Top 10 Films Version 3.0: 2009-2011

Movie-liking is a fickle, fickle business. Endlessly subjective and contextual, our Top Ten ranks in years past have proven to be really far off what I now feel are great. Every so often I feel compelled to retcon our Top Ten lists dating back to this site's founding, which is a mind-numbing eight years ago. Generally I think tastes stay kind of in the same ballpark, but it's endlessly interesting to me which films end up having staying power and which fall by the wayside. So, we'll be readjusting here, starting with 2009-2011.

For the original list, which also includes our first realignment, check this out.

2009:

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Bad Lieutenent: Port of Call New Orleans
Moon
World's Greatest Dad
Observe and Report
The Hangover

The Hurt Locker

The Road

Inglourious Basterds
A Serious Man

I've done nothing!

To be sure, only three films from our original 2009 list made the cut seven years later (Observe and Report, Inglourious Basterds, and A Serious Man), but while Basterds earned the #1 spot in 2014, I'm a firm believer that A Serious Man may not only be the greatest film of 2009 but the greatest Coen Bros film of all time. Six films survive from 2014, but the new ones added are a few that I definitely saw back in the day, but have only grown fonder with since. Mainstays like Funny People and UP fell off because while they contain some really interesting ideas and great scenes, neither is really structurally sound seven years down the line. I've also maintained interest in the Zombieland / Adventureland Jesse Eisenberg combo, but neither makes the cut over Nic Cage being insane or Robin Williams' hilariously dark swan song

2010:

Let Me In

Get Him to the Greek

Inception

The Fighter

Hot Tub Time Machine

Harry Brown
MacGruber
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

The Social Network

KRAW!

Black Swan

I'm still pretty nuts over a lot of 2010 comedies, but while The Other Guys and Jackass 3D fall off, I think Get Him to the Greek holds up, but barely. I can't believe Harry Brown never made this list, and MacGruber has sincerely gotten better with age and comes back after being left off 2014. The Social Network has always ranked high, but I can't believe that Black Swan almost fell off the list in 2014. Overall this year does better, retaining six films from my original 2010 list and six from 2014, although not the same six. Five have made it all the way from the first ranking.

2011:

Moneyball

Attack the Block

The Tree of Life
Contagion
The Muppets
The Raid: Redemption

Rango

Melancholia

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Take Shelter

Kneel before Shannon

2011's realignment has all to do with films I have finally gotten a chance to see in the past six years. I originally ranked 11 films, so I repeated that gimmick in 2014, but fuck that, ten is immutable. Only three remain from 2011, but six from 2014, so that's in line with 2009. Rango falls as Take Shelter takes its place at the top. The Descendants, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Bridesmaids fall off the list, which had all been pretty steady. I don't think anyone really remembers The Descendants at all, and while the latter two have held up very well, they can't really compete with the true art that came out of 2011 that seemed to escape critical and cultural examination at the time. That's because Tree of Life and Melancholia are boffo insane movies with little regard for traditional plot or character structure. I think the jury is still out on whether or not these are good movies, but I have grown to deeply appreciate the pure cinema on display.

Some may question the purpose of this - is there really a point in shifting around film ranks of yesteryear? Well, in the three years studied we have three new "Best Films," one of which did not appear at all in previous rankings. I think that's important to acknowledge in our thirst to find the best films we got, especially when we consider checking out of a few films, like I did with Take Shelter for years and years.

Stay tuned, loyal readers, for my re-appraisal of 2012-2014!

Reconsidering Our Top Films From 2009 - 2012

I realized something important when perusing through all the films of 2013 while making my obligatory "Best Of" list this year - looking back on some of my selections filled me full of rage and shame. It's the tricky thing about lacking the benefit of hindsight - some films even from just a few years ago haven't held up, and others that I thought were trash have grown on me. So I decided to do some revisionist history here. I went back the past four years and looked at my Top 10 Lists from 2009 - 2012. Now, it may just be the fact that it hasn't really grown on me yet, but 2012 still looks pretty good. I may not be changing that too much. But you had better believe I'm scrapping the rest.

Here, with the benefit of digesting and discussing each film for a little while longer, are the new rankings:

Original 2009 List:

#10: AVABAR
#9: Observe and Report
#8: I Love You, Man
#7: The Great Buck Howard
#6: Up in the Air
#5: Funny People 
#4: Zombieland 
#3: A Serious Man
#2: Inglourious Basterds 
#1: District 9

This isn't altogether awful, and one reason I'm pumped for looking back at these things is remembering films such as The Great Buck Howard. That certainly isn't a flick though that I've really seen or thought about in four years. I can't even understand why AVABAR is here at all, I suppose that, even though I only placed it at #10, I was somewhat swept up in the sheer spectacle of its release, like literally, billions of other people worldwide. Four years on, though, I can judge it for how hollow it really is. So, here's my revised list:

Updated 2009 List:

#10: Where the Wild Things Are
#9: UP
#8: Observe and Report
#7: The Road
#6: Funny People
#5: The Hangover
#4: Adventureland
#3: The Hurt Locker
#2: A Serious Man
#1: Inglourious Basterds 

The good ninja wears white, of course

I was tempted to include other flicks like G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which is actually turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and re-watchable Sunday afternoon movies of the past five years. I just still couldn't really add it, though. I did add the most depressing film of all time, The Road, which I still think about, and Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are, which really frustrated me by not meeting my expectations the first time I saw it, but also made me think a lot to figure it out. There were also some films whose greatness I didn't buy into in December, 2009 like The Hurt Locker and UP. Finally, the original installment of The Hangover deserves its place as one of the more tightly written comedies of the past decade, as well as one of the most debaucherous and influential.

Even though I think I Love You, Man did have some staying power, it's been overshadowed a bit by superior Paul Rudd buddy movies like Role Models (2008) and Dinner for Schmucks (2010). Even though I still love Zombieland, I do think that continued permutations of the zombie genre have lessened the tremendously fresh impact it had on me. Finally I scrapped my #1 pick, District 9 just because, ultimately four and a half years on, I don't really care about it other than the fact that at the time it was an astoundingly new movie. Maybe Elysium (2013) drained the appreciation of its unique aesthetics out of me.

Original 2010 List:

#10: Exit Through the Gift Shop
#9: Toy Story 3
#8: Cyrus
#7: True Grit
#6: Hot Tub Time Machine
#5: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
#4: Black Swan
#3: MacGruber 
#2: Inception
#1: The Social Network

Updated 2010 List:

#10: Exit Through the Gift Shop
#9: Black Swan
#8: Get Low
#7: Jackass 3D
#6: The Other Guys
#5: Get Him to the Greek
#4: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
#3: Hot Tub Time Machine
#2: Inception
#1: The Social Network

Featuring Grammy Award-winning robots

My horrible blockbuster that I actually think is pretty decent now is going to be Tron: Legacy. I can also watch that just about any time of the year. Looking back on it now, I'm surprised how many great comedies came out of 2010. Even though I did really dig MacGruber, it definitely didn't stay with me as much as Get Him to the Greek or The Other Guys did. I was tempted to also throw in Dinner for Schmucks, but I think that has some years to go before it overtakes anyone. I also don't think anyone cares about Cyrus, and even though it was pretty epic, I've found I haven't really cared about Toy Story 3 since that summer three years ago, which isn't really true for other Pixar films like UP or Brave (2012).

I had this really odd debate within myself whether to include Get Low or Easy A. They really couldn't be farther apart. Ultimately thought I think it may be a pretty good movie, Easy A just went down too easy for me. Eh. So I threw in Jackass 3D, because it's still one of the best 3D experiences I've ever had at the multiplex (how many blogs use that terminology), and one of the finest uses of slow motion technology ever. You'll note that my #1 and #2 selections haven't changed. I still think those are the tits.

Original 2011 List:

#11: A Dangerous Method
#10: Hugo
#9: The Rise of the Planet of the Apes
#8: The Descendants
#7: The Artist
#6: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 
#5: Bridesmaids
#4: Attack the Block
#3: Rango
#2: Drive
#1: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Updated 2011 List:

#11: X-Men: First Class
#10: Bridesmaids
#9: Fast Five
#8: The Tree of Life
#7: The Descendants
#6: The Rise of the Planet of the Apes
#5: Moneyball
#4: Attack the Block
#3: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
#2: The Muppets
#1: Rango

Mostly because I can't get over
the name, Imogen Poots.

There were a lot of great films in 2011 as I'm looking back on it, now. My rainy day film is the vastly underrated Fright Night, while we wait for underappreciated comedies like Hall Pass, The Sitter, and Our Idiot Brother to mature. I also remember really digging Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary at the time, but I can't say I've really thought about it since. Let me also hit you quick with Cedar Rapids, Midnight in Paris, and Contagion that all really tied for the #11 spot, but haven't really been relevant since. So, I've thrown out a lot of the overhyped Oscar-bait muck here and added some of the finest blockbusters that have emerged in the past couple years, including Fast Five and X-Men: First Class.

I'm not so sure about The Tree of Life, but I still think it's worth noting, even if some of its fire may have dissipated. I still love everything on here, and as Jonah Hill's brand gets stronger, so does Moneyball. And yes, I ranked The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo right next to The Muppets. There's no accounting for my taste in film.

Original 2012 List:

#10: Haywire
#9: Silver Linings Playbook
#8: The Grey
#7: Argo
#6: Looper
#5: Lincoln
#4: 21 Jump Street
#3: The Cabin in the Woods
#2: Django Unchained
#1: The Master

Updated 2012 List:

#10: The Grey
#9: Ruby Sparks
#8: The Dark Knight Rises
#7: Dredd
#6: Zero Dark Thirty
#5: Seven Psychopaths
#4: 21 Jump Street
#3: Goon
#2: Django Unchained 
#1: The Master

Escape from Space!

My total underrated good time romp is clearly Guy Pearce having the time of his life in Lockout, which is as 80s throwback as you're going to get. This year wasn't as strong for immortal comedies, although I might contend that The Campaign does its part. So I swapped out a bunch of those Oscar Winners that I don't care about any more for some that seemed more prescient - Zero Dark Thirty and Dredd, of course. And even though The Cabin in the Woods was a game-changer and remains one of my favorite films of the year, I couldn't see myself watching it again after knowing the twist. That being said, I have replayed the twist's dire aftereffects countless times on YouTube. To be honest, the same goes for Looper. It was an incredible movie, but do we care in 2014?

Goon ended up being my favorite movie of the year, and it's a delight to watch every hockey season. Alongside fare like The Grey, I added the intricate, surprising romantic comedy Ruby Sparks. I was tempted to add Moonrise Kingdom, but it's a bit too much like The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders. Finally, with all this other nonsense, I thought The Dark Knight Rises proved itself to be at the top of the superhero game and deserves that recognition here. Bane was a bigger threat than the Joker in a better movie. Deal with that.

2014 Oscar Nominations and Predictions - Let the Crapshoot Begin!

After sitting on the Academy Award Nominations for a week I think I'm really on to something here. No, it will be a crapshoot as always. My best year predicting winners was 2012, where I scored 16/24. Last year I got 14 correct. But this year! This year, my friends, I am going to bat 1.000. I swear.

The Oscars are kind of pointless, though, you know? The best film of the year doesn't win - the film that best positions itself in the hearts and minds of voters wins. And honestly, how many of you are out there re-watching, quoting or even still thinking about The King's Speech (2010), The Artist (2011), or even Argo (2012)? Oscars don't prove quality, longevity, or cultural significance. Then why bother with this at all? Because of huge heapings of arbitrary self-importance, that's why - and for the slim chance that future DVD releases Bad Grandpa can label it as an Oscar-winning film. Let's begin.

Best picture
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
Captain Phillips
Her
American Hustle
Gravity
Dallas Buyers Club
Nebraska
Philomena

Predicted Winner: 12 Years a Slave

This is ending up being a pretty heated race between Slave, Hustle, and Gravity. I may be more inclined to suggest Hustle as the forerunner right now based on its impressive runs at he SAG. Then again, you've got Slave tying Gravity at the PGAs. It's a mess. I'm inclined that the large acting section of the Academy leans towards 12 Years a Slave more than Cuaron's film. It's also had the most buzz since September. Still, this is wide open.

Best director
Steve McQueen: 12 Years a Slave
David O. Russell: American Hustle
Alfonso Cuaron: Gravity
Alexander Payne: Nebraska
Martin Scorsese: The Wolf of Wall Street

Predicted Winner: Alfonso Cuaron

We'll have a better idea of this after the DGAs this weekend. I am predicting a split between Best Picture and Director, with Cuaron nailing this for the complex filmmaking experience of Gravity, as well as a bit of a consolation prize for losing Best Picture. This could easily be completely reversed.

Best actor
Bruce Dern: Nebraska
Chiwetel Ejiofor: 12 Years a Slave
Matthew McConaughey: Dallas Buyers Club
Leonardo DiCaprio: The Wolf of Wall Street
Christian Bale: American Hustle

Predicted Winner: Matthew McConaughey

We're truly in an age of McConaughey. Not only is the dude playing exactly the kind of role the Academy digs (historical biopic tangling a tough issue that also involved a ton of weight loss), he pulled it out of his own recently resurgent persona. Despite some damn good competition, he's also been rolling in the awards like the good ol' boy he is. Let the McConaissance reign.

Best actress
Amy Adams: American Hustle
Cate Blanchett: Blue Jasmine
Judi Dench: Philomena
Sandra Bullock: Gravity
Meryl Streep: August: Osage County

Predicted Winner: Cate Blanchette

This may be the oldest batch of Best Actress nominees in years, and so it comes with some tremendous pedigree. Everyone here except for Amy already owns a gold statue, although Cate and Judi don't have a Best Actress one. This is looking more and more like Cate's race to lose, though it's really one of the movies with a lower profile on this list.

Best supporting actor
Barkhad Abdi: Captain Phillips
Bradley Cooper: American Hustle
Jonah Hill: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jared Leto: Dallas Buyers Club
Michael Fassbender: 12 Years a Slave

Predicted Winner: Jared Leto

After an awkward Golden Globes acceptance speech, Leto has righted his ship a bit after the SAGs. There isn't a ton of suspense here, although Fassbender deserves to sneak in for the upset. I still think Jonah Hill deserves this one for going absolutely crazy, and his analogous character in Goodfellas (1990) did earn Joe Pesci a statue. I think this still has a bit of wiggle room, but for now Leto is the safe bet.

Best supporting actress
Jennifer Lawrence: American Hustle
Lupita Nyong'o: 12 Years a Slave
June Squibb: Nebraska
Julia Roberts: August: Osage County
Sally Hawkins: Blue Jasmine

Predicted Winner: Lupita Nyong'o

This is really coming down to Nyong'o vs. J-Law, and they couldn't be happier. Seriously. Nyong'o gave the sort of breathless performance that is really deserving of this, and it's tough to argue that Lawrence did a better job here than in Silver Linings Playbook (2012), which you have to compare her to. Then again, Christoph Waltz basically turned in two identical characters (albeit on different sides of good and evil) that earned him two statues, so you know the Academy likes cozying up to people it likes. This goes back and forth a bit, but right now it's Nyong'o's to lose.

Best original screenplay
American Hustle: David O. Russell and Eric Warren Singer
Blue Jasmine: Woody Allen
Her: Spike Jonze
Nebraska: Bob Nelson
Dallas Buyers Club: Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack

Predicted Winner: American Hustle

I think that this will serve as a nice consolation for Hustle after it loses Best Picture and Best Director, although despite its recent gains, it's headed in the opposite direction of positive attention online lately as it something like Her, which both nabbed this award at the Golden Globes and just had this nifty documentary put out by Lance Bangs. I think that Her is a much more interesting film, one that will stand the test of time better, and even one that is better written, but like I said, none of that matters.

Best adapted screenplay
12 Years a Slave: John Ridley
Before Midnight: Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke and Richard Linklater
The Wolf of Wall Street: Terence Winter
Captain Phillips: Billy Ray
Philomena: Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope

Predicted Winner: 12 Years a Slave

This isn't that difficult to figure out. Although Wolf is probably the steepest competition, the praise (or hate) of this film hasn't really been in the writing. Slave is slow and meditating, but the dialogue is punctured and real, which is impressive considering it takes place 170 years ago.

Best animated feature
The Wind Rises
Frozen
Despicable Me 2
Ernest & Celestine
The Croods

Predicted Winner: Frozen

If the Academy leans towards Miyazaki, who has never really been acknowledged by the organization, I can see The Wind Rises grabbing this. Frozen, however, is just far to easy to nominate and adore for it to go home in this category empty-handed. Notably absent is Pixar's effort for 2013, Monsters University, which perhaps signifies that their dominance in this category is truly over.

Best foreign feature
The Hunt (Denmark)
The Broken Circle Breakdown (Belgium)
The Great Beauty (Italy)
Omar (Palestinian territories)
The Missing Picture (Cambodia)

Predicted Winner: The Great Beauty

The Great Beauty is getting more praise and buzz than anyone else in this group, and after it won over Blue is the Warmest Color (2013) at the Golden Globes it's almost a sure thing here. Of course, I know nothing about the rest of these nominees to even guess a possible upset, but shouldn't that suggest that The Great Beauty is destined for more greatness?

Best documentary feature
The Act of Killing
20 Feet From Stardom
The Square
Cutie and the Boxer
Dirty Wars

Predicted Winner: An Act of Killing

I was also surprised that Blackfish (2013) was snubbed here after it actually made some waves (oh ho!) in people's actual lives and attitudes like few movies, let alone documentaries actually do on a wide level. Maybe after The Cove (2009) the Academy thought it had already honoured enough documentary subjects concerning people endangering aquatic mammals. I say, it's never enough. An Act of Killing has the second most buzz of any doc this year. Let's go with that.

Best production design
12 Years a Slave: Adam Stockhausen and Alice Baker
The Great Gatsby: Catherine Martin and Beverley Dunn
American Hustle: Judy Becker and Heather Loeffler
Gravity: Andy Nicholson, Rosie Goodwin and Joanne Woollard
Her: K.K. Barrett and Gene Serdena

Predicted Winner: The Great Gatsby

Many are predicting Gatsby here, which is shaping up to be that weird kind of shitty movie that racks up bizarre quasi-technical awards like this and costuming. If Gravity or Slave start rolling, though, this is an easy pick-up on the way to a sweep.

Best cinematography
Gravity: Emmanuel Lubezki
Inside Llewyn Davis: Bruno Delbonnel
Nebraska: Phedon Papamichael
Prisoners: Roger Deakins
The Grandmaster: Phillippe Le Sourd

Predicted Winner: Emmanuel Lubezki

I would have immediately thought this one would go to Sean Bobbit for 12 Years a Slave for the gorgeous way that picture looked, but he's no where to be found. There's a nice nod to Roger Deakins here, who hasn't won an Academy Award in 11 nominations, including his favored work last year for Skyfall (2012). Lubezki, though, isn't really a slouch either, with five nominations and no wins. If the Academy really feels like they slighted Deakins last year he may walk away with this, but if you play the odds, he's got to lose, right?

Best costume design
The Great Gatsby: Catherine Martin
12 Years a Slave: Patricia Norris
The Grandmaster: William Chang Suk Ping
American Hustle: Michael Wilkinson
The Invisible Woman: Michael O'Connor

Predicted Winner: American Hustle

This is another one of those categories that Gatsby may walk away with, especially because it's looking to turn into one of those doofy Anna Karenina (2012) - kind of flicks that dominates these categories. It's just good enough to be popular and respected, but not really of the cut for Best Picture. Even with all that, though I'm going out and suggesting that Hustle pulls a mild upset here and gets some recognition for the all-around insanity that was their hair, make-up, and outfits. No hair and makeup nods, so here you go.

Best film editing
Gravity: Alfonso Cuaron, Mark Sanger
12 Years a Slave: Joe Walker
Captain Phillips: Christopher Rouse
American Hustle: Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers and Alan Baumgarten
Dallas Buyers Club: John Mac McMurphy and Martin Pensa

Predicted Winner: Gravity

I don;t think there is much competition here - Gravity could win really from its lack of editing, as Cuaron likes to do. He could be one of those rare individuals to go home with two separate statues on the same night, which seems likely. Really, Cuaron has been making crazy good films for years, mostly thanks to his editing style, and this should serve as a nice acknowledgement for that.

Best makeup and hairstyling
The Lone Ranger: Joel Harlow and Gloria Pasqua-Casny
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa: Stephen Prouty
Dallas Buyers Club: Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews

Predicted Winner: Dallas Buyers Club

So, yeah, Bad Grandpa needs to win this and Johnny Knoxville needs to collect the award as Irving Zissman. The much safer bet is the more prestigious Dallas Buyers Club, though, with the other films being a bit lowly for the Academy to acknowledge in its stead. Still, I have said for years how surprisingly good the Jackass old people make-up is and how much studios can learn from them. Will that be credited? This is the biggest award of the night.

Best music (original score)
Gravity: Steven Price
Philomena: Alexandre Desplat
The Book Thief: John Williams
Saving Mr. Banks: Thomas Newman
Her: William Butler and Owen Pallett

Predicted Winner: Gravity

There's no obvious great score from this list, but Gravity is certainly the film with the highest profile. It's tough to picture Her leaving with nothing, though, and if Hustle succeeds in snatching its Original Screenplay award, I can see it pulling a little upset here. How many points do I get for conditional picks?

Best music (original song)
Frozen: "Let it Go" by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom: "Ordinary Love" by U2, Paul Hewson
Her: "The Moon Song" by Karen O, Spike Jonze
Despicable Me 2: "Happy" by Pharrell Williams
Alone Yet Not Alone: "Alone Yet Not Alone" by Bruce Broughton, Dennis Spiegel

Predicted Winner: "Let it Go"

C'mon "Let it Go"....Bono doesn't need another award. "Let it Go" is actually the perfect Oscar song - it's important in the context of the film, stands as an integral character and plot moment, and is actually fun to listen on its own weeks after the film hit theaters. It was also on the number one album in the country for a bit there - upstaging Beyonce deserves an Oscar, folks. I am scared to death that this goes to Bono, basically because he's the New York Yankees of Awards Winning. And such a piece of shit.

Best sound editing
Gravity
All Is Lost
Captain Phillips
Lone Survivor
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Predicted Winner: Gravity

So we're approaching "default to Gravity" mode with these technical categories. The arrangment of sound is pretty spectacular in the space epic and this is definitely in the vein of other winners that were pretty epic in scope like Skyfall, Inception (2010), and The Dark Knight (2008). Thank goodness the Academy finally got a big accessible sort of sci-fi movie that wasn't really trying to be a blockbuster to through all these kinds of awards at this year.

Best sound mixing
Gravity
Captain Phillips
Lone Survivor
Inside Llewyn Davis
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Predicted Winner: Gravity

There is some possibility that Inside Llewyn Davis saves face here after not getting any other nomination(Not even for "Please Mr, Kennedy"), but if no one liked it enough to be nominated, no one's going to like it enough for it to win anything. Winners for Mixing don't always match up with winners for Editing, but they usually do for the big blockbuster-y type films and Gravity ought to clean this out, too. And to think, The Desolation of Smaug may have actually stood a chance.

Best visual effects
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Star Trek Into Darkness
Iron Man 3
The Lone Ranger

Predicted Winner: Gravity

Speaking of Smaug, that's about Gravity's only competition here. The effects for everything else aren't even that good - at least Pacific Rim really wowed us. But if Gravity deserves any statue this night, it's for the absolutely mind-blowing special effects that made this a worthwhile film to see in theaters and only in theaters. Let's do it, Hollywood.

Best short film, live action
"Aquel No Era Yo" (That Wasn't Me)
"Avant Que De Tout Perdre" (Just Before Losing Everything)
"Helium"
"Pitaako Mun Kaikki Hoitaa?" (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?)
"The Voorman Problem"

Predicted Winner: "The Voorman Problem"

Time for the super-crapshoots. I like that name, Voorman. Sounds good. Why is there so many foreign entries this year? Go Voorman.

Best short film, animated
"Feral"
"Get a Horse!"
"Mr. Hublot"
"Possessions"
"Room on the Broom"

Predicted Winner: "Get a Horse!"

"Get a Horse!" played before Frozen and was actually a really engaging piece of meta-film that played with and contrasted black and white filmmaking with computer animated 3D work effortlessly, uniquely, and quickly. It was also pretty funny. It's almost too clever for its own good with the amount of creativity the characters display while using the strengths and limitations of their own medium to thwart or help each other. It rules and will win.

Best documentary short
"CaveDigger"
"Facing Fear"
"Karama Has No Walls"
"The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life"
"Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall"

Predicted Winner: "The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life"

Hy-ohhhhh!!!

So there you have it folks. I guarantee this list to be 100% accurate come March 2nd. Actually just about everything can change. If I bat .500 I'm pretty excited. Now let's all drink to our own self-congratulation.

Oscar Zone, Vol. IV: Nominations & Predictions

Now that we've settled into a little bit of Oscar Season and the Golden Globes have come and passed, welcome to the Fourth Edition of the Oscar Zone - Norwegian Morning Wood's ultimate source of Oscar Knowledge, Predictions, and Inevitable Failure. It's always a tough spot of the year, dealing with Oscars. On the one hand they're fairly meaningless - a win is much more an indication of which studio was able to lobby politics in its favor the most rather than an accurate judgment of the integrity of the year's best films. Still, it's the most prestigious official award you can get in the film industry, and Oscar certainly has a way of canonizing its recipients as some of the best. It also immortalizes some films in ways nothing else can. Why else would anyone in 2013 care about Crash (2005)? For good or ill, they're a big deal and have a huge impact on the industry, if only for being the sole reason why some films are made.

They're also pretty fun to predict, talk about, and argue over. That and Box Office Predictions are the closest thing nerdy film snobs have to a Fantasy Football Season. Without further adieu then, here are our predictions for all 24 categories. First, though, here is how we've done in years past, and you'll actually note that I've gotten better each year:

2012: 16/24
2011: 14/24
2010: 12/24

Ugh, I'm really bad at this. Let's get to it. Predicted winners in BOLD.

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Amour
Argo
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Django Unchained
Les Misérables
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty

This is a race essentially coming down to Lincoln, Argo, Life of Pi, and Silver Linings Playbook. While Silver Linings is hitting at the right time and is the only film since Warren Beatty's Reds (1981) to score an acting nod in every category, romantic comedies (which is the closest genre you can put this in) very rarely win Best Picture. Likewise, the love of Life of Pi is evident from the ridiculous amount of nominations it received as well as the idea that since the Academy outright snubbed Ang Lee on Brokeback Mountain (2005) they may try to rectify it here.

Ultimately this seemed in the bag for Lincoln - which can also be seen as righting a past wrong (his snub in '99 when Saving Private Ryan lost to Shakespeare in Love and its Weinstein Machine), until Argo kicked ass at the Golden Globes. The American voters in the Academy ought to shine much higher on the American epic, Lincoln, although Hollywood does love depictions of its own, as seen with The Artist (2011) last year. It's ultimately a tough pick, but as Spielberg and Affleck come down to it again, the heady historical drama (see also: The King's Speech [2010]) ought to win the day.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Bradley Cooper for Silver Linings Playbook
Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln
Hugh Jackman for Les Misérables
Joaquin Phoenix for The Master
Denzel Washington for Flight

This is essentially coming down to Dan and Hugh, but there isn't really a question that the towering performance of Lewis will leave him with an unprecedented third Best Actor Trophy. As the Golden Globes indicated, everyone is in love with this performance. While it's not as totally in the bag as his turn in There Will Be Blood (2007), if he nails the Screen Actors Guild Awards on January 27th, it's all but assured.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook
Emmanuelle Riva for Amour
Quvenzhané Wallis for Beasts of the Southern Wild
Naomi Watts for The Impossible

This is shaping up to be the most interesting race of the night. You've got two great young acting talents, J-Chast and J-Law battling it out through two breathtaking, career-defining roles. They both have recent nominations in their history (Jessica for Supporting Actress in The Help [2011], Jennifer for Leading Actress in Winter's Bone [2011]). They also both won their respective Golden Globes in the drama and comedy categories. No matter who wins, it won't be the last time either of them is nominated. Although Zero Dark Thirty was so entirely driven by Jessica's performance, I'm giving the edge to Jennifer. It's very unlikely that anyone else from Silver Linings wins, but it's clear that the Academy was enamoured by the acting. Will her dig at Meryl at the Globes hurt her? This could sure go either way - what will the SAGs think?

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Alan Arkin for Argo
Robert De Niro for Silver Linings Playbook
Philip Seymour Hoffman for The Master
Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln
Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained

This is an insane category in that every nominee has already won an award, making it one of the most competitive races ever. Yes, for once, the Supporting Actor Oscar Winner is murky. I landed on Tommy Lee here through eliminating everyone else. Christoph Waltz easily wooed the Hollywood Foreign Press into his Golden Globe win, but he was better, or at least fresher during his last win as Landa in Inglourious Basterds (2009). PSH had a dominating performance, and since it was an especially featured role that could have gone leading, that may be in his favor, although the Academy seems to hate The Master. This could easily go to De Niro as sort of a capstone to his career, like they did with Alan Akrin for Little Miss Sunshine (2006), but this hasn't been the case lately (see: Mickey Rourke losing for The Wrestler [2008] to Sean Penn's Milk [2008]). With Tommy's scowl gone viral, who's doesn't want to see more of him in the spotlight?

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Amy Adams for The Master
Sally Field for Lincoln
Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables
Helen Hunt for The Sessions
Jacki Weaver for Silver Linings Playbook

This was preordained from that first trailer for Les Misérables. The specific moment that Anne won her Oscar - her single take, live on-set rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" has been the centerpiece of all of Les Mis' marketing for good reason - it's the one guaranteed shot at Oscar that it has. Of course, it will probably walk away with quite a bit more.

Best Achievement in Directing

Michael Haneke for Amour
Ang Lee for Life of Pi
David O. Russell for Silver Linings Playbook
Steven Spielberg for Lincoln
Benh Zeitlin for Beasts of the Southern Wild

Kudos to however Spielberg knocked Affleck and Bigelow out of this competition. Maybe he enlisted Bill Clinton to help him. In one of the wackier categories that doesn't line up at all with either the Golden Globes or the DGA Awards, Spielberg and Ang are really the only consistent nominees. Lincoln has far more widespread love than Life of Pi, and the Academy has shown that it loves them directors that can recreate them historicky period times - it's his to lose.

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Amour: Michael Haneke
Django Unchained: Quentin Tarantino
Flight: John Gatins
Moonrise Kingdom: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola
Zero Dark Thirty: Mark Boal

I can see this going to Moonrise, it's the kind of quirky (awfully clichéd word to describe a very nuanced film that's otherwise hard to describe, I know) pic that has soared here in the past (Little Miss Sunshine, Juno [2007]), but it's totally out of momentum by now and the seriously crazy journalistic lengths Mark Boal undertook should be recognized. He did just win this award for The Hurt Locker (2009), and it's fun to see him go against Tarantino again in the same category. QT nabbed the Globe, but he was pretty shocked at it. Will the Academy approve such liberal use of the n-word? I think not.

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Argo: Chris Terrio
Beasts of the Southern Wild: Lucy Alibar, Benh Zeitlin
Life of Pi: David Magee
Lincoln: Tony Kushner
Silver Linings Playbook: David O. Russell

The past five awards have all been based on books with similar Best Picture momentum. It also helps that Tony Kushner's adaptation an navigation of complex 19th-Century politics is astoundingly clear, concise, and impactful. Most of these were also nominated for WGA Awards, but we won't find that out until February 17th, a week before the Oscars. We won't need to, Lincoln is all over this.

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

Brave: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman
Frankenweenie: Tim Burton
ParaNorman: Sam Fell, Chris Butler
The Pirates! Band of Misfits: Peter Lord
Wreck-It Ralph: Rich Moore

Holy shit - the Best Animated Oscar is actually contested! While I dug Brave, there were many who thought Pixar had slipped a little, and that's reflected in my prediction here. Indeed the flick was kind of out there. The inclusion of The Pirates! Band of Misfits is intriguing and also makes this category full of three claymation pictures. That might indicate that claymation is hot among voters this year, in which case the best of the lot may be Frankenweenie. Wreck-It Ralph, though, had a far more engrossing hook, brand, and box office haul, causing me to lean in its favor.

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year

Amour (Austria)
War Witch (Canada)
No (Chile)
A Royal Affair (Denmark)
Kon-Tiki (Norway)

Amour was nominated for Best Picture...and is the only Foreign Language Film so nominated. Doesn't that mean it's the best Foreign Language Film? The same thing happened with animated films Up (2009) and Toy Story 3 (2010) - it's kind of a foregone conclusion it'll win here, which is spectacular, because this category is crazy hard to predict some years. The lack of the French film The Intouchables (2012), which for a long time was a foregone conclusion as an Oscar favourite, is a little surprising, but since Mike Haneke already cleaned up among his own Foreign brethren at the Golden Globes, he'll probably go for the kill here.

Best Achievement in Cinematography

Anna Karenina: Seamus McGarvey
Django Unchained: Robert Richardson
Life of Pi: Claudio Miranda
Lincoln: Janusz Kaminski
Skyfall: Roger Deakins

It's clear that there is some Life of Pi love with its astounding 11 nominations, but it's not really favoured to win that many. That expression of love ought to come through here, although Kaminski is 2/5 at the Oscars and if Lincoln sweeps, it's his. Roger Deakins, however, is 0/9 at the Oscars and really deserves a little Golden Bald Man as sort of a Career Achievement Award. The cinematography of Skyfall was also one of its more notable, if not its best aspect. Still, I don't think the Academy will go for it.

Best Achievement in Editing

Argo: William Goldenberg
Life of Pi: Tim Squyres
Lincoln: Michael Kahn
Silver Linings Playbook: Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers
Zero Dark Thirty: William Goldenberg, Dylan Tichenor

Editing is another nice way to acknowledge how much the Academy loved a film without really giving it a major award. 0D30 has plenty of love but is a bit to divisive for them to really back in anything major (except maybe Jessica for Best Actress). This could of course mean that Argo leaves empty handed, which seems highly unlikely. If it ends up making a run for Best Picture, this ought to fall its way.

Best Achievement in Production Design

Anna Karenina: Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Simon Bright
Les Misérables: Eve Stewart, Anna Lynch-Robinson
Life of Pi: David Gropman, Anna Pinnock
Lincoln: Rick Carter, Jim Erickson

The production design of The Hobbit was exceptional and deserving, but Les Mis is hitting a bit harder right now. Return of the King wowed in 2003, but that was riding a ton of Lord of the Rings buzz that hasn't followed the more middling Hobbit. Experts at Gold Derby have pointed out that this category has not gone to a film set in contemporary times in twenty years, and many of its experts have sided with Anna Karenina, Les Misérables, or Lincoln. Looking at the last few winners though, Hugo (2011), Alice in Wonderland (2010), and AVABAR (2009), it seems like by far this category fancies fantasy rather than period productions. That splits this category between The Hobbit and Life of Pi, and with its 11 nominations, the latter has the advantage.

Best Achievement in Costume Design

Anna Karenina: Jacqueline Durran
Les Misérables: Paco Delgado
Lincoln: Joanna Johnston
Mirror Mirror: Eiko Ishioka
Snow White and the Huntsman: Colleen Atwood

Dueling Snow White tales aside, at first this may seem like the perfect category for Anna Karenina. It's a dopey period movie that no one really saw, and follows a long line of recent winners such as Marie Antoinette (2006), Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007), The Duchess (2008), and The Young Victoria (2009). It's predicted to win by a wide margin, and I wouldn't be surprised if it did. However, in all these years, no film has contested here that has had as much support as Lincoln. Both The Return of the King and The Artist won here when they were nominated with plenty of additional Best Picture support. However, however, this year is looking to be much more like 2010, where The King's Speech won Best Picture, but many other awards were split - it was nominated here and lost. I think that will hold true for Lincoln and we'll see another crappy period flick nab the honor.

Best Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling

Hitchcock: Howard Berger, Peter Montagna, Martin Samuel
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Peter King, Rick Findlater, Tami Lane
Les Misérables: Lisa Westcott, Julie Dartnell

This award has actually quite often gone to the bigger blockbuster films such as Star Trek (2009), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (2005), Return of the King and The Fellowship of the Ring (2001). If The Hobbit wins anything, it's this one, but with films such as La Vie en Rose (2007) and The Iron Lady (2011) also pulling this award out, it's really fair game. I give an edge to Peter.

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score

Anna Karenina: Dario Marianelli
Argo: Alexandre Desplat
Life of Pi: Mychael Danna
Lincoln: John Williams
Skyfall: Thomas Newman

No one is really running away with this so far this year, I'm leaning towards Lincoln based on its strong support elsewhere, but like cinematography, Life of Pi could very well pull away with this one. In years prior this has gone to sweeps (The Artist, Slumdog Millionaire [2008], Return of the King), near-sweeps (The Social Network, Brokeback Mountain) and totally random picures (Up, Atonement [2007]). Betting on John Williams and Lincoln is fairly safe, although this by far his best score. Life of Pi did conquer at the Globes, and the score is damn good, so a win there would not be surprising.

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song

Chasing Ice: J. Ralph ("Before My Time")
Les Misérables: Alain Boublil, Claude-Michel Schönberg, Herbert Kretzmer ("Suddenly")
Life of Pi: Mychael Danna, Bombay Jayshree ("Pi's Lullaby")
Skyfall: Adele, Paul Epworth ("Skyfall")
Ted: Walter Murphy, Seth MacFarlane ("Everybody Needs a Best Friend")

To be honest, I'm just glad we have a good field of nominees here instead of the two we had last year, even though that gave The Muppets (2011) a nice easy win. Incredibly, no James Bond theme has ever won an Academy Award - that will end in 2013. Everyone loves Adele, and she might as well add an Oscar to her ridiculously long list of Awards. "Skyfall" is a spectacular track, both for the movie it's featured in and for everyday casual listening - this really can only be rarely said for movie songs (but often for Oscar-winning movie songs - I love me some Three 6). Les Mis had a bit of a cheap shot here and has been criticized for creating the original song "Suddenly" purely to get some Oscar recognition. It's one of the weaker songs in the film for good reason, being shoved in there arbitrarily. And would I like to see Seth MacFarlane go home with an Oscar in addition to his hosting duties? Hell yeah.

Best Achievement in Sound Mixing

Argo: John T. Reitz, Gregg Rudloff, José Antonio García
Les Misérables: Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson, Simon Hayes
Life of Pi: Ron Bartlett, Doug Hemphill, Drew Kunin
Lincoln: Andy Nelson, Gary Rydstrom, Ron Judkins
Skyfall: Scott Millan, Greg P. Russell, Stuart Wilson

When musicals or movies with heavy music influences are nominated here, they tend to win (Dreamgirls [2006], Ray [2004], Chicago [2002]). Les Mis fits the bill pretty solidly for the production of its sound content, which is vital for this film. Still, it has also gone to bigger flicks like Inception (2010), The Bourne Ultimatum (2007), and King Kong (2005), a testament to how vital sound is to the creation of these big fantasy and action worlds - in which case, Life of Pi or Skyfall may seem destined to pull out the win. There's also of course sweepers like The Hurt Locker and Slumdog Millionaire, and if Lincoln sweeps, this is Andy, Gary, and Ron's to lose. So, that basically leaves Argo with no chance, but I'm not convinced that the musical can't win here.

Best Achievement in Sound Editing

Argo: Erik Aadahl, Ethan Van der Ryn
Django Unchained: Wylie Stateman
Life of Pi: Eugene Gearty, Philip Stockton
Skyfall: Per Hallberg, Karen M. Baker
Zero Dark Thirty: Paul N.J. Ottosson

War movies rule this category - dating back to U-571 (2000). Since then it's gone to Pearl Harbor (2001), Letters from Iwo Jima (2006), and The Hurt Locker. The only recent loss that's worrisome is last year's War Horse (2011), but let's face it, that movie sucked anyway. Even though there's actually little war in Zero Dark Thirty, the sound editing is precise, adds great tension to the narrative, and is integral to the viewing experience of that final raid of bin Laden's pad in Abbottabad. There's not a great chance this goes to anyone else.

Best Achievement in Visual Effects

The Avengers: Janek Sirrs, Jeff White, Guy Williams, Daniel Sudick
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, R. Christopher White
Life of Pi: Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik De Boer, Donald Elliott
Prometheus: Richard Stammers, Trevor Wood, Charley Henley, Martin Hill
Snow White and the Huntsman: Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, Phil Brennan, Neil Corbould, Michael Dawson

This is a raucous category this year. The Avengers surely deserves to win for this. The Hobbit certainly deserves to win for this. This category, though, does heavily favor nominees also nominated for best picture (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [2008], AVABAR, Inception [2010], Hugo). The only flick here that really fits that bill is Life of Pi, and that film has been widely praised for only its visuals anyway. And to be fair, Richard Parker is worth that Avengers single take or the crazy double-sets of The Hobbit anyway.

Best Documentary, Features

5 Broken Cameras
The Gatekeepers
How to Survive a Plague
The Invisible War
Searching for Sugar Man

So we at last move on the crappy categories that are really up for grabs. No one really knows how these will turn out. There's usually only one or two big docs a year and those get the Oscar nods obvi. There isn't anything totally apparent this year, but Searching for Sugar Man supposedly has some buzz, and yeah I've kind of heard about it before, though it's a little foggy. That's good enough for my prognostication here.

Best Documentary, Short Subjects

Inocente
Kings Point
Mondays at Racine
Open Heart
Redemption

If there's anything worse than Feature Docs it's Short Subject Docs. What an awful, awful category. We might as well get the dartboard out. Open Heart would mean that both docs would feature stories from Africa. It's getting the best odds, though, so sure, I don't care.

Best Short Film, Animated

Adam and Dog
Fresh Guacamole
Head Over Heels
Paperman
The Simpsons: The Longest Daycare

This is the only really juicy category in this section of the Oscars because we actually get to see half of these before other animated films like Ice Age: Inconsequential Drift (2012) and Brave (2012). To that, we'll go with Maggie Simpson's Oscar Debut here, because Dave Silverman and the rest of The Simpsons lore deserve an Oscar. It's not actually favoured, but with my rule about kind of knowing about something and letting the most popular nominee win - The Longest Daycare is all over this.

Best Short Film, Live Action

Asad
Buzkashi Boys
Curfew
Death of a Shadow
Henry

So we're finally on our last category here. It's fitting that I get exhausted and don't care by this point, because really, these categories are impossible to predict. I actually did try to watch some of these this year, and then found myself doing ANYTHING ELSE with my time. Siding with Derby again, Curfew it is.

So folks, that's it. How will these predictions fare? My lifetime correct pick rate is 58%, which is pretty awful. Let's boost that over 60 this year. Over the weeks to come we'll also be taking a closer look at the acting, writing, directing, and Best Picture races. Those are really the only ones that matter. The ceremony comes on February 24th, hosted by Seth MacFarlane.

First Impressions: Prometheus, Part 3: Value

This is the third of three posts to conclude Prometheus Week and should be our final opinion on the film, at least until the Ridley Extended Director's Cut DVD comes out. We have first taken a look at the general plot and acting talent involved, then some of the heavier concepts hidden or not so hidden within the film. To conclude today we're looking at the discussion itself, judging the critical reaction to this film and what, if any, Legacy it is to have.

Sucks?

There have been plenty of intelligent film-goers and strong critical minds who have just hated this film. Many have given it an incredibly close look and come up frustrated. Some it would seem, like this dude, find that their Classical Education has betrayed them, and since this film did not add up in an neat way, it's garbage. He tends to dismiss the film almost immediately. Others like this dedicated, intelligent but admitted conspiracy theorist seem to be trying desperately to find the answers and when they aren't apparent after some thorough sleuthing, it's garbage. This seems to undermine the clear overall message of Prometheus, though, which is that the answers kind of suck, and it's more important to have a need for those answers. So we're all good, baby.

Hmm...?

I'm not saying that these people are wrong or that Prometheus (2012) is without fault, but critics seem to be focusing on the wrong thing. The depth of Prometheus isn't in finding out that Jesus is an Alien, Ridley Scott and most of the History Channel have blatantly said that already. The depth is a technically superior film visually and tonally that engages an audience emotionally and intellectually long after they leave the theater. As I suggested in my preview, it is sort of like Inception (2010). The surface elements are fairly easy to derive and it can be frustrating because it seems like there should be something more for all it was supposed to be. It's not an incomprehensible film, you can get out of it what you like. If it really is wholly without redeeming value, then my guess is you wanted it to tell you something instead of applying your own answers. Which granted, is tough.

One quick note - the above-cited pink-haired girl quickly runs over the kind of stupid possible hokey connection that I tend to ignore in films like this. She suggests that the Planet's name of LV223 is a reference to Leviticus 22:3. Although she claims to be a Bible Belt resident (so naturally she has a supreme understanding of Christian Theology), this actually seems like a relevant passage which she obviously didn't check. Here it is, from NRSV Bible:

Say to them: If anyone among all your offspring throughout your generations comes near the sacred donations, which the people of Israel dedicate to the Lord, while he is in a state of uncleanness, that person shall be cut off from my presence: I am the Lord.

That ought to click fairly immediately with anyone who remotely understands the plot of Prometheus, the Goo, the Creators, and the unclean humans. In Prometheus' vein of encouraging self-exploration, I'll leave you with that.

Legacy

Now, I heard one of you loves rocks...

Both Ridley Scott and the Alien franchises have had some odious entries that have later been heralded as ultimate classics. This interesting article by John Gholson suggests that its fate may eventually be similar to Blade Runner (1982), which originally experienced an equally cold reception. Like that film and Ridley's later Kingdom of Heaven (2005), might Prometheus be improved with a substantial Director's Cut? As I've said many times by now, I don't think giving the answers is the best direction to take - such a huge part of this film is the ambiguity and misunderstanding of the relationship between creation and creators.

Tho not explicitly saying that Prometheus will suffer the same fate, John Kenneth Muir makes a convincing argument that the failure and tarnished legacy of Alien 3 (1992) for many years was due to the movie being filled with failed or upturned expectations. Prometheus is no different. It has been twisted by the expectations of its genre, its Summer Release date, and even its premise. We really shouldn't have expected different from the director, though.

So, what's next? I for one am extremely excited for the concept of Noomi Rapace and Fassbender's Head exploring the galaxy together. Doesn't that sound like an excellent Saturday Morning Cartoon spin-off? Every week they'd land on a strange new planet that they think might be housing an Engineer. Hijinx ensue!

Of course, the real trick to Prometheus is the fact that Fassy isn't playing a human-looking robot at all, but a human-looking robotic SHARK. In space. Terrifying.

The Road to a Blockbuster: Madagascar v. Prometheus

Another Summer Weekend is almost upon us and that means that some new movies are set to duke it out at the Box Office. This column seeks to discover more than just the fat paychecks these flicks will bring in to their creators - but also analyze the extent of the cultural waves made on this great nation. Actually in the current market the United States return is slim compared to the global appetite for great mindless action. It's for this reason that the biggest films have to be sparse on dialogue, relying on visual spectacle instead of the English language.

But at any rate we have two very different films coming at us this weekend. The first is another in a seemingly long line of extraterrestrial-themed movies we've encountered thus far in 2012 (The Avengers, Battleship, Men in Black 3, for starters) but Prometheus seems to present something different. Is it an Alien (1979) prequel? Probably, maybe, kind of? It has an intensity to the marketing that alludes to both its director and its familiar iconography of that great film of thirty years prior.

Here's the deal with Prometheus: even if it is some kind of direct successor to Alien, it hasn't really been marketed as such. Ever since its announcement and subsequent successful trailers (even if they seem to be spoiler-heavy [I've been avoiding them]) it has built up the kind of anticipation for an original story by a visionary director unheard of since Inception (2010). It's going after a very specific demographic, a cadre of nerds who want this to be the kind of truly harsh and disturbing sci-fi reality they can share with themselves that isn't as broad as The Avengers, doesn't have the stigma of Battleship, and doesn't try as hard to be as self-serious and edgy as Snow White & The Huntsman (2012). Is it weird that Snow White is the film that could steal the most of Promie's business this weekend? They're both pretty dark for Summer Flicks, but with certainly high aspirations. Still, Promie has an aura of authenticity and coolness replete from Snow White's gothic, desperate, revisionist tone. It almost seems destined to jump headfirst into the kind of pulp culture that's featured on a site like this. The only other film to really do that in recent memory is...well, Inception.

Positioned against Prometheus couldn't be more perfect counter-programming for kids (and weak-stomached adults, I guess) is Madagascar 3: Who Gives a Fuck (2012). Somehow in the long annals of animated trilogies this has survived and wins back DreamWorks nearly $200 mill domestic a pop. I actually had no idea what the subtitle was for this film, apparently it's Europe's Most Wanted. Apparently these critters are in Europe now? On some kind of Afro Circus I gather? The advertising for this flick has been short and intense. Suddenly last week there was a commercial blaring Afro Circus on television every 45 seconds. This is probably the most grating sequence ever unleashed upon mankind. Sometimes I can't believe Chris Rock would sink to this kind of level. Then I remember this and it all makes sense.

About to tear up the Orca

So where are we? It ought to be a close race to the top this weekend. I actually think tho that Prometheus has a bit more momentum behind it to come out on top. Culturally, I also think that this ought to be pretty hot, if only from being the second Charlize Theron flick to drop in two weeks, along with the growing clout of Noomi Rapace, and of course, the Shark himself, Michael Fassbender. Of course, as appropriate, it's more and more evident that the love for Fassbender is actually quite confined, as Russell Brand's failed MTV Movie Award jokes would attest to.

Of course the big question here is...Is Michael Fassbender actually a shark that has taught himself to walk on land? There is a tremendous amount of evidence to support this cutting edge theory. Basically, he has huge teeth, a fearsome smile, and the combination of handsomeness and charm that is only befitting of one of nature's oldest and most efficient predators. Naturally then, it would appear that Prometheus features Sharks in Space - and that, my friends, is quite the frightening concept indeed. I don't think we should be lulled into security around this guy. Think about it - a Shark who is a sex addict psychoanalyst who can bend metal with his mind? IN SPACE?! Holy dick. And I mean dick, because that Shark has a huge fucking dick as well.

This is the last post of Norwegian Morning Wood.

The Long Halloween Vol. III: National Puzzle Day

Hello once again and welcome back to the third year of The Long Halloween, a year-long look at the greatest ways to celebrate the Holidays of the year. January is full of special days such as New Year's Day, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and Black Monday. Today though, we're celebrating a much more stupid, obscure January Holiday. Today of course, its National Puzzle Day. That's right. It's time to do some puzzles. Now, there are plenty of puzzling movies you may want to watch today like Da Da Vinci Code (2006) or National Treasure (2004) or something, but there is one big movie that is all about mazes and puzzles that makes for the perfect outlet for the puzzling mind this day:

BRRRRRMMMMMMM!!!

That's right. Today it's time to watch Chris Nolan's Inception (2010) and let the puzzles flow. This can be considered one of the better big-budget, high-profile releases in years and it's also got plenty of intellectual thinking points to twist a brain around. The basis for the flick is mazes and puzzles, which are continuously elaborated upon, even thematically in a sense of story, plot, and characters.

There really aren't enough memes for this movie, though. Really, not enough. This is the truest puzzle of them all - to figure out how to twist ridiculous pictures like the squinty Leo or the strutting Leo into ironic juxtapositions that provide a commentary on either story or contemporary morays.

So you have a choice today. You can either pick up a jigsaw puzzle and attempt to put that together or just put Inception in the VCR. Jigsaw puzzles are pretty terrible. Who wants to waste an afternoon doing that? Not I said the Bry. A puzzle within a dream within a movie within an afternoon - that's the kind of life I'd want to lead. Just let that fucking top fall.