06 August 2012

Summer Jam Week 13: Bieber, Pink, and Grouplove open up August

Here we are again folks, the 13th Week of the Final Summer before the world comes to an end - and once again, it's time to recount the hottest Jams of the previous week. We're getting into August now, which is typically the deadest month of the year, but still hot and fun enough for some late Summer Jam Bloomers to gain some ground.

Hot Jam of the Week: "As Long as You Love Me" by Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean

The Bieber has landed, baby. He has been achieving more mainstream appeal in the past few weeks than he ever has in his tweenie-bopper career phase and is setting himself up for a transition into major pop stardom like Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake did before him. Big Sean is a nice addition here, although I am still lost as to what Michael Madsen is doing in the beginning of this video. Whatever. The Bieber is fighting against irony and is here to stay, though.

Kissie Poo: "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove

The make-out anthem of Summer continues to do well. Grouplove actually dropped another single this week, but it sucks, so we'll do you the favour of not linking to it here. This is still a very adequate Summer Jam, though, and it's poked his head in and out like a turtle all summer. Lock some lips and keep jammin.

I'd Rather be Sleeping, Too: "Don't Wake Me Up" by Chris Brown

Woman beater, Chris Brown, comes on this list again with this fairly routine R&B jam. There's nothing really special about this song, it's got a lot of misplaced Auto-Tune, big sweeping camera movements in the music vid, and a vague relationship to every girl in the world. I wouldn't date Chris Brown, though, because I don't like getting black eyes.

Certainly Asexual: "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink

Pink sucks. This song also has a bit of a Franz Ferdinand rift to it, doesn't it? I respect Pink's attitude that doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything else, but that conflicts with her role as a standard Pop Icon anyway. This song can only increase in popularity, though, and as a feminine anthem of triumph, it's stock should keep rising.

Yep: "Bag of Money" by Wale ft Rick Ross, Meek Mill, & T-Pain

This track is all Rick Ross, with a nice T-Pain rhyming and moaning all over the background. As a result it sounds a lot like the kind of Hip-Pop that came out a really long time ago. Like 2007. Are girls complemented by being likened to a bag of money? Is that cute? Can you fuck it? Anyway, it's clear where these dudes' priorities are - fucking bags of money. That would be the next natural step, actually, I could see Kanye doing that.

Leave the Shower and Razors at the Door: "Ho Hey" by The Lumineers

This is an exceptional track, but certainly feels like it should be played at a hippie folk commune and not on national alternative radio stations. It does make me feel like drinking some snooty craft beer and dancing around barefoot. It's certainly jam-worthy though, of course, not to the extent of Mumford & Sons or other folks acts tht have blown up recently.

Big Boobs is Back: "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

I left Katy off for a few weeks and I thought her little flurry here was over, but instead, "Wide Awake" was back and everywhere this week. I'm still entertained by the idea that Katy believes what this song is about and isn't the most attention-loving gurl in California. Why does she look like a purple Dracula in this video anyway? I prefer her naked in a pile of Cotton Candy,

Best Song Ever? "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

This is it, baby, this is our future. Carly Rae is set to take over the galaxy and leave everyone else squirming in her wake. Her track is egregiously stupid, but grows like a virus once it's in your head. Soon it takes over every aspect of your life until you're left with nothing but a burlap sack and an overpass to call home. I've seen it happen before. Soon every smart phone will have a mandatory Carly Rae Jepsen ringtone and everyone will call everyone...maybe. It's so flighty and flirty and wonderfully indecisive - what an anthem for a generation.

Next Week...

There's a tremendous amount of stuff going on right now - from the Summer Olympics to Lollapalooza to Cher Lloyd, it's mind-boggling. I'll say Ellie Goulding, Usher, and 2 Chainz were all fairly close to popping back up on to the list this week and we ought to keep an ear on all of them plus the New Pompadour King, The Biebs himself. Stay tuned folks, it's gonna get weird.

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