Snow White is the film that could steal the most of Promie's business this weekend? They're both pretty dark for Summer Flicks, but with certainly high aspirations. Still, Promie has an aura of authenticity and coolness replete from Snow White's gothic, desperate, revisionist tone. It almost seems destined to jump headfirst into the kind of pulp culture that's featured on a site like this. The only other film to really do that in recent memory is...well, Inception.

Positioned against Prometheus couldn't be more perfect counter-programming for kids (and weak-stomached adults, I guess) is Madagascar 3: Who Gives a Fuck (2012). Somehow in the long annals of animated trilogies this has survived and wins back DreamWorks nearly $200 mill domestic a pop. I actually had no idea what the subtitle was for this film, apparently it's Europe's Most Wanted. Apparently these critters are in Europe now? On some kind of Afro Circus I gather? The advertising for this flick has been short and intense. Suddenly last week there was a commercial blaring Afro Circus on television every 45 seconds. This is probably the most grating sequence ever unleashed upon mankind. Sometimes I can't believe Chris Rock would sink to this kind of level. Then I remember this and it all makes sense.

About to tear up the Orca

So where are we? It ought to be a close race to the top this weekend. I actually think tho that Prometheus has a bit more momentum behind it to come out on top. Culturally, I also think that this ought to be pretty hot, if only from being the second Charlize Theron flick to drop in two weeks, along with the growing clout of Noomi Rapace, and of course, the Shark himself, Michael Fassbender. Of course, as appropriate, it's more and more evident that the love for Fassbender is actually quite confined, as Russell Brand's failed MTV Movie Award jokes would attest to.

Of course the big question here is...Is Michael Fassbender actually a shark that has taught himself to walk on land? There is a tremendous amount of evidence to support this cutting edge theory. Basically, he has huge teeth, a fearsome smile, and the combination of handsomeness and charm that is only befitting of one of nature's oldest and most efficient predators. Naturally then, it would appear that Prometheus features Sharks in Space - and that, my friends, is quite the frightening concept indeed. I don't think we should be lulled into security around this guy. Think about it - a Shark who is a sex addict psychoanalyst who can bend metal with his mind? IN SPACE?! Holy dick. And I mean dick, because that Shark has a huge fucking dick as well.

This is the last post of Norwegian Morning Wood.

Summer Jam Week 4: John Mayer & Sia Rock into June

The first month of the Final Summer is down and it's been a hell of a May. As June comes rushing in we have a good amount of fresh tracks for our ears to chew on and the season's starting to pick up. Usually June is where THE jam of Summer drops - will one of the tracks on this week's round-up be the Golden Child? Unlikely, but nevertheless, here are the hottest jams for the First Weekend of June:

Hot Track of the Week: "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia



I still have an unending hatred for David Guetta and his trashy Euro-club beats, but combining his jams with the graceful voice of Sia after she gained some fans belting the chous on Flo Rida's "Wild Ones" may prove substantial. This is kind of a stupid track and not that easy to sing a long to, and like all other Guetta tracks, the fast paced beat doesn't juxtapose well with the tone of the vocals, but all of that usually doesn't mean a thing in regards to popularity. This has been around for a few months but is picking up now - check it out.

Slo Jam to the Top: "Leave You Alone" by Young Jeezy ft. Ne-Yo

This is a pretty chill track and a nice one to jam to while lounging around in the Summer Heat. The random rapper yelling in the background is par for the course on contemporary rap - it's as if Ne-Yo is attempting to convince us within the song that people like the song. Still, it's a pretty listenable jam, but not really fast-paced or broad enough to crossover like a superstar.

The Mellow Prince: "Shadow Days" by John Mayer

Mayer is, perhaps surprisingly, one of the most competent guitarists of his generation, and his latest album, Born and Raised is gaining a lot of headwind for being awesome. The song is mellow and cool, if not really that mind-blowing. Also whenever I look at him now I think of Taylor Kitsch's John Carter. Just sayin.

What's that Name? "Drank In My Cup" by Kirko Bangz

To be honest, before I looked this track up I thought it was a new Drake jam. Either purposeful or not that's got to work in Kirko Bangz' favour. This is a smooth lovemaking jam, though and the kind of equal opportunity clubbanger or pregame pumper that makes it pretty adaptable to any and all things Summer. It's again sort of a song that's been lurking in the background for a while before you even realise it's there. I don't think it'll reach any really huge superjam status but it's still pretty cool. Where's that tequila?

The Boy Wonder: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber

The Biebs hits it again this week with one of his biggest mainstream jams that isn't just for people to make fun of. Well, ok, it's still pretty easy to make fun of the lil' guy, but he's adapting and growing as well. I always pictured him to have a Michael Jackson-kind of career: Annoying bubblegum teen, pop superstar idol in his 20s, and then after that just madness and molestation until he dies young. Classic Greek tragedy. For now "Boyfriend" is still going strong.

Supercatchy Jam of the Week: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

This has been in a few commercials recently but it's also had a nice little radio growth the past couple weeks. It's a cool little song that's actually pretty addictive if you let it get very deep into your brain. The video is pretty cool as well, proving things can be as interesting backwards (literally) as forwards. Well, maybe not, but just listen to the damn tune.

Still Going Strong: "Somebody that I Used to Know" by Gotye

The big mouthed, casual hair, naked bodied singer continues his assault on Summer, nailing in another week near the top of the Jam List. If we actually talk about how good of a Summer Song this is, though, it may quickly fall apart. I mean, it's a really authentic and heart-melting break-up song that's perfectly bounced between the two saddened and lost parties. Not really the kind of thing to dance and jam to. It's still a great song, though, but maybe not the party track the Final Summer really needs.

Then Again: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

This is the kind of track Summer needs. Bubbly and spritely, Carly Rae bounces through this jam, the ultimate teen jam for any little girl and a brilliant guilty pleasure for everyone else. I'm not really sure what else Carly Rae has to offer the world or if this will even last that much longer, but until we get sick of the bubblegum this ought to be high for quite some time.

Next week...

I've got my ears on some Foo Fighters and just waiting for "Bridges Burning" to gain some traction. That and some Nicki Minaj ought to fight pretty hard the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned, folks!

The Road to A Blockbuster: Snow White & the Huntsman

Here we are, another Summer Friday and there's another film trying to win it big at the Box Office. More than that though, it's a film trying to completely integrate it into our popular culture. It's the kind of incessant marketing and advertising that doesn't just make the film look good but makes our lives seem incomplete until we see it. Does Snow White & the Huntsman (2012) pull that off? No, of course not. More people want to see this thing that you'd think, though, and it could be a bit of a hit.

First of all, this flick has a tough Release Date. It's saddled in between Memorial Day's Men in Black 3 (2012)  and Ridley Scott's intriguing (if you've avoided the trailers and commercials that are full of spoilers) space epic, Prometheus (2012). The only luck is that MIB3 isn't really doing all that well and there's absolutely nothing else getting a wide release this weekend. That mean the game is allll Snow White's. Well that seems kind of bizarre.

Since when is Snow White cool? Or hardass fairy tale adaptations at all? The answer is no, this was never cool. Maybe sometimes. This is all the fault of Alice in Wonderland (2010), whose visually innovative yet narratively hollow hardcore Disney Princess live action treatment rocked the hell out of the Box Office. Snow White & the Huntsman seems like this weird amalgamation of Twilight, Harry Potter, Snow White, and crack. It's all blended together in a big soup with some weird glass monsters and forest monsters and who the hell knows what else.

So again - is this cool? The film seems to be banking on it. There's a big Catch-22 at work here. The "Snow White" in the title seems to be a turn-off for any and all dudes, but without it it would just be a film about some random chick in the woods with no brand recognition. It's key that this is a revisionist re-imaging of the classic sappy tale that was once the highest grossing film in the world. That is, it banks on itself being edgy and different and full of youth fantasy appeal - something new and weird and wonderful for the whole world to enjoy. I'm not sure they've pulled it off.

Needless to say there's some kind of Twilight element here as well. The film is supposed to center around Kristen Stewart, who we've certainly shown some appreciation for, and she's again proving her status, quite literally, as the Anti-Princess. In the Twilight series Kristen Stewart is this socially awkward, terrible looking girl who finds the most maddeningly addictive sort of love - kind of a hope for brunettes everywhere. This is the same idea - it's brunettes vs. blondes all over again and that the plain Kristen can triumph and be an unorthodox princess is integral. She could very well carry plenty of Twilight fans into this and the film seems overtly interested in capturing this demographic. I still can't believe a world where she's fairer than Charlize Theron, but who am I to judge.

The marketing has tried desperately to appeal to men because the film exists in this weird space where it centers on women but has very traditionally masculine themes of war and woods and big ugly monsters. To me, the only thing that really sells it is that Thor plays the Huntsman. That and the inclusion of lots of weird creepy monsters who have no real place in a Snow White story. Or so it seems!

So this flick should do pretty well, all in all. The advertising, tho seemingly a mesh of tropes has also placed a distinctive Gothic spin on its influences. It actually has the attention of many males I know although I still think it looks stupid. Thank goodness Thor has that big shield to fight off the Queen's glass monsters! C'mon. June is sort of packed but really, who is going to see this that is also pumped for Prometheus? Or Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)? I bet this is more of a hit than you'd suggest.

Snow White & the Huntsman opens today.